Why’d They Caat Him? He Couldah Been the Welkaaah of tha Defense!
From the reinforcing stereotypes department comes this e-mailed observation from reader “Juice” about how New England fans have fallen madly in love with TRUE PAY-TREE-UT John Lynch, despite the fact that he never played a regular season game for the team. Hmmm. Wonder why.
Last week I was up in Boston for the Pats/Jets game (I’m a Pats fan – insert joke here). Needless to say I missed several days’ worth of KSK entries during my trip. Today I decided to go scrolling back through the archives to see what I missed when I stumbled upon the picture of the Pats fan in the Lynch jersey per your entry.
Well I’m writing you today to tell you this – New England fans LOVE John Lynch. I saw no less than 15 John Lynch jerseys at the game vs. the Jets I attended. Pretty impressive for a guy whose Patriots career totaled 12 total tackles over the course of three pre-season games.
Probably the most telling part of NE’s love of Lynch was in the pro shop. Inside, they have two racks of replica jerseys for probably sixteen different players in all. These jerseys ran seventy-five dollars apiece. They also had a rack of jerseys of players who are no longer with the Pats, and these were marked down to twenty-five dollars a piece. On this discount rack there were such jerseys as Eugene Wilson, a decent safety for the Pats over his five year career, and Chad Jackson, receiver out of Florida who ended up being a massive bust.
The most telling part came when I noticed that of the sixteen jerseys being sold at $75 a pop, fifteen were active players on the Patriots. Only one wasn’t (throwbacks none withstanding). That, of course, was the jersey of Mr. John Lynch, now retired. So not only is there a market for John Lynch Patriot jerseys, celebrating his three-game preseason career as a Pat, but there still bringing in $75 a pop.
Tags: AHAHAHAHAHA, patriots hate rising, why didn't the bucs honor HIM with a misspelled jersey?, xmas ape
November 24th, 2008 at 2:01 pm
DID YAH HEAYAH LYNCH’S DAYBUE AS A COMMENTATAH? HES ALREADY A SUPAHSTAH AFTAH ONE FACKIN GAME!
November 24th, 2008 at 2:03 pm
Wait until Drew Bennett joins the practice squad for an hour later this year.
November 24th, 2008 at 2:04 pm
YA FAWKARS CLEAHLY CAN’T STAP YAR HATRAD OF THE TRUE UNDEFEATAD TEAM IN DA NFL!!!
/NO ONE DENIES THIS!
November 24th, 2008 at 2:09 pm
stuart schwiegart wants to know how to get a workout with the pats.
November 24th, 2008 at 2:11 pm
His last name really resonates in Boston.
November 24th, 2008 at 2:11 pm
They do love them some white folk, don’t they?
There’s got to be a player in the NFL somewhere who would kindle such a raging love fest that the Patriots would sell 5000 jerseys before the guy even got to NE. Chris Cooley?
November 24th, 2008 at 2:14 pm
I think we all know why Pats fan love Lynch: http://i37.tinypic.com/15zlegl.jpg
November 24th, 2008 at 2:15 pm
Knowing the difference between “less” and “fewer” is outstanding.
Oh, shit. Sorry.
November 24th, 2008 at 2:20 pm
“There’s got to be a player in the NFL somewhere who would kindle such a raging love fest that the Patriots would sell 5000 jerseys before the guy even got to NE.”
Brian Russell.
November 24th, 2008 at 2:24 pm
Yeah, where’s this week’s Brian Russel piece? I did notice he’s sucked a little less the past two weeks, but he’s still garbage.
November 24th, 2008 at 2:25 pm
These jokes just write themselves
November 24th, 2008 at 2:26 pm
So how do George Plimpton jerseys sell in Detroit?
November 24th, 2008 at 2:27 pm
“There’s got to be a player in the NFL somewhere who would kindle such a raging love fest that the Patriots would sell 5000 jerseys before the guy even got to NE.”
What about Jeremy Shockey?
November 24th, 2008 at 2:28 pm
You people shouldn’t automatically assume that this is the product of Baaahhhhst’n racism. There could be plenty of explanations for this other than the fact that Lynch was a white guy playing a generally-regarded-as-black position. It could be because … ummm … of … umm … ummmmmmm … hell … frickin’ racist Massholes.
November 24th, 2008 at 2:35 pm
Drew Bennett? Nah I was thinking about Tom Waddle or maybe even Ricky Proehl. Those drunk Irish micks would love those guys.
November 24th, 2008 at 2:36 pm
What do YOO mean, YOU PEOPLE? HUH?!?!
