The Giants are 10-1 right now and look to be the best team in the NFL. No matter your rooting inclinations, it’s hard to deny that the Giants are talented, versatile, and well-coached. Well, we at KSK will not stand by and watch as one team plays the game the way it should be played. Oh sure. The Giants were cute last year. But they were supposed to spend the majority of 2008 cratering back to Earth, missing the playoffs in the wake of horrific injuries and wildly inaccurate Eli Manning passes.
Instead, they’ve decided to continue being good. And that just won’t do. I don’t know about you, but I fucking hate it when some asshole NFL team that isn’t the one I root for decides to play good football for very long stretches. You had your moment in the spotlight, Giant fans. Spread the goddamn wealth, you glory hogs! Giant fans, your team is no longer the feisty little underdog. It’s now a fire-breathing colossus everyone expects to win. Therefore, it is time for all of us to give Giant fans their long-awaited heel turn. I hated the Pats. I hated the 90′s Cowboys. I hated the 80′s 49ers. And now, I hate YOU.
Because if my team can’t win jack shit (and they can’t), they I don’t want you enjoying your team’s success. Fuck you, Giant fans. You iceball-throwing, chest-painting, mouth-breathing pizza slice folders. Die.
Now we’ve had our fun fans of other teams here at KSK. And, since we are now tragically bereft of the weekly musings of Carl Brutananadilewski, it’s up to us to create the perfect mocking stereotype of Giant fans. But where would we begin? Well, I think it’s obvious that our perfect asshole Giants fan would need to be wearing a Shockey jersey…
Bavaro will also do in a pinch. Now, of course, our Giants fan must have a great deal of civic pride…
“NEW YORK CITY IS THE FUCKING GREATEST CITY IN THE WORLD, YOU FUCKING COCKSUCKERS!”
…despite never actually having lived in any of the five boroughs…
“Rockaway, New Jersey, born and bred! MORRIS KNOLLS HIGH SCHOOL FUCKING RULES!”
…and he, of course, should always act more Italian than he actually is…
“My fucking uncle’s stepcousin is fucking Sicilian. These are my fucking people, you prick. You fuck with them, you fuck with me. Hey, who do I gotta blow to get some gabbagool around here, am I right?”
…Now that I think about it, he should probably just say “am I right?” at the end of every sentence…
“Look at that tits on that broad, am I right? I’d put my proshoot in that hoagie roll, am I right? Tell you what, I’d let that broad suck my dick ALL DAY LONG, AM I RIGHT?”
…And swear to God often…
“SWEAR TO FUCKING GOD, the girl’s mom also gave me head. SWEAR TO GOD.”
…Oh, and he should be misogynistic. I mean, just repellently misogynistic…
“So I’m fucking this broad the other night, right? And get this: She wants me to eat her pussy. And I say to her, uh excuse me. But maybe if your drain didn’t smell like a dog’s open mouth, maybe I’d consider it. Then I hit her in the face with my cordless phone. She’s gotta play by the rules, AM I RIGHT?”
…Yes, yes that’s it. He should always be demanding that you think he’s right…
“The Giants are the fucking best team in the league. AM I RIGHT, FUCKO?!”
…and he should always state obvious facts as if they are amazing observations he is kind enough to bestow upon you, and dare you to disagree with him in a very menacing fashion…
“All’s I’m sayin’ is that the Giants have a fucking great running game. SWEAR TO GOD. YOU WANNA FUCKING TELL ME THEY DON’T?!”
…He should probably quote Bronx Tale or Goodfellas whenever he can…
“IT WAS RESPECT!”
…And he should really hate Puerto Ricans…
“SPEAK FUCKING ENGLISH! Jesus. You believe these spics?”
…And liberally use the n-word without shame…
“Sure, Plaxico Burress is a great deep threat. But he plays like a n—-r, am I right?”
…He should probably be drunk…
“Dude, I’ve already had, like thirty fucking beers. And it isn’t even noon. How many beers have you had? Ten? You’re a fucking faggot. This guy’s a fag, am I right?”
