Monday Night Episode 6: Return of the Eli
Monday saw the further degradation of the once-juggernaut NFC Beast, as the Giants quickly lost patience with Brandon Jacobs simply running over the defense and decided to put the game in Eli’s hands. The Browns, with the Sharpie-scrawled helmets, a suddenly productive Braylon Edwards, Wildcat formation plagiarism and sans swole-nuts Winslow, shocked the world by intercepting all of Elisha’s poorly thrown passes that were forced into coverage. More troubling, however, was the absence of Suzy. We didn’t see her after the pregame. What gives, WWL?
Much as it troubles me to ever see the Browns win anything, the Gints definitely needed to be taken down a peg. A Giants fan felt the need to chat me up right before kickoff: “Tonight is a good night for sports. The Rays are curb-stomping the Red Sox and the Giants are about to throttle the Browns!”
Oops.
The hirsute Browns fans got the better of him. This was a pretty entertaining game, but getting spoiled by the cheerleader shots from the Chargers-Patriots game doesn’t adequately prepare one for the Pound. Coining the new nickname Smacks-a-ho for Burress was a needed task but, sadly, a standout performance by Horseballs forces the Brady Quinn Experiment back into the shadows of the highway overpass.
Tags: bitter eli, matron saint, mnf recap
October 14th, 2008 at 12:06 am
Whenever the camera cuts to Steve Young, he has this distant look in his eyes, like he sees Aeneas Williams quickly approaching from behind the camera.
Also, the ‘Just for Men’ on Emmitt’s beard makes him look like he just made out with a Sharpie.
October 14th, 2008 at 12:13 am
About time the real Elisha returned. I love his crooked, retarded, confused, potentially semi-angry stare off into space.
October 14th, 2008 at 12:24 am
@ Poop:
It’s kind of a “shoo, shoo, retarded flu” look.
October 14th, 2008 at 12:36 am
In a blatant effort to make the stands appear full, the Browns recruited the homeless with promises of free beer, first dibs on dumpster diving the concession stands and sloppy seconds on Brady Quinns ass-nuggets. Not a pretty sight.
October 14th, 2008 at 12:53 am
Leave it to the Eagles to fuck up the perfect weekend. They even suck at sucking.
October 14th, 2008 at 1:14 am
Nice sunglasses at night, douchefag.
October 14th, 2008 at 1:19 am
I see that Jim James has made his first public appearance since falling off the stage in Iowa last week.
October 14th, 2008 at 1:40 am
Grizzly Adam in pic three is definitely not beating his wife tonight.
October 14th, 2008 at 2:01 am
As a hardcore Browns fan (suffering since 79), Fuck Yea! Their season ended on 09/14 against the Steelers [worst loss against the Steelers since Jan 2003] and began again tonight. Now, will tonight’s Browns please stick around for the next 3 months or so.
October 14th, 2008 at 2:20 am
So which Manning is better now, ESPN? I forgot.
October 14th, 2008 at 5:55 am
Oh how the mighty have fallen… silly Giants. I bet they actually thought they were going to have a good season, didn’t they?
October 14th, 2008 at 7:43 am
I would have like to been there to hear Tom Coughlin just completely going off and ripping new assholes after the game in the locker room.
WE GOT BEAT BY A TEAM THAT IS THE ABSOLUTE SCUM OF THE NATIONAL FOOTBALL LEAGUE TONIGHT!!!!! YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MAKES US YOU PUSSIES????? DO YOU? WELL, GUESS WHAT DIPSHITS, NOW WE’RE SCUM!!! THAT’S RIGHT ALL OF YOU ARE FUCKING SCUM!!! HAVE YOUR PANSY ASSES ON THE PRACTICE FIELD IN FULL PADS AT 330AM TUESDAY!!! EVERYBODY’S DISMISSED, EXCEPT YOU ELI. THAT BRADY FELLA FROM CLEVELAND ASKED IF HE COULD MEET WITH YOU PRIVATELY AFTER THE GAME AND I SAID OK.
October 14th, 2008 at 8:20 am
I fell asleep thinking of the dulcet tones of Dennis Green “They are who we thought they were!” and I don’t know anymore who anyone is in this mess of a season.
For Christ’s sake, St. Louis won!
October 14th, 2008 at 8:27 am
The NFC East bravado was taken down several notches this week! Which division is the new trendy pick in WHOISTHEGREATESTDIVISIONINTHENFL!?!
October 14th, 2008 at 8:29 am
@ the last pic: GUIDOS!!!
October 14th, 2008 at 8:37 am
what, no shot of the openly flamingly Quinn fan?
October 14th, 2008 at 8:42 am
“hey boy, ima sex you up real good like”
October 14th, 2008 at 9:07 am
Those two Oompa Loompas sure are a lot bigger than I remember from the movie.
October 14th, 2008 at 9:25 am
I’d wear sunglasses too if I misfired that badly on a Cleveland Steamer.
Since they’re in Cleveland, do they just call it a “Steamer”?
October 14th, 2008 at 9:29 am
The one with the beer just received the gnarliest Cleveland Steamer ever.
October 14th, 2008 at 9:54 am
@Ball Soup
Please, brutha. One loss does not a season end (I think that was English).
October 14th, 2008 at 10:29 am
@Gooch:
The 2007 New England Patriots beg to differ.
October 14th, 2008 at 10:53 am
Unfortunately, these screen shots are of the Cleveland cheerleaders.
/shudders
October 14th, 2008 at 10:55 am
@ claude balls
thank you sir, you analysis surronding the accuracy of the oompa loompa’s Cleveland Steamer made my morning.
October 14th, 2008 at 11:14 am
Don’t worry about the 3-headed dog. Just play him some music and he’ll fall right asleep!
October 14th, 2008 at 11:55 am
We should have kept Rivers and the 27 draft picks we gave away for Archie’s waste of spend. Thanks Ernie, you retard!
October 14th, 2008 at 12:02 pm
The name of the game last night was “Ball Control”.
October 14th, 2008 at 12:46 pm
Fuck the stock market-the de-Suzification of the WWL is a matter of grave national concern.
October 14th, 2008 at 1:15 pm
@Ape: “Monday saw the further degradation of the once-juggernaut NFC Beast.”
Was that written by someone whose team has half of their division’s total wins? By comparison, not one team in the NFC East has a losing record.
@twoeightnine: Your misery is my delight. Go Birds!
October 14th, 2008 at 1:17 pm
I never said the AFC North was good.
October 14th, 2008 at 2:14 pm
the browns punter didn’t even see the field! Great defense FOOTBALL Giants!!!
October 14th, 2008 at 2:17 pm
Seriously, the browns have the worst fans in the world.
October 14th, 2008 at 3:05 pm
Seriously, which asshat decided to tell the Browns yesterday that the season had finally started?
/hopes this loss will bring back the beloved “chip-on-our-shoulder” giants
October 14th, 2008 at 3:55 pm
Man, that guy’s Chewbacca mask is not movie quality.
/Step Brothers
October 14th, 2008 at 4:57 pm
As seen in the third picture, God approved the outcome of this game.
October 14th, 2008 at 10:52 pm
the new york giants faggot how to masterbate da ball dow the feel