Before the start of the season, two notable contributors to playoff teams each had an episode of penile exhibitionism hit the Intarwebs. Only Chris Cooley caught flak for his, but that’s because a guy with as big a dick as Santonio Holmes never has to apologize for it. Hell, I’m sure Jeff Reed was glad to welcome him to the online dick-flashing club. So Brady Quinn, WHO YA GOT?


Santonio Holmes____________Chris Cooley

Hails From

Wherever the good weed at___________Fuck Town


San Antonio, according to every fuckwit announcer_________Captain Chaos

Winner of

Genetic lottery________________Team’s fantasy league (almost as good!)

Dick resembles

Tomato can___________________Tomato stem

Who’s on it

I don’t know, but I hope they lubed_________Every Redskins fan

What happens when you point a Desert Eagle at it?

Finishing Move

Fucks your fantasy team as painfully as it sounds________________Makes you go through Tanner

But wait, there’s more!

Bonus WHO YA GOT: The Ape vs. The Maj

The teams backed by the biggest homers on KSK face off on Monday night for the only the fourth time in 17 years. The last time the Redskins beat the Steelers, the first Bush was still in the White House and Washington actually had a football team in Washington. Oh yeah, and they won the Super Bowl that year. So fuck what you hear about the game’s results and their bearing on the presidential race, now that Philly broke its 25-year title drought, D.C.’s is only 8 years off the mark. WHO CAN YA TOLERATE?


Michael Tunison____________Jack Kogod

Afflicted with

Feline AIDS________________Dogherpes

Possesses undying hatred for

Tina Fey______________Certain rival bloggers

Must reference in every post

The Steelers______________Dan Steinberg

Awarded gay points for

Again, the whole living alone with a cat thing____Attending private school, fellating Gilbert Arenas


Jokes about Hines Wald hording foll Jeff Leed_____________Horrible gambling advice

Finishing Move

Bitching endlessly about every perceived slight___________Caring more about Deadspin weekends