Frerotte. Orton. THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE.
I’ve watched Gus Frerotte for 9 games now. And there’s one thing I’ve learned about him, apart from the fact that he enjoys throwing picks in the ugliest manner possible: The man’s expression never, ever changes. You see him playing ping pong here? That’s Gus at his absolutely most excited: he’s damn near orgasmic in that shot. No one is able to look both intense and confused simultaneously quite like Frerotte. I’m telling you: the man has chicken broth running through his veins. Do your worst, Bears. There isn’t anything that can’t disorient and baffle this man. Even if Orton were to shave his neckbeard…
Orton is the only person I know whose looks are IMPROVED by rocking a neckbeard. Look at him in that shot. Would you even hire that guy to get lunch for you?
Anyway, tonight’s game will go a long way to deciding the “winner” of the NFC North. This week’s SI confirmed, through tape study, what I suspected all year: that the Vikings only employ one route for Visanthe “Oops!” Siancoe (the seam route) and never throw downfield to anyone but Bernard Berrian. What a tough team to game plan for! They’re the children’s restaurant place mat of offensive scheming.
Tags: open threads
November 30th, 2008 at 8:08 pm
If my Vikes let Hester return a single kickoff or punt, I will absolutley have a heart attack.
November 30th, 2008 at 8:08 pm
Vacation’s over- don’t you think you should shave the beard?
The beard stays- you go!
November 30th, 2008 at 8:10 pm
I swear he’s hammered there too.
And as someone who got back from Lambeau through a shitstorm of a blizzard, let me just say: Fuck Mike McCarthy sideways with a bottle of Orton’s Jack.
November 30th, 2008 at 8:20 pm
Orton looks so drunk errr young.
November 30th, 2008 at 8:23 pm
Chilly looks like my old parish priest. He died of AIDS.
November 30th, 2008 at 8:24 pm
No one is able to look both intense and confused simultaneously quite like Frerotte.
Elisha. Unless that look is “intense and uninterested,” which is entirely different.
/Giants fan
November 30th, 2008 at 8:29 pm
This game needs more Joan Jett!
/RUNS!
November 30th, 2008 at 8:35 pm
Damn, those pictures are brilliant, but I feel bad about making fun of stroke victims.
November 30th, 2008 at 8:38 pm
What year did Orton play in the Gender Bowl?
November 30th, 2008 at 8:41 pm
Oh fuck.
November 30th, 2008 at 8:51 pm
When the Bears play in all white all i can think of is this:
http://www.fuzzysignal.com/tennis/fashion/anne-white.jpg
or since Urlacher is involved:
http://www.hollywoodrag.com/images/uploads/serena_williams_white_butt.jpg
November 30th, 2008 at 8:54 pm
Double Fuck.
November 30th, 2008 at 8:57 pm
They’re the children’s restaurant place mat of offensive scheming.
“A child has already solved the jumble. The answer is ‘FRIES’.”
November 30th, 2008 at 9:00 pm
Did you see that story on Jake Plummer that ESPN did? He looks like the guy that steals from the dumpster at my office.
Brandon
justson.blogspot.com
November 30th, 2008 at 9:01 pm
mmm thank you NBC for the jumping cheerleader shot.
November 30th, 2008 at 9:09 pm
… and Allen sacks Orton.
I guess sometimes you don’t have to go to Jared. He’ll come to you.
November 30th, 2008 at 9:10 pm
@ Otto Man
You beat me to it.
November 30th, 2008 at 9:13 pm
Triple Fuck
November 30th, 2008 at 9:13 pm
Damn, Frerotte got knocked the fruck out.
November 30th, 2008 at 9:14 pm
Let the Tardvaris Era rebegin!
November 30th, 2008 at 9:15 pm
Wait, THAT hit knocked him the fuck out?
November 30th, 2008 at 9:16 pm
And the Oscar goes to……. Gus Frerotte!!!
November 30th, 2008 at 9:28 pm
AC Milan just inked Frerotte to a three-season deal.
November 30th, 2008 at 9:30 pm
Did Chicago just run the Wildbear?
November 30th, 2008 at 9:32 pm
Quadruple Fuck
November 30th, 2008 at 9:36 pm
I think we’re back to Triple Fuck now.
November 30th, 2008 at 9:37 pm
Maybe Gus should get knocked the fuck out more often.
November 30th, 2008 at 9:38 pm
Goal Line Stand and 99 Yard Touchdown: Septuple Fuck Yeah!
November 30th, 2008 at 9:38 pm
It occurs to me that trying to run up the middle against the Vikings on the goal line is probably a bad strategy, as is not covering the Vikings single deep threat.
November 30th, 2008 at 9:38 pm
what the fuck lovie. You are on the fucking road, take the points and rely on your “great” defense to keep the lead.
November 30th, 2008 at 9:39 pm
Holy nuggnuts.
November 30th, 2008 at 9:39 pm
God damn the bears have the most overrated defense in the game.
November 30th, 2008 at 9:41 pm
This just in: deep plays go to Berrian.
