Poontang: The Final Frontier
Since the dawn of time, man has sought out to explore his universe, to understand the places and things around him, and to seek his fortunes about the uncharted plains. Man, while sometimes daunted by these pursuits, persevered, and found himself richer for the experiences of his quest, whether or not that quest itself proved fruitful. And the neverending, ever-changing odyssey of man facing the veritable unknown was undertaken over thousands of years…for one reason.
To get laid.
Yes, while man’s pursuits have become vast and diverse, his motivation remains singular. Over the millenia, this endeavor became more efficient, ritualized, and somehow involving more paperwork. Gradually there became less paperwork, but then sometimes even more paperwork materialized down the line. Paperwork is unpleasant. But paperwork gets men laid.
Consider the Wright Brothers, among the greatest explorers of our last century. They sought to conquer the air above us, something no man had ever achieved. They would have told you that their aim was to achieve flight, to obtain a purchasing contract from the government, and to revolutionize the way we travel for decades to come. But they would be lying. For the Wright Brothers sought only to fly to faraway lands, and subsequently fuck every nimble-bodied woman they could find.
Note the historic words of Neil Armstrong, the first human to walk on Earth’s moon. “One small step for man,” he uttered, “One giant leap for mankind.” Armstrong’s address to the fairer sex was omitted from all the records of the day, but archived audio reveals that the Ohioan was also clearing declaring, “One huge cock for every woman on Earth.”
Man today not only carries a penis, he carries a heavy burden to live up to the conquests of his forefathers. For as the skies and the seas seem familiar to us today, one voyage remains continuous. So go, head forth as your ancestors did before you. Plunge into the depths of your soul and rise with the strength of a thousand donkeys and set forth.
And get laid.
Here are some photos of women that cheer for NFL teams, or did at some point. Halloween’s coming up, so decide what you’re gonna be. I have my heart set on being Larry Flynt; I won’t have to walk anywhere.
Tags: But if I'm Batman then who are you?, MMP, space and shit, The Friday Cheerleader Posts
October 3rd, 2008 at 4:03 pm
All true. Orville Wright was the first member of what he called the Yard High Club.
October 3rd, 2008 at 4:04 pm
Im going to be Macho Man Randy Savage.
October 3rd, 2008 at 4:04 pm
+3, Otto
October 3rd, 2008 at 4:05 pm
No no no, Fred Smoot is Batman!
October 3rd, 2008 at 4:08 pm
http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=f4zV4pJ8MwM
October 3rd, 2008 at 4:08 pm
Second from the bottom, in the Harry Potter outfit.
She can play with my wand any time she wants. And by wand, I mean penis.
/obvious
October 3rd, 2008 at 4:10 pm
I have a Firebolt and a pair of bronze cauldrons for my new friend from Hogwarts.
October 3rd, 2008 at 4:11 pm
@Monkey Business – the penny loafers are hot.
October 3rd, 2008 at 4:16 pm
My smoking-hot cheerleader ex-wife wore that exact same Batgirl costume a few years ago. I think I have a picture of it here somewhere…
The best part: she “tailored” it so the skirt was much shorter.
October 3rd, 2008 at 4:33 pm
Nobody better steal my Charles Haley’s Penis costume idea.
October 3rd, 2008 at 4:45 pm
Poontang: The Final Frontier
We would have also accepted: “In Space, No One Can Hear You Ream.”
October 3rd, 2008 at 4:46 pm
I was afraid the last post was going to be the only hot chick post. I kept getting dizzy looking for the camel toe.
October 3rd, 2008 at 5:02 pm
Men went West in search of beaver.
October 3rd, 2008 at 5:04 pm
I like the cheerleader in the Harry Potter school girl get-up. Up until now, when a Harry Potter costume gave me a boner, it was a boner to beat the Hell out of some nerds and watch them cry. New frontiers, indeed.
October 3rd, 2008 at 5:07 pm
Hogwarts hott can keep the loafers and the socks on.
October 3rd, 2008 at 5:32 pm
Why are some of the 80’s chicks in that picture 80’s dudes? Yeah, I’m talking to you twin dbags in the blonde wigs
October 3rd, 2008 at 5:36 pm
@Gino
You may want to see Drew’s previous Gibbs post.
October 3rd, 2008 at 5:41 pm
Take life one vagina at a time
October 3rd, 2008 at 6:33 pm
@gino
Unless you’re on the Cowboys, then you take life 12 vaginas at a time. With Michael Irvin directing traffic
October 3rd, 2008 at 6:34 pm
Why do all the chicks in spandex look like dudes with wigs?
Am I just projecting here?
October 3rd, 2008 at 6:52 pm
Ugh, they kinda do. I’m getting rid of that shit.
October 3rd, 2008 at 8:46 pm
Wow, that first pic looked way worse on my Sidekick. Resized to fit a 2″x3″ screen it looked like she was standing in front of an extreme closeup of a snatch. I found it quite ribald.
October 3rd, 2008 at 10:02 pm
Of course, the best way to get into the Bat Cave is via the Bat Pole behind the bookcase…
October 4th, 2008 at 1:21 pm
im either going to be dr. tobias funke, analrapist, for halloween, or bubba ray dudley
October 4th, 2008 at 6:09 pm
@El Duke
OR is she standing in front of an extreme zoom out of a snatch?
March 2nd, 2009 at 1:00 pm
is there anyplace better to get info on football, no…