Ocho And Marvin Barry – Under One Roof! The White House Episode
(January 21, 2009)
Barry: We did it, Honey.
Michelle: No, sweetheart. YOU did it.
Barry: No, no, no. This was never about me. This was a movement of millions of Americans, white and black, young and old. These were people who were motivated to get out there and DO SOMETHING, to change the direction this country is going in. It’s a bright new day, because we’re all in this together now. I’ve always believed that a man cannot be successful without having the good fortune of encountering, along the way, people endowed with a spirit of helpfulness and generosity. And today, I consider myself a very rich man in that sense.
We’ve got a lot of tough challenges ahead. But I learned long ago that this nation has always found, in its darkest times, its grandest ideas. We’ve always come out of times like this as a stronger, better nation. And I’m convinced we are on that path again today. And it all starts here! Can you believe we made it?
Michelle: Ooh, I’m so excited! Let’s walk into our new house.
(White House door flies open)
Barry: What the…?
Barry: Who are all these people? Why are there empty Kool-Aid pitchers all over the place?
Ocho: Whoa ho yo! There he is! There’s the man! My man! My motherfuckin’ ‘Rack! How the fuck you doing, Barry?
Barry: What are you doing here?
Ocho: Oh, well I took it upon myself to move into our crib a little ahead of schedule. I thought that would be the polite thing to do. Besides, Coach Lewis kept yelling at me about how chickens can’t play raquetball. BUT HE’S WRONG ABOUT THAT SHIT.
Barry: With all due respect, Mr. Johnson…
Ocho: Ocho. Call me Ocho. Johnson is my maiden name now.
Barry: Umm… Anyway, Ocho. I don’t know why you’re here. You’re a very talented football player. But I don’t know you. I have no relation to you. I don’t know why you saw fit to move into our new home without asking us.
Ocho: No relation? NO RELATION? Look at you, man.
Barry: Okay.
Ocho: Now, look at me.
Barry: Okay.
Ocho: I rest my case. BROTHERS. FOR LIFE.
Barry: Okay, we are not actually brothers. “Brother,” in that sense, is used as a term of affection between African-American men. It does not mean we are literally brothers. You are not a member of my immediate family.
Ocho: How do you know that, though? For all I know, I COULD be your brother.
Barry: No, you couldn’t.
Ocho: Yes, I could.
Barry: No, you couldn’t.
Ocho: Yes, I could.
Barry: No, you couldn’t.
Ocho: Yes, I could! You don’t know about, like, DNA and shit! For all you know, they could have switched up birth records. We could be TWINS.
Barry: I’m 47 years old, Chad. We couldn’t possibly be twins.
Ocho: Yeah, but how do you know you’re 47? Aren’t you from Hawaii?
Barry: Yes.
Ocho: Well, that means you’re on that fucked up Hawaii time. You may only be 47 years old in HAWAII TIME. See what I mean?
Barry: No, no, that isn’t how it works. Hawaii is in a different time zone. But years are still 365 days long. It’s not like dog years.
Ocho: Yeah, but you don’t know that. What if all dogs came from Hawaii? Think about THAT. Then dog years and Hawaii time would be all together. That’s some real “X-Files” shit right there.
Barry: Okay, ALL dogs are not from Hawaii.
Ocho: But they could be. I’ve seen them do that doggie paddle. They could have all swum over after coming out of the volcano. You should have Congress look into that.
Barry: Look, I really don’t have time for this. You seem like a nice fellow, Chad. But this is our home. And we’d prefer our privacy.
Ocho: Yeah, I know. It’s OUR home. That’s why we showed up early. Wanted to get first dibs on a bed. Also, I took the liberty of cleaning out the fridge. There wasn’t nothing but white people food in there. Like salad. Who the fuck eats salad? So we picked up whole SHITLOAD of chicken and put it in that bitch. We gonna eat good!
Barry: You can’t do that!
Ocho: I also redecorated the joint. They had pictures of these old white guys in wigs all over the place. I just tossed that shit right out. I got you a Scarface poster AND a Carlito’s Way poster. And they’re FRAMED. How nice will that look? There was also this sort of round office…
Barry: The OVAL Office.
