How Dare You Not Commit All of Your Resources to Impeding My Progress!
I couldn’t believe my eyes. Single coverage? That’s wanton disrespect. Just because until this game our quarterback never looked my way, couldn’t complete a pass of more than 20 yards and I was jogging through my routes, you commit only one defender to me? Might as well slap my mom across the face with your cock after you wrote “disrespect” on it with a marker you stole from my house.
All I’m saying is any less than six defenders on me is making a mockery of the game. You should have all 53 of your men on the field covering me, with the coach operating little flying robotic drones to help them out. Anything less is a huge breach of the Randy Moss Code. That’s something I apply to all facets of my life.
For example, I get home after the game, and there’s my girl, chained up just like I left her. And get this: She begs for single penetration. Not when Randy brought over Jabar Gaffney for celebration time. Bitch must’ve lost her damn mind. That’s when I hit her. Not once, but twice. Can’t be having this “one” shit.
[Oversensitive door flies open]
WHO THE FUCK TRYING TO PLAY THE DISRESPECT CARD? YOU AIN’T J-PEEZY!
THAT’S DISRESPECT!
BEST BE FIXING THAT MOUF! You motherfuckers only won ’cause you cheated! You had tapes and shit! You might not have been filming during the game, but you got archives and shit. Bet you got cameras all over my house. My! House! I’mma gut that place Conversation-style until I find ‘em. Tear up the kids’ stuffed animals ’cause I know that’s where you hid them. Bet you never thought I’d look there.
WELL JOEY PORTER WILL LOOK THERE! HE’LL TEAR THOSE STUFFED ANIMALS NEW ASSHOLES AND MAKE HUCKLEBERRIES OF HIS KIDS ONCE THEY START CRYING!
Can you believe that motherfucker Tony Sparano? Tried to take Peezy out the game? You can’t take Peezy out the game and you can’t take the game outta Peezy! I’ll take his dese-dem-dose mouf and FIX THAT SHIT GOOD. MAYBE ADD SOME LIGHTS ON IT FOR THE HOLIDAYS! PEEZY GETS FESTIVE TOO!
Tags: disrespect, joey porter, patriots hate rising, xmas ape
November 24th, 2008 at 12:34 pm
That’s right, Ape. Start whipping yourself into a murderous anti-Patriots rage. It’ll only make it sweeter this Sunday WHEN WE CRUSH YOUR SOULS.
November 24th, 2008 at 12:37 pm
Wow, a Conversation reference. Well played, Ape. Well played.
November 24th, 2008 at 12:43 pm
Dese Stillers better not be disrespecting dem Patriots or dose guys will be kickin dese guys aish.
November 24th, 2008 at 12:44 pm
Randy Moss thinks Joey Porter would benefit from an Inta Juice colonic – it really soothes the nerves.
November 24th, 2008 at 12:46 pm
And here I thought Joey Porter was a Jahova’s Witness. You really do learn something new every day!
November 24th, 2008 at 12:48 pm
It was nice of Randy to take time out while recharging the electrodes in his head to speak to the press.
November 24th, 2008 at 12:55 pm
Requires more popcorn mucsles
November 24th, 2008 at 1:05 pm
I’ll take his dese-dem-dose mouf and FIX THAT SHIT GOOD.
Well played.
Sparano and Porter under 1 roof?
November 24th, 2008 at 1:05 pm
So that’s why they call Jabar Gaffney the gimp.
November 24th, 2008 at 1:13 pm
@ Warthog Says
I admit that it took me longer than it probably should have to figure out what the fuck is on his head. I thought it was some kind of space helmet or something. But I’m white.
November 24th, 2008 at 1:17 pm
Where is the AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA tag?
November 24th, 2008 at 1:26 pm
I’ll take his dese-dem-dose mouf and FIX THAT SHIT GOOD. MAYBE ADD SOME LIGHTS ON IT FOR THE HOLIDAYS! PEEZY GETS FESTIVE TOO!
Nice.
November 24th, 2008 at 1:34 pm
I get home after the game, and there’s my girl, chained up just like I left her. And get this: She begs for single penetration. Not when Randy brought over Jabar Gaffney for celebration time. Bitch must’ve lost her damn mind.
Now this is quality. I wonder if Randy learned a move or two from Fred Smoot.
November 24th, 2008 at 1:34 pm
“What Not to Wear”- NFL postgame conference edition
November 24th, 2008 at 1:56 pm
Single penetration is the Drew Brees of sexing
November 24th, 2008 at 2:02 pm
Single penetration is the Drew Brees of sexing
So what’s the Kurt Warner of sexing? Missionary with the lights turned off and no dirty talk?
November 24th, 2008 at 2:04 pm
Several letters of the English language were wounded, gouged, and sprained in the course of making this e-mail. It was worth it, except for the death of the exclamation point.
November 24th, 2008 at 2:05 pm
HEADPHONES ARE NOT STYLISH. FIX YO ACCESSORIES!
November 24th, 2008 at 2:13 pm
“THAT’S DISRESPECT!”
I sense Joey feels strongly about this…
November 24th, 2008 at 2:27 pm
Who’s your huckleberry now Joey? Somebody’s getting benched next game.
November 24th, 2008 at 2:35 pm
Wow, a Conversation reference. Well played, Ape. Well played.
Picturing Joey Porter in trenchcoat and aa clear plastic raincoat…
uhh
gotta go brush my teeth now…
November 24th, 2008 at 3:09 pm
I wish Joey Porter still played for the Steelers. It’s about the only way I could work myself into more of a drunken frenzy this weekend.
Buddy from the Burgh is hosting some Sprint Reps in a luxury box, may have a shot at a free ticket…that must have to happen.
November 24th, 2008 at 4:23 pm
Early AFC Playoff prediction: Colts and Pats as wild-cards, and the Pats get assfucked at the Lube in the AFC Championship. Again.
Should that happen, someone needs to bottle Pats fans tears, because there will never be anything sweeter. A single drop could replace a metric ton of sugar.
November 24th, 2008 at 7:22 pm
Hmm. Monkey, I sense a little hostility. FIX YO MOUF!
@Warthog: thanks, I wasn’t sure what Randy had on….
November 25th, 2008 at 2:46 am
You know you can’t bring that weak-ass stuff up in this humpty-bumpty! You kill the joe, you make some mo’! Or else you in for a long day, a looong day, ’cause J-Peezy is in this … BITCH!