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THE PERFECT GIFT FOR THE JACKASS IN YOUR LIFE
three-time champs in meaningless awards
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November 4th, 2008 at 10:06 pm
The President is a-near!
November 4th, 2008 at 10:07 pm
Barack Obama is only half the Black man Tony Dungy is.
November 4th, 2008 at 10:10 pm
That’s a rot bit lacist.
November 4th, 2008 at 10:11 pm
The second half of that quote is pretty apt too: “… and they are sooooo dumb.”
November 4th, 2008 at 10:13 pm
Excuse me while I whip this ballot out…
November 4th, 2008 at 10:41 pm
I was thinking that you might as well dedicate a whole post to a poflawa.
November 4th, 2008 at 10:41 pm
Get the celebration weed ready.
November 4th, 2008 at 10:48 pm
will.i.am is now coming thru via hologram on cnn. this election couldn’t be more hilarious.
November 4th, 2008 at 10:48 pm
hold on a second while i whip this out
November 4th, 2008 at 10:49 pm
Supposedly Barak will announce a new position of Secretary of Sex.
Please welcome Secretary Grossman.
November 4th, 2008 at 10:49 pm
damnit, i got beat
Joe Biden just pawn in game of life
November 4th, 2008 at 10:50 pm
mini dagger-
“Help me Senator Obama, you are my only hope.”
November 4th, 2008 at 10:51 pm
@mini dagger: It’s like watching an ACTUAL shitty Black Eyed Peas video.
November 4th, 2008 at 11:07 pm
Obama’s riding into DC (or CC) on a palomino with a Gucci saddle. Count Basie’s Orchestra will usher him in.
November 4th, 2008 at 11:12 pm
Voted today (for Cynthia McKinney, of course), took two hours in line though. Not because there were a particularly lot of people, there were only 10 or 15. It’s just that the poll workers had a tough time clearing out the douchebags who were weeping and admiring the smell of their own farts.
November 4th, 2008 at 11:27 pm
The name’s Joe…but most people call me…Joe.
November 4th, 2008 at 11:41 pm
The new President is a../loud bell rings
A what!?
November 4th, 2008 at 11:42 pm
Biden: Oh, boys! Lookee what I got heyuh.
Obama: Hey, where the white women at?
Too soon?
November 4th, 2008 at 11:59 pm
Dammit, I wanted to be the first to use the “Where all the white women at?” joke.
November 5th, 2008 at 12:02 am
Hold it! Next man makes a move, the n**ger gets it!
November 5th, 2008 at 12:14 am
last straw has been reached with this blog. unsubscribing because you’ve crossed the fucking line.
November 5th, 2008 at 12:15 am
Candygram for Mongo!
November 5th, 2008 at 12:21 am
@Fucking tasteless
I’m pretty sure Orlovsky did that a couple weeks ago.
November 5th, 2008 at 12:22 am
Pretty sure we crossed whatever arbitrary line you’re talking about many times already, FT.
So long, dipshit.
November 5th, 2008 at 12:23 am
Have you gone berserk! Can’t you see that man is a ni…
November 5th, 2008 at 12:23 am
@ fucking tasteless
don’t let the door that swings open hit you in the ass on the way out
DOOR SWINGS OPEN, KNOCKING TASTELESS ON THIS ASS…..
November 5th, 2008 at 12:24 am
@ fucking tasteless
don’t let the door that swings open hit you in the ass on the way out
DOOR SWINGS OPEN, KNOCKING TASTELESS ON HIS ASS…..
(typo fixed)
November 5th, 2008 at 12:29 am
If only the McCain form his concession speech had actually been allowed to campaign, this might have never happened.
Fuck the Republican Apparatchik. And fuck Palin… with my dick.
November 5th, 2008 at 12:37 am
Will.I.Am was a Hol.O.Gram
November 5th, 2008 at 12:40 am
This site’s gotten lame.
November 5th, 2008 at 12:41 am
I hear Joe Biden likes to play chess and screw.
November 5th, 2008 at 12:57 am
Here’s one quote that sums up both candidates promises, and then maybe we can have a post where Gay Zorro and Ms. Brady Quinn are BIG, HUGE fans of El Cumslinger.
“A democracy cannot exist as a permanent form of government. It can only exist until the voters discover that they can vote themselves largesse from the public treasury. From that moment on, the majority always votes for the candidates promising the most benefits from the public treasury with the result that a democracy always collapses over loose fiscal policy, always followed by a dictatorship. The average age of the world’s greatest civilizations has been 200 years.
Great nations rise and fall. The people go from bondage to spiritual truth, to great courage, from courage to liberty, from liberty to abundance, from abundance to selfishness, from selfishness to complacency, from complacency to apathy, from apathy to dependence, from dependence back again to bondage.”