Ocho: No, I think you’re wrong Barry. It was ROUND. Anyway. I cleared out all the boring shit in there and had them put in the hot tub. Fucking NICE.
Barry: Okay, this has gone way too far. This is OUR home, and you are not included in that grouping. This house is for my wife, my children and I. You cannot stay here.
Ocho: You can’t kick us out! We’re the first one’s here! LOOK OUTSIDE!
Barry: What?
(looks outside)
Barry: Oh, Lord.
Ocho: What you think, everyone crowded outside just to say HI? Motherfucker, we need a place to STAY. And you got the nicest place outta anyone we know. I’m surprised at you, Barry. I thought you’d be cool like that. Where the fuck are we gonna go? All my life, I’ve dreamed of seeing a black man in the White House, and then mooching off of that black man. Now you’re gonna deny me that dream. I THOUGHT YOU WERE ALL ABOUT THE HOPE, BARRY!
Barry: This is not what I meant by that. The audacity of hope, and the audacity to force your way into a stranger’s living room, are not the same thing.
Ocho: Well, you sure didn’t get that point across BEFORE. We’re HERE now. You really just gonna kick us out like that? I already grabbed a couple million out of the Treasury just for flash money.
Barry: YOU CAN’T DO THAT!
Ocho: Why not? That’s reparations. I need to be REPAIRED, Barry.
Barry: Okay, I’ve had just about enough. You need to leave now, or I will have security escort you out.
Ocho: Oh, I see. So that’s how it’s gonna be? Brother finally gets out there and makes good, becomes the goddamn PRESIDENT, and then he gonna go forget about his ROOTS? That is fucking BULLSHIT! Motherfuckin’ George Bush spent fucking EIGHT YEARS here giving shit to white people! And you can’t help out Ocho and 14,567,920 of his closest family members? You ain’t nothing more than President Bryant Gumbel, BITCH! To think I almost voted for you.
Barry: You didn’t vote?
Ocho: Nuh nuh. They make you fill out all these forms and shit. Hell no, I didn’t vote. But I sure as hell ROOTED for your ass.
Barry: Okay. Let me make this very plain. I am inspired and delighted that my election has caused such joy and pride in our African-American community. And, indeed, I think we have now raised the standard of what a black man can achieve in America today. But my election does not give you carte blanche to leech off of my family, or the American Treasury.
Ocho: Yeah, but you could CHANGE all that, right?
Barry: HOLY SHIT. ARE YOU THE DUMBEST FUCKING ASSHOLE THIS COUNTRY HAS EVER PRODUCED? THE FACT THAT I AM NOW PRESIDENT DOES NOT MEAN YOU GET TO SLEEP IN MY FUCKING HOUSE, OR EAT MY FUCKING FOOD, OR FORCE ME TO LOOK INTO THE HAWAIIAN ORIGINS OF CANINES. IT DOESN’T MEAN WE’RE TWIN BROTHERS. AND THAT’S GOOD, BECAUSE I WOULD FUCKING KILL MYSELF AND MY OFFSPRING IF THAT WERE THE CASE.
I AM HERE TO CHANGE HOW THIS COUNTRY FUNDAMENTALLY OPERATES. I AM NOT HERE TO REINFORCE ALL THE STUPID SHIT WE AS A PEOPLE, BLACK AND WHITE, ARE ALREADY DOING. YOU STUPID FUCKING IDIOT. I AM HERE TO MAKE THIS COUNTRY GREAT AGAIN, NOT TO ARGUE WITH YOU ABOUT WHETHER OR NOT THE OVAL OFFICE IS ACTUALLY AN OVAL. ARE YOU THAT FUCKING RETARDED? ARE YOU FUCKING SARAH PALIN RETARDED?
Ocho: See, I still don’t think it’s an oval. Ray Lewis moved into the basement last week. Let’s go ask him.
Barry: JESUS FUCKING CHRIST.
Tags: Big Daddy Drew, I could eat a nob at night, no RaPoFlaWas please, ocho and barry, ocho and marvin, the black Karl Pilkington, this is exactly how Hannity said it would happen
October 21st, 2008 at 12:07 pm
Meanwhile, I heard that McCain asked to speak a couple of truths to the men in that audience: “It’s YOUR fault we have so much crime in this country, and it’s YOUR fault we have so much violence. You are ruining our society and you should be ashamed.”
