Christmas Greetings From Goth Aaron Rodgers!
Christmas is a rotting cancer of the anus. And Santa Claus is nothing more than an Indian giver, who bestows the lemmings of the masses with material goods in exchange for a piece of their rotten, festering souls. His costume is red for a reason, for it is stained with the blood of innocent children who toil in his “workshop”. Ha. Workshop. The children of Polynesia are paid in nothing but sodomy. Here “comes” Santa Claus, indeed.
YOU are responsible for this. YOU are to blame for this yearly “tradition” of scavenging for goods, while others are left to drown in their own liquified feces. Your Christmas tree is a symbol of hate. Why must we continually violate Mother Earth’s withering uterus just so we can our houses can be “festive”? This is not a festive time of year. This is the time of year when the bloated, pus-feeding tapeworm that is mankind feasts upon itself. This is an unholiday. AN UNHOLY DAY.
You are the reason a man on the subway will choke to death on a cockroach’s babies tonight.
All in the name of Jesus. Jesus thinks you are a perversion. When I think of all the children that have been slaughtered in His glory… try putting a bow on THAT. Jesus is a landfill of death and smashed baby corpses. And God is an abortion. An oozing fetus splashed onto a cracked headstone, its placenta filled with oil and green blood. Conceived with the black ejaculate of the Undead Serpent.
I denounce your so-called Christmas and its 2,000 year reign of terror. My Druid friends and I laugh at your pathetic ritual. You know nothing of what Dagda really wants from us. You will die as you were born into this world: a seething pile of hate, bile spilling out of every orifice. And the world will end sooner than you think. And it shall not be rapturous at all. It will be painful, an orgy of bloodletting that spares no one. Except for Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart. They alone are virtuous, and see this world for what is really is: SHIT.
This is what happens, Mother, when you don’t get me that rune necklace I asked for. NOW DO YOU SEE?
Also, we’re way better than 5-10. That record alone is proof that God is a sadist, who delights in flaying my back with his six-headed flaming penis of anger.
MERRY CHRISTMAS, EVERYONE!
Tags: Big Daddy Drew, got the new hodgman book so I'm happy, goth aaron rodgers, merry christmas everyone!
December 25th, 2008 at 3:43 pm
Wow. I’ve been preaching this gospel for years and nobody listened. I will now roast the flesh of a succulent little baby hog in my oven while drinking copious amounts of barley-infused beverages and will consumate the day with the traditional drowning of a bottle of Gentleman Jack.
God bless us. Every one.
Merry Christmas, Drew.
December 25th, 2008 at 4:31 pm
nothing like a little nightmare fuel to liven up the holiday.
December 25th, 2008 at 4:34 pm
So Aaron wants some linebackers for Christmas, right?
December 25th, 2008 at 7:12 pm
I think you meant 5-10.
And goths are all annoying liberals, except that they hate all of humanity instead of just America? Interesting.
December 25th, 2008 at 7:57 pm
Yep, glad I was born in the US instead of some third-world hell hole — like France.
December 25th, 2008 at 8:04 pm
Scott Stapp is a Goth?
December 25th, 2008 at 8:52 pm
Yes, he is…check out his mugshot !!
http://www.thesmokinggun.com/mugshots/stappmug1.html
December 25th, 2008 at 9:16 pm
Wow. Holy shit. How much of a shithead do you have to be to try to start a PoFlaWa on Christmas?
December 25th, 2008 at 9:37 pm
Conceived with the black ejaculate of the Undead Serpent.
And there’s the sentence that made me go out and buy Men With Balls.
December 25th, 2008 at 10:26 pm
Looks like Aaron is Barren indeed.
December 25th, 2008 at 11:59 pm
I’m talking about a certain subset of liberals, not all of them. Nor trying to start anything.
December 26th, 2008 at 12:30 am
Apparently a Hot Topic opened up recently in Green Bay.
If Goth Aaron Rodgers is truly goth, he’ll burn it down.
December 26th, 2008 at 1:22 am
It only took getting drunk for the second time in 12 hours to finally understand the true meaning of Christmas.
I get it now.
It’s like holy and shit.
Holy shit.
Did they really open a Hot Topic in Green Bay?
December 26th, 2008 at 6:18 am
Scott Stapp goth cred is questionable… busted driving an mommy-mobile SUV in the Smoking Gun report?
December 26th, 2008 at 11:51 am
What? No Neck beard??
December 27th, 2008 at 12:39 am
That’s quite possibly the most disturbing thing I’ve ever seen on this site. And that includes the monkey defiling the goat.
/Needs a Nightmare Fuel tag
December 27th, 2008 at 10:27 am
Why is Nick Cage on KSK?
December 28th, 2008 at 10:54 am
faggy goth kids rule.
December 28th, 2008 at 11:45 am
@Duke of Madness:
Agreed- it’s as if the goat and monkey had a threesome with White Gold. . .