Ain’t that some heavy shit…
November 5th, 2008 at 12:58 am
Obama really should have thanked the RNC for making his presidency possible. If it wasn’t for that crew of douchebags, he wouldn’t have looked quite so good by comparison. Ah, now the circle that Clinton started is complete.
And who reads a comment thread on a football blog and bitches about how it’s crossed a line? “Last straw”? The fuck?
November 5th, 2008 at 12:59 am
Holy underwear! Economy in trouble! Country involved in overseas conflict! We have to protect our phoney baloney jobs here, gentlemen! We must do something about this immediately! Immediately! Immediately! Harrumph! Harrumph! Harrumph!
…man, that Blazing Saddles comparison is beyond priceless. Consider that stolen.
All right, we’ll give White House to the n**ger and the Catholic, but we DON’T WANT THE IRISH.
/had to do two
November 5th, 2008 at 12:59 am
Where are the ultra-conservative Republican morons now? Victory is so sweet, but it gets sweeter when there are tools to make fun of and bathe in their tears of defeat. These tears are much sweeter than the tears of Patriots fans.
WHOOOOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
/time to impregnate some white women now
November 5th, 2008 at 1:16 am
+1 Public Enemy
November 5th, 2008 at 1:16 am
Ok yes Barack won….but we are missing the true triump tonight!
Question 2 wins!
Thank you to all of our supporters across the commonwealth. Question 2 is officially the first marijuana decriminalization law passed by voter initiative; you’ve made history!
ShareThis
/moving to MA in 3…. 2…. 1….
/2 Tommy from quinzee just got more agreeable
November 5th, 2008 at 1:19 am
I’m with DavidtheUnderpantsGnome.
November 5th, 2008 at 1:37 am
@davidtheunderpantsnome
Ya, that sure is some heavy shit… some heavy bullshit: http://www.truthorfiction.com/rumors/t/tytler.htm
Fuck it, tonight isn’t the night for a poflawa.
November 5th, 2008 at 1:39 am
Hail to the HNIC.
November 5th, 2008 at 1:52 am
Herm Edwards is only biding his time.
November 5th, 2008 at 2:08 am
Chad Ocho Cinco has in a press release stated his intention to appeal the decision of the American people tomorrow. In his statement he said, “I kissed Coach Lewis on tv. That man wouldn’t even kiss his wife. What kind of husband doesn’t like his wife? That’s mean. When I’m president, I’ll love everybody’s wife.”
In a later statement, Mr. Ocho Cinco also said that he will apply for the spring semester at the Electoral College.
November 5th, 2008 at 2:25 am
@ fucking tasteless
Go have some nice hate sex with your brother and take the rest of the year off from the interweb of funnery.
November 5th, 2008 at 2:35 am
Don’t be jealous cause the Presidents dick is bigger than yours
November 5th, 2008 at 2:46 am
You know who needs a hard spanking this election night?
Sarah Palin, That’s who!
Oh that naughty election-losing girl needs a long hard spanking for her sins. Bent over on a cold wooden chair.
THWACK! THWACK! THWACK!
Are you with me? Can you SEE it? Oh I’ll bet you can . . .
THWACK! THWACK! THWACK!
November 5th, 2008 at 3:41 am
I didn’t get a harrumph out of that guy!
November 5th, 2008 at 5:09 am
@J4B:
I’ll admit it, I’m a little bummed. But I do have one small bit of consolation:
HILLARY CAN’T RUN IN 2012!!
That makes me smirre.
November 5th, 2008 at 6:06 am
Where are the ultra-conservative Republican morons now? Victory is so sweet, but it gets sweeter when there are tools to make fun of and bathe in their tears of defeat.
I flipped over to Fox News just in time to watch them call Ohio for Obama. It had all the excitement and cheer of the Brezhnev funeral. Brit Hume and Karl Rove looked like they were about to swallow cyanide.
November 5th, 2008 at 6:10 am
@ Shinons: I was hoping you would say it took you two hours to vote because people were in the going PEW PEW PEW!!
Anybody remember Chris Rock’s gig back in the day…….fi fi fo figga, boy I hate a …….
j/k
November 5th, 2008 at 7:37 am
A sad day for our country. In the immortal words of Pogo:
“We have met the enemy – and he is us”.
Barrack Obama will go down in history as an unmitigated disaster. He has neither the depth of experience nor the strength of character to be elected dogcatcher, much less to the highest office in our country.
As for me? I’ll continue to cheer KSK from overseas. I refuse to pay dime one into his (upcoming) Socialist programs.
November 5th, 2008 at 7:52 am
This really sucks.
November 5th, 2008 at 7:58 am
DER TAKING OUR JERBS!!!
November 5th, 2008 at 8:12 am
@ Tyler Durden
Overseas? Too bad, you’re gonna miss out on all the forced re-education and whitey killing. Plus I heard that next week we’ll all be issued flags to burn.
