Farst Brady Goes Down, Then The Sawx Get Rawbbed, AND NOW WE GAWT A DAHHKIE IN CHAHHHGE!!!
FACK YOU, AMERICA! If you love dahhkies mar than you love the fackin’ Sawx and Pats, then you ahhh nawt true America fans! This could be ow-uh dahhhkest ow-uh! Adam Vineteiri, you ahhh a fackin’ traitah!!!
No one wants some dahhkie Chicawgo fan in chahhge! Chicawgo fans don’t have the rooting powuh of the LEGENDARY fackin’ Baston faithful! NO ONE DENIES THIS! Papelbawn should have run! Paaaapelbawn!
(puts entire pack of Red Man in mouth)
(smokes thirty Parliaments simultaneously)
(drinks gallon of vodka and Hawaiian Punch)
(cranks Three Doors Down album)
(gets Yosemite Sam tattoo on quadricep)
(throws garbage can through tenement window)
(attaches wallet chain to belt loop)
FAAACK YOOOOOU!!!! CELTIC NATION WILL FARM ITS OWN COUNTRY, YOU FACKS!
Tags: Massholes in the tank, no poflawas please, Tommy from Quinzee
November 5th, 2008 at 10:28 am
Tommy needs a hug
November 5th, 2008 at 10:33 am
Tawmmy’s wicked pissed that the dahkie guvehnah is tryin to get the puot refahrendum ovahterned.
November 5th, 2008 at 10:35 am
On a more uplifting note Romeo Crennel will probably be fired.
November 5th, 2008 at 10:35 am
I drank vodka and Hawaiian Punch one Halloween, then ate some chili. That was a very bad idea.
November 5th, 2008 at 10:39 am
…really? Even though we have a black governor and went for Obama?
November 5th, 2008 at 10:40 am
I can’t think of a more fitting tribute to the first Af-Am POTUS.
November 5th, 2008 at 10:42 am
Tommy’s just so rational these days. I’m sure he’s sworn off coffee now ’cause its just too dahhhhk.
November 5th, 2008 at 10:47 am
good to know Tommy will have the Yosemite Sam tattoo to go with his Tazmanian Devil tattoo.
Welkah for V.P.?
November 5th, 2008 at 10:50 am
You do realize Obama won MA by like 25%, right? 62%-36% I believe. Kinda throws a damper on that whole racism thing.
November 5th, 2008 at 10:55 am
to the overly sensitive people from MA, it’s a joke. Relax, enjoy the Obama victory.
November 5th, 2008 at 10:57 am
Look, I love me some Tawmmy Posts, and he is a fairly accurate representation of the species of shitweasels that dwell in Boston’s Hobokin (aka Quincy). But really? To create a fictional racist reaction to a black president you go to the state with a black governor, that Obama carried by 62% (3rd highest after RI and VT)….. instead, of, um, I don’t know, anywhere the south?
Oh and three doors down? No chance. Its dropkicks son, all fawkin day.
November 5th, 2008 at 10:59 am
[cranks Three Doors Down album]
That made me laugh out loud.
November 5th, 2008 at 11:02 am
If I’m not mistaken “I believe” it’s a joke.
You should be outraged about the comments regarding Hawaain Punch and vodka. If I’m not mistaken it’s the quickest (and also cheapest) way for a fat girl to get skinny in a matter of hours.
November 5th, 2008 at 11:07 am
To create a fictional racist reaction to a black president you go to the state with a black governor, that Obama carried by 62% (3rd highest after RI and VT)….. instead, of, um, I don’t know, anywhere the south?
Holy shit, you mean only 35% of people in Massachusetts are like Tommy from Quinzee?
November 5th, 2008 at 11:08 am
people who are quoting stats:
get a life, this is a joke.
welkah fa gov.
November 5th, 2008 at 11:08 am
I’m guessing Tommy’s vodka of choice is Old Mr. Boston vodka.
http://www.minivodkaguy.com/OldMrBostonVodkaNew.jpg
November 5th, 2008 at 11:15 am
Someone spark Tawmee up a blunt, stat.
November 5th, 2008 at 11:16 am
I’m more of an everclear/kool-aid man myself.
also, didn’t any of you guys from boston see the departed? you guys hate black people!
