The Redskins Are Riding the Rag Courtesy of ESPN980, the Official Radio Station of Dan Snyder
Earlier today Vinny “Blinky” Cerrato made one of his twice-weekly appearances on Danny Snyder’s ESPN 980, the official station of the Washington Redskins. He some time out to chat with the fans and announced some exciting plans to rip off Pittsburgh’s beloved Terrible Towels. You know, the brightly colored hand towels that Steelers fans have utilized for thirty years.
Yeah, in a move startling both for its timeliness and its originality, 50,000 burgundy ESPN980 towels will be handed out on Sunday night, 50,000 apparently being the estimated number of Redskins fans who will be on hand.
“I can’t get tickets,” one caller said Inside the Red Zone today.
“Everybody else could,” Vinny Cerrato replied. “All the Pittsburgh people could. You must have been calling the wrong people….We’re going to have nice towels so we won’t have the yellow Pittsburgh towels in the stadium. We’re going to have burgundy Redskins towels.
Yeah, asshole, why can’t you spend one of your precious bi-weekly paycheck to take in one of the worst stadium experiences in the NFL?! Don’t you know how badly we need the support of you fans? We thought we made that clear when we bled every cent out of your pocket over the last decade. Hell, we’re even throwing in FREE RAGS!
That’s right, after last week’s embarrassment against the Steelers we’ve determined that the best possible way to keep out rival fans is by handing out poorly made rags. Why if it weren’t for this mind-numbingly brilliant marketing ploy our beloved town of Raljon might be overrun every week! Did you see how cool all of those yellow towels looked? Just try to picture 50,000 burgundy rags flapping away!
Seriously Vinny, these weak-ass rags are going to look like one of your week-old maxipads. But hey, at least you’ve figured out a way to drown out all the Terrible Towels that will surely be waving when we play…Dallas. That sir, is why you are the VP of Player personnel, and why everyone hates you so much. Seriously though, good work on the radio show and cross-branding. But maybe, just maybe, you could fit in some actual player personnel work in between snarky comments about Jason La Canfora and all of your creepy cackling duties.
That fucking putz.
Oh yeah, one other thing from the show. A caller asked a question about USC’s star linebacker, and surefire top-ten pick, Rey Maualuga and our beloved personnel director couldn’t even manage to say the guys fucking name. But hey, don’t blame Vinny, because as he says, Rey (somethingorother) will likely be off the board before the Redskins pick. And as Vinny is surely aware, the Redskins have never been known to trade up in the draft. Thank god this guy is in charge.
Redskins to Copy Terrible Towels
Tags: Doc Walker probably thinks this is a brilliant idea, ESPN 980 is ruining everything, Homerism, rants, Unsilent Majority, Vinny Cerrato blows goats
November 10th, 2008 at 3:09 pm
You know some dummy Skins fan (not me) will go on Ebay and bid 50 bucks for one of these things.
November 10th, 2008 at 3:15 pm
You’ll be singing a different tune when Vinny rallies the crowd by raising the 12th Man flag
November 10th, 2008 at 3:17 pm
I’ve already had a couple of these burgundy Redskins towels for years. They’re on a rack in the downstairs bathroom (by the fancy soaps), but I’m not allowed to use them. They’re for guests.
November 10th, 2008 at 3:17 pm
Ken you believe it? Der gevin’ away free towels at the geem!
November 10th, 2008 at 3:22 pm
Can’t wait for Somethingorother to run into Rongrastname!
November 10th, 2008 at 3:23 pm
This week: Rally Rags
Next week: The Hawg Pound!
November 10th, 2008 at 3:24 pm
Fuck the Terrible Towel, we got the Crimson Cum Rag
November 10th, 2008 at 3:24 pm
Unsilent goes bitter on his team. How much did Ape win off you last week?
November 10th, 2008 at 3:25 pm
Ken you believe it? Der gevin’ away free towels at the geem!
That made me think of Ken Beatrice. Which made me think of Arby’s. Which made me think of violent diarrhea. Which made me think of Ken Beatrice.
