Welcome to another edition of Always Be Covering, the internet’s worst gambling advice column. Hopefully you’ve gathered by now that KSK isn’t in the “information” business. See what separates us from other gambling advice columns is that other gambling advice columns are gambling advice columns. Sure, sometimes my picks will be absolutely perfect, but then there are occasions like last week where I managed to go a staggering 0 for 7, which is kind of perfect in it’s own imperfect way. Regardless, I feel bad that I may have steered some of you in the wrong direction last week, so I’ll make my amends after the jump.
Before we get to the pick
s of the week, here’s one sexy Florida based cheerleader for each of the seven games I butchered last week…
Hopefully now we can all move on and enjoy another perfect week of picks. In order to ensure this, I’m putting all of my eggs in Peyton Manning’s bursa sac in what is surely the tastiest line of the weekend.
Indianapolis +3 at San Diego
Really? Yeah, I’ll fuck with that. Both teams have been crap against the spread, but at least the Colts are, you know, playing well and shit. Peyton finally looks healthy and Marvin Harrison might not be turning into football’s version of post-2002 Bernie Williams after all. Huzzah! Try not to be overly influenced by San Diego’s vaunted home field advantage or Marmalard’s epic arm strength (flooooat!), because the Chargers are one big bowl of suck. Rivers has tossed four interceptions in the past two games after throwing just four in the season’s first six weeks.
Okay fine, I don’t really know why the fuck I’m bothering with these retarded statistics, none of it fucking matters, no matter what your fancy record may indicate. What we know is that lines are based on how people will bet, and in general people are fucking stupid, especially the ones betting on football every week. So when in doubt I’m just going to put all of my money on the better team playing better football against a team coached by Norv Turner. I don’t need to follow some weak-ass scientific method to know how this is going to turn out. The Colts will probably make the spread moot by stomping the Chargers.
But what if they don’t? Well then you can expect some serious sexiness in this space next week, followed by my pleas for a quick cash loan.
Seriously though, can I borrow some money? It’s not like you need it, I mean how many copies of Men With Balls can one shut-in possibly read? Hey, you know what? I happen to have a few extra copies lying around. Maybe you’d like to purchase them from me directly for cents on the dollar. Sure they don’t have any “covers” on them, but shit, I need the money and you need to know how various athletes fuck. And hey, one of them is even autographed! Unfortunately it’s Drew’s signature instead of somebody, you know, important.
I want more like this!
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