Always Be Covering: Especially When Going Back to Cali
Women, and the weed — sticky green
No seeds bitch please, Poppa ain’t soft
Another weekend of NFL action, and another weekend that I’ll miss it all because I’m in California. If it weren’t for all of this sunshine and designer weed I might be pretty fucking aggravated. Oh well, continue after the jump for a quick rundown of this weekend’s bets.
I was undefeated last week, so this time around I’m just going to let it all hang out. Fifty bucks on each of the following seven games. I’d provide you with some more witty analysis, but I played golf at Bighorn instead.
Atlanta Falcons -6½
Denver is fucking garbage. Shanny is a fraud no matter what Fatsis is peddling.
Miami Dolphins -10
Betting against Oakland is just reassuring at this point.
Indianapolis Colts -8
The Colts are reverting to their old form, as are the Texans.
Minnesota Vikings +4
I may not understand you gentiles, but I approve of your Purple Jesus wholeheartedly. I am in fact, a Jew for Purple Jesus.
St. Louis Rams +7
Uhhh…Steven Jackson isn’t going to bitch out again is he?
Philadelphia Eagles -9
When Philly wins they tend to win pretty big. When they lose it’s usually because Andy Reid is thinking about food. Or wondering where his children are.
Carolina Panthers -14
DAUNTE!
Note: The following commenters can eat a big fresh cocktaco.
P.S. Fuck Dallas and fuck Tony Romo’s taint tickling pinkie.
November 14th, 2008 at 8:30 pm
did you spend more than 3 seconds finding that pathetic excuse for ‘coverage’? I demand some sort of underboob in a Pennington dolphins throwback…or at the very least a Joey Porter joke.
November 14th, 2008 at 8:44 pm
chocotaco > cocktaco
November 14th, 2008 at 8:59 pm
I believe bottom line at ESPN at 6 was no S. Jackson. Sorry dude.
November 14th, 2008 at 11:33 pm
Rushed post = fail.
November 15th, 2008 at 12:03 am
No, it’s fuck the unbris’d Foreskins and their MVP (HAHAHA) of a running back. BWAHAHAHAHA.
November 15th, 2008 at 12:07 am
That son of a bitch….now who am I gonna start at RB on my fantasy team?? Why can’t the mailbag be on Saturdays?!?!
November 15th, 2008 at 12:16 am
I don’t sleep motha fucka off that yak and that bourbin
Doin’ 120 gettin’ head while I’m swervin’
November 15th, 2008 at 7:13 am
For the record, I heard the Jaguars actually printed out my snide comment and hung it up in their locker room all of last week as motivation. Hence, you’re welcome for the coverage.
And I’ll take that cocktaco to go; I’m running late for a meeting.
November 15th, 2008 at 8:33 am
Sunshine, the sticky, golf at Bighorn – life under Obama is good.
November 15th, 2008 at 10:17 am
California can get fucked………
……as for Obama – I cant wait to quit my job and get on welfare!!!
November 15th, 2008 at 11:04 am
The Vikings over TB? Tampa Bay has a top 5 defense and I see a tough weekend for purple jesus
November 15th, 2008 at 11:05 am
I cant wait to quit my job and get on welfare!!!
I’d urge you to get that partial lobotomy first, but it seems you’ve already had it done.
Megadittos, douchenozzle. Mega. Dittos.
November 15th, 2008 at 12:13 pm
I’d give Lil’ Kim my cocktaco.
November 15th, 2008 at 12:50 pm
Clearly I was out of it. When I read this last night I wondered why Maj was giving FMRA and Fozzie Bear a cockatoo…sigh.
November 15th, 2008 at 1:59 pm
@FMRA at 7:13 am!?
That’s damned early for a Saturday. Who says marijuana smokers are just a lot of lazy, patchouli-reeking hackysack enthusiasts? Bully for you.
(Also, should I be posting in SAS-style all caps since I’m on my Blackberry wireless handheld?)
November 15th, 2008 at 3:32 pm
Yep. I was in my office then, and I’m back there now… had to present at a convention today. On the plus side, I am now going to go get drunk for the next 36 hours.
November 15th, 2008 at 4:00 pm
If it weren’t for all of this wildfire and smoke inhalation I might be pretty fucking unaggravated.
/state of emergency’d
November 15th, 2008 at 6:27 pm
I’m not in Santa Barbara. Thank god.
November 15th, 2008 at 7:25 pm
Thank God, indeed. Unfortunately the fires have spread to the San Fernando Valley, where I (and a majority of America’s porn) reside.
November 15th, 2008 at 8:01 pm
You forgot to take the Titanics to cover! Chant with me, everyone! “ONE MORE WEEK! ONE MORE WEEK! COCKTACO! COCKTACO!”
November 15th, 2008 at 8:02 pm
Oh yeah – and what you want, Natalie? To drink and fight!
November 15th, 2008 at 8:45 pm
We can actually be held accountable for what we say in the comments? Ack.
November 16th, 2008 at 12:28 am
I’m inhaling…but it ain’t weed. Most days I mock all who live where it snows, or even rains. Watching Yorba Linda burn around us isn’t as fun as, say, watching midget porn. Our house is good so far, but there are a LOT of horsey owners who are screwed. Anyway, something something in perspective, but this kinda sucks. Thank Vishnu for beer.
November 16th, 2008 at 2:46 am
I’m with you SoS> I Live in San Pedro. And if anyone is interested, I have some wicked shots of the smoke, fire and Santa Ana conditions today. It doesn’t hurt that I have 270 degrees of protection from the elements (I’m on the peninsula) but try and inhale this shit for a couple of days. I have been an inhabitant of Mordor for the last 2 days. We had the Palos Verdes fire that burned less than 2 miles from the fully operational babe lair that I call home. And for the record we fired up the grill to fend off the enemy advances. Them sausages was tasty!
November 16th, 2008 at 11:17 am
Hang in there, SOS. Try turning this to your advantage. Maybe you can finally film that home movie version of “Backdraft”? Or hang a couple hams up outside for a good old-fashioned smoke curin’!
November 16th, 2008 at 4:25 pm
0-6 going into the 4’s. You need a bookie or anything?
November 16th, 2008 at 7:15 pm
And a Matt Millen level of perfection has been achieved.
November 17th, 2008 at 10:25 am
If Costanza taught us anything, it’s to leave on a high note. This is what happens when you don’t.
November 17th, 2008 at 11:36 am
0-7? Ouch.
shoveling snow > your house burning to the ground
With any luck, maybe some rain will come, put out the fires, cause some flash flooding and mudslides, then an earthquake for the finale.