October 21st, 2008 at 12:10 pm
God save the Queen City.
October 21st, 2008 at 12:11 pm
I was looking for Hines Ward, but Ocho coming off the bench works for Tuesday.
October 21st, 2008 at 12:19 pm
Shenanigans!
There is nary a family reunion t-shirt anywhere to be found.
October 21st, 2008 at 12:23 pm
ARE YOU FUCKING SARAH PALIN RETARDED?
There ya go again…being all elite…
October 21st, 2008 at 12:33 pm
I, for one, welcome our new black house overlords.
October 21st, 2008 at 12:36 pm
Sarah Palin speaks to me, as a dumbass American.
October 21st, 2008 at 12:37 pm
ARE YOU FUCKING SARAH PALIN MAVERICKY?
fixed
October 21st, 2008 at 12:39 pm
CLASSIC!!!!
October 21st, 2008 at 12:40 pm
What if all dogs came from Hawaii? Think about THAT. Then dog years and Hawaii time would be all together. That’s some real “X-Files” shit right there.
OK now that shit was funny, but before I didn’t think it could get better you drop this one one us:
And you can’t help out Ocho and 14,567,920 of his closest family members? You ain’t nothing more than President Bryant Gumbel, BITCH! To think I almost voted for you.
Wow!
@BDD: you better not had jinxed the election with this post 15 days early or…or else…well…I’ll have to get back to you on what the consequences and repercussions would be.
October 21st, 2008 at 12:40 pm
Ray Lewis in the white house basement is going to keep me up tonight.
October 21st, 2008 at 12:42 pm
I missed Tawmmy yesteday, so I just finished that up to find a new Ocho post. Un-fucking-believable!!
Drew, that 14,567,920 number you tossed out. Did you actually take the time to count all of the people in that one picture to come up with that? That’s dedication man!
October 21st, 2008 at 12:42 pm
Why are there empty Kool-Aid pitchers all over the place?
That was the point where this post became an instant classic for me.
Does Barack remind anyone else of Tom Dubois from The Boondocks?
October 21st, 2008 at 12:45 pm
Come to think of it, that picture doesn’t look very pro-America.
October 21st, 2008 at 12:47 pm
The “this is exactly how Hannity said it would happen” tag was the delicious butter frosting on your dark chocolate cake.
October 21st, 2008 at 12:57 pm
I hope Barack’s first order of business in January is to pardon OJ.
October 21st, 2008 at 12:58 pm
* IF * elected, obama will go down in history as the worst president of the last 50 years. Yes, worse than carter.
October 21st, 2008 at 12:58 pm
Barack should have just placated him with a fake job post just to get him out of his hair. “Ambassador to Dade County” would have done nicely.
October 21st, 2008 at 1:01 pm
@Tyler Durden,
please see the PoFlaWa tag above and promptly fuck off. Many thanks.
October 21st, 2008 at 1:08 pm
* IF * elected, obama will go down in history as the worst president of the last 50 years.
He will? Well shit, now I gotta rethink this whole thing!
October 21st, 2008 at 1:12 pm
In my administration there would be PLENTY of room for Chad in the White House. DRILL BABY DRILL ME, OCHO!
October 21st, 2008 at 1:15 pm
* IF * elected, obama will go down in history as the worst president of the last 50 years.
Dubya’s pretty competitive; he may invade China next week just to put the “worst president” thing out of reach. He would be like the Texas Tech of terrible presidents.
October 21st, 2008 at 1:18 pm
* IF * elected, obama will go down in history as the worst president of the last 50 years. Yes, worse than Dubya.
/fixed
October 21st, 2008 at 1:19 pm
@SonOfSpam:
You clever bastard, you.
October 21st, 2008 at 1:33 pm
I can’t even read this. Don’t fucking jinx it!
October 21st, 2008 at 1:38 pm
If this post holds true, this post will have to be amended:
http://kissingsuzykolber.uproxx.com/2007/02/i-am-king-of-negroes.html
October 21st, 2008 at 1:48 pm
You know. I’m starting to hate Obama supporters the way I hate Boston fans. I need this election to hurry up and be over.