…And belligerent…
“DRINK THAT FUCKING BEER, OR I WILL KICK YOUR WIFE IN THE FUCKING CUNT. I DON’T WANT ANY FUCKING FAGGOTS AT THIS TAILGATE. You don’t drink that beer, I will fucking slit your mother’s throat while your dad watches, I FUCKING SWEAR THIS TO YOU.”
…Of course, he should be fat. And a cop…
“Good morning, Mr. Magary. I’m calling from the Policeman’s Benevolent Association. And we’re holding our 35th annual holiday party this year. We were wondering if you could contribute over the phone, because we’d like to have a fucking ice luge at the party this year.”
…And he should only root for the Giants as a winter-time diversion from his real passion: obsessing over the Yankees and calling into the WFAN to propose trades…
“Mike, why isn’t Cashman going harder after fucking Liriano? THAT’S THE RIGHT MOVE, AM I RIGHT?!”
…He should look down on the Jets, despite the fact that they play in the same stadium and have equally trashy fans…
“The Jets? They’re not a real fucking team.”
…Oh, and he’s gotta love the Boss, and Bon Jovi…
“We’re livin’ on love! They say we’re we’re living in sin! O-OOOOO WHOAAAAA WHOAAAAA!!!!”
…Finally, he should have a trashy-looking, overly bossy girlfriend who has a terrible French manicure, thinks she much better looking than she actually is, and is somehow even more loud and obnoxious than her man…
“YOU GUYS DRINKING AS MUCH AS I AM?! GO HARD OR GO HOME! GOD, KEVIN BOSS IS SO FUCKING HOT! I’D LET HIM STICK A FLASHLIGHT IN MY ASS! WE’RE GOING TO THE ‘SQUAN THIS SUMMER! GOOOOO GIANTS!”
Yup, I think that should do it. But your suggestions are also welcome for our new creation. Any pictures of our potential asshole Giants fan stereotype in would also be appreciated. Let’s call him ASSHOLE IN A SHOCKEY JERSEY for now. That should work. Oh, and fuck the Giants in the goat ass.
![[avatar]](http://p.uproxxcdn.com/global/images/default-avatar.jpg){kind=avatar}
![[image]](http://cdn.ksk.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2012/02/suvmass-150x150.png)
![[image]](http://cdn.ksk.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2012/02/Newt-Gingrich-Releases-2010-Tax-Return1-150x150.jpg)
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Just got back from the Mecca of North Jersey civilization, the Willowbrook Mall. Its 30 degrees with freezing rain today and this jackass is walking around in blue Giants shorts and a faux Giants leather jacket. The outfit was completed with some type of Giants bandana/headband/earwarmer type thing on his head. But he F’ing loves his team, amiright.
HIGH-larious.
True Story. Last night I go home for thanksgiving and all my high school friends end up in Seaside. I’m standing on line for the bathroom and the guy behind me- who had both a dress shirt w. a popped collar and a blowout haircut- goes “hey, bro you done wit’ dat’ beeh’? I gotta take a piss an’ I don’t wanna wait on dis, line, am I right?” I stared blankly. Thinking that I was offended, instead of confused, he tried to smooth over the situation. After a pause he looks at me and goes “Tell ya wat, bro- after i piss in ‘at bottle, i’ll pour it out an’ you can piss too”. I turned around without another word. I wound up in a stall and when I came out a girl (who snuck in) bumps into me. I look at her and say in my best north jersey accent “ehhhh, ohhh… ehhhhh” I turn around and that idiot from the line is looking right at me. He smile and goes “am I right, bro? ehhhhh, ohhhhhhh, ehhhhhhhh”. I hate new jersey.
Giants fans work out in red and blue Zubaz pants, AM I RIGHT!
@ Mah Turkey, you’re right: alcohol was involved. Islanders, Devils, who the fuck cares? It’s *hockey*.
@ Satan’s: you’re the fucktard if you couldn’t follow the point. It sounds like you live on Long Island, which is actually more pathetic than living in New Jersey. If such a thing is possible.