November 5th, 2008 at 8:20 am
@ Steve: The flags will be automatically deducted from our paychecks too.
November 5th, 2008 at 8:24 am
don’t blame me, I voted for Kodos
November 5th, 2008 at 8:38 am
Hey, you can always moved to Florida… we just banned gay marriage!
November 5th, 2008 at 8:48 am
“Watch me, faggots!”
as for the election, I remain to have the same attitude after election I have noted in. I hope for the best, but expect the worst.
November 5th, 2008 at 8:49 am
*every election
hey my fat dog avatar appeared.
November 5th, 2008 at 8:50 am
What about the inevitable undersea warfare that faces our great nation?
November 5th, 2008 at 8:56 am
I think Romeo Krennel just called a timeout.
November 5th, 2008 at 9:02 am
George Bush will go down in history as an unmitigated disaster. He had neither the depth of experience nor the strength of character to be elected dogcatcher, much less to the highest office in our country.
November 5th, 2008 at 9:03 am
Let me be the first to request a re-enactment of Obama’s private dinner last night with Pacman Jones, Ocho Cinco, and Emmitt Smith.
The Prominent Negro Collective you might call it. And hell, since Obama is a mixed fella, with some sort of Asian angle in his past, might as well assume Hines was hanging with them too.
And remember, Michelle hates it when Barry’s posse comes by on weekday nights. With the girls studying for their spelling test and all . . .
November 5th, 2008 at 9:07 am
Quote from Obama last night talking about his proposed cabinet…..
I want rustlers, cut throats, murderers, bounty hunters, desperados, mugs, pugs, thugs, nitwits, halfwits, dimwits, vipers, snipers, con men, Indian agents, Mexican bandits, muggers, buggerers, bushwhackers, hornswogglers, horse thieves, bull dykes, train robbers, bank robbers, ass-kickers, shit-kickers and Methodists.
November 5th, 2008 at 9:19 am
Gloating is normally beneath me, but…
Yeah! Take that, you hypocritical authoritarian right-wing freaks! What we just did to you only Rex Grossman’s unwilling lover can understand. Did you like how (my home state of) Virginia went for a Democrat for the first time since LBJ? Or that we now have TWO Democratic U.S. Senators and a Democratic governor? Maybe it was the electoral college bitchslap, or the popular vote bitchslap, or the repudiation (finally) of eight years of nonsense. Huh? HUH?! FUCK YOU!
November 5th, 2008 at 9:23 am
I think it’s time for a Number 6.
November 5th, 2008 at 9:28 am
Since when did Tyler Durden go from cool, edgy fictional character to a right-wing, ignorant fucktard?
November 5th, 2008 at 9:43 am
More black cheerleader posts, please.
November 5th, 2008 at 9:49 am
Semi serious question from a middle of the road quite jaded fucktard, who spends his days putting the satanic Hip Hop on your airwaves..Its been a while since Carter was president,so with this socialism thing..how soon until I can start demanding free shit?
yours in Christ
November 5th, 2008 at 9:56 am
@ Nashville
1/21/2009
November 5th, 2008 at 9:58 am
Dan
THANK YOU..i loves me some free shit
November 5th, 2008 at 9:59 am
And yet the Farrelly brothers are still being allowed to remake “The Three Stooges.” This stupid country.
November 5th, 2008 at 10:02 am
I’m so glad I did my part and voted in a state that was called with 0% of the polls reporting. Democracy!
November 5th, 2008 at 10:04 am
Women stampeded, and cattle raped.
November 5th, 2008 at 10:10 am
You mean Bob Barr didn’t pull thru. Damn I shouldn’t have even voted at all.
November 5th, 2008 at 10:14 am
@Brad: Yes that does me me smirre as well.
@Tyler Durden: so where will you be moving to? Serbia? Syria? North Korea? How about Russia? I’m sure you’ll have as much freedom of expression there to criticize the government to your heart’s content. I hear they have WiFi in the Siberian gulags these days. Good luck with that and kindly fuck off.
/yours truly, DA MAN
November 5th, 2008 at 10:21 am
Chances this ends badly?
November 5th, 2008 at 10:29 am
I wash born here, an I wash raished here, and dad gum it, I am gonna die here, an no sidewindin’ bushwackin’, hornswagglin’ cracker croaker is gonna rouin me bishen cutter!
November 5th, 2008 at 10:33 am
When did it become uncool to be a Republican/conservative? We are the people that pay your bills. Thank us, don’t castigate us.
On another note…can I get some free shit too? I’m tired of working for a living.
November 5th, 2008 at 10:38 am
Now if that don’t beat all. Here we take the good time and trouble to slaughter every last Indian in the West, and for what? So we can appoint a president that’s blacker than any Indian? I AM depressed.
November 5th, 2008 at 10:48 am
Obama interviewing his Secretary of State candidate…
Obama: Qualifications?
