A Children’s Treasury of Jay Cutler Sulkface Pictures
Our long-awaited Marmalard-Cutlerfucker showdown was lacking in histronics or even a competitive game, but nbc was sure to show Jay in all his dour glory. You know, Tony Romo, for all his shower-collapsing antics, gets all the credit for being a December and January choke artist, but Cutlerfucker is every bit his equal in that regard, as Denver is 5-9 the last three Decembers.
After the jump is a little illustarted story to accompany the 30,000 shots of Cutlerfucker moping, with some bonus boobage for your trouble.
“Did Randy get the new 100 Gig iPod Touch? He probably has all the hot new Dresden Dolls tracks on it. Bastard. Don’t look at it, don’t look at it. It’ll make him think you’re jealous.”
“Is that an iPod? Now way, it’s gotta be a Zune. What a lamer. Yuma will never blow him after third period now.”
“Fuck. It is an iPod Touch. Maybe if I glare at it long enough, it’ll malfunction. I’ll use all my vampire techniques I learned from that Twilight learner’s guide I bought from Border’s for $20.”
“Didn’t work. Typical. Why does everybody get to beat me? Time to cut myself.”
“Ah. That’s it. Sweet release of pain. Drown out the sorrow and show me what it’s like to live.”
“What, no! I’m not doing anything! Don’t open that door, Mom! DON’T OPEN THAT DOOR! I’LL BE OUT IN A MINUTE!”
Okay, sorrow about that. Here’re some gratuitous cheerleader pics to make amends.
Had to excise a butterface on the last one. If you were in the live blog, you know of what I speak.
Tags: cutlerfucker, greatest day ever, marmalard, xmas ape
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December 29th, 2008 at 12:22 am
I feel bad for all the little Jays down in Cutlerfuckerville.
December 29th, 2008 at 12:37 am
I didn’t think this NFL Sunday could get any better, but now there are tits.
December 29th, 2008 at 12:39 am
Love the boobcam.
December 29th, 2008 at 12:40 am
Jerramy Stevens is now on a plane to San Diego with a gallon of GHB
December 29th, 2008 at 12:44 am
Long live King Philip the Laserfaced!
December 29th, 2008 at 1:04 am
Good, now the Colts will get their revenge in fair weather shittown.
December 29th, 2008 at 1:11 am
Is there any other 25 year old QB with such a double chin?
December 29th, 2008 at 1:21 am
Somewhere Jake Plummer is laughing his ass off again for the second straight December
December 29th, 2008 at 6:10 am
as much as i love him and he’s my qb i cant stop laughing at the prospect of him getting ready to play by listening to “shores of california”
December 29th, 2008 at 6:57 am
In that 4th pic it looks like he is trying out a mean face like on Half Baked. Jay gets no window love!
December 29th, 2008 at 7:43 am
Did you see Ryan Lindell’s first field goal attempt being completely blowed away by the wind?
God hates Ryan Lindell.
December 29th, 2008 at 8:15 am
Best part was…Lindell’s kick was WITH the wind.
December 29th, 2008 at 8:37 am
Rofl, the shot of him checking his blood sugar just seals the deal. Why so sad, Jay?
December 29th, 2008 at 9:43 am
That was some wind in the game last night, the way Marmadouche’s throws just hung up there for his receivers to pluck out of the air like grapes off a vine.
Now for the Colts, so the Chargers can bow out of the playoffs in typical over-rated style.
December 29th, 2008 at 9:49 am
I’m sorry I missed the Marmalard – Cutlerface showdown. Damn travel plans!
Did Marmalard ask someboddaaaaay??
December 29th, 2008 at 10:00 am
I saw the first half then went to bed. On the drive across NYS this morning, I waited for ESPN to bring up Marmalard. I seriously had that half second where they said “phillip rivers” and I thought “why not used his real name?” Then I woke up a bit.
I will now avoid ESPN as Brettie goes into annual countdown mode. I wonder if anyone really cares anywhere? I mean, really?
December 29th, 2008 at 10:20 am
Cutler: Why you been acting so messed up towards me?
Laserface: Why you been acting so messed towards ME?
December 29th, 2008 at 10:23 am
seriously, other than maybe the bears/vikes outcomes, (and thats an ambivalent maybe) there wasn’t a single game on Sunday that ended poorly.
pats out. cowboys out. bucs out. jets out. broncos out.
its like they asked me personally who i didn’t want to make the playoffs and how i thought they should just miss them, as miserably close as possible.
December 29th, 2008 at 10:24 am
What? What? Fuck you!
December 29th, 2008 at 11:01 am
38-21 is fantastic!
December 29th, 2008 at 12:51 pm
Is it just me or does Cutler look like the chubby kid from Two and a Half Men?
December 29th, 2008 at 2:54 pm
Enjoy your “incredible” win, disChargers fans. Even if you manage to beat Indy (you won’t, Manning’s going to surgically operate on your pathetic defense…) then you will get beat down later. Count on it. If that leaves you excited for the playoffs….well, that’s just pathetic. The disChargers were just slightly better than the Donkeys this year. Just slightly.
But in case you haven’t noticed, Denver is poised to be a juggernaut for years to come. Offensively, they’ve already got a strong nucleus that is only going to grow. And if they can get a D-Line in place that is at LEAST above average….they’ll be competing for Super Bowls soon. Count on it.
December 29th, 2008 at 7:25 pm
only thing i’ll be counting on is for you to be wrong, OH YEAH. but also to keep feeding off the tears of your no insulin-producing quarterback haHA UP TOP
December 29th, 2008 at 7:31 pm
To Douche errr Dischargers (above)
We hung 52 on that pony ass and still with the shit talk?
The Bolts could have very easily been 12-4. Look at that schedule.
Pretty bold shit talking after your team just completed one of the worst melt downs in modern NFL history (Blowing 3 game lead going into week 15? hahahahaha. that’s teh LuLz).
Keep clinging to the past. Keep talking about superbowls won 10 years ago. You and raider fan both sound like Al Bundy talkin’ about the days at Polk High. And shut up about #7 already. JOHN ELWAY AIN’T COMIN THRU THAT DOOR!!
Have fun in that ball shriveling Colorado winter. I’ll be enjoying the waves in La Jolla. Douche.
December 30th, 2008 at 10:31 am
Don’t refute any of my points above, that’s fine. The words I used were probably too big for the po’ little disCharger fan to understand. Soorrry!
But again…if an 8-8 season (ie average, considering the disChargers were supposed to be a “Super Bowl” team….ROFLMAO!), a head “coach” in Norv, over the hill players like LT (Mr. Softy), Jamal Williams and the rest of your suspect D are enough to still excite disCharger fans then hey, more power to you! Manning is still gonna shred that “D”.
Glad the disChargers “hung 52″ on the Donks the other day. Even though KC and the Faders dominated them this year, as well. Yup, who cares about facts. The Donks D has been atrocious virtually all year! Ooops, sorry! Did it again with the big words. Atrocious means “really, really baaad!” disCharger fan. LOL!
I understand that effeminate, metrosexuals enjoy La Jolla….so I’m sure you indeed will be in your element.
Toodles!
January 3rd, 2009 at 4:51 pm
Still not funny.