November 24th, 2008 at 2:38 pm
Then it’s settled. Someone needs to start a Chris Cooley to New England trade rumor.
November 24th, 2008 at 2:40 pm
Christ no. Brian Russell to New England, it has the secondary effect of making Seattle fans get hopeful that the sack of shit might be leaving their city before realising that, no, he’s sticking around, the fat pasty fuck
November 24th, 2008 at 2:45 pm
THIS JUST IN:
Zach Thomas promises to retire a Patriot
November 24th, 2008 at 2:46 pm
New Englanders wear Lynch jerseys for the same reason most black people voted for Obama.
November 24th, 2008 at 2:56 pm
Did ya see owah left tackle wailin on that dahkie yestaday? Matt Light shid be in the Hawll of Fame!
November 24th, 2008 at 3:01 pm
Bill Belichick would murder Brian Russell in his sleep. I see where you’re going with that, but yeah…….no……
Zach Thomas on the other hand…he’d be 100% in.
November 24th, 2008 at 3:06 pm
I want to rip Lynch for his commentatin’ on the Vikes game, but he was actually, you know… not bad.
November 24th, 2008 at 3:11 pm
Dallas fans have an oral-vacuum-lockdown on Zach’s cock…no way he’s getting out of the Metroplex without dismemberment!
The dick jokes just write themselves!
November 24th, 2008 at 3:11 pm
Lynch is the Wes Welkahhh of commentating, he’s scrappy and underrated in the studio!
November 24th, 2008 at 3:12 pm
I imagine Pats fans would love Joe Jurevicius.
November 24th, 2008 at 3:20 pm
Shane Conlan has Patriot written all over him.
November 24th, 2008 at 3:21 pm
THIS JUST IN:
Patriots sign Mike Alstott in retrospect.
All eyes on Keith Brooking.
November 24th, 2008 at 3:22 pm
Oh look at Julio (assuming that’s your real name) trying to start a PoFlaWa.
Maybe you should eat your sour grapes with a side order of crow. I hear it’s in season this time of year.
November 24th, 2008 at 3:27 pm
Cal Castrate, little known punter on the Panthers practice squad could surely sell Jerseys in NE!
November 24th, 2008 at 3:53 pm
Castrate? NE? I vote YES!
November 24th, 2008 at 3:54 pm
As a Pats fan, I nominate Brian Leonard. Holy fuck, a Leonard/Heath Evans backfield would give me a perma-boner.
November 24th, 2008 at 4:24 pm
I wouldn’t count out Chief’s 3rd string TE Bradley Chokemywife.
November 24th, 2008 at 4:28 pm
I’ll save everyone the time and effort – every white non-kicker in the NFL would be a Pats fan favorite. Because they’re racists.
I’m ready to move on to another Boston stereotype – how about all Boston sports fans are coprophiliacs?
November 24th, 2008 at 4:30 pm
Hey Ape, is Roethlisberger a Jew name?
Yoaah comin in he-ah with a goddam retahhded jew qback and a dahkie coach? No friggin way ahhh you winnin.
November 24th, 2008 at 4:48 pm
How fucked up would it be if the Pats kept signing washed up white players for the preseason just so they could sell their jerseys for boatloads of cash? It’s marketing 101 people: know your customers.
November 24th, 2008 at 5:16 pm
The best selling jersey in Patriots history would be Kerry “I hate the dahkies as much the Pats fans” Collins. BAR NONE!
He doesn’t even have to be on the team, just make a #5 jersey with Collins on the back. Sold out in 20 minutes. Throw in a free pack of Skoal and they’d sell out in 5 minutes.
November 24th, 2008 at 7:26 pm
But they can’t be racists – they voted for Obama!
/hasalreadyheardthisexcusetwice
November 24th, 2008 at 7:42 pm
You want to give every Patriot fan a coolective orgasm? What, you say you are disgusted by the very notion of giving those racist, foul-mouthed douchebags an iota of pleasure? Well, too bad, I’m doing it anyway:
Jason Sehorn.
November 24th, 2008 at 8:24 pm
Two Words: Jacob Hester or if they wait awhile Sam McGuffie!
November 25th, 2008 at 2:52 am
When Tawwmmy Brady can’t come back I expect Commissionah Godell to immediately move Matt Ryan to the pats.
November 25th, 2008 at 8:34 am
Sehorn’s a pretty boy. That offsets his whiteness and upsets Boston fans. Brady’s the exception.
November 25th, 2008 at 8:45 am
I heart John Lynch, and had wish he would never have cut the fawking bastaaahd. But Rodney harrison is still my favorite Dahkie.