1pm Open Thread: Win One for the Gimper


On ESPN’s Countdown this morning, Sal Pal said that Cheddar Bob Plaxico Burress phoned each of his fellow Giants receivers and told them to beat the Eagles today for him. That’s some brass right there. How could their responses been anything other than “Up yours, jailbird. I’mma win for somebody that didn’t shoot his own dumb ass.”

Now that we are well into the final quarter of the NFL regular season, the schedule is littered with teams long since exposed for the frauds that they are. As a consequence, the quality of the games can get a little dicey. Among the early slate today, only two games– Eagles-Giants and Falcons-Saints–don’t involve at least one genuinely crappy team. Enjoy your afternoon and party like the judge granted your injunction. Hey barkeep, hot wings and StarCaps are on me!

[ HTs: Glauber, Are You Serious Sports ]

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65 Responses to “1pm Open Thread: Win One for the Gimper”

  1. StuScottBooyahs Says:

    Kellen Winslow thinks Plax is a soldier

  2. Christmas Ape Says:

    BEN GOT SUIT OF ARMOR NOW. MUCH BETTER THAN PADS

  3. Ben Says:

    Haven’t Cleveland fans suffered enough?!?
    http://sports.espn.go.com/nfl/news/story?id=3752018

  4. Slothrop Says:

    CLANK CLANK CLANK

  5. Steve Says:

    Don’t believe it, Ben. And even if it did happen, at least with Marty you suffer after making the playoffs, not from the middle of September on, which I guess would be an improvement.

  6. Sanchez Says:

    The Buffalo Bills would like to remind you that having to play their division rival warm weather wimps in a toronto dome in december is an outrage. Despite the fact that they organised the game and the league had nothing to do with it.

    /but we didn’t know the Dolphins would be good this year!

  7. Slothrop Says:

    Dick Stockton’s head looks like a bad peach.

  8. Hustler of Culture Says:

    There is as much chance of Marty going to the Browns as Bear Grylls getting hurt in Antartica…

    oh…

    http://www.cnn.com/2008/SHOWBIZ/TV/12/07/bear.grylls.injured/index.html

  9. Kid Presentable Says:

    Favre will throw for 350+ and 4 TDs to reaffirm his status as the #1 gunslinger in town.

  10. Slothrop Says:

    Silky with the day’s first INT, and then he gets planted by Urlacher. Honor du-al, won by Urlacher.

  11. DavidtheUnderpantsGnome Says:

    This Packers fan wonders what happened to the supposed good secondary…

  12. Ahmad's Bradshaw Says:

    Anyone and anything can be overated when they play in the NFC north

  13. DavidtheUnderpantsGnome Says:

    Guess that includes the Vikings D too, cuz DETROIT is driving on them

  14. Sanchez Says:

    Damn it, why does my mom insist on calling right after kickoff every sunday?

    …no, I’m sorry, no mom, now is not a good time…no don’t call me later, sunday is pretty much a right-off…yes the whole of sunday…because I’m either having sex or watching football…yes I did say sex…ok I’ll speak to you tomorrow…ok…ok mom…ok, hi to Cindy…bye now…

  15. Pubic Enemy Says:

    @Sanchez: Wow, that must be awkward when she calls when you’re not watching football.

  16. Head Bee Guy Says:

    I think Andy Reid just made a smart timeout. Am I still drunk?

  17. Sanchez Says:

    …(pant)…hi mom…(pant)…no now is not a good time…because it’s anal god damnit!!!

  18. Slothrop Says:

    Answering the phone during anal is pretty degrading.

  19. Waldo Says:

    @Sanchez – Dare I even ask if you are giving or receiving….

  20. Big Daddy Drew Says:

    DOUBLEREDZONEFUMBLEKAKKE!

  21. Sanchez Says:

    +1 Waldo

  22. DavidtheUnderpantsGnome Says:

    Does Reid hate Westbrook? I ask cuz he keeps running Westbrook right up the middle

  23. Busk Says:

    Gosder Charilus with a dive at Jared Allens knee’s, someone’s gonna be lighter in the waller this week. And Allen might be hurt, ruh roh.

  24. Christmas Ape Says:

    I like how NFL Network didn’t even try to give a corny TV show theme to the Saints-Bears game.

  25. Goose! Says:

    The Giants decided to take the day off.

  26. Christmas Ape Says:

    It’s Tarvaris time!

  27. 310ToJoba Says:

    Anyone and anything can be overated when they play in the NFC north

    Are you the top or the bottom in your relationship of misery with Staubachlvr?

  28. Slothrop Says:

    Ape, tell me you got a screen grab of the Joker at the Superdome with a ‘Kill the Falcons’ sign. It made zero sense on multiple levels but did remind me to get my wife a blu-ray player for Christmas.

  29. Canada Dry Says:

    Hey Fox crew, instead of saying how awesome of a coach Rod Marinelli is, why not point out how terrible both of those 4th down play calls were? Just sayin’…

  30. Joe Theisman's Leg Says:

    @Canada Dry

    I was thinking the same thing. I mean, you have an undersized center against 2 of the biggest, best DTs in the game… QB sneak, of course, that’s the call!

