Always Be Covering: This is how we do it in the ‘nati
Welcome to the Week 15 edition of Always Be Covering where we’re pleased to offer you cheerleaders and guns. This week I managed to remember to actually place my bets, so I’m a veritable lock to go down in a blaze of ignominy. Continue after the jump for this week’s choicest picks.
Washington -7 at Cincinnati
Yep, this has awful idea written all over it. The good news is that the Redskins suck slightly less on the road and this week they have the added advantage of going up against an offense that’s even more objectionable than their own. WHEEE! In all seriousness, if the Redskins can’t beat the Bengals by a touchdown then Zorn shouldn’t even bother making the return trip.
Tennessee -3 at Houston
The Titans have won 11 games against the spread, and it looks like Vegas is cool with them picking up number 12. Sure, Schaub is back and Slaton looks awesome, but good god man, they’re still the fucking Texans! LenDale could eat an entire buffet during pregame warmups and still run roughshod over a defense that ranks one spot below the Bengals against the run.
Pittsburgh +2 at Baltimore
Somebody has to put Baltimore in their place (because the Redskins sure couldn’t) and no team is better equipped for that feat than the Steelers. And that my friends, is the last time you’ll have to read anything about the Steelers on this website today. Unless of course Ape turned one of his Terrible Towels into a one of a kind cat sweater for Jean Grey to model. Fortunately I’m pretty sure he doesn’t know how to sew.
Philadelphia -14 vs. Cleveland
Last week Ken Dorsey threw 43 passes for a whopping total of 150 fucking yards. I’d rather spray MACE in my dickhole than watch this team for a single series, and of course this is our Monday Night game. Get fucked, NFL. Get fucked long and hard by a gigantic metal pneumatic cock.
This week, we’re holding the second annual KsK Kares Kharity Drive for Fisher House, which helps build temp housing for disabled veterans and their families. You can donate directly to FH here.
Tags: Always Be Covering, Gambling, Homerism? Moi?, STEELERS STEELERS STEELERS STEELERS STEELERS STEELERS, Unsilent Majority
December 12th, 2008 at 2:36 pm
“Get fucked, NFL. Get fucked long and hard by a gigantic metal pneumatic cock.”
So, the FOX robot?
December 12th, 2008 at 2:39 pm
“Hay Crystal- which end do I blow intah so my car will start?”
December 12th, 2008 at 2:44 pm
“Unless of course Ape turned one of his Terrible Towels into a one of a kind cat sweater for Jean Grey to model. Fortunately I’m pretty sure he doesn’t know how to sew.”
he’ll just order a Steeler cat sweater from the NFL store
December 12th, 2008 at 2:52 pm
PACMAN DOWN WIT DAT PICCHAH
December 12th, 2008 at 2:53 pm
How do you not take the Colts +20 over Detroit? I mean, the over under on “quarters before the game is totally out of reach for Detroit” is 2!
December 12th, 2008 at 2:53 pm
Maj is resolutely opposed to homerism by other people.
December 12th, 2008 at 2:58 pm
…”in the ‘nati”?
No.
December 12th, 2008 at 2:58 pm
I really hope the Ravens win, not that I give two shits about Baltimore or that I hate the Steelers. It’s merely because the hilarity that will ensue on this site should be astounding!
December 12th, 2008 at 3:01 pm
I believe a Ravens win is called Ape suicide watch.
December 12th, 2008 at 3:01 pm
What sort of mood is God in this week? I wanna know before I lay down my dough.
December 12th, 2008 at 3:05 pm
Unless of course Ape turned one of his Terrible Towels into a one of a kind cat sweater for Jean Grey to model. Fortunately I’m pretty sure he doesn’t know how to sew.
He owns a cat. Named Jean Grey. I have a good feeling he knows how to sew. Call it a hunch.
December 12th, 2008 at 3:11 pm
What sort of mood is God in this week?
Vengeful.
December 12th, 2008 at 3:13 pm
Ape can always use a staple gun.
December 12th, 2008 at 3:17 pm
Ho, ho, and ho.
December 12th, 2008 at 3:23 pm
Somebody did put Baltimore in their place, when the G-Men gave their run defense an Earth Wind and Fire bukake
December 12th, 2008 at 3:24 pm
Jean Grey is fucking tremendous, thank you. Not the cat, the character. I will not have aspersions cast on Jean “I can make you rip your own fucking eyeballs out faggot” Grey
December 12th, 2008 at 3:39 pm
I have decided that NFL cheerleading outfits add about 30 IQ points and 5 years because those girls all look like slightly retarded high school freshmen.
\no homo
\maybe it’s because they have never held a gun and everyone looks like a moron the first time they pick one up.
December 12th, 2008 at 3:58 pm
They look good for Ohio girls.
December 12th, 2008 at 4:09 pm
Picks for this week:
Detroit (+17) – That’s too many points for any team to cover, especially one who’s pulled all its starters by the third quarter and doesn’t give a shit about their opponent. The Lions score a late touchdown to cover through the backdoor, witnessed only by the groundskeeping crew.
Houston (+3) – Tennessee doesn’t have anything to play for, haven’t faced a quality opponent in weeks, and Houston has been red-hot lately.
Philadelphia (-14) – They’ll want to put on a show for their home crowd and lock down their shot at the playoffs.
Oakland (+6.5) – “Really? But Oakland sucks! They’re really really awful. Everyone knows that…” And you think Vegas doesn’t know that you’re thinking that way? Just remember the Jets game.
December 12th, 2008 at 4:19 pm
It’s -7 you wanted in the ’skins game, big fella.
December 12th, 2008 at 4:29 pm
Hmm… vengeful God? That means any bet I make will lose right? I take the 49′ers over the Phish.
/What are you gonna do God? Huh? What are you gonna do?
December 12th, 2008 at 4:42 pm
They look good for Ohio girls.
A statement which ranks right up there with “You don’t sweat much for a fat chick.”
December 12th, 2008 at 5:11 pm
Those girls would look much better holding my gun. If ya know what I mean!
December 12th, 2008 at 5:13 pm
“Get fucked long and hard by a gigantic metal pneumatic cock.”
Hey, you have that fetish too? CDgirls is awesome.
December 12th, 2008 at 5:16 pm
I have decided that NFL cheerleading outfits add about 30 IQ points and 5 years because those girls all look like slightly retarded high school freshmen.
It’s actually because when they’re wearing their cheerleading outfits, you never, EVER look at their faces. Hard to guess a girl’s IQ from staring at her ass and wondering if you can see her snatch if she’d just move an extra inch…ahhhhh.
December 12th, 2008 at 7:54 pm
Somebody has to put Baltimore in their place
If by “put them in their place” you mean dish them a 28-point beat-down, then the Colts already did.
December 12th, 2008 at 8:26 pm
Speaking of Terrible-Towel sweaters, a friend of mine got crafty a few weeks back (check profile photo):
http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=780921309
December 13th, 2008 at 3:07 am
MORE sneaky Hi-Tek and Kweli reference’s please!