October 21st, 2008 at 2:11 pm
@ Tyler Durden
Dumbass, didn’t you see that FAWKIN PATS WON? WHAT THE FAWK IS MORE IMPORTANT, YOU DUMBASS?
October 21st, 2008 at 2:16 pm
Wow.
You have really outdone yourself this time, Drew.
/starts slow clap.
October 21st, 2008 at 2:18 pm
Can’t believe we’ve tricked all you white people to back our Communist agenda. And if you can’t find any bread to eat, may I suggest cake?
October 21st, 2008 at 2:28 pm
Yes, yes. Carter was the worst president in the last fifty years. Worse than Nixon, worse than Dumbya.
Go sit down now, retard.
October 21st, 2008 at 2:37 pm
From the look on Obomamama’s face, I think we can conclude that certain “African American genes” are present in Barry’s groinal region.
October 21st, 2008 at 2:52 pm
Barry already promised me a place to stay! Now that I carried out his October surprise and endorsed him, maybe everyone will stop calling me “Uncle Tom” and I can be considered black again!!
October 21st, 2008 at 3:12 pm
Man, I swear Michelle Obama is really Sigourney Weaver
October 21st, 2008 at 3:23 pm
Disrespect, man.
http://www.kmbc.com/cnn-news/17768390/detail.html
October 21st, 2008 at 3:24 pm
This seems like the trailer to another shitty Wayans Brothers movie. Start with a shot of a Cabinet meeting, cue the “ubrupt record scratching” sound, then show Ocho’s merry urban antics among the uptight Beltway crowd. Add a clip of Ocho winning over the beautiful young black woman in the Cabinet and beating out her uptight “Oreo” fiancé. Then you show Congress hip hop dancing. Christmas ‘08.
October 21st, 2008 at 3:29 pm
Seeing as how Obama is not even African-American, but descended from the ones who SOLD the damn Africans into slavery, its pretty damn funny to see him grab that protected class mantle for himself. Thank god I got my inheritance before Obama Uber Alles comes in and fucks your shit up. Get ready for more taxes, less jobs, and $4.50 gas. I’ll be at the crib with Fight Night 3, pork rinds and a case of Grape Nehi riding this shit out.
October 21st, 2008 at 3:29 pm
Tyler, as anarcho-socialist terrorist you’re technically everything you hate then aren’t you?
October 21st, 2008 at 3:31 pm
@ Gino - I’d watch it. I’d watch it twice if we got a Ray-Ray cameo as well. I’d watch it thrice if said cameo was him knifing the evil Senator Payne who wants to get all blacks worth 3/5 of a white person. I’d watch it fourice if I could stop spelling cameo as camero.
October 21st, 2008 at 3:35 pm
Even Barry loses patience with Ocho. Poor Ocho. Is there noone who can understand him?
When is Ocho going to talk with Jerry Jones?
Hawaii time is the most awesomestest concept Ocho ever came up with.
October 21st, 2008 at 4:10 pm
Goddamnit, that Cuntflap “Shaved Yak” is here again. Everyone quick, lock your doors.
October 21st, 2008 at 4:18 pm
@ Tdub
Just remember these heady days of visceral discourse. When your people drop that Fairness Docterine on us, all this mirth and merryment is going to dry up quicker than your river of Japanese Midget Frottage Porn.
October 21st, 2008 at 4:29 pm
@Shaved Yak,
First, Rivers of Porn never dry up, they only get old. And second, I’m not sure to which tidbits of visceral (big word) discourse you are referring. Was it when I called you a “cuntflap,” or was it when you referred to Obama as a ‘trained monkey’ on an earlier thread?
October 21st, 2008 at 4:35 pm
Damn! Those Obamas look like they’re ready to get bizzay in the shizzay!
I don’t actually know what that means.
October 21st, 2008 at 4:48 pm
@TDub:
Knock it off; I like cuntflaps. I pretty much like everything having to do with cunts.
October 21st, 2008 at 4:54 pm
Logically, Barrack Obama is Jesus Christ: http://aspatula.blogspot.com/2008/10/barrack-obama-is-jesus-christ.html
October 21st, 2008 at 5:01 pm
Best KSK post ever? Best KSK post ever.
