Sean Taylor Memorial Meast of the Week — Week 5
Only one of my friends is as much a scatterbrain as me, but I can at least hold over him the fact that he took eight years to finish undergrad at Howard. After changing his major four times, I was curious to see what he’d get into once he finally got out. So I dropped by his place for the first time in months and out of nowhere, hundreds of toys are strewn about the place. As in, action figures and Micro Machine playsets and shit. It looks like a Chester’s wonderland. Of late, it seems, he’s spending his time raiding the area thrift stores, buying up their toy stock and trying to sell the playroom detritus online.
Me: “You can’t be serious.”
Friend: “I just had a sale for $186.”
Me: “What’d you sell for $186?”
Him: “A bunch of Choose Your Own Adventure books.”
Me: “How many?”
Him: “40.”
Me: “Is that the complete set?”
Him: [A little too aghast] “Are you kidding? There are hundreds. There’s the [Something] series and the [Something] series. This doesn’t cover anywhere close to all of them.”
Me: “Oh.”
He had initially gone into this scheme with another friend of his, but they had something of a falling out. Now they’re each going at it alone. On a few occasions, one has caught the other coming out of a local thrift store post-purchase and an ugly scene has ensued.
My takeway from all this is that I need new friends.
Anyway, early in the week we at KSK were chiming in with our respective homeristic choices for Meast. Maj wanted Portis, I wanted Roethlisberger, Ufford naturally demanded Brian Russell and while Drew never actually said anything about Antoine Winfield it’s safe to assume he has his replica jersey coming in the mail.
Because I’m a man of compromise, I’ll give it to LaMarr Woodley, who had another two sacks Sunday, giving the second-year pro and first-year starter five and a half for the season, putting both he and fellow Steelers outside linebacker James Harrison in the top five in the league. Weeeee!
Tags: Homerism, i'm gay for lamarr woodley, luckily my friend doesn't read the blog, Sean Taylor Memorial Meast of the Week, xmas ape
October 8th, 2008 at 12:03 pm
Should have gone to Portis.
October 8th, 2008 at 12:05 pm
I, too, am gay for LaMarr Woodley.
But so there is no confusion, fuck Michigan. Fuck Michigan so long and hard that Woody Hayes sits up from his grave and punches another player.
October 8th, 2008 at 12:10 pm
Domenik Hixon, all day, every day. He got more done in 1 and a half quarters than most receivers get done in a LIFETIME.
And by most receivers I mean Mike Williams.
October 8th, 2008 at 12:13 pm
Yes, but did you ply him with turkey and a box of wine so you could have your way with his toy collection?
October 8th, 2008 at 12:15 pm
Not Sage Rosenfelds?!? Travesty!
October 8th, 2008 at 12:19 pm
Does he have an EZ Bake oven?
October 8th, 2008 at 12:23 pm
Ramal Woodrey? All you making joke? Hines Wald catch for 90 yalds and leery supel big touchdown in 4th qualtel!
No smirre.
October 8th, 2008 at 12:24 pm
Dear Sirs-
I would please like to purchase your 5/8ths complete set of Hardy Boys. Please reply back with name and address.
Thank you.
October 8th, 2008 at 12:30 pm
I’ve been in the market for Jarts ever since some stupid kid got killed and they stopped making them. Does he have anything in a lawn dart?
October 8th, 2008 at 12:43 pm
Oh wow, my grandparents had a Jarts set leftover from back in the day. Good times, that was. We all managed not to kill ourselves.
No love for Reggie Bush?
October 8th, 2008 at 12:52 pm
Clearly you’re undervaluing the Meast Potential Index (MPI) rating of Gus Frerotte.
/Simmons’ed
October 8th, 2008 at 1:17 pm
Well thank God you’re not gay for LaMar Latrelle, because that would just be, um, really gay
October 8th, 2008 at 1:18 pm
That’s HEADLY!
October 8th, 2008 at 1:26 pm
Is that gay as in you’d get down on your knees and slobber all over his thickly veined, plum headed man sausage, or you just kinda like him gay?
October 8th, 2008 at 1:28 pm
I one time hit a kid from my neighborhood in the back of the head with a Jart by accident. No real injury. A few months later he was being mean to a little kid, so I deliberately hit him the head with a Jart. No real injury. We were tough in the ‘Burgh.
