I Am the Perfect Candidate to Watch Idly and Do What You Say While Your Team Continues to Erase the Legacy You Created
It was reported a few days ago that Jim Fassel sent a handwritten letter to Al Davis expressing interest in the Raiders head coaching job. Fassel issued a non-denial on Sirius NFL Radio, which is practically the same thing as an admission. Luckily, KSK’s trusty sources have come through yet again with a copy of the letter.
![[badge]](http://cdn.ksk.uproxx.com/wp-content/themes/default/images/100121_FOXmsnBadge_200x50.gif)
November 19th, 2008 at 12:03 pm
Why is this not written in blood?
November 19th, 2008 at 12:10 pm
Die, Bart, Die
November 19th, 2008 at 12:10 pm
Writing it in blood is a little much for the 1st letter. Fassel won’t shed any blood until they at least meet for dinner.
What the fuck is toadying?
November 19th, 2008 at 12:21 pm
Al Davis: Imagine it, Lane: Signing Tommy Kelly to the biggest contract for a defensive tackle ever. And we’ll take Javon Walker from that asshole Shanahan for $55 million. And a second round pick and $70 million for DeAngelo Hall!
Lane Kiffin: But Sir! Kelly is coming off a season-ending knee injury and becomes invisible for long stretches of most games. Walker’s already talking about retiring, and he does some shady shit when he’s in Vegas. And Hall bites on any and every fake and gets routinely burned, on top of which he loves talking shit to the coaches and giving me wedgies. Why haven’t we signed Nnamdi Asomugha long term? I don’t want any part of this project, it’s unconscionably fiendish.
Al Davis: I will not suffer your insubordination. There has been a shocking decline in the quality and quantity of your toadying, Lane. And you will fall into line, now!
Lane Kiffin: No…no, Al, I won’t. Not until you step back from the brink of insanity.
Al Davis: I’ll do no such thing. You’re fired!
At least that’s how it played out in my head. The Al Davis-Monty Burns comparisons are pretty astounding though. Plus many, Ape, for discussing “toadying” of a “near-Smithersian level”.
November 19th, 2008 at 12:21 pm
Thank god for Anna Paquin’s tits
November 19th, 2008 at 12:27 pm
But does the Polo have an annoying little crest on it? That separates the regular polos from the douchey popped-collar polos.
November 19th, 2008 at 12:28 pm
Anna Paquin should have been started this nudity shtick long ago – cirque, “The 25th Hour”. What a sweet, albeit parentally ignored, club-frequenting, drug-abusing underage Manhattan whore she was in that one.
November 19th, 2008 at 12:31 pm
Plus, drew would never wear horizontal stripes. That’s what they teach fat people at Philips Exeter.
November 19th, 2008 at 12:32 pm
It’s surprising to me that you can google “tits” and get 99999999999999999999999999999999999 pictures of tits far more appealing than Anna Paquin’s (and from far far far far far hotter chicks as well), but people still go apeshit when she shows them in a movie.
Really? Anna Paquin?
Also, that letter nearly made me piss myself with laughter. Thanks!
November 19th, 2008 at 12:40 pm
I think the reason why seeing Anna P’s tits – and any attractive actress for that matter – is so important is, most of the tits you can see in google are on actresses (I use this term loosely) that don’t get paid significant amounts of money to show them – these girls get a few bucks, possibly a nut on their face, and another huge dent in their self-esteem.
November 19th, 2008 at 12:46 pm
I still remember the phrase from Benioff’s novel 25th Hour when Anna Paquin and Rosario Dawson’s characters — Mary D’Annunzio and Naturelle Rivera — went out on the dance floor together: “an orgy of vowels.” Pretty sure that line made the movie, as well.
November 19th, 2008 at 12:46 pm
Now I’m going to start watching that show. I just thought it would never happen.
November 19th, 2008 at 12:50 pm
Lizzy Caplan’s tits on true blood > Anna Paquin’s tits on true blood
November 19th, 2008 at 12:52 pm
Fassel’s got some fancy letterhead.
November 19th, 2008 at 12:59 pm
…and another huge dent in their self-esteem.
Sorry Doc…I’m pretty sure their self-esteem imploded completely long ago.
November 19th, 2008 at 1:07 pm
@fiddling
That’s true – it probably went out the window the first time they were instructed to give a rusty trombone while being ball slapped in the eye.
/watches too much porn
November 19th, 2008 at 1:12 pm
@ Doc Holliday,
So you’re saying there’s reasoning behind looking at tits? Huh. I always thought it was just because they’re fun to look at.
November 19th, 2008 at 1:37 pm
I don’t have HBO and did not know about Anna Panquin’s tits. I can no longer think about anything else.
November 19th, 2008 at 1:46 pm
@Needs
No, no, no – there’s reasoning behind looking at “overrated actress tits” – not your garden variety ones.
November 19th, 2008 at 2:05 pm
Why is there even a discussion about boobs? Boobs are boobs and are required to be looked at – regardless of the so-called motivation behind the showing of said boobs. That does not and should not detract from our (read: men’s and hot lesbians) enjoyment of looking at exposed boobs whilst imagining running your tongue over them – with honey, or beer, or champagne, or chocolate syrup, or whip cream, or whatever tickles your fancy.
November 19th, 2008 at 2:48 pm
@ The Pirate Sloth: You left hotdogs off of the list. Nothing like a titty with some beanie weanies on there man. That’s the shit fo sho!
November 19th, 2008 at 2:51 pm
Didn’t the Ravens finish 13-3 that season after Fassel was fired during their bye week at 4-2? Can’t really say that Brian Billick made a bad move there.
November 19th, 2008 at 3:11 pm
It’s not like their offense got any better after that. They really had a scoring explosion in their playoff loss to the Colts.
November 19th, 2008 at 4:29 pm
I may start signing all my e-mails with “Yours in vampirism.”
I also enjoyed “near-Smithersian.”
November 19th, 2008 at 8:55 pm
whoa whoa whoa whoa, anna paquin showed her tits?
November 19th, 2008 at 9:46 pm
Anna Paquin reminds me of those girls who look too adorably cute to get naked on film.
It makes sense to me.
November 20th, 2008 at 12:42 am
Persay
November 20th, 2008 at 1:43 am
@Mark:
+1 For watching South Park.
November 20th, 2008 at 2:36 am
@ Pemulis:
I’ll second Lizzy Caplan’s tits. That girl is unbelievably hot and while it was nice to see Paquin’s titties, I’d rather see more Lizzy.
@Mark:
Count Fagula
December 22nd, 2009 at 2:18 pm
Nice post. I am posting a link back to this on my Digg, Mixx, Reddit, Stumbleupon, Twitter and Facebook right away.