November 30th, 2008 at 9:47 pm
Carl Eller: Bad Motherfucker
John Randle: Lord Humungous, Ruler of the Wasteland
November 30th, 2008 at 9:47 pm
Speaking of ugly quarterbacks, fox had an interview with Jeff Garcia this morning. I had never seen what he looks like before but jeez. He looks like that kid who played the sherminator in those American Pie movies.
November 30th, 2008 at 9:50 pm
Berrian was open.
November 30th, 2008 at 9:50 pm
Nah, the eye makeup always made me think that John Randle was really Ace Frehley.
November 30th, 2008 at 9:54 pm
Cumming. In. My pants.
November 30th, 2008 at 10:00 pm
I’m AD and Bears D with a 33 pt lead.
Thank you Brad Childress for calling the QB sneak!!!
November 30th, 2008 at 10:00 pm
@ Otto Man
Thanks for Jared Allen.
November 30th, 2008 at 10:08 pm
I kinda thought Frerotte was a Highlander, he looks exactly the same as when he was drafted, never wouldve thunk Orton though, who knew!
November 30th, 2008 at 10:09 pm
Yeah, thanks Otto.
November 30th, 2008 at 10:10 pm
Hey, no problem. We weren’t using him.
November 30th, 2008 at 10:10 pm
So I’m sitting here on my fabulous Ikea loveseat with the new boyfriend I found at Rick’s Brown Door, chasing blue motorcycles with chiladas, petting my purebred Abyssinian, perusing Abercrombie’s latest offerings for the season during commercial breaks and I can’t help but wonder …
Does enjoying an NFC North game make me less of a man?
November 30th, 2008 at 10:11 pm
Here’s a blast from the past SNL skit that features the late-great Walter Payton and Phil Hartman on SNL:
We Are The Kickers!
http://tinypic.com/player.php?v=6y1ccxx&s=1
November 30th, 2008 at 10:12 pm
I heard Orton was pregnant again. CONGRATS, KYLE!
wait, he’s not that trans gendered fella?
November 30th, 2008 at 10:22 pm
SKULLET!
November 30th, 2008 at 10:28 pm
Quintuple fuck
November 30th, 2008 at 10:42 pm
The Bears are brought to you by Chico’s Bail Bonds.
November 30th, 2008 at 10:48 pm
Senile John Madden won’t stop talking about the best strippers in the NFL
November 30th, 2008 at 10:48 pm
well once madden started talking about strippers i decided its time to break out the martini mix and start drinking.
November 30th, 2008 at 10:49 pm
Pacman down wid it.
November 30th, 2008 at 10:50 pm
I’d pick Walter Mathau to coach the Vikings over Brad Childress any day.
November 30th, 2008 at 10:53 pm
Yeah Madden, I dont think Matt Forte COULD have a worse NFL career than Rashan Salaam and Anthony Thomas if he tried, hell throw Curtis Enis in there and Cedric Benson too
November 30th, 2008 at 10:59 pm
I did enjoy the wonderful offensive scheming of the Vikings earlier. They threw a fade route to Sidney Rice, and when that didn’t work, they threw a fade route to Sidney Rice.
November 30th, 2008 at 11:00 pm
Did NBC just show a photo of Jared Allen in a t-shirt that read “Got Strange?”
Yes they did.
November 30th, 2008 at 11:08 pm
It Takes a Nation of Millions to Hold Adrian Peterson Back
November 30th, 2008 at 11:11 pm
Apparently, the Bears felt that way and decided to start twelve men on defense.
Not enough, suckers. Adrian is a Rebel Without a Pause.
November 30th, 2008 at 11:11 pm
Twelve men cannot stop Purple Jesus
November 30th, 2008 at 11:13 pm
@ Mathemagician – It was the 13th that will stop him.
November 30th, 2008 at 11:15 pm
NFC North teams now looking for linebackers named Judas
November 30th, 2008 at 11:16 pm
Bears: Welcome to the Terrordome
November 30th, 2008 at 11:18 pm
Was the phantom horse collar tackle to make up for the non-call on the shitty Frerotte acting job from earlier? Because I thought you actually had to pull the bastard down from behind to get called for that.
November 30th, 2008 at 11:23 pm
Are all the Vikings cheerleaders over 40? Or is that just what a life of cold Minnesota winters does to twentysomethings?
November 30th, 2008 at 11:25 pm
Wearing a cowboy hat makes you a cowboy? Fuck, I’m going to go buy some magnums.
November 30th, 2008 at 11:26 pm
@ Otto Man
Jared Allen.
November 30th, 2008 at 11:32 pm
Jared Allen did that to them? His destructive powers are even greater than I thought.
November 30th, 2008 at 11:39 pm
Jared Allen’s powers are beyond the understanding of the heathen Turk.
November 30th, 2008 at 11:46 pm
PJ could have gotten me like 27 points, but noooooooooooo Childress had to call the QB sneak and Chester the molester had to vulture a TD. Great. Thank god I wasn’t depending on PJ to get me that win. CHAMP-ION-SHIP!!!
/need to leapfrog 3 teams to get into league playoffs
//praying for other teams to collapse really sucks
November 30th, 2008 at 11:48 pm
Crush all bitches now!
SWEET Sonny Jesus! Let’s win this thing.
November 30th, 2008 at 11:49 pm
that was nice.