All Right, KSK Vuuueerrrrsss, Here Are Your Early Games
With apologies to Kige Ramsey.
The first of the homefield advantage deciding games of the day highlights the early frame, even though NOBODY WANTS HOMEFIELD! THEY MIGHT AS WELL THROW THE GAME! Believe it or not, this is only the third time this year the Steelers have played in the 1 p.m. slot. It almost makes me forget how annoying it is to try to get out to the bar for the early game when you’re already hungover. I hope LenWhale’s not being too premature with his Super Bowl ring plans. The pinky ring request shouldn’t be a big issue with fitters already dealing with his sausage fingers.
Elsewhere, the Buzzsaw travels to Massholia to face a bunch of Pats fans who are on the edge of their seat about seeing whether Mark Teixeira will sign with the Red Sox the team can make the playoffs. Awful nice of New England to try to neutralize their own weather advantage by playing the Yule Log in the stadium.
Also, Marmalard strives to keep his season going long enough to see Cutlerfucker end it during the late game.
I have a feeling that since my fantasy playoff fortunes are hinged on the Saints putting up huge numbers on the Lions (starting Brees and the French running back) the Lions will probably be feisty and keep it close, only to blow it in the waning minutes in what will probably be a 24-20 final.
Tags: Battle for Ohio too depressing to mention, fatback, Homerism, I have to listen to Nantz and Simms again?, mini helmets are pussymagnets, open thread, Take that YouTube bumpkin, xmas ape
December 21st, 2008 at 11:13 am
What’s your stance on anorexia?
December 21st, 2008 at 11:13 am
That guy talks funny. And I’m pretty sure the Lions have their best chance to win next week.
By the way, there’s a lot of shit out there right now, but it seems like the Sox are backing off Teixeira.
December 21st, 2008 at 11:13 am
comcast has like 10 different yule logs on demand, one to suit nearly everyone’s taste in a burning log.
December 21st, 2008 at 11:25 am
Before listening to the youtube, I wondered why Ape was call us Voyeurs. Gee, that is getting a tad personal!
December 21st, 2008 at 11:25 am
brady quinn is intrigued by this yule log…
December 21st, 2008 at 11:33 am
Matt Mosley’s piece on the WWL makes Double J seem almost more delusional than the KSK caricature.
http://myespn.go.com/blogs/nfceast/0-6-179/Cowboys-close-down-stadium–season-s-next.html
December 21st, 2008 at 11:39 am
i’ve said it before and i’ll say it again: ape, you put the ‘homer’ in ‘homo-erotic’
December 21st, 2008 at 11:52 am
Jesus Christ, Kige Ramsey really does all that hand moving? I’ve never clicked on the links before because I didn’t want to watch and be embarrassed for the guy. But somebody else obviously mocking what he does? Shit, where do I sign up?
December 21st, 2008 at 11:54 am
why apologize Ape? imitation is the sincerest form of hatred.
December 21st, 2008 at 12:08 pm
Yeah, I’m not sorry. Just wanted a way to reference Kige to make sure people who weren’t aware of him didn’t think I actually spoke like that.
Off to MAH STILLERS BAR!
December 21st, 2008 at 12:23 pm
@NHZ
All the shit out there about Teixeira is coming out of the Red Sox asshole and into Peter Gammons’ mouth.
December 21st, 2008 at 12:36 pm
Why when I watch that video does the phrase “5, 5 dollar, 5 dollar footlong” keep repeating in my head?
December 21st, 2008 at 12:37 pm
10 am network game: Niners-Lambs. Go Niners!
1 pm network game: Jets-SeaPidgeons
1:00:01: foxxy trashed at bar watching any other game
enjoy, everyone. except you Lambs “fans” eat shit
December 21st, 2008 at 12:43 pm
Ape, is every picture in your house at a slant in tribute to favolite smirretime leceivel?
December 21st, 2008 at 12:56 pm
Not that it matters, but the CBS pre-game show proved, definitively, that the last touchdown catch by Santonio Holmes against the Ravens was, in fact, a touchdown. Whine on.
