The Browns are wallowing in their own vile filth.
Kellen Winslow returned to the Browns after a recent hospitalization that generated more than a little speculation. Turns out Winslow was the latest member of the Cleveland Browns to contract a staph infection. Hasn’t this problem has been going on in Cleveland for years? How antiquated is the sanitation up there? Can we get Bono to organize a telethon for these poor Third World bastards?
Winslow is not only pissed that he has contracted staph for the second time with the Browns, but he’s in a snit over the lack of bed-side fretting from GM Phil Savage. The battle-toughened veteran’s steely exterior was no match for the hard-hearted executive. Winslow said he felt like a piece of meat and considered asking for a trade after Savage didn’t check in him while he was in the Cleveland Clinic.
A trade? To one of the many teams clamoring for an under-performing prima donna? With a virulent infection too? I hope Savage intalled a couple dozen extra dedicated phone lines for the volume of calls which are soon to be rolling in.
Next time, Phil, the price of a Pick-Me-Up,
[ via Larry Brown Sports ]
Tags: bad MS Paint, Cleveland Browns, Judge Smails wants the entire pool scrubbed sterilized and disinfected, kellen winslow
October 20th, 2008 at 1:19 pm
At first, I thought that ad was for an STD pick-me-up bouquet. To cheer up your partner after giving her herpes. What a great idea!
October 20th, 2008 at 1:28 pm
I’ve lived in Cleveland all my life, and the only time I ever got a staph infection was when I visited Pittsburgh.
October 20th, 2008 at 1:31 pm
probably brought it with your filthy ass
October 20th, 2008 at 1:37 pm
It is so nice to see Pittsburgh and Cleveland getting along better.
October 20th, 2008 at 1:39 pm
to be fair, i’d be pretty upset if i had a staph infection in my balls.
October 20th, 2008 at 2:07 pm
I can’t say I hope the staph infection in his nuts will render him sterile (that’s just cruel) but I can say I DO NOT want to see a Kellen Winslow III in the NFL.
October 20th, 2008 at 2:08 pm
To be fair, I live in Buffalo (Lackawanna, to be exact), and have been to Cleveland and Pittsburgh, and it’s all the same.
October 20th, 2008 at 2:13 pm
I grew up in the Syracuse area. I love me my Upstate, but our whole region has great weather…and some serious issues.
Now I live near Lake George, land of tourists from Montreal and Long Island and Jersey.
October 20th, 2008 at 2:16 pm
Be a Souljah in the War on Staph.
October 20th, 2008 at 2:29 pm
A little higher and it would have been a staff infection.
October 20th, 2008 at 2:31 pm
Oh I get it now. The staph infection was in his HEAD, not his nuts. It’s the only explanation for such idiocy, other than the fact that he IS Kellen Winslow.
October 20th, 2008 at 2:42 pm
Dibbly: You’re right. My bad. It was gonorrhea I got in Pittsburgh. The staph came from Cincinnati.
October 20th, 2008 at 2:44 pm
I understand that the in the Cleveland area there are a lot of people who aren’t as pro-America as they should be or as they are in Alaska. God is going to correct this by creating jobs and economic prosperity for the pro-American types, and by sending various kinds of plagues and natural disasters to the not-so-American folks in Ohio.
That’s right, Kellen: keep having all that pre-marital sex.
October 20th, 2008 at 2:51 pm
“Under-performing prima donna”… why do you have to bring Braylon Edwards into this?!?
October 20th, 2008 at 2:53 pm
waittilnextyear: i’m not sure, but i think Sarah Palin is saying you’re going to hell. Gonorrhea probably, although I hear Buffalo is the chlamydia capital of the US.
October 20th, 2008 at 3:03 pm
But Sarah, he’s a fucking soldier. You don’t support the troops!
October 20th, 2008 at 3:03 pm
Of course you’re going to get sick when you go to Romeo’s house and jump into the custom-made toilet in the backyard.
October 20th, 2008 at 3:10 pm
I figured Winslow had a HUGE case of writers cramp from filling out 200,000 fake voter registrations for ACORN. That’s the only nut pain most Americans are going to suffer from
October 20th, 2008 at 3:10 pm
Then I remembered Winslow went to the U in Miami and I figured they gave him an autopen. One that writes under whipped cream.
October 20th, 2008 at 3:13 pm
It’s really pretty hilarious to hear a football player complaining about being treated like a piece of meat.
October 20th, 2008 at 3:20 pm
Just because Kellen chooses to dress a certain way (helmet, pads, cleats) when he goes out on Sundays, it DOES NOT make him a professional football player. You don’t have the right to stare at him as if he were an athlete.
October 20th, 2008 at 6:39 pm
Hey, wait a minute, I went to Case and I can tell you that … never mind. When I was there, there was so much coliform bacteria in the soft serve ice cream machines in the caf that it was literally off the scale.
October 21st, 2008 at 10:45 pm
Yeah, this has been pretty painful, and I don’t have nuts or MRSA. But this is what it’s like in Brownstown and this kind of drama, viral or otherwise, has been plaguing us MY WHOLE FUCKING LIFE!!!! Anything that can happen to a team happens to the Browns. This is not the end, Cleveland is not going to fall into the river and burn into hell, this is just who we are…