Look, it’s simple: can someone explain why they’re called the New York Giants and New York Jets when they play in New Jersey? Especially when the other teams that play in the same complex call themselves the New Jersey Nets and the New Jersey (wait for it) Devils (sober now, thanks, at least for another hour or so).
One whole theme in this thread is the pathetic guidos who live in Jersey but claim to be “New Yorkers.” I guess the same is true of their favorite teams.
What the fuck is a HOOGIE ??????????
sounds like something your mudda shot out of her filthy SHIT HOLE!
Fuckin Philly, YOU CALL DAT A CITY I call it he land of finyocki!!!!!!!! (QUEERS)
FUCK YOUS ALL . and die today ,you malignant ass douches you !!!!
Your teams SUCK HAIRY DONKEY BALLS, all adem….
HAPPY THANKSGIVING
DA GIANTS ? OOFA. FOGETTABOUT
@Peyton’s Retarded Little Brother
God bless you son. You’re doing a service to the Lord. How come Jersey only claims the Devils (my favorite NHL team, yo get me a beer while yer up, bitch) as their own?
That ain’t right.
Jets and the fuckin Giants play in fuckin Jersey! Fix Yo Facts!
Sorry about your Isles comment. I’m sure that demon alcohol was involved.
@ Da Favre’s
Yeah, right?
@Peyton’s Retarded Little Brother
The Islanders play on Long Island, fucktard. God fucking damn, you’re stupid.
This team practices in New Jersey, plays in New Jersey, and sucks a great deal of dick in New Jersey. Furthermore, they share a sports complex with the New Jersey Jets and the New Jersey Islanders.
Can anyone explain to me why the FUCK they are called the New “York” Giants?
Go fuck yourselves, all of you.
redlight greenlight, you just highlighted 75% of my Thanksgiving weekend activities.
-gets information from and has met Peter King
-uses fucking as placeholder “We was at fuckin’, ah, fuckin’, fuckin White Castle”
-regardless of age, likely has a Don Mattingly jersey or at very least signed Mizuno glove
-when drunk, alternates bar custom between picking fights with puerto ricans and jamming quarters into jukebox to play Piano Man four times
-hates the Eagles. Hates the Eagles with the passion of a thousand suns.
-Loves Jeter. Loves Jeter more than life itself.
-argues for Simms’ HOF induction credentials
-constantly reminds you that this is not LA, this is New York
@ BadLiberal – true, true, true…and hey you never know, I am on the lookout for the next Mr. Nikki.
Grew up outside of Dallas, have lived in LA for almost two years and hate the Eagles so much I will never draft one of their players in fantasy football and don’t wear green on Sundays.
@Nikki
Okay, so let me get this straight. You live in California, root for the Cowboys and have a passionate hatred for Philly.
Will you marry me?
So this post all comes back around to hating the Pats fans because they are assholes? That’s something I can get behind. Good job sir.
Hmmmm….
Just insert
“Patriots” in place of “Giants”
“Boston” in place of “New York”
“Irish” in place of “Italian”
“IRA” in place of “Sicilian”
Quoting the “the Departed” or even more troubling, “Fever Pitch” in place of quoting “Bronx Tale” and “Good Fellas”
“Everett, Medford, Saugus, Malden, Lynn, New Hampshire, or Rhode Island” in place of New Jersey
“Fuckin A” instead of “Am I right”
“Wicked pissah” in place of “Swear to fucking god”
“Obsessing over the Red Sox and calling into EEI to propose trades” in place of “obsessing over the Yankees…”
“gotta love the Dropkick Murphys” for “gotta love the Boss and Bon Jovi”
No need to replace:
the rampant racism and misogyny that pervades Greater Boston;
drunk, fat, and belligerent (and probably wearing a Bruschi or Vrabel jersey);
hatred of the Jets;
trashy girlfriend (likely wearing a pink Brady jersey);
What are you left with?
A very apt description on the front running (how many Pats fans followed the team under Macpherson or Rod Rust), masshole Pats fans.
F youz awl.
Have a nice day.
