Hey Jimmy The Snake, Can I Have My Daughter Back Now?
I lived up to my end of the deal, Snake. You said I keep the Steelers from covering and you’d bring Angela back safe and sound. Well, I did it. I compromised everything I believe in for my girl and you got your $64 million swing. That’s how much I love my daughter. Now where is she?
Look where? Outside? Hey, that’s her favorite bag! What game are you playing?
Fine, I’ll open it. A note! “Make… sure… the…Titans…finish…sixteen…and…oh… and…lose…in…their…first…playoff…game.” What is this? We had a deal. I did my part. Where’s my Angela, you scum. I’m tired of being your stooge. You gave Hochuli his favorite weight-lifting gloves back. All I want is a fair deal. Don’t hang up on me. Don’t — I…FUCK!
THAT WASN’T PART OF THE BARGAIN!
THAT WASN’T PPPPPPPPAAAAAAARRRRRRTTTTTT
SSSSSSSSNNNNNNNNNNAAAAAAAKKKKKKKKKEEEEEE
DDDDDAAAAAAAMMMMMMMNNNNNN YYYYYYYOOOOOOOOOUUUUU
Tags: Gambling, I hope Steelers fans harass him like they did to Pete Morelli back in '05, xmas ape
November 17th, 2008 at 1:39 pm
I am altering the deal. Pray I don’t alter it any further.
November 17th, 2008 at 1:46 pm
I’m probably earning Idiot Status for the day by revealing that the actual reference behind this post is lost on me… but this immediately made me think of the movie that Macauley Culkin uses to fool the bad guys in “Home Alone.”
Keep the change, ya filthy animal.
November 17th, 2008 at 1:48 pm
Somehow Gary Sinise is involved in all this. He always is.
November 17th, 2008 at 1:48 pm
Thats Mr. Snake, son.
November 17th, 2008 at 1:49 pm
Snake is actually Mercury Morris, isn’t he?
November 17th, 2008 at 1:50 pm
Umm, FMRA, you weren’t watching Pittsburgh / San Diego, huh?
November 17th, 2008 at 1:55 pm
Snake?
SNAKE?
SNAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAKE?
November 17th, 2008 at 1:57 pm
Jay-
Continue or Exit?
November 17th, 2008 at 2:04 pm
Unfortunately, it appears that Troy Polamalu has run over the dogs of about 20 different referees
November 17th, 2008 at 2:10 pm
I never touched Hochuli’s gloves. I know better.
Jimmy the Snake
November 17th, 2008 at 2:12 pm
Another shitty Ape post.
November 17th, 2008 at 2:12 pm
I’m guessing UM bet the Steelers laying the points
November 17th, 2008 at 2:15 pm
Another shitty comment complaining about an Ape post!
November 17th, 2008 at 2:20 pm
@Grimey – I believe Neal McDonough had a hand in this as well.
November 17th, 2008 at 2:25 pm
TIME PARADOX
November 17th, 2008 at 2:27 pm
David Stern is jealous
November 17th, 2008 at 2:28 pm
When reached for comment, Jake the Snake Roberts took a bite out of his Egg McMuffin, smiled wryly, and then placed his penis on the cashiers counter at the McDonalds.
November 17th, 2008 at 2:30 pm
Wait, is it Snake from “the Simpsons” or Snake Plisken from “Esacpe from New York” behind this devious plot?
November 17th, 2008 at 2:30 pm
Jesus, and I stopped watching the fucking NBA because it was too corrupt. Nice going there NFL.
November 17th, 2008 at 2:30 pm
Gambling is sinful You shall reap what you sow.
November 17th, 2008 at 2:32 pm
^but racecar driving is the Lord’s work?
November 17th, 2008 at 2:32 pm
@BDD: +1 for the Dath Vader reference. No way are you a blogger, you’re just too…uh…how do you say…cosmopolitan.
November 17th, 2008 at 2:33 pm
DARTH Vader. There goes my joke…up in smoke.
November 17th, 2008 at 2:36 pm
@Jackin – When, boy? When, are you gonna get your act together?
November 17th, 2008 at 2:41 pm
SNNNNNNAAAAAAAAAAKKKKKKKKKKKEEEEEEEEEE PLLLIISSSKKEENN!!!
/I miss Isaac Hayes….pre Scientologist Isaac Hayes that is
November 17th, 2008 at 2:47 pm
My boozy and cannabinaceous excesses from the early games caused me to doze off for most of this game. When I woke up, I saw an 11-10 score, then this weird play. I thought I was having one of those surreal afternoon pot-nap dreams, but it was real.
November 17th, 2008 at 2:48 pm
When I stop sniffing glue and smoking crack while trying to type with only my left hand.
/getting back to work now
November 17th, 2008 at 2:48 pm
This is the most sensible and logical explanation I’ve seen yet for the 23:1 penalty yardage ratio, combined with the weird interpretation of the “illegal forward pass” rule at the end. One or the other I understand. But the whole freakin’ combination? How does a community of refs simultaneously and suddenly forget how to interpret the illegal forward pass rule?
