Please Take Me Back (For Your Fantasy Team)
Look, I know it’s been a rough road, especially with you going to England soon, but just give me another chance. I’ve been playing really well lately! I know I’ve burned you in the past, but…I…I just can’t believe you left me on waivers again. I guess I didn’t know what you were going through in 2005.
If you pick me up, I’ll make it up to you, I promise. I’ve already thrown more TDs than Peyton and Tom Brady combined, and only one of those guys is out for the year! I know your dad was busted by the IRS, but you can trust me on this. As soon as you put me in your starting lineup and hit “Submit Changes,” everything will be alright.
Tags: As humorous as it is timely!, fantasy players firing YOU up, Kyle Orton, MMP
October 9th, 2008 at 9:08 am
Fuck and No.
/so glad I drafted Brees
October 9th, 2008 at 9:19 am
I can hear Peter Gabriel’s “In Your Eyes”
commence “Say Anything” quotes
October 9th, 2008 at 9:26 am
I’m glad I have Donovan. As sad as that is, I’d rather have him than any bears QB. And Kyle, it’s not me, it’s because you’re a drunk.
October 9th, 2008 at 9:26 am
I’m sorry, but I…I can’t risk getting hurt again. I’ve moved on.
I’d like you to meet my new QB Jay. He has diabetes.
October 9th, 2008 at 9:26 am
In your eyes, the neck, the beard.
October 9th, 2008 at 9:27 am
Forget “Say Anything” quotes, how about the spoof from South Park where Stan plays “Shock the Monkey”, instead of “In Your Eyes”. Much better scene as far as I am concerned.
And Yes, I own Kyle Orton on one of my fantasy teams, and he served me spectacularly well during my starters week 4 bye.
October 9th, 2008 at 9:42 am
/drafted Brady
/picked up Orton off of waivers this week
Sigh…
October 9th, 2008 at 9:44 am
Maybe it’s just because i’m fucking the proverbial fat chick that is Kurt Warner and Carson Palmer, but man Neck Beard is so goddam sexy to me right now.
October 9th, 2008 at 9:52 am
If that’s neckbeard, where’s his bottle of Jack?
October 9th, 2008 at 9:53 am
Oh my God, I am leaving for Engalnd next week. You really DO understand me Orton! I’ll drop everything and make it happen my knight in shiny Jack Daniels armor!
/Not getting rid of Warner, will probably kick self later.
October 9th, 2008 at 9:54 am
I almost did this yesterday.
/start Horse Balls or Schaub this week?
October 9th, 2008 at 9:58 am
God, I hate that movie.
+1 Detective Bunk
October 9th, 2008 at 10:08 am
My QBs are so shitty I actually wanted him and somebody beat me to it and he blew up last week. Fuck me! I also like the fact that he looks that the kind of redneck mother fuckers I hang out with on occasion. I bet he drinks Natty Light too.
October 9th, 2008 at 10:12 am
Detective Bunk: Game over. You win.
October 9th, 2008 at 10:16 am
Orton probably thinks Ione Skye is a brand of vodka.
October 9th, 2008 at 10:17 am
Tommy. Tom. She’s written 65 songs… 65. They’re all about you. They’re all about pain.
October 9th, 2008 at 10:28 am
NEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEECKBEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEARD.
Somehow it’s become a term of endearment. I love that man and his furry neck.
October 9th, 2008 at 10:40 am
No damn way. I do not want you neckbeard, I’m afraid you’ll suck…yes I’m scared.
October 9th, 2008 at 11:12 am
@Captain Caveman: Me too, brother. Me too.
*throws back another shot*
October 9th, 2008 at 11:13 am
@ CC - i’m in the same situation in a dynasty league. i picked up orton off waivers before he won the starting job, thinking “i’ll never use him; i have brady.” god i hate fantasy football.
October 9th, 2008 at 11:42 am
Neckbeard has no neck?
October 9th, 2008 at 11:45 am
What movie are we talking about?
October 9th, 2008 at 12:24 pm
Say Anything, John Cusack, late 80’s. In Your Eyes awesomeness is better than movie, Cusack. Dude Cusack lack of any ambition; father wants nothing todo with him. And yet, by his playing In Your Eyes on boombox outside house, gets dumb together chick to take loser back.
October 9th, 2008 at 5:05 pm
Keeper league.
/drafted Cutler, kept into next season.
/traded for Brees
/picked up Flacco & Neckbeard off waivers
/traded Neckbeard for Willis McGahee
/Neckbeard destroyers Detriot
/McGahee tears ACL taking shit.
Thanks for nothing AGAIN, asshole.
October 9th, 2008 at 5:46 pm
No he won’t. He can’t play the Lions every week.
October 10th, 2008 at 1:13 am
Step 1: Draft Brees as your starter
Step 2: Take a flyer on Warner in the 10th round as your backup and cross your fingers.
Step 3: Watch Warner go batshit insane on your bench week after week.
Step 4: Grab Orton off the waiver wire last week so no one else can.
Step 5: Find desperate fantasy opponent whose quarterbacks absolutely suck.
Step 6: PROFIT!!! (i.e trade Warner for Steve Slaton AND DeSean Jackson)
October 10th, 2008 at 12:00 pm
I can’t believe I’m seriously considering benching McNafro for the Neckbeard.