@ GoesTo11 – true story about Venice. And the guy wouldn’t insult my football team in the process, which is much worse than any name he could call me.
What is funny about this entire post and discussion? Earlier this year, in off season, I dated an Eagles fan from New Jersey. That didn’t last…for SO many reasons. But we still bitch at one another.
@ sunshiney – “Especially since before last year no one really even talked about the Giants unless they were being pitied or laughed at..even the fans…but NOW the fans have turned into the most overly cocky bunch of assholes ever to walk the earth.”
Amen. If you hadn’t said that, I would’ve sworn God did.
—
I just realized I put 2007 in my original comment. Apparently I’m trying to force the Giants Super Bowl further in the past so I can try to forget about it.
Everything is perfect, ‘cept for one thing.. You guys are all describing Jets fans
Typical Giants fan is around 50 years old, been watching football forever, is past the point of getting overly excited about anything and absolutely hates the Jets. Plus they don’t tailgate, they sit in their cars and have a turkey sandwich picked up at the deli before the game, then head inside with a pair of gloves, hat and scarf and leave before the start of the 4th quarter to beat the traffic.
I can’t NOT comment on this one. Especially since before last year no one really even talked about the Giants unless they were being pitied or laughed at..even the fans…but NOW the fans have turned into the most overly cocky bunch of assholes ever to walk the earth.
See below from a giants fan that could not HELP to comment on an ESPN article about the TITANS.! The article didn’t even mention the Giants at all. What a bunch of crap. Ofcourse those NY Giants fans can’t resist to open their big dumb all of a sudden our team is the best mouths:
KazeNino (Mon Nov 17 15:47:23 EST 2008)
Who have the TITANS beaten? Lets see – JAGUARS, BENGALS, TEXANS, CHIEFS have losing records. Thats 5 of their wins because they faced the JAGUARS twice. BEARS, PACKERS, VIKINGS are .500 teams. Thats 8 of the “ALMIGHTY” TITANS 10 wins. leaving you with a mediocre COLTS and the RAVENS. Once again, who have the TITANS beaten? ANSWER…….. 1 GOOD TEAM. And if memory serves me right the Giants BEAT the top 2 defenses in the NFL.. The STEELERS were number one on defense going in when the GIANTS faced them…..The RAVENS were number one on defense going in when the GIANTS faced them. For now the Giants have beat the CARDINALS (7-3), beat the redskins (6-4), beat the EAGLES, beat the COWBOYS (6-4) and its not the GIANTS fault the COWBOYS had injuries and that their defense gave up and packed it in. Thats 5 teams with winning records to their 2. Half of the teams remaining have losing records for the TITANS. You all know who has the MOST difficult schedule remaining in the NFL. So having the best record when discussing the top teams doesnt mean the team with the best record is the best. O one last thing… The GIANTS had Kerry Collins before lol… Good luck to the TITANS having him run your offense in the playoffs.. CHOKE.. He’s not with the GIANTS for a reason…GIANTS ARE THE BEST
Wow. Really Kaze? Nino? Whatever the fuck your name is? That’s awesome. Let’s look at the Giants fucking schedule. Not that much different!
this guy…this is the guy right here…
http://media.lvrj.com/images/2422714.jpg
Yeah this dude gets my vote.
As a 40 yr old lifelong Giants fan and proud non-stereotypical 3rd Generation Italian-American, I can honestly say you’re pretty much describing Jets fans to a tee.
Fuck the Jets.
it virtually guaranteed that I will hear about the ‘72 Dolphins for the rest of my fucking life
Would you have rather heard about the fucking ’08 Patriots the rest of your fucking life? At least those Dolphins will be dead in 10-20 years.
However, in 2068 you’d still have heard fucking tawwwmy yelling about The Greatest Team Evarrrr!!
Thank you Giants.
Pizza in Brooklyn sucks fucking cock. No bullshit.
Must involve in some way shape or form the John Travolta guido trilogy of Saturday Night Fever, Welcome Back Kotter and Staying Alive.
