The Lead Horse Is Feeling Its Oats
Jeff Fisher: [pumps fist] Get a load of us! Five and oh! How’s that for a best-ever start in franchise history?
Keith Bulluck: It takes real leadership to head a stalwart defense like this. It takes fighting with your teammates on the field with conviction. And if anyone needs Cortland Finnegan, depending on his spatial skills and his aptitude for fighting bears, he should be back in three to four days.
Kyle Vanden Bosch: Yeah I can’t tell you how great it is to finally – Argh, my groin!
Lendale White: [Rack of lamb hanging out of mouth] Mhmmarph mmmrom gglggrraaa haaapppon mmmonnfff ooogggon Kansas City.
Jeff Fisher: Hey, hey. I don’t want to hear one bit of that. That’s the same Kansas City team that knocked off a then-beaten Broncos club a few weeks back. We got two weeks to prepare for this game and we got to take it seriously. [Pumps fist]
Kerry Collins: [Mimics farting sound] Haaaaaaaaaaaa! That never gets old. Used to use that one to break up the tension in the Panthers’ locker room after I called all my teammates shiftless negroids.
So when’re we gonna start getting a little sloppy in here? Held onto to some wicked shit from our trip to Baltimore. C’mon! Let’s crank it up!
Vince Young: [Quietly, but shirtlessly, picks the petals off a flower and lets them slowly drift to the ground]
Jeff Fisher: Easy. Eeeeeeasy. Like I said, 5-0 is a fine start, but we got unfinished business to attend to, am I right?
[Leads team in fist pumping]
Chris Johnson:Yeah! I got a touchdown vulture to shed!
Rob Bironas: I still have to kill The Knack and Chris Berman!
Bo Scaife: As a member of the Titans’ offense, I’m completely at the beck and call of the defense. We got a first down, you guys. That’s an extra three plays of rest you got. And people say this team is one-sided.
Lendale: Coogonk Taaromn Oooonmmg Erreeeof Playoffs!
Collins: I tell ya, I love you dumb excitable tar babies with all of my bourbon-stained heart.
[Keith Bulluck fist pumps him in the kidney]
Tags: tennessee titans, xmas ape
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October 7th, 2008 at 10:59 am
Jeez, Ape, that’s just…right?
October 7th, 2008 at 11:02 am
the… titans? 5-0? you don’t say? you sure they are not 2-3? really? and Kerry Collins is the QB? Kerry Collins. 5-0?
seriously, quit fucking with me.
October 7th, 2008 at 11:08 am
Is Kerry Collins the drunk one?
October 7th, 2008 at 11:09 am
Why am I commenting on the Titans? Fuck them.
October 7th, 2008 at 11:09 am
Lendale: Coogonk Taaromn Oooonmmg Erreeeof Playoffs!
can i please have a translation?
October 7th, 2008 at 11:10 am
Collins majored in Racial Insensitivity at Penn State…….with a minor in Bourbon Studies.
October 7th, 2008 at 11:15 am
Who DIDN’T minor in some kind of alcohol studies at a Big Ten school?
Personally, mine was “Gin Studies”.
/classy
October 7th, 2008 at 11:27 am
“Vince Young: [Quietly, but shirtlessly, picks the petals off a flower and lets them slowly drift to the ground]”
out-fucking-standing Ape!
October 7th, 2008 at 11:38 am
So Vince Young hangs with the emo eagles now?
October 7th, 2008 at 11:41 am
“I love you dumb excitable tar babies with all of my bourbon-stained heart.” is the new greatest line in KSK history
October 7th, 2008 at 11:45 am
Did Vince Young crank up My Chemical Romance and Panic! At the Disco while he depetaled that flower?
And my minors included “Latin-American Relations” i.e. “How Jose Cuervo Makes Fat White Chicks Prettier”
October 7th, 2008 at 11:53 am
Keith Bulluck thinks it would be funnier if you spelled his name right.
October 7th, 2008 at 12:01 pm
Maybe he confused it with that jim j bullock gay guy that used to be on Hollywood Squares all the time back in the day. Don’t act like you don’t know who I’m talking about.
/wondering why the fuck I remembered that queer shit…..
October 7th, 2008 at 12:10 pm
Keith Bulluck thinks it would be funnier if you spelled his name right.
Probably not, but some pedantic commenter might.
October 7th, 2008 at 12:11 pm
The Bironas comment is the one that got me. Well done Ape.
October 7th, 2008 at 12:18 pm
Oooooh, “pedantic” – springing big words on me after your misspelling. How ingeniously pretentious (I thought that was Ufford’s shtick?).
October 7th, 2008 at 12:34 pm
This might be the first recorded incidence of Titans lampooning ever, now that there’s actual reason to pay them attention. A copy of this MUST go to the Smithsonian.
October 7th, 2008 at 12:45 pm
And if anyone wants to needs Cortland Finnegan, depending on his spatial skills and his aptitude for fighting bears, he should be back to three to four days.
What drunk bastard wrote this masterpiece of a sentence? A few misplaced “to’s” methinks. No need to thank me now Ape, just doing my job here. And Lendale White is a sniff of a biscuit away from 3 bills.
October 7th, 2008 at 12:49 pm
These are my favorite posts, where multiple characters just pointlessly interact.
October 7th, 2008 at 1:39 pm
It was a little sloppy, yes. An unfortunate consequence of having to rush a post because no one else felt like writing anything.
October 7th, 2008 at 1:41 pm
Damn, I sure got fat in the offseason
October 7th, 2008 at 2:05 pm
Kerry Collins is my favorite racist drunk
October 7th, 2008 at 3:08 pm
Lendale sounds like that even without food in his mouth. Translations are unavailable for this particular dialect.
October 7th, 2008 at 4:27 pm
Guess you’re going to have to stop spending your summers at your momma’s house in Baltimore, Carmelo.
October 7th, 2008 at 4:33 pm
Surely any continuing saga involving Lendale White will also involve bacon dust. Or chicken fried bacon dust with buffalo bacon ranch gravy.
October 7th, 2008 at 4:49 pm
Kerry Collins and Reese Bobby are the same person
October 7th, 2008 at 5:49 pm
Quietly, but shirtlessly, picks the petals off a flower and lets them slowly drift to the ground.
I’m going to make him an emo-bitch -mix tape.
October 8th, 2008 at 10:33 am
On side notes: One of my college roommates went to high school with Keith Bulluck and said he is just a beast. I know, that’s obvious now.
Oh, and Pete Wentz or whatever the fuck that fag’s name is is the Playboy Interview this month. Get fucked Pete. You’re embarrassing our gender.
October 9th, 2008 at 10:05 pm
I believe the translation of Lendale’s line is “Bring me Solo and the wookiee! They will pay for this outrage.”