Everything’s Crappier in Three Dimensions
You have probably heard that this week the NFL will take their next step three dimensional experimentation when they screen the Oakland-San Diego game in a special theater for select broadcasting partners and various tech nerds. Of course this has left many NFL fans who harbor memories of strapping on cheap cardboard “glasses” to catch a glimpse of Kelly Bundy’s sweet sweet tits to ask why the fuck anyone would want their football in 3D. Here at KSK we embrace the forward-thinking automatons in the NFL marketing office and we’ve come up with a list of undeniable advantages to watching the magic in three dimensions.
Laserface IN YOUR FACE!
Marmalard’s balls will float through the theater like the Red Balloon.
Shawne Merriman can eye-rape spectators from the sidelines.
LaDainian’s sullen expressions will be so much more textured.
see Norv Turner’s facial craters in THREE crystal clear dimensions!
Al Davis doesn’t show up in 3D… or am I thinking of mirrors?
Even in a 3D theater, you have to squint to see Darren Sproles.
3D glasses only slightly less gay than LT’s visor
Raiders in 3D: Still better than Captain EO!
Slightly more playoff implications than Spy Kids in 3D!
Raiders in 3D: denial, desperation, dementia.
And now, some photos of what you can expect if you’re lucky enough to be in the special audience…
The Bad
The Ugly
Tags: Fun With 3D, group posts, Unsilent Majority
November 24th, 2008 at 3:24 pm
Talk about Ecstacy of Gold in that 1st pic. HEY-OH!!!!!!!
November 24th, 2008 at 3:30 pm
the 3-D game will be sponsored by Bad Idea jeans.
November 24th, 2008 at 3:31 pm
Um, so how do they show the games at the stadium? Using holograms?
Boy, those NFL folks sure are innovators. Next they’ll start broadcasting games in color. We really do live in an age of wonder.
November 24th, 2008 at 3:34 pm
CNN thinks these guys are way behind the curve on stupid broadcasting ideas.
November 24th, 2008 at 3:34 pm
Picture #1 should make all KSK readers enter the 4th dimension.
November 24th, 2008 at 3:35 pm
I saw Captain EO at Disney Land when I was about 10- and I got a creepy feeling that Michael Jackson was looking at me. The couple “Friday the Thirteenth” 3D movies they did in the ’80s were much better.
November 24th, 2008 at 3:36 pm
You’ll be able to reach out and TOUCH the shark that the NFL is jumping! Magical!
November 24th, 2008 at 3:39 pm
Wow. First a beer that has “drinkability” and now this. A wonderful time to be alive…
November 24th, 2008 at 3:45 pm
I’m officially more a fan of the 2008 Charger cheerleaders than the 2008 Chargers… It’s been a wonderful year…
November 24th, 2008 at 3:45 pm
I had the idea for 3-D football years ago, except all the players were on these floating magnetic platforms, and it took about ten minutes to set up a play.
And nobody could ever remember their hot routes. REMEMBER YOUR GODDAMN HOT ROUTES! FUCK!
/flips game over
November 24th, 2008 at 3:46 pm
This is the only reason anyone would watch this game.
November 24th, 2008 at 3:48 pm
Finally I’ll be able to punch those stupid ass dancing robots on FOX right in their stupid robot faces!
November 24th, 2008 at 3:50 pm
Give me Myron Cope, a crisp pair of sweatpants, and a wild turkey. None of this pansy hi-def 3d shit.
November 24th, 2008 at 3:53 pm
Mmmm erotic cakes!!
November 24th, 2008 at 4:18 pm
so they finally found a screen to fit JaMarcus Russell’s whole ass?
November 24th, 2008 at 4:31 pm
why is the scary old man pointing at my cheerleader induced boner?
November 24th, 2008 at 4:45 pm
KSK in 3D:
See Christmas Ape’s homerism boner extend before your very eyes…in 3D!
Watch Drew’s man-nipples realistically pop out…in 3D!
The Maj is Jewish…in 3D!
November 24th, 2008 at 4:56 pm
I knew I had seen Al Davis somewhere outside Raidah nation…http://mine.icanhascheezburger.com/view.aspx?ciid=2688284
November 24th, 2008 at 4:58 pm
Officially my new #1 hottest girl ever.
November 24th, 2008 at 5:00 pm
Why is that cheerleader punishing her boobies? They look so painfully squashed. Did she get implants after they fitted her uniform? I’m really confused about all this.
November 24th, 2008 at 5:23 pm
Emo Eagles in 3D? You’ll feel like you’re the one cutting yourself!
November 24th, 2008 at 5:37 pm
Not all the fucking games are even broadcast in HD yet, and they’re already talking about 3D? This is going to be just as awesome as the NFL network!
November 24th, 2008 at 5:54 pm
Just wait till you see sports in Live 3-D. It’s not what you think.
It’s easy to knock it right now because of traditional headache-inducing 3-D and everything that has been offered in the new digital 3-D has been lame kiddie movies. My company is a huge player this game, we’re not doing this lame NFL test, but we’re about to step in with two big announcements.
Just throwing that out there.
November 24th, 2008 at 6:15 pm
Nikki, you’re a straight shooter with upper-level management written all over you.
November 24th, 2008 at 6:23 pm
memories of strapping on cheap cardboard “glasses” to catch a glimpse of Kelly Bundy’s sweet sweet tits
Ah, yes, Kelly Bundy’s tits. Back when she had more than one. Were we ever really that young?
November 24th, 2008 at 6:49 pm
ooh rah!
November 24th, 2008 at 6:52 pm
Moon……pie. What a time to be alive.
November 24th, 2008 at 6:56 pm
R.I.P., Kelly Bundy’s sweet sweet tits.
November 25th, 2008 at 12:48 am
@most_impressive: I could never get my backs to pick up the fucking blitzing linebacker, either. Fucking half-wits.