Mr. Gargantuan, Meet Gargantua
Silky Garrard: Ah, yes, hello sir. Please, please, do make yourself comfortable. You strike my eye as a man of exquisite tastes and insatiable appetites. I can tell that you’re interested in the higher end of our bouquet of delectations.
Or, perhaps, in a manner of speaking, it’s not the “higher end” that you seek at all.
Just a joke, sir. I can see that you are a man that does not take his pleasure-seeking lightly. I admire such qualities.
Let us get to the business at hand.
But first, a glass of the house red. Doesn’t that go down smooth?
Ben Roethlisberger: HI DAVID
Silky: No one but my mother gets to refer to me by that name, good sir. But I know you won’t make that mistake again. [Pulls back suit to reveal gun holster] Will you?
Enough of formalities. Let us be frank: I can assure you that you are in for an evening of the finest in corporeal delights.
Roethlisberger: HARF HARF HARF I DON’T WANNA CARPOOL
Silky: …No.
No…
I shouldn’t think so.
You know, I think I have a specimen might be just right for you.
This is Georgia. Let me promise you that this statuesque figure you see before you is 100 percent woman. Never a man. Check for scars. No, not there, over here. She’s merely been on a steady diet of growth hormones since she was seven, which makes her both your equal in stature and intellectual capacity.
Roethlisberger: CAN SHE BLOCK?
Silky: She can render any service it is that you desire. And all for the modest price of… how much do you have on you?
Roethlisberger: HINES DOESN’T LET ME CARRY MONEY
Silky: So you got nothing?
Roethlisberger: GOTS OWIE IN MY KNEESPOT
Silky: Tiny! Please show this man the exit. And the wall next to it.
Tags: ben rongrastname, silky garrard, xmas ape
October 2nd, 2008 at 10:12 am
Hines Wald no trust that Sirky Gallald!
October 2nd, 2008 at 10:12 am
Hello and welcome to Anti-Sexy Thursday.
October 2nd, 2008 at 10:15 am
DATS A HUGE BITCH!!!! (I had to get the Deuce Bigalow reference out of the way)
October 2nd, 2008 at 10:16 am
Rongrastname saying “hi” to people in all caps is the best thing since doors flying open.
October 2nd, 2008 at 10:16 am
Can She Block!
Best line ever. Benjy’s got a better intellect than I gave him credit for.
October 2nd, 2008 at 10:17 am
Love it!! The stupidity of Rongrastname comes through as being so fuckin real it’s insane. Everyone of these has me sitting there thinking this shit could really happen.
I could see him fumbling through his pockets and pulling out a state of Pennsylvania thimble he got a gift shop near the stadium and offering it to Silky instead of cash.
October 2nd, 2008 at 10:20 am
Why does that midget think that a hired escort pooping in his water cooler is so god damned funny?
October 2nd, 2008 at 10:22 am
CAN SHE BLOCK?
Freaking fantastic, my man. Way to turn your lemons into lemonade.
October 2nd, 2008 at 10:25 am
YOURE THE PIMP, PIMP
October 2nd, 2008 at 10:30 am
HARF indeed.
October 2nd, 2008 at 10:37 am
If you wouldn’t fist that you are Marvin Harrison.
October 2nd, 2008 at 10:38 am
I actually like the Silky characted almost as much as Jerry/Wade.
Almost.
PS – Kurt and Jon should respond to “God Explains..”
October 2nd, 2008 at 10:49 am
“GOTS OWIE IN MY KNEESPOT.”
Well done, sir.
October 2nd, 2008 at 10:50 am
HARF HARF HARF!
I give it 4 1/2 Choco Tacos.
October 2nd, 2008 at 10:57 am
Screw the giant lady, I think an 80 pound waif would do a better job blocking for Big Ben at the moment. And be much better looking that the current O-line
October 2nd, 2008 at 11:05 am
When did Rodney Peete become a pimp?
October 2nd, 2008 at 11:05 am
yea – “GOTS OWIE IN MY KNEESPOT” made me shit.
October 2nd, 2008 at 11:11 am
This is the Flintstones meets the Jetsons of KSK Posts.
That is, until the inevitable Wade n’ Jerry n’ Marmalard post.
October 2nd, 2008 at 11:15 am
This is the second time in as many weeks that I’ve been confronted by coworkers about my laughter, and both were due to Ben Rongrastname posts. Well played, Ape.
October 2nd, 2008 at 11:15 am
I’m just sad that Silky doesn’t employ Milt from Bachelor Party.
October 2nd, 2008 at 11:17 am
So Charles Haley is Tiny?
October 2nd, 2008 at 11:20 am
rongrastname is fast becoming my new favorite KSKaractor
October 2nd, 2008 at 11:28 am
fuck yes! I love the David the Pimp and Ben as a mouth breathing fucktard.
October 2nd, 2008 at 11:56 am
With the sad passing of The Dugout a couple days ago, Rongrastname has taken the King Idiot place of Dugout Jim Thome in the fake sports conversation world. The King is dead, long live the King.
October 2nd, 2008 at 12:03 pm
If you wouldn’t fist that, you are Vince Young
October 2nd, 2008 at 12:08 pm
“BYE DAVID, IM LEAVING TO GO PLAY CALL OF DUTY, PEW PEW PEW PEW”
October 2nd, 2008 at 12:10 pm
my one year old loves it when i say HARF HARF HARF THEMS JOKES. she is not a roflsberger fan.
October 2nd, 2008 at 12:35 pm
[Pulls back suit to reveal gun holster]
Silky needs a gun and a bodyguard? I guess you always need someone to hold the gun after you shoot the place up.
/looking at Pacman and P. Diddy
October 2nd, 2008 at 1:33 pm
PINK CHOCO TACO?
October 2nd, 2008 at 1:36 pm
I like the idea of stealing someone’s wallet, taking the money, and putting a note saying “HINES DOESN’T LET ME CARRY MONEY” in it.
Also, “CAN SHE BLOCK?” is probably the most damning and intelligent critique of the 2008 Steelers I’ve heard yet.
October 2nd, 2008 at 2:19 pm
Being a steelers fan, this is the funniest shit ever. Rongrastname and Hines are the most hilarious shit ever.
October 2nd, 2008 at 3:37 pm
Anybody else thing the Big Ben yelling meme is the fucking hilarious tits?
October 2nd, 2008 at 5:42 pm
It’ amazing how a man can wear a pimp hat to a post game interview (and look smooth doing it) and this whole new persona is born. Silky has been one of my favorites since day one. Pure gold Ape.
October 2nd, 2008 at 7:44 pm
@310Tojoba
Yes.
Now to give the Buffalo Bills some respect. The Bills are 4-0, and they deserve to be parodied!
October 2nd, 2008 at 10:58 pm
God I love this stuff.
Though I’m sorta sad we didn’t find out what the Mannings did on their bye week.