DREW FORCES HIMSELF ON THE WWL: The gayest virtual book tour of all time makes a stop with this guest column at ESPNtheMag.com. Oddly enough, the Worldwide Leader frowns on phrases like “pussy clamp” in their columns. Chances that virtually every ESPN.com commenter takes this column literally? I’d say a million percent.
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Ufford gave me one piece of Fantasy advice, like three years ago, and it was “Don’t take McGahee.” Even he knew.
Oh, the pain…the anguish. J-Stew, you cocksucker. I start you against the Raiders and you get me 21 fucking yards, while Lewis is riding the pain. You decide to show up and blow up the Lions’ excuse for a defense the next week while I start Westbrook in your place. You asseating Cutlerfucks. And Jay, I appreciate the 40+ every 3 weeks, but could you spread those around a bit so I don’t have to worry about you COMPLETING SHITTING THE BED IF YOU DON’T HAVE A CAREER DAY. Colston…you’re dead to me. I’m a rookie, and I thought you were as safe a pick as I could get for a number one wideout. You’ve shown up for ONE FUCKING GAME, you cockmuncher. DAMN YOU FANTASY GODS! DAMN YOU YAHOO!
/rant
//storms off
///kicks table barefoot
////falls down
/////yelps in pain
//////breaks down and cries
If you show up with a guest post on MilfHunter.com you will officially have gone too far.
No Lee Evans? If you want true fantasy inconsistency (and let’s face it, no one does but we all get it), look no further than Mr. Evans. You don’t even have to go past upstate New York/Lower Canada.
Why no mention of KSK in the bio? Oh, you mean they didn’t know you were BDD from KSK?
If the camera adds ten pounds, that would make you what? 356?
Well fiddlesticks.
My brother is not named Tyler.
if you murder bill simmons using your wwl connections, can i be the first person to high 5 you?
Your brother’s name is Tyler? So let’s see, there’s an east coast family of Tylers, Drews, and they went to prep school. No wonder Jason Garrett comes so naturally…
I have enough fantasy hate in my heart to fuel twenty-seven world wars. So white hot is my bloodthirsty fury that it could create a tear in the space-time continuum, devouring entire solar systems.
Who knew Drew was a Penny Arcade fan?
I’d pay good money to see Drew debated Skip Bayless on First Take.
I have enough fantasy hate in my heart to fuel twenty-seven world wars. So white hot is my bloodthirsty fury that it could create a tear in the space-time continuum, devouring entire solar systems.
I feel the same way about McNabb. He’s fucked me for the last time I say.
The space-time continuum is collapsing upon itself as we speak. Drew on the WWL? Are you auditioning to take over Simmons’ page 2 responsibilities? Get me outta here, Warp 7.
/geek’d out
Next on First Take, children’s author Drew Magary!
Reading Drew without cursing is like when Tony and Carmela used to do it on the Sopranos. Oh, and the bit about Westbrook had me in the fetal position for about 10 minutes.
I feel weird right now. Kind of like when my bike seat pokes me in the butt. Is it good/bad, I just don’t know.
First Reilly and now Magary? I hope Simmons can find solace in Dalaurio’s loving embrace.
Excuse me while I try to incite a riot on the ESPN comment section…
why do i get the feeling that today it is very cold day in a very warm climate.
ESPN the Magazine? What? Cold Pizza wasn’t available?
Fuck McGahee. I did the exact same thing with my lineup.
I hope every one of his illegitamate kids runs up and kicks him in the nuts
Drew Magary is the author of Men With Balls: The Professional Athlete’s Handbook. He is 6’2″, 245 lbs, but would still run away like a little girl if he actually had to fight Willis McGahee.
only 245, eh?
Drew,
Any plans to bring this book tour north of the border? Or is that still off limits because of the “incident in ’02″ ?