October 21st, 2008 at 5:47 pm
Politics are even more retarded as Sarah Palin’s newborn baby. Funny post, but I’m plenty sick of this year’s battle between the douche and the turd (funny how well those two fit the terms).
October 21st, 2008 at 6:03 pm
@Mo, Jay: Ray-Ray doesn’t knife white folks. Jesus Christ told him that juries actually care when that happens.
October 21st, 2008 at 6:11 pm
Why are all of these “worst president” dudes leaving out good ol’ Gerry Ford?
And leave Carter alone. The economy was slipping down the toilet BEFORE Jimmy C. got elected. He didn’t get to blow the biggest surplus ever.
October 21st, 2008 at 6:17 pm
@ Shaved Yak,
Kenya was not part of the Atlantic slave trade.
You’re an idiot.
October 21st, 2008 at 6:18 pm
ok, these have been funny and everything…but the script is getting a bit old….not so funny anymore…..the pacman jones body parts talking to each other over at brownisthenewblack.com is actually a step-up from this. still, u had me crackin up with this skit for about 3 weeks.
October 21st, 2008 at 7:24 pm
i fucking need oxygen. like someone said above, between the hawaiian aquatic canines and the President Bryant Gumbel exchange, i’m dying here.
and, i now have the first names on my list of candidates to give to cousin Barry for relocationt to the currently-under-construction crackertration camps. we’ll find you, don’t worry.
/you better not have jinxed the election, Drew
October 21st, 2008 at 7:34 pm
Drew, “Sarah Palin Retarded” is so damn good I may have to start using it in conversation. I think “Trig Palin Retarded” would have been too much.
October 21st, 2008 at 8:40 pm
What does “Sarah Palin Retarded” mean?
October 21st, 2008 at 8:41 pm
@Shaved Yak
“Sarah Palin Retarded” means somebody is almost, but not quite as stupid, as you are.
October 21st, 2008 at 9:22 pm
When your people drop that Fairness Docterine on us, all this mirth and merryment is going to dry up quicker than your river of Japanese Midget Frottage Porn.
Yes, because when the Fairness Doctrine was in place from 1934 through 1986, the United States of America was a crypto-communist nightmare nation, devoid of boobies and all sorts of joy.
On the bright side, that evil Islamomexifaggotfascist Fairness Doctrine brought us classic Point-Counterpoint moments like this.
October 21st, 2008 at 9:28 pm
“Get ready for more taxes, less jobs, and $4.50 gas.”
A future of high unemployment and expensive gas? I can’t even imagine what it would be like to live in a world like that. What you describe is just so, so, so foreign from the country we live in now.
Thanks for sharing your opinion with us, boy genius.
October 21st, 2008 at 10:02 pm
See…Drew asked for no PoFlaWas and these cro-magnon Republican dipshits who can’t think for themselves and repeat everything they hear on Fox News just couldn’t leave this at good satire.
How about you read this and STFU once and for all.
/looking at you Tyler and Yak
October 21st, 2008 at 10:11 pm
You know what. Let’s play nice in the sandbox. I can get along with people I don’t agree with. Here’s a gift for you.
October 21st, 2008 at 10:13 pm
Does Sarah Palin remind anyone of that Miss S. Carolina girl?
C*unt
October 21st, 2008 at 10:38 pm
How about you read this and STFU once and for all.
I’ll see your article on income, and raise you a graphic on investments.
October 21st, 2008 at 11:16 pm
Score, Otto.
But unfortunately, some people think citing the New York Times is the same thing as citing the Koran/Communist Manifesto/Gay Agenda/Protocols of the Elders of Zion.
October 21st, 2008 at 11:59 pm
It isn’t?
October 22nd, 2008 at 12:51 am
Everyone knows the country is straight fucked if I’m elected. But I don’t want you thinking about that. I don’t want you thinking at all. I want you to be like my dear running-mate, Gov. Palin. Just do what you’re told.
October 22nd, 2008 at 1:16 am
I appreciate satire. I do find it interesting that the libs are name-calling. Aren’t you supposed to be the party of tolerance?