Applicant: Rape, murder, arson, and rape.
Obama You said rape twice.
Applicant: I like rape.
November 5th, 2008 at 10:50 am
So what cabinet posts are available for those whose qualifications are stampeding cattle through the Vatican?
November 5th, 2008 at 10:51 am
WE THE WHITE, GODFEARING CITIZENS OF TENNESSEE wish to express our extreme displeasure with your choice of President. Please remove him immediately. The fact that you have elected him just goes to prove that you are the leading asshole’s in the country
/Breaking balls since 1965
November 5th, 2008 at 10:54 am
@TurlyGirlie
It probably became ‘uncool’ right around the time Republicans started spouting bullshit about how they are the only ones who pay taxes and the other 50% of Americans exist soley on government handouts.
November 5th, 2008 at 11:01 am
It was never cool to be a Republican. As for the bill paying, enjoy paying the giant ones Bush et al made possible for the last 8 years. George and his friends have made America more socialist than a Clinton ever dreamed of. The bailout of AIG was an especially nice touch.
November 5th, 2008 at 11:16 am
Now I don’t have to tell you good folks what’s been happening in our beloved country. Infants murdered, crops burned, stores looted, people stampeded, and cattle raped. The time has come to act, and act fast… I’m leaving.
November 5th, 2008 at 12:46 pm
OK, America, I gotta tell you something. I voted for Obama. Hell, I’ve known for months that he’d be way better at the job than I would. And once the Jesus-freaks forced Sarah Palin on me, well I had no choice. I had to vote for Obama. Look, I’m old and I just couldn’t live with the idea that if something happened to me then Palin would be president. I can’t believe there were 40 million idiots out there willing to roll the dice on this and vote for me! Seriously. What the fuck were you guys thinking?
So, thanks to all of you that voted for Obama. You did the right thing. America is in good hands and I can go play golf now, which is all I really wanted.
November 5th, 2008 at 2:22 pm
i for one welcome my new overlord. thanks to all of you who made this happen. yes we did.
/really enjoying the bitter republican comments this morning. move the fuck over bitches
November 5th, 2008 at 3:37 pm
Obama interviewing his Secretary of State candidate…
Obama: Qualifications?
Applicant: Rape, murder, arson, and rape.
Obama You said rape twice.
Applicant: I like rape.
Me thinks someone stole KSK’s Shawn Merriman bit from a while back. Can’t find the link, but I’m sure one of the crack staff will be able to find it and dispatch said offender.
November 5th, 2008 at 3:47 pm
@J4B
again we are here working and making sure the large portion of the country that pays no taxes gets a nice fat stimulus check so they can go get a Wii for Christmas. A Wii that will go unused when they realize that they can’t manipulate the wand with a bottle of Mad Dog is one hand and a nice Alabama Liquidsnake blunt in the other. This is why I transferred my 401k into Kruggerands.
November 5th, 2008 at 3:50 pm
Shaved Yak: 2/10 if you’re actually trolling, 6/10 if you’re just doing it for funsies
November 5th, 2008 at 4:18 pm
Obama interviewing his Secretary of State candidate…
Obama: Qualifications?
Applicant: Rape, perjury, rape, and rape.
Obama You said rape three.
Applicant: I like rape.
On second thought, why would Bill Clinton apply for that job? He makes millions just for making speeches!
November 5th, 2008 at 4:32 pm
John McCain Says:
So, thanks to all of you that voted for Obama. You did the right thing. America is in good hands and I can go play golf now, which is all I really wanted.
… and you thought Charles Barkley had a fucked up swing!! I do, however have the post-birdie “thumbs up” mastered.
November 5th, 2008 at 4:42 pm
Obama addressing staff in first meeting:
I hired you people to try to institute change, not to jump around like a bunch of Kansas City faggots.
November 5th, 2008 at 11:27 pm
While on the campaign trail in Alabama, Obama was quoted “what’s a dazzling urbanite like me doing in a rustic setting like this?”
“Give the governor harumph!”
“Harumph!”
“Watch your ass!”
November 6th, 2008 at 12:15 am
We are the people that pay your bills. Thank us, don’t castigate us.
Really? You pay my bills. You better hurry the fuck up and get those checks in. I’m sick of three bill collectors calling every single day.
November 6th, 2008 at 6:30 am
@ twoeightnine: Only three, shit you be living the good life bro! I’ve to fall back on this line lately…..Mamm, I’m sorry, but I am to broke to even pay attention so you might as well leave me the fuck alone!
November 6th, 2008 at 2:41 pm
why doesn’t Herm Edwards get any love? And when do I get my burn the flag and got a democrat in the office prize in the mail? I can’t wait to start counting how many ounces of weed I can smoke before it is punishable by death.
April 23rd, 2009 at 1:14 am
I am sofa king wee todd ed.
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