Always Be Covering: Especially When Having the White Man Over For Dinner
Welcome, one and all, to a special mid-week edition of Always Be Covering. Today we’ll take a close examination of the Thanksgiving day (and night) offerings while thinking about eating some oyster stuffing from between that cheerleader’s tits. It’s a wonder that people even bother asking me what holiday I enjoy most. What do you think I’m going to say, Christmas? Fuck that. Continue after the jump for a special bet of the week.
Remember, this is a teaser bet, so the first person to tell me I got the line wrong will tarred and featherd. Then shot.
Tennessee -5 at Detroit
For years I’ve been screaming that the Lions have no business hosting the most important regular season football game of the year, and now that they are without a win my dream could come true. We can make this happen in our lifetimes with a little bit of help. All you have to do is NOT WATCH THE FUCKING GAME! I know it’s sacrilegious, but you must entertain your guests without the benefit of the NFL. As always, I recommend porn. Just pray that the Lions lose in typically embarrassing fashion, and pretend it never happened.
Seattle +19.5 at Dallas
Oh god, is this really the day’s marquee game? Shoot me in the scrotum with a pellet gun. Hopefully Dallas can do something to make it interesting. Like TO celebrating a touchdown with 27 pound turkey on his head. Then all the children can watch while a suddenly spry Wade Phillips begins chasing he and the delicious bird all over Texas Stadium with a fork in one hand and his cock in the other.
Philadelphia +3.5 vs. Arizona
Ah, the best game of the day, and an intriguing storyline to boot. Of course most of you will be passed out from all that turkey and whiskey to pay any attention. I myself will be at the oddly scheduled Wizards game while this one is going on. You’ll be able to spot me because I’ll be the one fast asleep by the second quarter.
Enjoy your holiday weekend, and remember, if a loved one tells you to slow down as you stuff your face with your second turkey leg and fifth glass of wine you are morally obligated to tell said concerned party to shut their fucking mouth before ordering them to get you more potatoes.
Tags: degenerate behavior, Gambling, Sexy Wednesday, Unsilent Majority
November 26th, 2008 at 1:10 pm
I’d poke her hontas! HEY-O!
November 26th, 2008 at 1:11 pm
Next week, it’s Oakland vs. San Diego
The NFL has really fucked itself in the ass with Thursday scheduling this year
November 26th, 2008 at 1:14 pm
it’s a shame she died of smallpox, but at least she was warm in that blanket
November 26th, 2008 at 1:22 pm
Nothing like watching some good old fashioned porn in the cozy family room, and explaining to your 8-year-old nephew the significance of fish-hooking and cock-slapping.
November 26th, 2008 at 1:26 pm
@Jeff K: We’ve been over this before: Her name is Poke-a-hot-ass.
Thank you for the acknowledgment of Sexy Wednesday, in light of this beautiful long holiday weekend.
November 26th, 2008 at 1:26 pm
Falling asleep during a Wizards game has nothing to do with Thanksgiving.
November 26th, 2008 at 1:48 pm
I’m sorry, I’ve tried entertaining the in-laws without football, and I just.can’t.fucking.do.it.
It doesn’t really matter how shitty the game is anyways, as me and my brother-in-law will be arguing football for three straight hours and miss pretty much every single snap anyways. (to the savage annoyment of my sister-in-law, who will be yelling at us to shut the fuck up for three straight hours because she’s trying to watch the game.)
Ah, good old Thanksgiving….
At least there’s a ton of fucking FOOD!
November 26th, 2008 at 1:50 pm
So, does this count as the suicide picks?
If so,
Biff King P.I. selects Titans over Lions.
/Turkey with a side of cowardice.
November 26th, 2008 at 1:54 pm
will be tarred and feathered. Then shot. Then molested with Brady Quinn’s broken finggie.
/FIXED
November 26th, 2008 at 1:58 pm
SHET YER FRIGGIN YAP AND GET ME MORE GODDAMN POTATOES AND STUFFING BEFORE I COCKSLAP YA YA FRIGGIN SHREW. AM I RIGHT SAL?
/Giants fan’d
November 26th, 2008 at 2:09 pm
Too soon, SMK!!!
November 26th, 2008 at 2:27 pm
Why we even playing this stupid season out? Just give us the trophy now and lets get started on 09
November 26th, 2008 at 2:32 pm
@ Doc
“Nothing like watching some good old fashioned porn in the cozy family room, and having your 8-year old nephew explain the significance of fish-hooking and cock-slapping.”
*fixed.
/shudders.
November 26th, 2008 at 2:45 pm
+1 310
November 26th, 2008 at 2:50 pm
Sorry, guys, I’m gonna watch the first two games anyway (since I don’t have the NFL network, screw me for the third). I’d rather watch two what-the-fuck-ever games than have to converse with my family.
November 26th, 2008 at 2:52 pm
FIX YO SPREADS!!
November 26th, 2008 at 2:54 pm
Philly +3.5? Seriously?
November 26th, 2008 at 3:03 pm
Animal Mother- Die
Drew Bledsoe- Seriously what?
November 26th, 2008 at 3:07 pm
@Gennifer: i fucking second that. I’ll take Titans-Lions over listening to my mother agonize about why my father left her any day of the week. I hate the Titans, but it’s always fun watching the Lions get fucking plowed.
November 26th, 2008 at 3:08 pm
You got the line wrong.
wsex.com
November 26th, 2008 at 3:23 pm
TEASER!
November 26th, 2008 at 3:30 pm
The Eagles, jesus this guys are falling apart. I think the Cardinals will blow them out of the water, take the money line.
November 26th, 2008 at 3:35 pm
didn’t anyone tell her those pom-poms don’t match her outfit?
November 26th, 2008 at 3:39 pm
Damn, the Pocahontas is one of my favorite fetish costumes. I tried to come up with an NFL/gambling-related joke, but there’s not enough blood in my brain.
November 26th, 2008 at 3:40 pm
I bet she shits ice cream, Gino.
November 26th, 2008 at 3:41 pm
Pumpkin flavored ice cream?
November 26th, 2008 at 5:28 pm
Is the one in the back dressed up as a turkey leg?
November 26th, 2008 at 7:41 pm
Copious Turducken +10 @ John Madden’s Colon
November 26th, 2008 at 8:27 pm
I’d like to stick my peace pipe in her wigwam.
November 27th, 2008 at 1:03 am
I swear to go you mother fuckers, if the Giants played on thanksgiving NOBODY would eat or sleep ever again am I right!? The giants would fucking ass rape every N****R in sight, bang all your sisters and mudda’s and then eat all your god damn turkey right in front of you, and if you call me a liar again Ill fucking KILL you. Bada Bing! Yankees World Series 09! Fuck you!
November 27th, 2008 at 1:32 am
who said there are no good thurs night games. just wait until the jags vs colts in 3 weeks! woo hoo that will be a great fucking game right there!
/attending the game, but only to get hammered and cheer for any fantasy impacts. the jags will just be pissing away draft spots with any further wins. fuck pride draft Te-mutha fuckin-bow!!!!
November 27th, 2008 at 10:06 am
@guitarninja
I love watching the Lions get plowed because it makes me feel better about being a Browns fan. ;(
November 27th, 2008 at 10:10 am
whats the over/under on how many bowls of gravy drew drinks today?
November 27th, 2008 at 2:45 pm
http://www.tonycutyourhair.com
I’m grateful that someone made a site for Tony Kornheisers combover….