November 10th, 2008 at 3:28 pm
Tomahawk chop not good enough for yas?
November 10th, 2008 at 3:28 pm
they’ll be giving away burgundy cowboy hats at the giants game
November 10th, 2008 at 3:32 pm
Unsilent goes bitter on his team.
I’m not going bitter on my team, I just hate the front office, same as always.
November 10th, 2008 at 3:38 pm
Everybody hates the Redskins’ front office.
November 10th, 2008 at 3:46 pm
To save money on dye, Danny Boy will deep them in the blood of the Burmese orphans who made them.
November 10th, 2008 at 3:50 pm
This week: Ape adds his own edits to my comment on the last post.
Next week: I genuflect at Ape’s feet.
November 10th, 2008 at 3:53 pm
Towel Power goes better with hockey anyway.
November 10th, 2008 at 3:59 pm
Ape totally just pulled smurphette’s hair.
November 10th, 2008 at 4:01 pm
Dude, Drew. Go a little bit easier with the towel. You’re breaking skin.
November 10th, 2008 at 4:03 pm
This is probably still better then if they handed out some of Drew’s shower towels.
November 10th, 2008 at 4:03 pm
@289: Damnit.
November 10th, 2008 at 4:04 pm
Seriously, are you 12?
November 10th, 2008 at 4:19 pm
Rag was attacked maliciously and unprovoked by a gang of babies in West Town Park. When that many babies get together they can be like piranha. Three eyewitnesses testified that if Rag hadn’t killed those babies, they’d have killed him!
Free Rag! Free Rag! Free Rag!
November 10th, 2008 at 4:22 pm
I’m 12 when I watch football.
November 10th, 2008 at 4:30 pm
I’m 12 when I’m luring 12 year-old girls in chat rooms
/KIDDING!
November 10th, 2008 at 4:31 pm
Unsilent Majority is it? Take a seat.
November 10th, 2008 at 4:38 pm
“No No… I was worried some other sexual deviant might be coming over… I’m just here to protect her. What condoms and beer? Oh those… no, that’s just… for me?” – UM
November 10th, 2008 at 4:38 pm
Chris Hanson is it? Get fucked by a horse.
November 10th, 2008 at 4:50 pm
Those towels are kinda scratchy!
November 10th, 2008 at 5:06 pm
Ken Beatrice, what is this 1990?
//Listened to his show almost daily
November 10th, 2008 at 5:44 pm
That made me think of Ken Beatrice.
Made me think of Beatirx Kiddo.
November 10th, 2008 at 5:44 pm
Will they be handing out six-shooters for the Cowboys geem? If so, then that will be a serious downgrade for all the Sig Sauer totin’ Redskins fans that come out e’ry Sundee.
Maybe they’ll shoot out Snyder’s luxury box.
November 10th, 2008 at 5:59 pm
Stiller fans don’t need no guns. Just give us a towel to soak up da blood and us are fine.
November 10th, 2008 at 6:03 pm
Did they get Elisha to bleed all over that rag?
November 10th, 2008 at 7:22 pm
@ OzoneRanger: It’s a dead zone…. +1
November 10th, 2008 at 8:07 pm
Who cares? Myron Cope admitted he ripped the Dolphins off in ‘72 with that towel waving shit anyway.
November 10th, 2008 at 11:02 pm
that pic looks like one of Rosie O’Donnell’s tampons
November 10th, 2008 at 11:13 pm
that pic looks like one of Rosie O’Donnell’s tampons
that was the best i could do without doing a flickr search for just that.
November 11th, 2008 at 12:31 am
Come on LDS, at least give us something we can call fucking original. This is just as embarressing as having 10,000 Pitt fans in our house.
November 11th, 2008 at 9:03 am
If you’re going to copy other team’s gimicks, why not copy the recent Patriots/Steelers/Colts/Giants silly gimick called “putting a quality team on the field and not only winning a playoff game, but the Super Bowl.”
Now that’s somethng I think we can all agree is something you should steal from other teams.
November 12th, 2008 at 4:59 pm
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