The Raiders suck and my fantasy teams were even worse. At this point, all I have is rooting against the Cowboys. Under normal circumstances I couldn’t care less about the fortunes of the Iggles. But with Dallas’ playoff hopes hanging in the balance, Cowboy-haters worldwide are coalescing to throw their support behind Andy Reid’s Butthash Huffing All-Stars.

Sure, I hate the Patriots too. But that is a fairly recent hatred (tuck rule). My Cowboys hatred has been boiling for decades and takes complete precedence. Therefore, as I write this (12:30 p.m. EST) I hereby make this bargain with the cosmos: keep the Cowboys out and I’ll be content to let the Pats-Dolphins-Jets chips fall as they may.

In other action, Baltimore is playing for their playoff future against the Jags. Seahawks-Cardinals hook up in an old-fashioned shitshow for regional viewers. Lastly we have the Irrelevancy Bowl: will the Skins be able to tank for draft position or will Mike Martz’s sabotage attempts give the 49er’s a hard-earned loss?

[ Reminder: SNF live blog for tonight's San Diego-Denver play-in game. It's a holiday miracle. ]