You Gotta Be Your Own Man Now. And You. and You. And You Other Six.
All right, boys. I think we all knew this day would come sooner or even sooner than that. But daddy’s going away for a long, long time. And not like going away for cigarettes long time, ’cause I already tried that and that private investigator your moms hired done found me. I’m getting locked up. Don’t worry, I’ll get Michael Vick’s autograph for you.
I need you to look after your brother. You look after your brother. You look after…yep, that’s right, brother. And you. Can you pull double duty and look after two of your brothers? Good to hear. That’s my boy. You all were gonna make fine junior lieutenants in the Travis Henry Cocaine Empire. Guess you kids are gonna have to form some kind of co-op. Give Matt Jones a call. He’ll pay high for cheap product.
Don’t none y’all start no shit with Willis McGahee’s kids. They got problems of they own. Got a daddy who can’t see shit and only got three illegitimate kids of his own. Lightweight.
Maybe you could get a start on my legal defense fund. You could concentrate your efforts on all being those annoying kids with pamphlets trying to raise money outside the grocery store. The ones no one believes are actually raising funds for shit.
Anyway, I know this is the most parenting I’ve done in y’all’s lives, but I’m gonna do my time and get out so I can get you guys some more lieutenants. Stay strong.
Tags: travis henry is a smarty, xmas ape
October 1st, 2008 at 5:58 pm
Third kid from the left looks terrified.
October 1st, 2008 at 6:17 pm
He should call Nate Newton’s lawyer…he only got 30 months for close to 400 pounds of ganja…which to be realistic…is pretty minimal..
October 1st, 2008 at 6:22 pm
I recognize those kids- they guilted me into buying a melting Kit Kat bar in the Safeway parking lot the other day. They said it was for their “traveling team” and showed me a worn-out pamphlet (their only one), which I didn’t read. If they were legit, I hope my two dollars will help. If they weren’t, I kind of admire the enterprising little fuckers.
Also, don’t go to the grocery store when you’re baked.
October 1st, 2008 at 6:37 pm
What’s the over/under on the pounds of reefer he tries to sneak in for Ookie in his prison wallet?
October 1st, 2008 at 6:39 pm
I hope Darren McFadden read this and learned. Im not sure if being an analyst pays more than peddlin’ snow cones though.
October 1st, 2008 at 6:40 pm
@Gino
Same thing happened to me at a Giant Food Store. I was baked too.
October 1st, 2008 at 7:43 pm
And to think, if he could have just held on a few more days…the Steelers were signing any running back they could find. But hey, Najeh Davenport, welcome back!
October 1st, 2008 at 7:57 pm
Jamal and him must’ve got some good connects during their stay in Knoxville.
October 1st, 2008 at 7:57 pm
So that’s how Henry stayed hard long enough to foster six kids.
October 1st, 2008 at 8:00 pm
@Gino & Shane_Falco
Kroger here. Toasted off my ass.
October 1st, 2008 at 8:22 pm
Sabbatini’s Pacifier: That’s because in Newton’s case, the prosecution was never able to wholly disprove the “personal use” defense.
October 1st, 2008 at 9:19 pm
*sniff*
THEY GROW UP SO FAST!
October 1st, 2008 at 10:38 pm
Did Travis Henry marry Michelle Pfeifer and shoot his sister Gina yet?
October 1st, 2008 at 10:49 pm
I’ve been reading KSK for a long time and I think this might be the most brutal post I’ve seen them do. Ouch.
October 2nd, 2008 at 12:15 am
I mean come on, anybody want to give Henry credit for not falling into the stereotype of being a crack dealer? Way to discover the white man’s drug!
October 2nd, 2008 at 2:38 am
I know what you’re thinking. Don’t you dare say it!
October 2nd, 2008 at 7:16 am
I’ve got money on the one with the braids/corn rows/dreds or whatever the fuck they are (2nd dude from the left) steps up and becomes the leader of the ring. Give him 2-3 years and he’ll be bitch slapping hoes and walking with a 24K gold diamond encrusted cane.
As for the comments about going to the grocery store baked, let me tell you that that is just dangerous. I have flashbacks to the scene in half baked…gotta have funyons man, funyons! I say all of this hypothetically speaking of course.
October 2nd, 2008 at 9:06 am
The one on the right? Hell yeah, it’s like he’s got an invisible sign with “BIG PIMPIN’” floating over his head.
October 2nd, 2008 at 9:08 am
So when is he signing his contract with the Bengals then? He would be their star criminal….erm, I mean player…
October 2nd, 2008 at 10:08 am
If only we could caption this pic, that would be the shizzle!
October 2nd, 2008 at 10:16 am
Travis Henry and Matt Jones in Shawshank Redemption II: 8-Ball of Hope…
“All I ask is for three eight-balls a piece for each of my co-workers… I think a man in the NFL feels more like a man if he can boomp a few lines. That’s only my, and Michael Irvin’s, opinion.”
October 2nd, 2008 at 11:22 am
Kid on the right’s named Marlo, right?
October 2nd, 2008 at 12:13 pm
See, I disagree. That kid on the left with the yellow jersey already looks like he’s killed 4 people…and you could be next, bitch!