December 21st, 2008 at 1:00 pm
I’m looking forward to introducing LenDale White to the Colts defense. You know, most of whom have a Super Bowl ring already.
December 21st, 2008 at 1:08 pm
For some inexplicable reason I made the championship game with Marshawn Lynch as one of my RBs. Now he wakes up this morning with an ouchie on his shoulderspot. THERE IS A LOT OF MONEY AT STAKE TODAY, LYNCH, & I DEMAND BEEF MOE!!!!
/Seahawks fan who only cares about FFL right now.
December 21st, 2008 at 1:21 pm
Two Steeler tchochkes, one Penguin, and absolutely no Pirate paraphrenalia. Wow. Just like a native-born Pittsburgh sports fan.
December 21st, 2008 at 1:21 pm
All the shit out there about Teixeira is coming out of the Red Sox asshole and into Peter Gammons’ mouth.
Aren’t those one and the same?
December 21st, 2008 at 1:24 pm
it’s pretty ironic to complain about people complaining about fantasy football. that said, fuck you all.
/didnt make the playoffs
December 21st, 2008 at 1:32 pm
Interesting…somehow the Buccaneers moved their endzone to the two-yard line to score a touchdown.
December 21st, 2008 at 1:45 pm
Marmalard has shown up for my fantasy team today but right now no one else is delivering. Actually that sounds like every Chargers game played this season….
December 21st, 2008 at 1:53 pm
Miami really nutting up in the cold. What a shock.
December 21st, 2008 at 2:10 pm
The niners-rams game is a horse abortion.
…
A horse abortion the NINERS CAN WIN! WOOOOOO
December 21st, 2008 at 2:15 pm
fuck my life
December 21st, 2008 at 2:20 pm
Cassel is underthrowing and getting tipped when he looks to Moss, meanwhile Welkahhhhhh is doing snow-angel TD celebrations.
There goes the fantasy season.
December 21st, 2008 at 2:22 pm
Stuck with only the Fox game. CBS can get fucked.
December 21st, 2008 at 2:23 pm
die in a fire Herm. you suck.
December 21st, 2008 at 2:29 pm
Oh look everybody! San Diego’s back!
Too little too late chumps.
/still hopes Denver loses
December 21st, 2008 at 2:34 pm
+1 Joba. this fox halftime show is a total dumpsterfire. whoever decided to let jimmie johnson do highlights should be shot.
December 21st, 2008 at 2:36 pm
also terry bradshaw
December 21st, 2008 at 2:51 pm
Hines Ward is the king of the backwards touchdown.
December 21st, 2008 at 3:16 pm
Moose and Siragusa are threatening a snowball fight…that could be fun.
December 21st, 2008 at 3:24 pm
Oooh, at 44-0, they are putting Leinert in! I notice his helmet is pristine. He ran for first down, already doing better! Buzzsaw, shmuzsaw.
December 21st, 2008 at 3:28 pm
Leinert, FAIL. Near interception, followed by fumble on next play, NE recovers. Dude, you are making USC look silly for keeping you playing instead of Cassel.
December 21st, 2008 at 3:32 pm
Jesus, as much as it pains me to say so, Jay Cutler is so far beyond VY and Leinart combined–times 10–it’s fucking ridiculous.
Yet I’m still benching that Pumpkin Pie-haircutted freak in favor of Rodgers for the win.
December 21st, 2008 at 3:38 pm
I’m snowed in at my parents house in New England this weekend and the only game on now is Cards-Pats. Fuck you NFL.
December 21st, 2008 at 3:41 pm
I’m so sorry Ben.
If you have any beer, now’s the time.
December 21st, 2008 at 3:43 pm
Ape, what the hell? Your team is blowing the one seed.
Meanwhile, Arizona has had like…13 passing yards in 3 quarters.
December 21st, 2008 at 3:47 pm
Arizona sucks so much they can’t even get Leinart a working headset radio. Jesus, what a shitheap of a team.
December 21st, 2008 at 3:57 pm
it ain’t over, greenman. remember — it’s the Lambs . . .
December 21st, 2008 at 4:02 pm
Haha Lenwhale + Towel = hilarity
December 21st, 2008 at 4:03 pm
TD Niners!
told ya’
December 21st, 2008 at 4:03 pm
This just in: white DB gets burned.