October 8th, 2008 at 1:30 pm
I have to vote for DeSean Jackson since he is the only fucker on my fantasy team to score a TD this week.
/really having a tough time with the ass beating I got this week by my neighbor who has never even played fantasy before, who I helped build his team that is far better than my own…..
October 8th, 2008 at 1:31 pm
If there was ever a reverse-Meast award, it would belong to Sage Rosenfels.
October 8th, 2008 at 1:33 pm
@grungedave: Now there’s an idea. The Sage Rosenfels Memorial Anti-Meast of the Week!
October 8th, 2008 at 1:49 pm
@ssb – how about naming the award after matt millen?
October 8th, 2008 at 2:03 pm
I still say it should go to Winfield. The guy is like a strong midget on Angeldust.
/Homer pick!
October 8th, 2008 at 2:24 pm
@ TDub
I second that emotion
October 8th, 2008 at 3:07 pm
Fred Smoot and Michale Irvin also have many toys strewn about in their respective homes. You just never know what kind of freaks will be stopping by the house on any given night. Or when you’ll need them on a boating excursion with the rookies on the team.
What? Kids toys? WTF?
/Toys sold by Harvard grads on eBay? How sad is our fucking economy right now?
October 8th, 2008 at 3:18 pm
does he have the original optimus prime in package????
October 8th, 2008 at 3:24 pm
No, but if you must know, I do refer to my package as Optimus Prime.
October 8th, 2008 at 3:38 pm
Next thing you know, you’re buddy’s gonna start selling Amway…and battling a severe meth addiction. Those 8 year graduates never seem to be able to get over the hump in life.
October 8th, 2008 at 3:39 pm
YOUR, not you’re…DAMMIT
October 8th, 2008 at 3:44 pm
J4B, you ain’t sellin’ no Amway products, are ya?…
October 8th, 2008 at 3:45 pm
I see dead people.
October 8th, 2008 at 3:51 pm
I hearby nominate Larry Johnson for the anti-Meast.
Burn in hell, Herm.
October 8th, 2008 at 4:01 pm
Jarts are a staple in my backyard game lineup. I pilfered my parents’ garage and “borrowed” their set. You’re all welcome to my annual 4th of July party to partake in the impailing.
October 8th, 2008 at 4:18 pm
Okay, so I’ll admit to being maybe the oldest guy on here who reads KSK on a daily basis. Yy frame of reference is probably a little different than the rest of the guys/girls posting. So I have to ask, what the fuck are Jarts? I mean, I know, I’m an idiot who clearly drinks way to much but I’ve never heard of them before.
/shit, feeling inadequate again.
/loved Hong Kong Phooey, a cartoon classic.
/hated Michigan Lamar Woodley but love Steeler Lamar Woodley (who oh btw, has the biggest fucking tattoo of Woody Woodpecker on his arm in the history of the world).
/shows self out
October 8th, 2008 at 4:27 pm
Howard/Harvard same difference
October 8th, 2008 at 5:21 pm
No Amway products here, but I’ve got a bunch of sub-prime mortgages and commerical paper here that I need to unload. Know anyone who’s been on vacation in Madagascar for the past 6 months?
October 8th, 2008 at 5:53 pm
Johnny Damon, Jarts are a backyard form of darts. Giant, steel tipped darts that you threw at a target for points. They were banned for sale years ago in the U.S. because someone evidently was impaled with one. Too bad, it had a danger factor unlike cornhole or bags, or whatever they call it where you live. No real chance of injury from a bean bag.
October 8th, 2008 at 8:50 pm
Not only the danger factor, but the wonderful high arc they made which was so beautiful to watch that one stood mesmerized by the graceful parabola it made on its way into your opponent’s foot.
October 8th, 2008 at 11:14 pm
No Kyle Orton? Or does the Meast only apply to stats accrued against NFL competition?
October 9th, 2008 at 12:36 am
I Hate The Vikes and I say winfield got robbed!
October 9th, 2008 at 3:34 pm
A day late but thanks Derek. I somehow missed Jarts in my apparently somewhat sheltered upbringing.