And yes, Pats fans can still be insufferable especially when they blog: http://reggieroby.blogspot.com/2008/11/just-end-season-2-electric-boogaloo.html
May have been mentioned already, but when this guy meets
[door flies open]
WHAT THA FAWK !
Tommy from QUinzee….
The interwebz will explodez.
100% italain born & bred New yorker. Yankee & Giants fan. Everyone knows the best pizza is in Brooklyn, not some dopey chain of “rays” thats all over midtown. Fuuggehedabboutit!!!!
Ha, I knew this day would come, and I was hoping it was soon. And now we need NYC/NJ’s answer to Tawmmy from Quinzee. I am happy to say as a Westchesterite, I only fit a few of these stereotypes, which would not make them stereotypes I guess…
/Still waiting for the inevitable 4 INT game from Eli, hope I’m wrong
100% Italian and family on the North Shore in Long Island. Giants fan douchebag central. I’m think I’m actually better off having grown up in Buffalo.
/No gold jewelry
Ooh, Trish, from fancy Colts Neck.
Manasquan is a hole – don’t go there. Please. You’ll make it worse.
Central Jersey (former) resident here.
Guy’s name should be Anthony pronounced ANT-NEE.
Should drive a used Lexus or late edition Firebird.
Should be from East Brunswick or Manalapan.
Should be a peacock (works out the arms but has legs like a chicken)
Should have spiky hair and gold chains.
Must groom to excess.
Obsessively talks about going down the shore where he can bang any chick he wants
The Bar-A references are great, but Seaside is where this guy goes, am I right?
Talks about and gambles in Atlantic city “AC” constantly.
Goes to strip clubs like Delilahs or Bourbon Street and says that one of the strippers is his gf.
Gambling on the ponies before the game? What?
says ‘friggin’ a lot.
With the seat licenses at the new stadium only corporate guys wearing $500 loafers, paid for by financial industry bailouts, will be able to sit in the corporate owned seats (the only kind of seats allowed). You want NY annoying? How about Joe Benigno on WFAN ending EVERY question in an interview with “… how about that?” Fucking horrible.
Late to the party as well, but the Central Jersey stereotypes are WAY off. Being a native of the place (Colts Neck to be exact–no, my family isn’t rich, Dad was just smart enough to buy our house before it was overrun by the yups and when he sold the house that was his retirement fund) I can tell you that the guidos and bennies are from NORTH Jersey, Staten Island or Long Island. If they say they’re from Freehold or Red Bank ask them if they were born there. Chances are they’ll say no. Once North Jersey started getting packed people began making their way south, bringing their annoying accents and bad fashion sense with them. In fact most people are surprised I’m from New Jersey since I have no accent and tame hair. If I had a dollar for every time I told someone I was from NJ and they immediately responded “Oh! JOISEY!” I could buy the friggin’ G-Men.
I think the d-bag in question would have a screen name like “12-Pack-Abs” (am i right?!?!)
I have never been so happy to be a leftcoaster!
Oh yeah, and Fuck the Yankee’s and Patriots!!!
http://photos-h.ak.fbcdn.net/photos-ak-sf2p/v192/92/40/6111720/n6111720_32771799_2794.jpg
settled?
another thing, giants fans are never giant fans, they are fans of “big blue” or the “g-men”
faggots.
Anyone else think Tony Kornheiser needs to get rid of that comb over?
http://www.tonycutyourhair.com
Apparently I’m not the only one.
This douchebag is from Saddle River, and he’s not Italian, he’s jewish but is a wannabe guido. Otherwise, everything else is perfect.
O.K. Guys, guys? I fuckin got it. His name is Sal, but we normally call him Sally. “Yo Sally! get me a beer while yer up, bitch!”. I still like Red Bank as his hometown. His father owns a collision repair shop in Wall and they have season tickets. Sally gets to see about 2 of those, usually mid season, games each fuckin year. He has no “umm” or “like” during his momentary pauses to recollect his train of thought, he instead speaks thusly:
- Sal- “Fuck, Mikey..Did you see that hit by Bradshaw?”