November 5th, 2008 at 11:19 am
Tawmmy must think he has to wait to bust out the “celebration weed”
November 5th, 2008 at 11:24 am
@Chazz
Come on, MA can be a really progesssive place but anyone from New England knows that Tommy exists… and breeds. It’s a joke.
November 5th, 2008 at 11:33 am
Travis Henry’s Dusty Rubbers Says: “You should be outraged about the comments regarding Hawaain Punch and vodka. If I’m not mistaken it’s the quickest (and also cheapest) way for a fat girl to get skinny in a matter of hours.”
What, so you’re racist against fat girls?! To add to the % quoting meme of my fellow massachussetians 75% of Massachusetts’s women are offended by that post.
November 5th, 2008 at 11:36 am
I’m FROM Mass and I haven’t even heard of half of these stereotypes…
I really need to keep my eyes open next time I walk around Boston. Maybe I can start a scavenger hunt!
November 5th, 2008 at 11:44 am
this stereotype can also apply to Pats fans from Rhode Island. Tommy could easily be from Warwick or Cranston.
November 5th, 2008 at 11:46 am
To all the folks from Massachusetts – there is a very large difference between Boston residents and South Shore residents.
November 5th, 2008 at 11:49 am
@UU:
Yeah, but that changes the accent entirely. Take out the “AW” sounds, and make the rest sound like it was spoken by a Trig Palin with a mouthful of marbles.
/Dated a Cranstonian for like 2 years. I’ll take Wahwick any day.
November 5th, 2008 at 11:50 am
@DeepFriar:
He-ahh he-ahh.
November 5th, 2008 at 11:55 am
@BBT, +1 for the proper pronunciation of Wahwick
November 5th, 2008 at 11:57 am
@UU:
But unfortunately, -1 for having grown up in RI.
November 5th, 2008 at 11:58 am
+1 Stu Scott.
Scene: (Inside Tawmmy’s mind in the voting booth) – Ted Kennedy endorsed him, but he’s still a fackin’ dahkie!!! What ta do???
November 5th, 2008 at 11:58 am
Upstate you are correct, Warrick (they forget the second w) and Craaaansthun have a disproportionately large numebr of asshole pats fans.
Rhode Island : Massachusetts::New Jersey/LI: New York
November 5th, 2008 at 12:00 pm
Am I racist against fat girls? Put simply: If there was a fat girl holocaust, I’d be working for IBM.
November 5th, 2008 at 12:04 pm
@BBT, I graduated from URI in ‘93 when the Pats sucked
@wodderson, good RI:MA to NJ:NY comparison
November 5th, 2008 at 12:12 pm
The funny thing is that all the stereotypical Boston “dudes” saying stuff like that, cause they do exist whether you see them or not massholes, probably forgot to, or weren’t even registered to, vote. They were too busy getting high in their cut-of shirts, watching the People’s Court or some shit like that.
November 5th, 2008 at 12:12 pm
Fat is a race now? Fuck. Now I have to find a fat friend too.
November 5th, 2008 at 12:14 pm
And just for those of you scoring at home, roughly 80-85% of registered voters in Boston, including myself, voted for Obama. And that should have been cut-off shirts, not cut-of shirts in my last comment.
November 5th, 2008 at 12:18 pm
“Boston is too racist for me. I couldn’t play there…that’s been going on ever since my dad was playing baseball. I can’t play like that. That’s not for me, brother.”
–Barry Bonds
Since this quote comes from one of the ten biggest assholes in professional sports history I take it with a grain of salt, but there it is.
November 5th, 2008 at 12:26 pm
To: Whiny Northeastern Cunts
From: The rest of the known universe
Your things to do list for today -
1. Celebrate
2. Approach Wal-Mart, dispense cash, PURCHASE SENSE OF FUCKING HUMOR.
3. Profit
Thanks in Advance
November 5th, 2008 at 12:28 pm
@DeepFriar
Tommy has always impressed me as being more North Shore than South Shore. He must have tons of cousings in Revere or Everett.
November 5th, 2008 at 12:29 pm
Uh… that would be cousins. Not cousings.
November 5th, 2008 at 12:40 pm
Think my post earlier might have come across wrong- I fully acknowledge that Tawwmy exists, nay thrives, in New England’s nether regions (Quincy, Cranston, Revere, etc). I just found the whole, Boston = Racist thing funny when the entire state overwhelmingly elected a black president.
