SMIRRE: THE MOVIE. In news I couldn’t make up at my most weeded, a movie about Hines Ward’s life is apparently in development. According to the rather unhelpful article, the film will focus on how his mother worked very hard when Hines was a kid, which enabled him to become an NFL receiver, which, let me tell you, sounds like riveting drama. But who will play the NFL’s smaltest smirretime leceivel? How about Keanu Reeves? He’s half-Asian. Ah so, but they need a smart half-Asian. And probably one who’s also half-black. Of course, they already got the guy from Bloodsport to play Rongrastname.
Tags: hines wald is stirr me favolite steerel, make an omar epps as mike tomlin joke and i shoot you, quick hit, ving rhames as the villain terrell suggs
December 19th, 2008 at 2:46 pm
Can’t wait for the double feature of this and Rongrastname’s new action flick PEW PEW PEW
December 19th, 2008 at 2:48 pm
Next, Hines stall in Chlistmas movie with Woody Arren … it supellll hirarious!
December 19th, 2008 at 2:53 pm
I think you mean the guy from REVENGE OF THE NERDS!!! I nearly vomited when I saw him in bloodsport, trying to be serious.
December 19th, 2008 at 2:55 pm
If whoever the guy is who plays Hines Wald doesn’t completely suck, he should immediately be cast as Hilo Plotagonist in the movie version of Snow Crash. Unless Hines wants to get into Horrywood after he letiles, then he could play numbel one swold fightel srash computel hackel himserf.
December 19th, 2008 at 2:55 pm
They may have to pull someone up from the porno ranks to play Santonio Holmes
December 19th, 2008 at 2:56 pm
Charlie Murphy as Lamarr Woodley. You heard it here first
December 19th, 2008 at 2:59 pm
Pauly Shore as Jeff Reed? IT’S THE PART HE WAS BORN TO PAY, BABY!
December 19th, 2008 at 3:00 pm
Really though, how do you NOT choose Omar Epps as Mike Tomlin? It would be like “Wow, you don’t pick the one actor that looks EXACTLY like him, just because he looks EXACTLY like him?”
And personally, I think a KSK-scripted version of this movie would be much better. “Hines Wald: You No Need Supel Tarr Wide Leceivel”
And yes, Ving Rhames as Terrell Suggs would be awesome. The movie could end with a fictional AFC Championship game with the Ravens and Steelers, with Ward slow-motion stiff arming Suggs for the winning TD.
However, I’m eagerly awaiting “The Brothers Manning: The Adventures of Pey-pey and Elisha”
December 19th, 2008 at 3:00 pm
Omar Epps as…nah, too easy. Too easy even for KSK.
December 19th, 2008 at 3:00 pm
It’s not really a joke per se and it’s SI doing it, not me, so go after them.
December 19th, 2008 at 3:02 pm
SoD, FIX YO LINK.
December 19th, 2008 at 3:02 pm
FUCK, well, I ruined that, but here’s the link anyway.
December 19th, 2008 at 3:03 pm
Jackie Chan in blackface is not going to over very well outside of the orient.
December 19th, 2008 at 3:04 pm
Tracy Morgan as Joey Porter.
FIX YO MOUF LIZ LEMON!!!!
December 19th, 2008 at 3:10 pm
Gwyneth Paltrow as Jeremy Shockey.
December 19th, 2008 at 3:10 pm
Take Kima from The Wire, shave her head, and there’s your Hines Ward.
December 19th, 2008 at 3:14 pm
How about this guy for Hines Wald? He is half Asian and an actual actor too.
And if Omar Epps doesn’t play Mike Tomlin, then who would?
December 19th, 2008 at 3:16 pm
If Sam Jackson doesn’t play Tomlin, the movie’s off. I don’t give a shit if he doesn’t look like him.
December 19th, 2008 at 3:17 pm
Seriously… that is not “Guy from Bloodsport”, that is Ogre…
December 19th, 2008 at 3:19 pm
How does Frank Stallone fit into this?
December 19th, 2008 at 3:20 pm
Why would Tomlin even be in the movie?
December 19th, 2008 at 3:22 pm
Of course, if you’re going the Revenge of the Nerds route, gotta get Lamar for the Kordell Stewart years.
December 19th, 2008 at 3:23 pm
Because Tomlin belongs in movies. That motherfucker’s so cool!
December 19th, 2008 at 3:23 pm
Karl Malden should play Ben.
December 19th, 2008 at 3:27 pm
Burgess Meredith is in negotiations to play Art Rooney.
December 19th, 2008 at 3:29 pm
Hey, you know who Mike Tomlin looks a lot like….
December 19th, 2008 at 3:29 pm
Kevin Kline with the CGi’ed jaw of Sgt. Slaughter as Cowher.
December 19th, 2008 at 3:34 pm
A mannequin from the Reebok store as Duce Staley.
December 19th, 2008 at 3:38 pm
What if the Asian guy from Heroes played Hines?
December 19th, 2008 at 3:45 pm
Big Boi from Outcast wants you to know Hines’ race is Borean.
December 19th, 2008 at 3:58 pm
OGRE! OGRE! OGRE! OGRE! OGRE! OGRE! OGRE! OGRE! OGRE! OGRE! OGRE!
December 19th, 2008 at 4:00 pm
Keenan from Good Burger as Jerome Bettis
December 19th, 2008 at 4:05 pm
Jim Carrey as Ben Rongrastname.
Samuel L Jackson as Hines Wald Sr.
Bavaro as Santonio Holmes
Lucy Liu as Hines mother
Akili Smith as Kordell Stewart (both sucked, Akili could use the work)
Snoop Dogg as Plaxico Burress
Hines Wald as Hines Wald (only NFL’s smaltest smirretime leceivel can pray palt of NFL’s smaltest smirretime leceivel)
December 19th, 2008 at 4:07 pm
Yeah, wtf? that’s Ogre first and Ogre last!
December 19th, 2008 at 4:09 pm
tiger woods could cross over into hollywood and play hines. hines could take a small part in his own film, as tiger woods.
December 19th, 2008 at 4:13 pm
It’s 4 PM and li’l Kid Presentable is getting ancy … where’s sexy Friday? It’s not like we can get a fix anywhere else on this here intraweb.
December 19th, 2008 at 4:23 pm
See, as Ogre he’s clean-shaven and not that much of a likeness of Roethlisberger. With the beard, he’s a dead ringer for 2005 playoffs Ben.
December 19th, 2008 at 4:27 pm
Rod Blagojevich as Bill Leavy
December 19th, 2008 at 4:45 pm
MAYBE MICHAEL RAPAPORT CAN PLAY THAT HOMER ASSHOLE CHRISTMAS APE! YOU FUCKING SUCK, APE!
December 19th, 2008 at 5:00 pm
Ben Stiller as Simple Jack as Ben.
HINES YOU MUH-MUH-MAKE ME HAPPY.
December 19th, 2008 at 5:36 pm
how about Taimak from “The Last Dragon” as HW?
http://www.karatekidzonline.com/maincontent/taimak1.jpg
he’s got the smirre time down