Eli Can’t Find His Plax
[Int. the Manning household]
Elisha: Hey Mom?
[no answer]
Elisha: MOM?!
Elisha: MOOOOOOOO-OOOOOOOOOM!
[from downstairs]
Olivia: Yes, sweety?
Elisha: WHERE THE HECK IS MY PLAX?!
Olivia: Your what?
Elisha: MY PLAXICO! I CAN’T FIND HIM, HE’S MISSING!
Olivia: Calm down, my precious little boy.
Elisha: NO MOM, I’M FRICKIN SERIOUS!
Olivia: Now Eli, you know I don’t tolerate that kind of language in this house.
Elisha: Sorry, Mom. But have you seen my Plax anywhere? I can’t find him and he may be in trouble.
Olivia: I haven’t seen him, sweetie, I’m sorry. Did you check in the toy chest.
Elisha: Yes mom, I checked the flippin’ toy chest.
Olivia: Well I’m sorry Eli, but I don’t know where you could have left him. Why don’t you just play with one of your other toys.
Elisha: THEY’RE ACTION FIGURES!
Olivia: I know, Eli, I know, but if you don’t hurry up and pick one we’ll be late for your playdate at the Phelps’s. Why don’t you just take your Amani, he’s sitting on your nightstand ready to go.
Elisha: Aww Mom, he’s all old and raggedy and junk.
Olivia: Well young man, I don’t know where he could have gone. You know whenever Peyton loses one of his action figures he always makes do with what he has.
Elisha: I don’t care about Pey-Pey, I NEED MY PLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAX!
Olivia: Elisha Nelson Manning IV, you will use your indoor voice or I’ll take away your Hedgecock! Now if you don’t want to play with your Amani then you can just take that new Domenik doll I got for you. He’s just like Plaxico anyways.
Elisha: Oh come on, Mom, he can’t even catch with those hands!
Olivia: Well that’s all you’re going to get to play with today, because I told Debbie Phelps we’d be at her house by noon.
Elisha: Grrrrrrrr. [reluctantly grabs Amani and Domenik]
Olivia: If you’re a good boy we’ll stop at the orchard and get you some cider.
Elisha: FLIPPIN’ SWEET! I’m gonna drink so much cider, you don’t even know! [sips from sippy cup]
Tags: actually that's some pretty good ms paint, Adventures of Eli, Ape's mspaint of Hixon Head belongs in the Smithsonian, bad MS Paint, elisha, Inspired by Drew, thanks to ape and flubby for the artwork, Unsilent Majority
December 17th, 2008 at 11:34 am
Caption on top photo:
GRRR SEX FACE!!!!!!
December 17th, 2008 at 11:36 am
I think he needs to buy himself a Horn.
December 17th, 2008 at 11:38 am
Plax Lightyear: To infinity and beyond! (fires laser into leg)
December 17th, 2008 at 11:39 am
I think he would end up missing his hedgecock more than anything…
December 17th, 2008 at 11:45 am
Elisha looks like he’s taking a mighty shit in that top photo.
December 17th, 2008 at 11:46 am
Not appearing in picture: Shockey as one of Bo Peep’s lost lambs.
December 17th, 2008 at 11:49 am
Is Kevin Boss the frightened T-Rex with short arms?
December 17th, 2008 at 11:49 am
Mr. Potato-Hixon will be making an appearance in my nightmare tonight.
December 17th, 2008 at 11:56 am
that is fricking halarious.
December 17th, 2008 at 11:59 am
This would make Coughlin the kid across the way who tortures toys.
December 17th, 2008 at 12:07 pm
Yeah, if that Hixon Head picture doesn’t count as nightmare fuel I don’t know what does
December 17th, 2008 at 12:07 pm
Holy shit, those mspaints are glorious.
December 17th, 2008 at 12:12 pm
That…It’s just…Hell, it’s even better than the ‘adult’ version of Toy Stories.
December 17th, 2008 at 12:13 pm
KSK post of the year.
December 17th, 2008 at 12:13 pm
BEN: ELISHA! CAN I PLAY TOOO!!!???? I GOT MY GUNS. THEY GO PEW PEW PEW!!!! YOU ARE SO LUCKY YOU HAVE A PLAX! I GOTSA’ HINES. HE PRETTY GOOD TOO. DO YOU GOTSA’ HINES?
December 17th, 2008 at 12:14 pm
I’ll take away your Hedgecock!
Ah, so that’s how he was neutered.
December 17th, 2008 at 12:16 pm
WATCH OUT! i almost num-chucked you.
December 17th, 2008 at 12:18 pm
/Eli targets Plax
/throws Pokeball
And that’s how Eli got his Plax back
December 17th, 2008 at 12:21 pm
Tiki is the race car: pretty fast but ran out of batteries.
December 17th, 2008 at 12:22 pm
WHY AREN’T YOU SEIZING THE BOY?
December 17th, 2008 at 12:35 pm
Pey Pey may make do with the toys he has, but when things don’t go well he throws them under the bus.
December 17th, 2008 at 12:42 pm
what about a possible new “horn” for christmas eli?
December 17th, 2008 at 1:04 pm
The ms paints are fucking great!
December 17th, 2008 at 1:17 pm
Eli’s mom doesn’t have the heart to tell him Plax is never coming back.
December 17th, 2008 at 1:21 pm
smartest qb in nfl= superbowl mvp and pro bowl….. suck it
December 17th, 2008 at 1:23 pm
It looks like Eli is trying to turn into a Super Sayan!
December 17th, 2008 at 1:30 pm
Bring me my Cheezy-Poofs!!!!
December 17th, 2008 at 1:33 pm
When I lose my Plax, I usually find it under the bed. Or in between the couch cushions. Did you look there sweetie? Maybe you used all your Plax up already. I think it was expired anyway… it had a “use by” date of week 13.
December 17th, 2008 at 1:43 pm
HOE LEE SHIT, this and the Drew post bring teh fuckin’ funny today. Keep it up guys!
I guess now we have to prepare ourselves for 27 stupid Ape posts of which about 3 will be mildly amusing to round out this Wednesday. Maybe you guys could help coach him? Somebody go wake up Punter.
December 17th, 2008 at 2:11 pm
I can’t see how signing serial drop artist Derek Hagan is going to ‘improve’ the Giants receiving core…
December 17th, 2008 at 2:47 pm
Oh man, I love a good round of making fun of Eli Manning. Hence the video I posted on my blog this morning. He makes it so easy!!!
December 17th, 2008 at 3:15 pm
The world is a better place because of this post.
December 17th, 2008 at 3:31 pm
Toomer is in prime position for a limp wristed handjob.
December 17th, 2008 at 4:11 pm
i hope eli’s mom tests all his toys in strahan’s tooth gap for any choking hazards.
December 18th, 2008 at 12:26 am
Ho ho ho, suckin’ down the cider, uh, Elisha? … Here’s a little trick to help you remember. If it’s clear and yella’, you’ve got juice there, fella! If it’s tangy and brown, you’re in cider town.
Now, there’s two exceptions and it gets kinda tricky here … can be yellow, if they’re using late season apples. And, of course, in Canada, the whole thing’s flip-flopped.
December 18th, 2008 at 1:31 am
Hahahaha
classic