He Just Wants to Show You Guys His Mini-Football Helmets
YouTube user Nintenfox has posted this gripping odyssey of how his NFL mini-football helmet collection came to be. It’s a sordid labyrinth of a tale, so let’s break it down nice and slow:
0:02 Wise choice in presentation: a jumbled mass shoved in the middle of a table – truly an eye catching array. If nothing else, this kid has a future in retail merchandising design!
0:09 “Advid” fans of the NFL and football are advised to buy. That rules me out, I love the NFL, but I can’t freakin’ stand football.
0:19 A gumball machine at Kmart? Surely you jest, sir. Such pristine treasures should only be discovered nestled inside a Faberge egg.
0:31 At this point, I’m 95% certain this fellow’s allegiances lie with a team from either the AFC North or the NFC South.
0:44 Fifty bucks? Are you shitting me? That’s fifty dollars that could have gone into the college fun– Oh yeah. Never mind.
0:50 The rarities: Colts, Giants and Falcons.
1:06 “My Browns”!!! YahtZEEE!!!
1:15 Ollie is charging a dollar?!? What a fucking prick.
1:30 So there I was in the foyer at Kmart, fumbling for change when… ooh! Buffalo was hard to get to.
1:40 Did he just suggest that people who like collecting helmets should collect these helmets? My mind is blown.
2:00 “Thanks for watching my video. I’m going to put these back in the shoebox I keep under my bed.”
Tags: almost as fruity a pastime as blogging, pretty fun to have, youtubage
December 5th, 2008 at 12:10 pm
I bet he re-enacts the MNF helmets smashing ala Kige during every game.
December 5th, 2008 at 12:12 pm
Every night, he eats a very tiny sundae out of each one.
December 5th, 2008 at 12:13 pm
I seriously doubt this individual has an ownership stake in the Cleveland Browns, despite his claims
December 5th, 2008 at 12:14 pm
At this point, I’m 99% certain that this fellow has never kissed a girl
December 5th, 2008 at 12:14 pm
This is not real. I refuse to believe that any human being could be so lame.
/sticks head in sand
December 5th, 2008 at 12:15 pm
Did anyone else get the feeling that the horrible truth of his lameness was beginning to dawn on him with about 10 seconds to go?
December 5th, 2008 at 12:17 pm
Sadly this reminds me of the even more gripping expose that ESPN’s Page 2 did on these a few years back. If memory services there are deviants out there who custom build vintage helmet, Arena Ball helmets, CFL helmets, World League helmets…ad nauseum.
Reminds me of this one time that I went to KMart and only got a lousy New Jersey Generals helmet.
December 5th, 2008 at 12:19 pm
You guys must have missed the fella they had on Real Sports one time who “creates” these helmets. He makes them for colleges, arena teams, etc. using old ones, paints them, then creates the logo. He even sells them on eBay.
I’m pretty sure that dude qualifies as the male version of an old maid.
December 5th, 2008 at 12:19 pm
My bad, Lupica has it right. It was Page 2.
December 5th, 2008 at 12:25 pm
This courageous young man does not live his life merely standing outside the fire.
December 5th, 2008 at 12:27 pm
Alex Smith wants his hemlet back…
December 5th, 2008 at 12:29 pm
I’ll trade him a bumblebee, three aggies, and my Alf pogs for his Patriots helmet.
December 5th, 2008 at 12:30 pm
Is this a Paul Lukas home video?
December 5th, 2008 at 12:47 pm
“First off…Yea, I can’t hold a camera…xD.
I got these out of a gumball machine for 50 cents per helmet. Pretty fun to collect :]
Yea, I sound like a robot XDDD”
Thanks for showing my video! xDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
December 5th, 2008 at 12:50 pm
I bet he has his Darth Vader & Storm Trooper helmets in his closet and will be in his follow up video.
December 5th, 2008 at 12:52 pm
This is why the fucking Chinese are going to take over this country.
December 5th, 2008 at 12:58 pm
I bet he has a giant chunk of gum that he has collected his entire life as well! It’s right next to his rubber band ball and tin foil ball he started before Pee Wee Herman got caught beating off in the movie theatre. Or maybe after, you never know.
December 5th, 2008 at 12:58 pm
If he spent only $50, then he has fewer than 100 helmets since some cost $1 instead of $0.50. How did he get two complete sets of 32 drawing at random? He’s the probably the luckiest guy here.
December 5th, 2008 at 1:17 pm
“My bad, Lupica has it right”
Did someone really just type that? I didnt know it was possible for those words in that context to exist in the English language without the world coming to an end.
December 5th, 2008 at 1:37 pm
Barren R – If you stand in front of the TV and say that phrase (I ain’t re-typing it!)three times as your team kicks off, they will give up 77 points in 3 quarters!! Try it!
December 5th, 2008 at 1:42 pm
@ Barren Rodgers
Do you have a goatee? Perhaps we’ve crossed over into a mirror universe.
/Trek nerdness
December 5th, 2008 at 1:52 pm
I suggest that people who like snorting coke off a hooker’s ass should snort coke off a hooker’s ass.
December 5th, 2008 at 3:04 pm
I love throwing eggs at the short bus!
December 5th, 2008 at 3:09 pm
I’d make fun of this clip but to this day I still claim that the Patriots helmet I got out of the grocery store vending machine (first try!) was responsible for the Tuck Rule call in the ‘01 Divisional playoffs. Its a long story, but suffice to say I was very very wasted.
On a side note there should be a warning issued by Youtube to all these half-mongoloid kids, “Remember, just because you CAN put this video on the internet, doesn’t mean you SHOULD put this video on the internet.”
December 5th, 2008 at 3:22 pm
A weirdo Browns fan who hangs out at a Kmart? Is that Toby Radloff’s kid?
December 5th, 2008 at 3:29 pm
Will always pay for sex. Probably in quarters.
December 5th, 2008 at 3:33 pm
“Did anyone else get the feeling that the horrible truth of his lameness was beginning to dawn on him with about 10 seconds to go?”
yes, yes i did
December 5th, 2008 at 3:37 pm
@Ron Dayn’es or in oh so rare Buffalo Bills mini helmets
December 5th, 2008 at 3:37 pm
“We’ll claim him.” – NFC South.
Yeah, he’s the PERFECT drive time caller on sports talk radio.
“Yeah…uh…Hi. Am I on? Yeah…uh…so…I just wanted to talk about how we should TOTALLY trade Drew Brees cause he cost the Saints that game in Tampa.” (click)
December 5th, 2008 at 3:46 pm
I’m sure this kid eats a lot of sundaes. His mini MLB helmet collection must be huge.
December 5th, 2008 at 4:24 pm
But not as huge as the kid himself.
December 5th, 2008 at 5:53 pm
@Gino:
A weirdo Browns fan who hangs out at a Kmart? Is that Toby Radloff’s kid?
I don’t think that narrows it down as much as you think. Can you name Browns fans who aren’t wierdo Kmart shoppers?
December 5th, 2008 at 6:46 pm
Yeah “Weirdo Browns fan who hangs out at a Kmart” casts a pretty wide net.
December 5th, 2008 at 10:40 pm
Is this how Melvin in Office Space started out?
December 7th, 2008 at 9:26 am
I moved on from this exciting hobby to collecting the 50c sex toys they sell in men’s rooms.
I have almost every tickler now except the Jacksonville tickler. That’s rare.