‘Mr. Millen? There’s a Mr. Britfarr? For You On Line 2.’
SEVERAL WEEKS AGO.
MATT MILLEN: Thank you, Joyce. This is Matt.
VOICE ON THE OTHER END: Heydere yabigol’ hushpuppy howjew liketah gitta bigol’ win’ginst thatthere Grinbay Pecker teem thisuh Sundey?
MATT MILLEN: Sir, can you hang on just one second? (covers receiver) Joyce! I’ve got it! You can hang up now!
OTHER END: Aingonna sithere onminoo walkietalkie toolong soyoo wamme hel-peyoo outdere or nosir, whatzit gonnbee now?
MATT MILLEN: Are you…calling from a walkie talkie?
OTHER END: Well… it’s cordless.
MATT: Joyce! I can still hear you shuffling papers out there! Hang up the phone!
OTHER END: Seedem Peckers fixin torrundaball atcha but yew keepon runnin atdat whiteboyen yoo gonna gettafyoo tickles’hind dat lynnuh scrimmige lemme tell ya.
MATT: Sir, Could I get your name, please?
OTHER END: Uh…my name? Name’s Bart.
MATT: Bart?
OTHER END: Yessir, Bart Majkowski.
MATT: Bart, do you have a daytime number where I can…JOYCE! HANG! UP THAT PHONE FOR SHIT’S SAKE! YOU’RE TYPING! RIGHT INTO MY GODDAMN EAR!
OTHER END: Aw, commondere hushpuppy, y’all dunneed tagit steemin likah kittyonna hot tin ruuf dere, lemme tell ya.
MATT: Sir, slow down. What is this about hush money?
OTHER END: Cummondere, effeyum fixinta tawkinny slowuriddabe tawkinbackwurs nowyabigg hushpuppy. Yewanna beetdem Peckers ernot?
MATT: Are you calling my pecker a Hush Puppy? Are you attempting to blackmail me?
OTHER END: Well fuggitden. [hangs up]
MATT: Sir, I can’t understand you. Sir? You’re speaking to another human being, not the local critters IN THE FOREST JOYCE HANG UP THAT GODDAMN PHONE OR I WILL CHOKE THE LIFE FROM YOUR BODY! Hello? HELLO!! MOTHERFUCKER!
JOYCE: [walks in] Sir, I think there’s something wrong with the phones!
MATT: OH, YOU THINK?! I OUGHTA JUST…I’m sorry, Joyce. Please forgive me. But I… I can’t help but wonder what that little backwater man was trying to share with me on his walkie talkie. Some of that information, any of it, really, if it were relayed in proper English, could have been the stepping stone to victory that this team, this whole organization, so desperately needs. I don’t know what Bart Majkowski was trying to tell me, but I’m afraid that I just let the promise of certain victory slip from my very fingers.
JOYCE: Oh.
MATT: …but why do I give a fuck? I’m gonna be here forever!
-Thanks, Danny, or whatever your name was.
Tags: backwater Brett, matty millen, MMP
October 22nd, 2008 at 3:38 pm
Wow, a Black Sheep reference. I likes it.
October 22nd, 2008 at 3:42 pm
Everybody knows Brett Favre is Deep Throat.
October 22nd, 2008 at 3:52 pm
Hey ma! Get off the dang roof!
October 22nd, 2008 at 4:05 pm
“Some folk’ll never lose a toe, but then again some folk’ll, like Brett Favre the Slack-Jawed Yokel”.
October 22nd, 2008 at 4:06 pm
Low and behold, a hushpuppy.com banner at the top of the site….
October 22nd, 2008 at 5:01 pm
Too bad probablyjason is definitely wrong. calling from a walkie talkie was from Tommy Boy. Have some respect for the dead.
October 22nd, 2008 at 5:03 pm
probablyjason Says:
October 22nd, 2008 at 3:38 pm
Wow, a Black Sheep reference. I likes it.
FAIL.
October 22nd, 2008 at 5:06 pm
Brett Favre reminds me of this guy without the humor and great food.
/Fable II on the top of the site.
//What the hell is Fable II?
October 22nd, 2008 at 5:21 pm
Bart Majkowski?
/clapping
//I don’t interrupt my masturbating for clapping very often
October 22nd, 2008 at 5:27 pm
GET OFF THE SHED!
October 22nd, 2008 at 5:29 pm
Majkowski? I always knew Kogod wasn’t Maj’s real last name.
October 22nd, 2008 at 5:48 pm
MATT MILLEN: … (covers receiver)…
Shouldn’t that be (drafts receiver)?
[shows self out]
October 22nd, 2008 at 7:04 pm
Yeah, pretty sure that was Tommy Boy. Not Black Sheep.
October 22nd, 2008 at 7:45 pm
Ah yes, Black Sheep. Pappy Boyington and his F4U Corsair. No similarity to Tommy Boy or any other album by The Who.
October 22nd, 2008 at 8:27 pm
“Majkowski? I always knew Kogod wasn’t Maj’s real last name.”
+1
October 22nd, 2008 at 10:03 pm
This part speaks for itself in every respect:
“FoxSports.com’s Jay Glazer first reported the story on Sunday. ESPN had not independently confirmed it. After the FoxSports.com report surfaced, Favre issued a denial via text message on Sunday, which was reported by Peter King on NBC. ”
FoxSports – got the story
ESPN – does no work
Peter King – covers Favre’s asshole
October 23rd, 2008 at 12:31 am
“Everybody knows Brett Favre is Deep Throat.”
Did he and PK switch roles one day?
October 23rd, 2008 at 2:09 am
@Glove: Low and behold, a hushpuppy.com banner at the top of the site….
Yeah, in MMP’s last Backwater Brett –shudder– posting, I had BBW4You.com in my banner. Can’t we have “text ads only” for anything Punte does?
October 23rd, 2008 at 2:06 pm
Even in written form I still can’t figure out what the fuck that says. Then again it was Favre, so it was probably 20 minutes of absolutely nothing.
March 1st, 2009 at 12:43 pm
Hey, Good post. I love anything to do with phones and technology etc, so posts like this prove interesting to me. Your site has been bookmarked. Thanks.