Look, you want to elect a guy who’s been in the Senate less than two years, whose previous big job was ” community organizer” (with ACORN no less), whose refused to release ANY records (I mean c’mon - how DID he pay for Columbia), who sat in a church (and got married in it by the way) where the minister spewed anti-America(n) lies for 20 YEARS and only distanced himself when it was politically necessary - then yeah, go ahead.
BTW, gas is $2.79 a gallon here on post. Inflation and unemployment are both around 6% or less. Want to harken back to the carter era where both were in double-digits? (”stagflation”) Then obama’s your man.
The question I ask EVERY obama supporter is this “why are you voting for him”? The answers are often less coherent than Ocho Cinco in the above SATIRE.
October 22nd, 2008 at 1:44 am
Obviously, Kissing Suzy Kolber’s comments section is the best place to express your frustration about the man who is a virtual lock for the White House. Go back to Townhall.com.
October 22nd, 2008 at 8:16 am
Want to harken back to the carter era where both were in double-digits? (”stagflation”) Then obama’s your man.
You really ought to stop talking, because all yopu’re doing is proving that you don’t have the slightest fucking clue what you’re talking about.
Carter inherited a decade of inflation stretching back to Lyndon Johnson, but really aggravated by Richard Nixon and Gerald Ford. Nixon instituted wage and price controls in advance of the ‘72 election and manipulated federal spending to boost his chances, then promptly cut them off in early 1973, right in time for the OPEC embargo. Things only got worse under Ford, whose sole approach to the problem was wearing a little button that said “Whip Inflation Now.” Carter inherited a giant shitpile, but he made one smart move — installing Paul Volcker at the Fed. As every single economic historian of the era will attest, Volcker’s “cold bath” approach to the economy was what finally snapped the decade-long stagflation, even though the short-term impact was a double-dip recession which tanked the economy in 1979 and 1981. (Volcker, by the way, has endorsed Obama.)
But, I know, those are just stupid facts being spouted by all those elitist economists and historians. You have all that bullshit that Hannity and Limbaugh have spoonfed you, so why would you need any gay-ass facts, right?
October 22nd, 2008 at 8:19 am
You’re beyond help.
October 22nd, 2008 at 8:19 am
That was supposed to be @ Tyler, btw.
October 22nd, 2008 at 9:23 am
That was supposed to be @ Tyler, btw.
I’m pretty sure everyone knew who you were talking about. You can’t coach stupid.
October 22nd, 2008 at 11:30 am
@Tyler-
I don’t know what the hell bumfuck nowhere town you live in where gas is $2.79, but here in our nation’s capitol, gas comes in a cool $3.60 a gallon. Oh, and it’s been over $4.50 in San Francisco for about 6 months now.
October 22nd, 2008 at 12:13 pm
@BaCzonkaDonk
Pry your ignorant ass away from moveon.org and book your summer vacation here.
http://www.atlanticslavetrade.org/workshops.html
its amazing that people like you are allowed to vote and to breed, although I’m sure you do the first more than the second.
@Johnny D
I filled my new Avalance up today in Pa for $2.75. I guess that’s what happens when you don’t live in the Peoples Republic of California or the Free Republic of DC where taxes are through the roof. Get used to it and don’t cry when they don’t take your Public Assistance card to fill up your GMC Pacer.
October 22nd, 2008 at 12:18 pm
@jackin4 beats
I really am impressed that you can find the time for insightful blogging while making sure everyone gets a toy with their Happy Meal and the supersizing of Big Mac meals comes off without a hitch.
You are truly a Renissance man and I salute you.
October 22nd, 2008 at 12:19 pm
I think Otto has much win at American History.
October 22nd, 2008 at 12:46 pm
As much as I enjoy a good poflawa, I’m going to restrain myself this time and limit my comments to a few observations. Evry time people start arguing about failed government, it becomes a backward finger-pointing contest (It wasn’t Bush- it was Clinton, it wasn’t Clinton- it was first Bush/Reagan, it wasn’t Reagan- it was Carter, it wasn’t Carter- it was Nixon/Ford, it wasn’t Nixon- it was Kennedy/LBJ…etc..). Both sides always have “facts” and theories to prove that their guy has always been right and theirs has always been wrong. The genius of our system has always been that a majority of both the House and the Senate have to agree before an agenda is carried out. It is possible (probable?), for the first time in our lifetimes- or in the lifetimes of most of our parents, that one party will control the Presidency, a filibuster-proof Senate, and a House majority at the same time. A President Obama could have all of his policies and programs rubber stamped with little or no resistance. Considering the large holes in his biography, his questionable previous acquaintances, and a limited track record it makes me extremely nervous that he will be inheriting the most power anyone in our country has had in at least the last 75 years!
