Oh no, it’s true. The government knows if you did and they’ll lock your ass up if you try to vote.

Says right here on this flyer I have. No, you can’t have a copy. I need this one. Look, it might not even be safe for you to be at a polling station. You’re lucky I tipped you off before you went in there and tried to cast a ballot. Government will snatch you right up and put a lien on your house.

I’m gonna level with ya, because I know what these scumbags are trying to do and it’s not right. I just don’t want to see another honest, hard-working black person fall prey to their oppressive tactics. Heck, it probably doesn’t even matter. Barack is up so far in the polls, there’s no way he can lose. Polls practically decide the election. This whole voting thing is some pro forma nonsense. The presidency was decided weeks ago.

What’s that? You’re never spoken out of turn? Never in your whole life? How’s about jaywalking? Taking more than one sample at the grocery store? Undressed someone with your eyes? Lied about your weight on a government-issued ID form?

Still no?

Oh.

Okay.

Well, here’s a sample Democratic ballot. Uh, did you know McCain became a Democrat yesterday? And Obama is a Republican? True story. Anybody who says otherwise is a dirty racist who’s only out to trick you.