SMIRRE: THE MOVIE. In news I couldn’t make up at my most weeded, a movie about Hines Ward’s life is apparently in development. According to the rather unhelpful article, the film will focus on how his mother worked very hard when Hines was a kid, which enabled him to become an NFL receiver, which, let me tell you, sounds like riveting drama. But who will play the NFL’s smaltest smirretime leceivel? How about Keanu Reeves? He’s half-Asian. Ah so, but they need a smart half-Asian. And probably one who’s also half-black. Of course, they already got the guy from Bloodsport to play Rongrastname.
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how about Taimak from “The Last Dragon” as HW?
http://www.karatekidzonline.com/maincontent/taimak1.jpg
he’s got the smirre time down
Ben Stiller as Simple Jack as Ben.
HINES YOU MUH-MUH-MAKE ME HAPPY.
MAYBE MICHAEL RAPAPORT CAN PLAY THAT HOMER ASSHOLE CHRISTMAS APE! YOU FUCKING SUCK, APE!
Rod Blagojevich as Bill Leavy
See, as Ogre he’s clean-shaven and not that much of a likeness of Roethlisberger. With the beard, he’s a dead ringer for 2005 playoffs Ben.
It’s 4 PM and li’l Kid Presentable is getting ancy … where’s sexy Friday? It’s not like we can get a fix anywhere else on this here intraweb.
tiger woods could cross over into hollywood and play hines. hines could take a small part in his own film, as tiger woods.
Yeah, wtf? that’s Ogre first and Ogre last!
Jim Carrey as Ben Rongrastname.
Samuel L Jackson as Hines Wald Sr.
Bavaro as Santonio Holmes
Lucy Liu as Hines mother
Akili Smith as Kordell Stewart (both sucked, Akili could use the work)
Snoop Dogg as Plaxico Burress
Hines Wald as Hines Wald (only NFL’s smaltest smirretime leceivel can pray palt of NFL’s smaltest smirretime leceivel)
Keenan from Good Burger as Jerome Bettis
OGRE! OGRE! OGRE! OGRE! OGRE! OGRE! OGRE! OGRE! OGRE! OGRE! OGRE!
Big Boi from Outcast wants you to know Hines’ race is Borean.
What if the Asian guy from Heroes played Hines?
A mannequin from the Reebok store as Duce Staley.
Kevin Kline with the CGi’ed jaw of Sgt. Slaughter as Cowher.
Hey, you know who Mike Tomlin looks a lot like….
Burgess Meredith is in negotiations to play Art Rooney.
Karl Malden should play Ben.
Because Tomlin belongs in movies. That motherfucker’s so cool!
Of course, if you’re going the Revenge of the Nerds route, gotta get Lamar for the Kordell Stewart years.
Why would Tomlin even be in the movie?
How does Frank Stallone fit into this?
Seriously… that is not “Guy from Bloodsport”, that is Ogre…
If Sam Jackson doesn’t play Tomlin, the movie’s off. I don’t give a shit if he doesn’t look like him.
How about this guy for Hines Wald? He is half Asian and an actual actor too.
And if Omar Epps doesn’t play Mike Tomlin, then who would?
Take Kima from The Wire, shave her head, and there’s your Hines Ward.
Gwyneth Paltrow as Jeremy Shockey.
Tracy Morgan as Joey Porter.
FIX YO MOUF LIZ LEMON!!!!
Jackie Chan in blackface is not going to over very well outside of the orient.
FUCK, well, I ruined that, but here’s the link anyway.
SoD, FIX YO LINK.
It’s not really a joke per se and it’s SI doing it, not me, so go after them.
Omar Epps as…nah, too easy. Too easy even for KSK.
Really though, how do you NOT choose Omar Epps as Mike Tomlin? It would be like “Wow, you don’t pick the one actor that looks EXACTLY like him, just because he looks EXACTLY like him?”
And personally, I think a KSK-scripted version of this movie would be much better. “Hines Wald: You No Need Supel Tarr Wide Leceivel”
And yes, Ving Rhames as Terrell Suggs would be awesome. The movie could end with a fictional AFC Championship game with the Ravens and Steelers, with Ward slow-motion stiff arming Suggs for the winning TD.
However, I’m eagerly awaiting “The Brothers Manning: The Adventures of Pey-pey and Elisha”
Pauly Shore as Jeff Reed? IT’S THE PART HE WAS BORN TO PAY, BABY!
Charlie Murphy as Lamarr Woodley. You heard it here first
They may have to pull someone up from the porno ranks to play Santonio Holmes
If whoever the guy is who plays Hines Wald doesn’t completely suck, he should immediately be cast as Hilo Plotagonist in the movie version of Snow Crash. Unless Hines wants to get into Horrywood after he letiles, then he could play numbel one swold fightel srash computel hackel himserf.
I think you mean the guy from REVENGE OF THE NERDS!!! I nearly vomited when I saw him in bloodsport, trying to be serious.
Next, Hines stall in Chlistmas movie with Woody Arren … it supellll hirarious!
Can’t wait for the double feature of this and Rongrastname’s new action flick PEW PEW PEW