Mmm! Ooh! Oh, my goodness! Honey, that may be the finest BACON LETTUCE AND TOMATO sandwich you have made for me! It had everything that I wanted in a sandwich. The crispness of the bacon! The crunch of the lettuce! The juiciness of the tomato! I tell you what, honey. That may very well be the finest BACON LETTUCE AND TOMATO food sandwich that I have had in this house!
Oh, I’m sorry dear. Hold on a moment. I have to answer a call on my AMERICAN TELEPHONE AND TELEGRAPH WIRELESS TELEPHONE MACHINE.
Hello? Yes, this is RONALD VINCENT “JAWS” JAWORSKI, PART OWNER OF THE PHILADELPHIA SOUL OF THE ARENA FOOTBALL LEAGUE AND CHIEF EXECUTIVE OFFICER OF RONALD VINCENT “JAWS” JAWORSKI GOLF MANAGEMENT INCORPORATED OF BLACKWOOD, NEW JERSEY. How can I help you?
Ah, yes! You’re that man from the STATE OF NEW JERSEY DEPARTMENT OF MOTOR VEHICLES VEHICLE ASSOCIATION! That is, bar none, the FINEST MOTOR VEHICLE ASSOCIATION IN THE STATE OF NEW JERSEY! The niceness of the clerks! The shortness of the lines! I think it has the potential to be an OUTSTANDING bureaucracy in THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA NATION.
How are you? Yes, I was calling in regards to my GENERAL MOTORS CARS TRUCKS YUKON SPORT UTILITY VEHICLE VEHICLE. Yes, the one I brought into to you today, at THREE THIRTY POST MERIDIAN, EASTERN STANDARD TIME. Yes, that’s right. The one I brought in TODAY, DECEMBER 17TH, THE YEAR OF OUR LORD 2008, ANNO DOMINI. I was wondering when I could expect my new titles in the mail?
Ah, excellent. Let me make sure you have the correct address:
RONALD VINCENT “JAWS” JAWORSKI
FOOTBALL ANALYST OF FOOTBALL GAMES, FOOTBALL PLAYERS, FOOTBALL COACHES, AND FOOTBALL FOOTBALL FOOTBALL FOOTBALLBALL for the ENTERTAINMENT AND SPORTS PROGRAMMING NETWORK
1232 RIDGE DRIVE
BLACKWOOD, NEW JERSEY 08012, UNITED STATES OF AMERICA COUNTRY, NORTH AMERICAN CONTINENT, PLANET EARTH
Did you get all that? Oh, great!
You know, dear? I still think that was the best BACON LETTUCE AND TOMATO sandwich I’ve had in years! The creaminess of the Hellman’s Mayonnaise! The crunch of the toast! I love what I see when I look at it on the videotape playback machine device. You won’t find any of that in a PEANUT BUTTER AND JELLY SANDWICH BREAD CONCOCTION EATING SANDWICH, I will tell you that!
Dear, are you okay? You seem irritable. Are you PRE-MENSTRUAL SYNDROMING out? No? Oh, what a relief. I can’t stand it when you PRE-MENSTRUAL SYNDROME out. The volume of the tears! The intensity of the slapping! You begin to really see how that can affect a woman. It is truly FUCKED UP BEYOND ALL RECOGNITION. It is not a great WOMAN SICKNESS AILMENT.
I’m going to go to MANUFACTURERS AND TRADERS TRUST COMPANY BANK, where I will enter in my PERSONAL IDENTIFICATION NUMBER and get us about $500 in cash, AMERICAN. Be sure to REPONDEZ S’IL VOUS PLAIT to that party at the Tylers! I tell you, that Christmas party has the potential to be an AMAZING Christmas party celebratory holiday event blowout function shindig festive occasion occasion!
And thanks for the OUTSTANDING BACON LETTUCE AND TOMATO sandwich!
I want more like this!
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