“Fuckin…like that was a serious fuckin hit and shit”.
“Fuckin brutal and shit”
“Am I right?”
-Mikey- “Yeah, right?”
- Sal- “Fuckin A I’m right!”
What you know about the Squan?
Start with Carl from ATHF. Include random Yankees commentary for added effect. Embellish where necessary. Rinse. Repeat.
Tawmmy from Quinzee, meet your foil.
Not enough pessimism and anxious self-assured moments of muttering, “It’s going to end soon…this can’t be happening, we CAN’T be this good…we’re going to have a repeat of the 2003 Wild Cards, I know it, I KNOW IT…!”
Also, repeated condemnations of Eli and Tom Coughlin at the slightest mistake, with more assurances that we should’ve gone with someone else like Rivers or Roethlisberger.
Also don’t forget, this guy has to go for cheeseballs to satiate their hunger:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cpfa333iIks
after a night of Jersey fist pumping:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZK5tdAo2YJI&feature=related
On that note, salud and Happy Pranksgiving!!
/fuck I still have to go to work tomorrow
@OCFC, okay I agree with you that Essex County (Little Falls, the Caldwells, and like you said Bloomfield) is pretty bad. Sadly, Hudson County shelters me from these jokesters (unless I somehow end up in Green Rock or any other bar within walking distance to the Hoboken train station)
/arbitrarily picked 150 because it sounds good and is north
//Google maps reveals it’s in Bloomfield, which is damn near perfect, since its smack dab in the middle of Essex county, aka where all the Italians live.
Trust me, this guy is not from Hempstead, unless he’s a dahhkie. Though guido torpedo will do everything in his power to act like one, from blasting rap out of his car to rocking his boxers to wearing his hat sideways or backwards. In other words, he’s straight out of 1993. As for the gold chain, there are a few must haves: thick rope chain, an Italian horn (“for good luck you mook”), and either a cross or the cross/anchor hybrid. What the fuck is that anyway?
Being an ex-New Yorker, the loyalty lines are usually Giants/Yankees and Mets/Jets.
… Lawn Guyland …
@qwijbo: As much as I hate the debate of “does central jersey exist?” and fully endorse the fact that it sort of doesn’t, it pains me to admit that we may be thinking of two areas within Central Jersey. The more Middlesex-y area is a little wealthier and less trashy/annoying than what you speak of. At least less annoying in the retarded fucking guido way. I still stand by the fact that North Jersey is the most heavily guido’d out area in the state, if not the country. Also, the guido assholes in North Jersey almost take pride in being assholes and readily admit that they and everyone they associate with are assholes. All going back to the fact that Tony from Exit 150 is a North Jersey prick and damn proud of it, and he should be the stereotypical Giant fan.
/shit, that was long too
bdd, you’ve shaken my faith.
you, the man who’s posted entries wherein the occidental deities are recounted jacking off.
you, the man who’s taken to almost classic latin heights declension of the verb fuck.
you, the man who’s done more for the word cunt, as both a noun and adjective, than any man since james joyce.
with these credentials, and a newly-elected black president who appears to have an unusually thick skin, and you drop the editorial n—-r?
what the fuck, over? you’re a living testament to the power of the first amendment, but you quail before the goddam n bomb. i call bullshit.
every 4th word out of this dipshit’s mouth is gonna be some kinda racial, sexual, or cultural reference, and he’s not gonna shy away from calling a spade a fuckin shovel at any moment. and he’s sure as shit not pull no pc, pansy ass, lame ass exercise in self-censorship such as eschewing that perfect pitch, all purpose pejorative, nigger.
I know I’m a minority here, and late to the party at that, but since the Giants caused 18-1 to happen last season, I give them and their fans a year’s free pass to be complete dickwads.
