The Giants are 10-1 right now and look to be the best team in the NFL. No matter your rooting inclinations, it’s hard to deny that the Giants are talented, versatile, and well-coached. Well, we at KSK will not stand by and watch as one team plays the game the way it should be played. Oh sure. The Giants were cute last year. But they were supposed to spend the majority of 2008 cratering back to Earth, missing the playoffs in the wake of horrific injuries and wildly inaccurate Eli Manning passes.

Instead, they’ve decided to continue being good. And that just won’t do. I don’t know about you, but I fucking hate it when some asshole NFL team that isn’t the one I root for decides to play good football for very long stretches. You had your moment in the spotlight, Giant fans. Spread the goddamn wealth, you glory hogs! Giant fans, your team is no longer the feisty little underdog. It’s now a fire-breathing colossus everyone expects to win. Therefore, it is time for all of us to give Giant fans their long-awaited heel turn. I hated the Pats. I hated the 90′s Cowboys. I hated the 80′s 49ers. And now, I hate YOU.

Because if my team can’t win jack shit (and they can’t), they I don’t want you enjoying your team’s success. Fuck you, Giant fans. You iceball-throwing, chest-painting, mouth-breathing pizza slice folders. Die.

Now we’ve had our fun fans of other teams here at KSK. And, since we are now tragically bereft of the weekly musings of Carl Brutananadilewski, it’s up to us to create the perfect mocking stereotype of Giant fans. But where would we begin? Well, I think it’s obvious that our perfect asshole Giants fan would need to be wearing a Shockey jersey…

Bavaro will also do in a pinch. Now, of course, our Giants fan must have a great deal of civic pride…

“NEW YORK CITY IS THE FUCKING GREATEST CITY IN THE WORLD, YOU FUCKING COCKSUCKERS!”

…despite never actually having lived in any of the five boroughs…

“Rockaway, New Jersey, born and bred! MORRIS KNOLLS HIGH SCHOOL FUCKING RULES!”

…and he, of course, should always act more Italian than he actually is…

“My fucking uncle’s stepcousin is fucking Sicilian. These are my fucking people, you prick. You fuck with them, you fuck with me. Hey, who do I gotta blow to get some gabbagool around here, am I right?”

…Now that I think about it, he should probably just say “am I right?” at the end of every sentence…

“Look at that tits on that broad, am I right? I’d put my proshoot in that hoagie roll, am I right? Tell you what, I’d let that broad suck my dick ALL DAY LONG, AM I RIGHT?”

…And swear to God often…

“SWEAR TO FUCKING GOD, the girl’s mom also gave me head. SWEAR TO GOD.”

…Oh, and he should be misogynistic. I mean, just repellently misogynistic…

“So I’m fucking this broad the other night, right? And get this: She wants me to eat her pussy. And I say to her, uh excuse me. But maybe if your drain didn’t smell like a dog’s open mouth, maybe I’d consider it. Then I hit her in the face with my cordless phone. She’s gotta play by the rules, AM I RIGHT?”

…Yes, yes that’s it. He should always be demanding that you think he’s right…

“The Giants are the fucking best team in the league. AM I RIGHT, FUCKO?!”

…and he should always state obvious facts as if they are amazing observations he is kind enough to bestow upon you, and dare you to disagree with him in a very menacing fashion…

“All’s I’m sayin’ is that the Giants have a fucking great running game. SWEAR TO GOD. YOU WANNA FUCKING TELL ME THEY DON’T?!”

…He should probably quote Bronx Tale or Goodfellas whenever he can…

“IT WAS RESPECT!”

…And he should really hate Puerto Ricans…

“SPEAK FUCKING ENGLISH! Jesus. You believe these spics?”

…And liberally use the n-word without shame…

“Sure, Plaxico Burress is a great deep threat. But he plays like a n—-r, am I right?”

…He should probably be drunk…

“Dude, I’ve already had, like thirty fucking beers. And it isn’t even noon. How many beers have you had? Ten? You’re a fucking faggot. This guy’s a fag, am I right?”

…And belligerent…

“DRINK THAT FUCKING BEER, OR I WILL KICK YOUR WIFE IN THE FUCKING CUNT. I DON’T WANT ANY FUCKING FAGGOTS AT THIS TAILGATE. You don’t drink that beer, I will fucking slit your mother’s throat while your dad watches, I FUCKING SWEAR THIS TO YOU.”

…Of course, he should be fat. And a cop…

“Good morning, Mr. Magary. I’m calling from the Policeman’s Benevolent Association. And we’re holding our 35th annual holiday party this year. We were wondering if you could contribute over the phone, because we’d like to have a fucking ice luge at the party this year.”

…And he should only root for the Giants as a winter-time diversion from his real passion: obsessing over the Yankees and calling into the WFAN to propose trades…

“Mike, why isn’t Cashman going harder after fucking Liriano? THAT’S THE RIGHT MOVE, AM I RIGHT?!”

…He should look down on the Jets, despite the fact that they play in the same stadium and have equally trashy fans…

“The Jets? They’re not a real fucking team.”

…Oh, and he’s gotta love the Boss, and Bon Jovi…

“We’re livin’ on love! They say we’re we’re living in sin! O-OOOOO WHOAAAAA WHOAAAAA!!!!”

…Finally, he should have a trashy-looking, overly bossy girlfriend who has a terrible French manicure, thinks she much better looking than she actually is, and is somehow even more loud and obnoxious than her man…

“YOU GUYS DRINKING AS MUCH AS I AM?! GO HARD OR GO HOME! GOD, KEVIN BOSS IS SO FUCKING HOT! I’D LET HIM STICK A FLASHLIGHT IN MY ASS! WE’RE GOING TO THE ‘SQUAN THIS SUMMER! GOOOOO GIANTS!”

Yup, I think that should do it. But your suggestions are also welcome for our new creation. Any pictures of our potential asshole Giants fan stereotype in would also be appreciated. Let’s call him ASSHOLE IN A SHOCKEY JERSEY for now. That should work. Oh, and fuck the Giants in the goat ass.