  31. Christmas Ape Says:

    Nope. Missed that sign. Hopefully one of the photogs in the Superdome caught it.

  32. Christmas Ape Says:

    I’ve never seen a quarterback one-hop as many receivers in the flat as McNabb has today.

  33. synapticmisfires Says:

    And THAT’S why “Danieal” is still the most manly Manning in the NFL.

  34. placekickerholder Says:

    @Ape: Clearly you’ve missed every other McNabb game in the last 10 years.

  35. placekickerholder Says:

    Sweet Jesus effing shit, Akers. I will cut you.

  36. Slothrop Says:

    was there another blocked FG in the Giants/Eagles? 3 in one game?

  37. placekickerholder Says:

    Yeah the Giants got a piece of another one and it went short.

  38. 'thersfan Says:

    Watching football instead of studying for exams…

    /parents are paying roughly $40k/yr.

  39. synapticmisfires Says:

    “David Garrard is not going to point to his passer rating with pride the way he does his….his….his attire. He is a nattily dressed young man”

    And this has been fashion hour, featuring gay Greg Gumbel.

  40. DavidtheUnderpantsGnome Says:

    Watching football and I owe $100k in student loans…

    /parents had another kid and my college funds turned into diaper money

  41. 310ToJoba Says:

    @’thersfan

    Join the club. Although Akerlof’s lemons market is eerily analogous to games televised by the NFL…

    Higher education… weeeee

  42. Slothrop Says:

    I’m grading shitty college papers by students wasting my time and their parents’ and/or governments’ money, so I think we have all bases covered here, pedagogically speaking.

  43. synapticmisfires Says:

    Woah. We covered Akerlof in Game Theory this past week. Economics FTW!

  44. DavidtheUnderpantsGnome Says:

    @Slothrop: Why does your avatar look yonic to me?

    In any case, I’m happy to never have homework again, unless I get employer-paid masters degree.

  45. Broseph Stalin Says:

    Here’s a taste of irony: Asante is “Thank You” in Swahili.

  46. Slothrop Says:

    yonic?

    it’s Berke Breathed’s “Gesunheit,’ a painting he did when he was in high school. The art teacher saw it and said, ‘That’s disgusting. Youre going to be rich.’

  47. placekickerholder Says:

    Fucking hell, Eli throws it right at Dawkins, but Asante blunders in at the last second to fuck it all up.

  48. DavidtheUnderpantsGnome Says:

    Yonic is the opposite of phallic.

  49. placekickerholder Says:

    Brah, I think he just called you a pussy.

    /drunk

  50. Sanchez Says:

    I hear Gus Frerotte has done his best to remind everyone that he is indeed, Gus Frerotte…

  51. Slothrop Says:

    ah. learn something everyday. I’d always heard that as ‘gyno-centric.’

  52. DavidtheUnderpantsGnome Says:

    @placekickerholder:

    I may, or may not, have been implying that.

    But my main point is that I need to get laid post haste, since his avatar looks like the female reproductive system to me.

  53. placekickerholder Says:

    @DavidtheUnderpantsGnome:

    You’re telling me. I think your avatar looks like the female reproductive system.

  54. DavidtheUnderpantsGnome Says:

    And looking at a larger copy of the pic, it’s a spacesuited astronaut with a broken faceplate?

  55. DavidtheUnderpantsGnome Says:

    @placekickerholder:

    Well then I have some nude pics of Bea Arthur you might be interested in. Granted, she doesn’t dye her hair in such a patriotic manner, but that full beard is plenty to chew on.

  56. placekickerholder Says:

    Please send your Fantasy Football/Sex Advice questions to DavidtheUnderpantsGnome and placekickerholder.

  57. TDub Says:

    Tarvaris jackson is back up in your ass with the resurrection.

  58. DavidtheUnderpantsGnome Says:

    /currently cancelling my penthouse forum subscription

  59. Broseph Stalin Says:

    Chris Johnson is taking a metaphorical dump on the Browns’ collective chest.

  60. Ahmad's Bradshaw Says:

    Wow its a good thing the Eagles only play well in 1 out of 4 games

  61. placekickerholder Says:

    Thank you, Eagles. You collective minxes.

  62. Tracer Bullet Says:

    I can’t wait to hear what Antony from West Orange has to say about this.

  63. Gino Tourettesa Says:

    Skål Vikings. I was sure they’d lose, but happy they didn’t. Maybe this Detroit Lions team has the right stuff to run the table in reverse.

  64. H Cuz Says:

    @Gino: At the rate Green Bay is going, I’m not so sure.

  65. irricycle Says:

    What’s Up

    I need some help… I registered for an account at eSnips.com and now Im trying to figure out how to upload files ..

    Any other Esnips Members can walk me through this?

    Btw – For those of you who don’t know, eSnips offers Wallpapers etc.

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