@ocho cinco fan club, Bergen county is pretty bad, but central Jersey (Jackson, Sayerville, Freehold, etc.) is the worst. I’ve heard fuckers from there that have the strongest, most obnoxious “New York” accent, the kind that is not acquired, but made up, and the one that us New Jerseyans get ragged on. Not even authentic New Yorkers (city or state) have these accents. Seriously, where the fuck do they get that accent?!?! Plus Bergen County is relatively wealthy and while it does have that element (i.e. my new haircut characters) that you are speaking of, it doesn’t nearly have as much as central Jersey.
/holy shit that’s the longest rant I’ve made on this site without my requisite Simpsons quote antic.. AHH FUCK IT
wuzzle wozzle (okay that feels better)
He’s gotta be from Jersey. I would like to nominate Red Bank or Wall. His girlfriend has 2 full cans of Aquanet sprayed on her huge hair at any time and she chews gum. Constantly. From my experience of living on the Jersey Shore (about 20 years ago – Belmar) Giants fans are Mets fans and hate the Jets and Yankees. But his stated agreement with anyone has to be “Yeah, right?”
/Used to work at Bar Anticipation, South Belmar. We called it the B A.
//Moved as far away as possible when the opportunity arose. This post made me love L.A. even more.
this guy…this is the guy right here…
http://media.lvrj.com/images/2422714.jpg
or this guy…
http://cache.daylife.com/imageserve/01EZ4k12mAfCS/340x.jpg
but not this guy…
http://www.nypost.com/seven/01032008/photos/news007.jpg
“This game’s the biggest thing to hit this city since the superbowl, amiright?”
Statement I overheard while entering a bar at the Pink Taco in Glendale prior to the Giants/Cardinals game on Sunday, from two 30-year-old twin shaved-head jort-and-jersey-wearing (Eli and Shockey) Giants fans who weighed at least 450 lbs each. If only they had the motorcycles, plaid pants and cowboy hats.
@ Matt B, GoesTo11
I checked out both douchebag links and I really didn’t know whether to laugh or to vomit, so I did both. I see the West Coast Douche Bag daily, so the East Coast Douche Bag is a fascinating (and frightening) subject.
We’ve all seen the girls who associate with these douchebags, so here’s a quick question: Which is more Hate-Fuckable, the East Coast Douche Baguette or the West Coast Douche Baguette? Brassy, trashy, loud Eastern Douchebaguette for me, please.
“No matter your rooting inclinations, it’s hard to deny that the Giants are talented, versatile, and well-coached.”
No one denies this.
when I think Giants fans, I just think “Roy from Yonkers”
@GoesTo11 that site is great as well. A lot more Vegas and LA douchebags on there though. They are actually being sued by a Vegas club promoter because ever since his photo was put in their book, he gets teased wherever he goes. I say he deserves it. Douchebag.
he should say “fuhgetaboudit” all the time… like “eli couldn’t help it dat he troo dat last pick.. fuhgetaboudit”
@MattB: Here’s another…
http://www.hotchickswithdouchebags.com/
Guaranteed to make you laugh and want to slit your wrists at the same time.
@Nikki: A Philly bar in LA? You could have just gone down to Venice & had a homeless guy call you “bitch” and “c***” while rubbing up against you for three hours, and then vomit on you. Similar experience, and he probably would have done it for a fiver.
Seriously…just go to this website and take your pick http://njguido.com/. Provides hours of entertainment as well.
@ GoesTo11 – oh TRUST ME. As much as I dislike the Giants, nothing begins to compare to my hatred for the Eagles. There is a Philly bar here in LA that I avoid like the plague. I was tricked into going once and for the love of all that’s sacred, will never let it happen again.
Putting on a Shockey jersey automatically makes you an asshole.
I imagine that black wife beaters and Jaeger Bombs take up a large portion of this dude’s time.
@ Doc Holliday: Thanks. I thought it was Mannasquan, but Google didn’t give me the “Satan’s asshole” part.
@ Nikki: I’m with ya. I’m a Cowboys fan too, but I could never quite work up the sheer murderous rage toward the Gints and their idiot fans that I could toward the Iggles & Deadskins and theirs.
That was before February 3, 2008.