If someone has a more sensible explanation for the officiating in that game, I’m all eyes.
November 17th, 2008 at 2:54 pm
Bart’s gone too?
That wasn’t part of our deal, Blackheart! That wasn’t part!
November 17th, 2008 at 2:54 pm
I belive this falls under the category: “Defies Explanation”.
November 17th, 2008 at 2:55 pm
@VYS
All the other refs secretly hate Hochuli and were trying to make amends to the Chargers for his Denver Screw Job?
The NFL was trying to make it up to Seahawk fans for the Super Bowl a few years ago?
No, those don’t really work as plausible explanations.
How bout this: NFL refs generally suck. They have sucked for years, and they’ll keep sucking until the league gives a shit and does something about it.
Ya, that works better.
November 17th, 2008 at 3:03 pm
Shit, the Maj lost people $65 million this week. All relative, I suppose.
November 17th, 2008 at 3:10 pm
@Steve –
What was wrong with the officiating in Super Bowl XL? I’m not aware of any controversies from that game. And the Hochuli explanation doesn’t explain taking points off the board at the end since the soon-to-be-LA Chargers still lost.
Ape’s explanation still makes more sense, since it explains how the suckery was so one-sided.
November 17th, 2008 at 3:14 pm
Ref 1: I think it was a TD, no illegal forward pass.
Ref 2: Yeah, but Polamalu scored the TD.
Ref 1: Isn’t he the one who bad mouthed all the NFL referees?
Ref 2: Yup. And he said your mom used too much teeth when giving blow jobs.
Ref 1: Oh yeah? [mic flies open] Upon further review, fuck you Polamalu and fuck everyone who bet on you. Now who’s mother uses too much teeth, bitch.
November 17th, 2008 at 3:20 pm
@VYS
I said they “tried” to fix things, by calling the game so one sided. Just like they “tried” to help the Chiefs beat the Chargers last week with that horrible PI call late in the game. The Refs can only do so much, the players have to come through too.
Seriously though, is anyone the least bit surprised something like this is possible in the NFL? This is the league where an official once called the coin toss incorrectly and cost a team a game. The freaking coin toss.
November 17th, 2008 at 3:20 pm
At least Snake didn’t demand that he cut down the mightiest tree in the forest with…a herring!
November 17th, 2008 at 3:26 pm
NFL revenues: $800 Trillion
NFL refs: part-time employees
There’s your reason.
November 17th, 2008 at 3:36 pm
Make refs full time! i agree. their professionals with multimillions riding on their shoulders. HH at http://www.showoffsports.com
November 17th, 2008 at 3:36 pm
Why do they use old men for refs? Can anybody explain that one?
November 17th, 2008 at 3:42 pm
I bet it was that damn Saquatch….
November 17th, 2008 at 4:23 pm
@Rocco:
+1
It’s crazy that they don’t have full time refs.
I like the poll on ESPN about what’s more startling: the refs in the Steeler game or McNabb not knowing the OT rule? McNabb is more startling (although I’m not that startled by that revelation either) than NFL refs being crappy at their jobs. And that’s sad.
November 17th, 2008 at 4:57 pm
LOL. Just wouldn’t be a Monday without a Steeler fan bitching about officiating.
You would think they would understand that between the immaculate reception and super bowl XL they have used up 150 years of cosmic officiating karma in just the past 30.
They had lopsided penalty total in a non-division game in November while nursing a 2 game division lead? They had their final, completely meaningless touchdown erroneously waved off in a game they won anyway?
My fucking heart breaks.
November 17th, 2008 at 5:18 pm
@Rocco: You are correct sir. +Eleventy for you.
Agreed that full-time refs would make it better, but there would be at least one officiating team that would still suck and would cause us to throw sulfuric acid at the nearest schoolgirl in protest.
November 17th, 2008 at 6:44 pm
I’m not sure what to say about the “I hope Steelers fans harass him like they did to Pete Morelli back in ‘05″ tag. I think those were two different situations, the difference being that here a generally good referee misinterpreted a little-used rule when the game had already been decided, while Pete Morelli is one of the worst officials in NFL history. I mean really, what kind of idiot uses the sentence “I had the defender catching the ball,” in an explanation of why a defender DID NOT catch a ball?
November 17th, 2008 at 8:05 pm
Somebody watched Robot Chicken last night.
November 17th, 2008 at 8:16 pm
Bulk Majority of Steelers fans are the pro equivalent of Florida Gators fans. Constantly bitching about everything and arrogantly assuming other people care as much about thier perceived plights as much as they do.
/dismissive wanking gesture
November 17th, 2008 at 10:14 pm
@MEH –
Clearly you have Steeler Nation confused with Redskin County or Cowboy Exurb.