December 21st, 2008 at 4:03 pm
LenDale just stomped on a Terrible Towel on the sidelines. It’ll never recover.
In other news, the 49ers-Rams game just got … interesting? Did I just type that?
December 21st, 2008 at 4:03 pm
Suck a dick, Pittsburgh.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA
December 21st, 2008 at 4:04 pm
Do we have Ape on suicide watch yet?
December 21st, 2008 at 4:10 pm
yes, otto, Himdamn right you did
December 21st, 2008 at 4:11 pm
oh. fuck. no.
December 21st, 2008 at 4:16 pm
yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!
somebody pass the mint jelly
December 21st, 2008 at 4:16 pm
10 times out of 10 Griffin’s INT return ends in one of his own teammates tackling him so they can kneel it out, right?
Man, they must really hate the Steelers.
December 21st, 2008 at 4:32 pm
‘Miami really nutting up in the cold. What a shock.”
Fuck you.
Enjoy going 11-5 and still missing the playoffs.
December 21st, 2008 at 5:03 pm
Had to look at Tim Tebow’s Girlfriend’s Tits commenting history aaaaand he’s bitter Pats fan Handful of Peter. Why the name change? Is it because your team is missing the playoffs?
Anyway, yeah, Steelers lost. They gave the game away, but then they were playing with house money. I’ll take the first-round bye, thanks. And LenWhale is gonna regret that towel-stomping shit come January. BUUH-LEE DAT.
December 21st, 2008 at 5:15 pm
In fact, it looks like the name change happened right after the Steelers stomped a hole in the Pats. Coincidence?
December 21st, 2008 at 5:39 pm
Totally feeling the love.
December 21st, 2008 at 5:48 pm
First off, that kindergarten painting in Rappadork’s video proves conclusively that people are born gay and not “recruited and turned” in Stealer bars like Rick Warren thinks.
Second, who knew generic announcing automaton Jim Nance was as big a stealer phag as Ape, coach Cowturd and Walt Coleman? He sounded like his lower lip was quivering when he snippily chastised Lendale White for turning that terrible towelette as filthy and mud-encrusted as the average stealer fan. Just embarrassing and estrogen-laden. Like Ape, coach Cowturd and Walt Coleman.
Third, a belated EAT MY NUTTY YULE LOG to Bill Simmons, Jerruh Jones, the Baltimore Sun’s retarded attempt at a sportwriting staff and every other idiot scumbag on earth (read: humans) who thought the Ravens would play sacrificial lamb at the Cowgirl’s glorious retirement ho-down and chili cookoff. Don’t mess with Texas? Should be don’t mess with tackling you overrated ESPN show ponies. Or better yet, don’t mess with hiring Jason Garrett.
(I must admit however I felt kinda bad Romo’s Homos ended up harshing Michael Irvin, Hollywood Henderson and Bob Lilly’s respective crack highs. Son, ‘nat ain’t rhaght!)
December 21st, 2008 at 5:58 pm
Ah, more ham-fisted “Stealer” puns, whining about the refs and inner-tumult-masking homophobia from Barrack Billick. It must be the day after a Ravens win.
Enjoy your Wild Card berth, fan of the AFC North runners-up.
December 21st, 2008 at 6:17 pm
BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH MUJAJAJAJAJAJAJAJAJAJAJAJAJ
You could not have played worse for the first 54 minutes of a game and still win. Sean Hill apperantly forgot he played like the second coming of Tim Rattay and all of a sudden put on his profesional quaterback pants and beat the fucking rams. Try not to get shot on your way home assholes! YOUR BEER COMPANY IS OWNED BY BELGIANS! CARDINALS SUCK!
December 22nd, 2008 at 11:49 am
Ape: that game was all your fault. Just like LenWhale should not have stomped on the Towel, you should not have taunted Titans fan Kige Ramsey by doing a satire video. Some things should just be left to be. If the UK Wildcats go on a 15-game winning streak, it will all be what you have wrought.
December 22nd, 2008 at 3:34 pm
Needs more wood paneling