Arming the Ben-Gals with assault weapons is probably the smartest thing the Bengals have ever done.

Welcome to the Week 15 edition of Always Be Covering where we’re pleased to offer you cheerleaders and guns. This week I managed to remember to actually place my bets, so I’m a veritable lock to go down in a blaze of ignominy. Continue after the jump for this week’s choicest picks.

Washington -7 at Cincinnati
Yep, this has awful idea written all over it. The good news is that the Redskins suck slightly less on the road and this week they have the added advantage of going up against an offense that’s even more objectionable than their own. WHEEE! In all seriousness, if the Redskins can’t beat the Bengals by a touchdown then Zorn shouldn’t even bother making the return trip.

Tennessee -3 at Houston
The Titans have won 11 games against the spread, and it looks like Vegas is cool with them picking up number 12. Sure, Schaub is back and Slaton looks awesome, but good god man, they’re still the fucking Texans! LenDale could eat an entire buffet during pregame warmups and still run roughshod over a defense that ranks one spot below the Bengals against the run.

Pittsburgh +2 at Baltimore
Somebody has to put Baltimore in their place (because the Redskins sure couldn’t) and no team is better equipped for that feat than the Steelers. And that my friends, is the last time you’ll have to read anything about the Steelers on this website today. Unless of course Ape turned one of his Terrible Towels into a one of a kind cat sweater for Jean Grey to model. Fortunately I’m pretty sure he doesn’t know how to sew.

Philadelphia -14 vs. Cleveland
Last week Ken Dorsey threw 43 passes for a whopping total of 150 fucking yards. I’d rather spray MACE in my dickhole than watch this team for a single series, and of course this is our Monday Night game. Get fucked, NFL. Get fucked long and hard by a gigantic metal pneumatic cock.

This week, we’re holding the second annual KsK Kares Kharity Drive for Fisher House, which helps build temp housing for disabled veterans and their families. You can donate directly to FH here.