October 22nd, 2008 at 12:53 pm
…..and to whomever posted last night at 8:40 under my name, grow up and get a set. At least I have the bag to stand behind what I say and take the heat from a motley assortment of fellow travellers, thumb-suckers and mouth breathers. You should unplug your Light Brite and do the same. Although if you get refills you can blog as Bugs Bunny and Bozo the Clown.
October 22nd, 2008 at 1:24 pm
@Shaved Yak: I don’t know where you get your information from, but I probably make more money that your whole family, especially the ones selling Amway and your fifth cousins who work at Lowe’s and WalMart. So eat a dick and swallow some nut you toe tapper.
@Otto: There’s nothing better than actual numbers to prove a point. Too bad people who believe that McCain could really help this country financially don’t believe in no book learnin’. I guess Moose huntin’ and dippin’ is where it’s at these days in Dumbfuckistan.
October 22nd, 2008 at 1:34 pm
POFLAWA! POFLAWA! POFLAWA!
October 22nd, 2008 at 1:48 pm
I’m pretty indifferent to Obama, except for his running ads during EVERY COMMERCIAL BREAK of EVERY GAME on TV. Why is it so damn hard for him to keep his politics out of my sports? McCain doesn’t seem to have trouble with it.
October 22nd, 2008 at 1:59 pm
Damn. I was fully prepared to vote for McCain because I agree with him on more issues than I do Obama. However, now that this Otto fella made the case that Carter was a good president- and that someone Carter appointed is now endorsing Obama- I’m starting to reconsider. You know what? I’m sold!! I was only pretending to be against baby genocide, gay marriage, wealth redistribution, the UN deciding when we can use our military, supreme court justices who legislate from the bench rather than interpreting the constitution, and socialist programs. Now I realize these weren’t simply opinions or moral values that were guiding me on who to support… it was just sheer ignorance! Maybe if I get a bit more book-learning done I can block out what’s right and wrong altogether! YES WE CAN!
October 22nd, 2008 at 1:59 pm
I guess if you include sitting on the corner with your packets and a nice LRG hoody then yes you probably do make more than me, especially if it all comes in 5s and 10s. Its nice to see some lighthearted political bantering go the way of Barney Frank as you seem to be casterated by pathetic rancor and rotting from the inside from hate and bile. I would assume your whole right side just tingles and burns when you bring your Dice Clay talking points, much like your piss.
October 22nd, 2008 at 2:15 pm
I was only pretending to be against baby genocide, gay marriage, wealth redistribution, the UN deciding when we can use our military, supreme court justices who legislate from the bench rather than interpreting the constitution, and socialist programs.
Awesome. When’s the election on Bizarro World?
Now I realize these weren’t simply opinions or moral values that were guiding me on who to support… it was just sheer ignorance!
Yeah, you pretty much made that clear with the Hannityisms about “socialist programs.” Maybe you can explain to the rest of us how the current Republican administration is not socialist for arranging deeper government involvement in the financial industry, partial nationalization of several major banks, and repeated bailouts of private industries, but Barack Obama is a socialist for wanting to raise the top tax rate from 35% to 39% like it was under Clinton? Oh, the 1990s were such bad years for capitalism. How ever will we survive if we go back to tax rates from that decade?! How?!?!
October 22nd, 2008 at 3:16 pm
I think the “no polflawas please” tag has to be standard equipment on every post now, because a couple of dipshits and/or shaved animals ruined it.
Gee whiz *wink* that makes me mad *bats eyelashes*! Yeah hey dere, *giggles* let me tell you something Mister, if that happens again *crinkles nose* just you wait a minute there, cause I’m gonna have a word with you. I’ll take you on just like all those non-mavericks that I maverickly fought back on Waisilla main street. Tee-hee.