The only real issue I have with the Tawmmy posts are that they never mention as love for Dropkick Murphy’s. You can practically here the “Dropkicks” wafting out from Quincy when you drive by on 93.
November 5th, 2008 at 12:58 pm
Look at it this way…Obama may have won California, but a non-white in Newport Beach ain’t gonna always feel welcome.
November 5th, 2008 at 1:03 pm
How does Worcester (Pronounced Woostah) get a pass in all this? Woostah= Boston like……….Scranton= NYC. During my exile in Woostah in the mid-late ’80’s, I think I actually met Tawmmy…I know I met Bawbby & Mikey. They would be cranking Whitesnake or maybe White Lion…or somethin. It would be wicked awesome. with a coupla bee-ahs from the “Packie”
BTW, all of those quoting statistics should know that 72.7% of all statisitics are made up on the spot
November 5th, 2008 at 1:04 pm
‘Shipping up to Boston’ anyone?
November 5th, 2008 at 1:25 pm
@289 — Drew has you covered for several fat friends.
November 5th, 2008 at 1:44 pm
@ porky1: Exactly
@ martinriggs: Even Tawmmy thumbs his nose at Worcester, come on.
November 5th, 2008 at 1:57 pm
@ martinriggs
Woostah is the worst. We used to call it The Big Prune
laughing all the way to the……………
November 5th, 2008 at 2:23 pm
If I am unfunny, the answer is not necessarily for you to “get a sense of humor”. It may be for me to be funnier.
November 5th, 2008 at 2:30 pm
+kajillion to porky1. don’t get me started.
/black in S.F. and still deal with racism regularly
November 5th, 2008 at 2:45 pm
/peers into White House
It’s fahckin’ wicked dahk in there.
November 5th, 2008 at 2:50 pm
Paint the White House black!
November 5th, 2008 at 2:50 pm
I’m live in Crrrraaaaannnnnston I’m a lifelong Rhode Islander and Pats fan and I love the Tommy bits they really are quite funny and well done. I’m glad everyone else seems to think they’re a good representation of our fans and our views well played.
Don’t worry fans from every other city maybe someday your team will be relavent enough to actually have satire made about your fanbase.
November 5th, 2008 at 2:59 pm
Even Cleveland?
November 5th, 2008 at 3:49 pm
Good to see Metal Jared demonstrating the inferiority complex that makes Boston fans so hysterical.
November 5th, 2008 at 3:51 pm
@porky1: This is for you. Well done.
Back from the peak of Heaven, the depths of Hell
If you feel voodoo, and here’s my spell
To teach my people, and, Yes, rock well
And very, very black
I hear some ni&&as talking ’bout they’ll paint the White House black
I’d blow the sucker up and pressure on the attack
And Frontline, you’ll find, the government swine
Find themselves caught up in a bind
November 5th, 2008 at 3:52 pm
so hysterical
November 5th, 2008 at 4:26 pm
@ Travis Henry’s Dusty Rubbers: Go with vodka and gatorade for that. The way gatorade quickly replenishes your body with electrolyte bullshit will also carry the vodka straight into the bloodstream……come on!
November 5th, 2008 at 5:55 pm
electrolytes… it’s what plants crave!!
November 5th, 2008 at 6:16 pm
Why do I hear Terrence and Phillip when I read Tawmy?
Btw, tonight’s South Park is about Obama showing up to the White House TODAY and trying to start the CHOPE train.
November 5th, 2008 at 6:32 pm
@DUG,
I hear Mark Wahlberg’s character Dignam (Departed) or Matt Damon’s Will Hunting (Needs a beat-down per Paul Rudd in 40 yo Virgin) as Tawmmy’s voice….or maybe it’s just one of the d-bags I met in Woostah.
November 6th, 2008 at 6:39 am
I still have trouble believing that that picture is real and not shopped.
November 6th, 2008 at 7:17 am
Tawwmy was a bit watered down.
November 6th, 2008 at 7:39 am
http://news.bostonherald.com/news/regional/view/2008_11_05_Investigators_seek_cause_of_Mass__church_fire/srvc=home&position=recent
Sadly, there might be a few Tawmmy’s with arson on their mind. Fire started not long after Obama was declared winner, according to my NPR local station this morning. Could be something else and not arson, but…
November 6th, 2008 at 12:31 pm
True: Hawaiian Punch taste good with vodka and Samuel adams
false: Boston people didn’t vote for the dawhki