The Curse of Billy Penn is Over! I’m So Happy I Could Get Concussed By Some Eight-Volts!
Mood: Delirious!
Song: “White Riot,” The Clash
I’m so…so… — fuck it I’ve got three Smirnoff Ices in me — happy!
We did it! This town finally won a title. No more wallowing in dejection and overwhelming rancor. We’re a people who are ready to love again.
Hark! It sounds as though some folks have already started with the raillery outside my door. Perhaps I will join them in the spreading of cheer.
Felicitations friends! We’re champions of the–
OH GOD WHAT ARE DOING WITH ME! NO, NOT THE PANTS! DON’T SET MY PUBES ON FIRE! OOOOWWWW FUCK!
LEAVE ME IN PEACE. I ONLY WISH TO CELEBRATE OUR – NNNNOOOO! MY ANUS IS NOT THE APPROPRIATE PLACE FOR THE PARKING METER!
FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKK
Please. Please.
Just leave me here to die.
Uuuuuunnnnnnhhhhhhh. The torrents of batteries… They were too much…
Tags: the emo eagles, xmas ape
October 29th, 2008 at 10:01 pm
Yep, it’s not called the city of brotherly lovers for nothing.
October 29th, 2008 at 10:04 pm
MY ANUS IS NOT THE APPROPRIATE PLACE FOR THE PARKING METER!
In the original script for “Cool Hand Luke,” that was how Paul Newman’s character wound up in prison. True story.
October 29th, 2008 at 10:14 pm
Perfect, Ape
October 29th, 2008 at 10:14 pm
Congratulations to “Westbrook Is My Anti-Drug” and all the other Philadelphia sports fans who regularly visit this site. I hope that you enjoy this victory, and that your city is still standing tomorrow morning.
October 29th, 2008 at 10:25 pm
The Philadelphia Soul are not feeling very appreciated right now.
October 29th, 2008 at 10:26 pm
Burn the fucker to the ground!
October 29th, 2008 at 10:55 pm
those of us in the other 49 would appreciate it if you revellers left independence hall intact. otherwise, do your worst. philadelphia’s long overdue some serious capital improvements.
October 29th, 2008 at 10:59 pm
Okay, the Emo Eagles are now no more….well, even if the Eagles continue to not win any championships. Anyway, I’d like to take the opportunity to stake my claim to the Emo Seahawks. C’mon, you guys knew this was inevitable, right? Philadelphians have no idea of the concentrated fate-rape we’ve been exposed to. Here is but a sample:
Waa waa waa Bill Leavy waa waa waa Super Bowl XL waa waa waa our wide receivers keep getting hurt waa waa waa Brian Russell is a white turd waa waa waa Mike Holmgren is old and walrus-like in appearance waa waa waa you fucking East Coast bitches don’t understand shit.
October 29th, 2008 at 11:00 pm
Sadly the only Philly team I like is the Eagles . . . do I have cut my wrists tonight? Seriously, it’s been like four times this week.
October 29th, 2008 at 11:03 pm
And fact, no chance Mr. Bo Vine Joni is happy right now.
October 29th, 2008 at 11:13 pm
So what are Philly fans going to do now? They can no longer play the losers card. They can no longer bitch about only being known for having bad fans even though they’re only bad because they’re losers and they’re really not that bad.
Might be a good time for another Great Fire.
October 29th, 2008 at 11:15 pm
so now Philly will just have to STFU i guess…
hooray..
October 29th, 2008 at 11:22 pm
@ Leigh… thanks for the shout-out!
@ Trips… the Soul was the pre-cum… the Phils were Championship ejaculation
/obligatory dick joke
Seriously… CHAMPIONS!!!
October 29th, 2008 at 11:48 pm
Good for the Phillies, and good for the rest of us. No more whining.
October 29th, 2008 at 11:49 pm
… at least until Jimmy Rollins has another .267 batting average.
/Phickle phans.
October 30th, 2008 at 12:00 am
.267 ain’t bad, actually. Now if he toes the Mendoza line…
Ah fuck it, I’m done complaining for now. I have a title. More titles will be great, but I have my memories. I can die happy.
October 30th, 2008 at 12:03 am
Hey, good for Philly.
@jujrock: If they do burn down Independence Hall, you can still visit the scale replica at Knott’s Berry Farm in Buena Park, CA. And across the street, they have funnel cakes and chicken dinners! In fact, why go to the one in Philly at all?
October 30th, 2008 at 12:43 am
I didn’t realize that anyone still played baseball.
October 30th, 2008 at 12:48 am
Philadelphia is a den of sodomites. As I understand it, even the name of the city even means something like “City of Gay Butt-Sex Love.” Enjoy this wordly achievement in “baseball” (whatever that is). When the rapture comes you will be destroyed and cast into eternal damnation. Then you’ll see how the Devil uses parking meters.
Oh, and Vote McCain-Palin!
October 30th, 2008 at 1:18 am
So now, like an ugly chick being passed around a frat house, the title of Losingest City shifts from Philly to Cleveland.
October 30th, 2008 at 1:51 am
@Pacifier: It hasn’t done anything to shut up Boston’s asshole fans.
October 30th, 2008 at 7:45 am
DAY MAN, CHAMPION OF THE SUN
October 30th, 2008 at 8:01 am
Just remember, this is all how it start for Boston fans. At first we all though tit was great that they won, and then they became insufferable douches. Learn from the past Philly, lest you be doomed to repeat it.
October 30th, 2008 at 8:20 am
We did it! This town finally won a title.
Yeah, if you count baseball.
October 30th, 2008 at 8:40 am
Congrats to my PA brothers in Philly, now that you have won a title please work on not making it take 90 minutes to get from I-76 to the Ben Franklin bridge.
October 30th, 2008 at 9:03 am
Just remember, this is all how it start for Boston fans.
Key difference. outside of the Soul the rest of the Philly teams have no chance.
October 30th, 2008 at 9:48 am
So is Philadelphia in ruins yet? I was expecting complete anarchy by this morning.
October 30th, 2008 at 9:58 am
McNabb goes down in week 12
October 30th, 2008 at 10:03 am
You there, say you! What day is it?! Thank god that fucking season/sport is over.
October 30th, 2008 at 10:04 am
Feeling the Love. This should hold us over for about 10 mar years until we staht belly-acking that we nevah win Championships.
Also Its nawt fay-uh to say wherha going to become like fackin’ Bawston fan. We cay-uh too much to turn ah intah Bawston fruit taht fans.
October 30th, 2008 at 4:57 pm
@ 2Port
Whoever can make that happen will be canonized on the spot.