October 22nd, 2008 at 3:39 pm
@ Robocats
You might want to have a look at who starts the “polflawas” before you weigh in too late like some loser who gets to the gangbang after the woman are already gone. I have no issue with some quality racial political debate, but maybe you and yours should sac up and be ready to discuss instead of dropping the high-level dick and balls jokes. If you lack any sort of intellectual curiosity about what’s going on, stick to staying from the outside looking in, kinda like you do when your girl is giving a tug job to your best friend.
October 22nd, 2008 at 3:44 pm
Dumbfuckistan, Population: me
Never before in the history of the internet has there been a more appropriate alias.
October 22nd, 2008 at 4:06 pm
“You might want to have a look at who starts the “polflawas” before you weigh in too late”
“Shaved Yak Says:
October 21st, 2008 at 3:29 pm
Seeing as how Obama is not even African-American, but descended from the ones who SOLD the damn Africans into slavery, its pretty damn funny to see him grab that protected class mantle for himself. Thank god I got my inheritance before Obama Uber Alles comes in and fucks your shit up. Get ready for more taxes, less jobs, and $4.50 gas. I’ll be at the crib with Fight Night 3, pork rinds and a case of Grape Nehi riding this shit out”
I’m gonna go ahead and let you have a read of any political shit that came up before that comment, and see “who started it” Maybe not you, but definitely, “you and your’s”
Also.. here’s a lil secret: THIS IS A FOOTBALL BLOG. I dont come here for “political debate” I come here for horribly offensive jokes about NFL players who make asinine amounts of money, and dick jokes.
Jesus fuck, do you just have anything to do with Obama and McCain on your RSS feed so you can come in and argue about it?
congrats to everyone for having this poflawa last over 24 hrs. we really outdid ourselves folks.
October 22nd, 2008 at 4:14 pm
Poor Punter and Ape….after the election they will be back to 15 posts about doors flying open and Measts…I assume this is the best MerK can do with the 15 minutes his mother lets him use the Internet before he has to go back to working on his Reader Rabbit and Mathletes.
October 22nd, 2008 at 4:24 pm
uhh, so what part about what I said was wrong.
and…
are you saying after the election you won’t be stopping by anymore to read the blog? cuz if you do, make sure you still come on here and bitch about the writing.
Giving someone their page views just so that you can complain about the blog is like paying the stripper just you can tell her you no longer consider her your mom.
October 22nd, 2008 at 4:28 pm
@ MerK
of course I will…this blog is required reading…I assume after the election we are all going to be drinking whiskey from a dirty glass like the Browns and doing crank off a hookers ass…there really won’t be a need to engage in 100-post PoFlaWas…until the State of the Union….I wonder if Chris Rock is going to sue Obama for jacking his movie idea?
October 22nd, 2008 at 6:48 pm
“My name is Barack Obama and I’m running for President of the United States… YA HEARD?!?!?”
… on second thought, I don’t think that works.
October 22nd, 2008 at 9:21 pm
I see Shaved Yak subscribes to the Bill O’Reilly school of debating. Don’t respond to any actual challenges when hurling mindless insults work so much better. Also, make sure to be completely uninformed.
We’ve covered “working at McDonalds” and “living in mother’s basement.” The smart money says he’ll be making jokes about “all that internet porn” next.
October 22nd, 2008 at 10:53 pm
@NBP
Actually I cut my teeth on the Keith Olbermann school if those are the criteria you managed to get from moveon.org. And since you are late to the party, Tdub and me already covered the Japanese Midget Frottage Porn. What else ya got? Nothing? Ok goodnight
October 23rd, 2008 at 1:25 pm
Christ.
@ Shaved Yak:
“Pry your ignorant ass away from moveon.org and book your summer vacation here.”
Involvement in trading slaves != involvement in the trans-Atlantic trade that brought slaves to America.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Atlantic_slave_trade#Slave_Market_Regions_and_Participation
Notice anything missing?
“its amazing that people like you are allowed to vote and to breed, although I’m sure you do the first more than the second.”
You’re right! Thanks to ACORN, I’ve already voted 20 times! I can’t wait for President Obama to establish the Islamic Soviet Republic of America! Allahu Akbar!
November 12th, 2008 at 6:20 am
From the point of view of a non-American, I just hope Obama’s foreign policy is a little more Doveish and a little less Hawkish.