Now don’t get me wrong…The Patriots and Tawwmy can all suck on it. But the NFL Upset of All Time not only increased 85,000-fold the number of douchebags who claim to have been Giants fans since they emerged from the womb, it virtually guaranteed that I will hear about the ’72 Dolphins for the rest of my fucking life. Die, Giants.
BTW, I’m pretty sure Asshole in the Shockey Jersey was my roommate for about 6 months after college. If that’s a recent photo, he’s lost about 100 lbs. Good for him.
Ok I live in Montclair too and work in the City. I hate these motherfuckers as much as anyone but the truth is if you live or work in New York they’re not really a part of your world. In fact, about the only time I’m overloaded by guido sports fan rage is when I’m at Penn Station trying to get a train home, and these fake tan spike haired pricks are streaming in wearing their fucking Rangers jersies, making noise and getting in the fucking way. They also get on the subway and talk really loud like they’re trying to be real New Yorkers, and meanwhile all the *minorities* are just sitting there quietly waiting for their stop.
OK so stereotypical Giants fan’s name is Ant-Knee, he wears a lot of gold, too many open buttons on his shirt, drinks too much, drives an IROC Z-28, wears ZCavaricci pants, probably works in construction and lives in Piscataway near his MAAAAAA.
His wife’ll never leave him since he’ll probably get Vito and Mikey to bash her brains in with a tire iron and drop her off in a freshly cemented building foundation.
He looks like this or this.
Squan is a reference to Mannasquan, NJ, a town on the NJ shore, similar to Satan’s asshole.
You could just go with a character already setup : Brucie from GTA4.
“Nicky! It’s Brucie Baby! There’s nothing wrong with my balls alright! I’m doing shark steroids!”
*pounds head into wall*
God I love Brucie. He’s my favorite friend.
He should also be between 18 and 25 years old. I swear, as a college student who’s lived and died with the Jets for 10 years, it pisses me the fuck off seeing all these dipshits I grew up with suddenly claim to be huge Giant fans when they never watched more than half of a game until last year’s Super Bowl.
Why do I get the feeling this guy’s pants don’t fit him properly and he doesn’t wash his hair? Kinda want to throw up.
“…And he should only root for the Giants as a winter-time diversion from his real passion: obsessing over the Yankees and calling into the WFAN to propose trades…”
A diversion he only picked up as of February 2007. Ass hole.
I still don’t buy into them. But then again, I’m a life long Cowboys fan. Drank two bottles of wine to get through the damn Super Bowl.
I’ve really been enjoying these comments (at a safe 3,000-mile distance from NYC) and it seems two Giants fan archetypes have emerged here: The fat, slobby Carl Brutananadilewski and the the preening peacock East Coast Guido douchebag. I like the Carl type- he reminds me of my fellow NFC North fans.
Oh yeah, don’t forget the wife beater thing- that is, the shirts and the domestic violence.
He MUST be completely gay for the Giants’ front seven too.
“Can you fawking imagine how awf tha hook we’d be if we had Osi? It would be EUGE! We’d be fawking unstawppable! We could invade fawking Russia in Januwaree with our D and sack the shit outta those cawmmie feahggots…am I right?’
I’m not from anywhere near NY/NJ. Can someone fill me in on the “‘Squan” references?
as someone born and raised in NY and who moved to BAAAWston in my teens I find these stereotypes hilarious.
Fact check: Most long islanders are Jets/Mets/Islanders fans.
Trivia: there is a decent amount of Giants fans and sympathizers in the New England area because a lot of the old timers cheered for the Giants back before New England had a football franchise. So, TAAAAAWMY’s grandfather? He might just be a closet Giants fan (except when they play the Pats).
Analogy: Yankees are to Red Sox as Jets are to Patriots. I’m amazed that most Pats fans still hate the Jets more than the Giants despite the fact that the Giants handed the Pats their worst loss in franchise history.
Man, I was just thinking this site could use a Tino from Kawrny. He’s always on the prowl for that Montclair State University ass, since he’s just dripping in Axe body spray. I live in Montclair, and Giants fans are fucking out of control.
/Tino empties tub of gel onto head.
.