YouTube user Nintenfox has posted this gripping odyssey of how his NFL mini-football helmet collection came to be. It’s a sordid labyrinth of a tale, so let’s break it down nice and slow:
0:02 Wise choice in presentation: a jumbled mass shoved in the middle of a table – truly an eye catching array. If nothing else, this kid has a future in retail merchandising design!
0:09 “Advid” fans of the NFL and football are advised to buy. That rules me out, I love the NFL, but I can’t freakin’ stand football.
0:19 A gumball machine at Kmart? Surely you jest, sir. Such pristine treasures should only be discovered nestled inside a Faberge egg.
0:31 At this point, I’m 95% certain this fellow’s allegiances lie with a team from either the AFC North or the NFC South.
0:44 Fifty bucks? Are you shitting me? That’s fifty dollars that could have gone into the college fun– Oh yeah. Never mind.
0:50 The rarities: Colts, Giants and Falcons.
1:06 “My Browns”!!! YahtZEEE!!!
1:15 Ollie is charging a dollar?!? What a fucking prick.
1:30 So there I was in the foyer at Kmart, fumbling for change when… ooh! Buffalo was hard to get to.
1:40 Did he just suggest that people who like collecting helmets should collect these helmets? My mind is blown.
2:00 “Thanks for watching my video. I’m going to put these back in the shoebox I keep under my bed.”
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I moved on from this exciting hobby to collecting the 50c sex toys they sell in men’s rooms.
I have almost every tickler now except the Jacksonville tickler. That’s rare.
Is this how Melvin in Office Space started out?
Yeah “Weirdo Browns fan who hangs out at a Kmart” casts a pretty wide net.
@Gino:
A weirdo Browns fan who hangs out at a Kmart? Is that Toby Radloff’s kid?
I don’t think that narrows it down as much as you think. Can you name Browns fans who aren’t wierdo Kmart shoppers?
But not as huge as the kid himself.
I’m sure this kid eats a lot of sundaes. His mini MLB helmet collection must be huge.
“We’ll claim him.” – NFC South.
Yeah, he’s the PERFECT drive time caller on sports talk radio.
“Yeah…uh…Hi. Am I on? Yeah…uh…so…I just wanted to talk about how we should TOTALLY trade Drew Brees cause he cost the Saints that game in Tampa.” (click)
@Ron Dayn’es or in oh so rare Buffalo Bills mini helmets
“Did anyone else get the feeling that the horrible truth of his lameness was beginning to dawn on him with about 10 seconds to go?”
yes, yes i did
Will always pay for sex. Probably in quarters.
A weirdo Browns fan who hangs out at a Kmart? Is that Toby Radloff’s kid?
I’d make fun of this clip but to this day I still claim that the Patriots helmet I got out of the grocery store vending machine (first try!) was responsible for the Tuck Rule call in the ’01 Divisional playoffs. Its a long story, but suffice to say I was very very wasted.
On a side note there should be a warning issued by Youtube to all these half-mongoloid kids, “Remember, just because you CAN put this video on the internet, doesn’t mean you SHOULD put this video on the internet.”
I love throwing eggs at the short bus!
I suggest that people who like snorting coke off a hooker’s ass should snort coke off a hooker’s ass.
@ Barren Rodgers
Do you have a goatee? Perhaps we’ve crossed over into a mirror universe.
/Trek nerdness
Barren R – If you stand in front of the TV and say that phrase (I ain’t re-typing it!)three times as your team kicks off, they will give up 77 points in 3 quarters!! Try it!
“My bad, Lupica has it right”
Did someone really just type that? I didnt know it was possible for those words in that context to exist in the English language without the world coming to an end.
If he spent only $50, then he has fewer than 100 helmets since some cost $1 instead of $0.50. How did he get two complete sets of 32 drawing at random? He’s the probably the luckiest guy here.
I bet he has a giant chunk of gum that he has collected his entire life as well! It’s right next to his rubber band ball and tin foil ball he started before Pee Wee Herman got caught beating off in the movie theatre. Or maybe after, you never know.
This is why the fucking Chinese are going to take over this country.
I bet he has his Darth Vader & Storm Trooper helmets in his closet and will be in his follow up video.
“First off…Yea, I can’t hold a camera…xD.
I got these out of a gumball machine for 50 cents per helmet. Pretty fun to collect :]
Yea, I sound like a robot XDDD”
Thanks for showing my video! xDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
Is this a Paul Lukas home video?
I’ll trade him a bumblebee, three aggies, and my Alf pogs for his Patriots helmet.
Alex Smith wants his hemlet back…
This courageous young man does not live his life merely standing outside the fire.
My bad, Lupica has it right. It was Page 2.
You guys must have missed the fella they had on Real Sports one time who “creates” these helmets. He makes them for colleges, arena teams, etc. using old ones, paints them, then creates the logo. He even sells them on eBay.
I’m pretty sure that dude qualifies as the male version of an old maid.
Sadly this reminds me of the even more gripping expose that ESPN’s Page 2 did on these a few years back. If memory services there are deviants out there who custom build vintage helmet, Arena Ball helmets, CFL helmets, World League helmets…ad nauseum.
Reminds me of this one time that I went to KMart and only got a lousy New Jersey Generals helmet.
Did anyone else get the feeling that the horrible truth of his lameness was beginning to dawn on him with about 10 seconds to go?
This is not real. I refuse to believe that any human being could be so lame.
/sticks head in sand
At this point, I’m 99% certain that this fellow has never kissed a girl
I seriously doubt this individual has an ownership stake in the Cleveland Browns, despite his claims
Every night, he eats a very tiny sundae out of each one.
I bet he re-enacts the MNF helmets smashing ala Kige during every game.