KTFO Theatre: starring an unlucky Bengals fan
A used car salesman, trying to cheer on his beloved Bengals, got KTFO Sunday by a still-at-large Steeler fan. Randy Reed was knocked unconscious and suffered a broken wrist after the blindside assault at Paul Brown Stadium. Adding insult to injury, his favorite Rudi Johnson jersey was ruined. What, pray tell, could have touched off such a violent scene?
“The guy said something about (Bengals president) Mike Brown. I’m one of the few people who will defend him, which is getting harder to do these days. I said, ‘Yeah, well, at least he’s not selling the team. You guys are going to be the L.A. Steelers.’ And the next thing I remember is waking up in the security office.”
Dude, you took an ass-whipping for defending Mike Brown? Do you think Mike Brown would take a beatdown for you? He’s sitting in one of the sky-boxes at his shiny new stadium with his shitty team and his lame-duck coach while you’re down there getting the living shit stomped out of you by some retard in a Greg Lloyd jersey. Being loyal to a team is irrational; being loyal to an owner who is not signing your paycheck is idiocy. Mike Brown does NOT have your back.
[ via Busted Coverage ]
Tags: cincinnati bengals, KTFO
October 23rd, 2008 at 1:05 pm
There’s a good chance his assailant was actually Greg Lloyd.
October 23rd, 2008 at 1:07 pm
How can it be a blindside assault if he was talking to the guy? Did he get into a fight with the Lord Marshall or some shit? He probably deserved it for defending Mike Brown though.
October 23rd, 2008 at 1:09 pm
Wow, Hines really knocked the black off Rivers didn’t he?
October 23rd, 2008 at 1:09 pm
There’s a good chance his assailant was actually Christmas Ape.
October 23rd, 2008 at 1:13 pm
Nothing warms my heart like stories of people getting away with assault
October 23rd, 2008 at 1:16 pm
Something about this story makes no sense. Why would a Stiller fan get upset about someone defending Mike Brown? Us Stiller Nation denizens LOVE us some Mike Brown.
I would say it was a Bengals fan who blind-sided him, but, given the number of people who would publicly admit to loving the Bungles, that would likely mean he fell down drunk on himself.
October 23rd, 2008 at 1:16 pm
There’s almost no chance his assailant was Dan Rooney.
October 23rd, 2008 at 1:17 pm
That’s right, Drew. Keep talking. You’ll have a lot of dick jokes for the people in the security office when you wake up.
October 23rd, 2008 at 1:19 pm
fans of the AFC North just proved that they are hands-down the biggest bunch of window-licking troglodytes ever.
/go browns!
October 23rd, 2008 at 1:23 pm
The L.A. Steelers? I guess that would make sense, seeing how the whole steel industry has gone gay.
October 23rd, 2008 at 1:27 pm
At least he doesn’t have a staph infection
October 23rd, 2008 at 1:35 pm
@Grimey:
In his surgically repaired kneegina.
October 23rd, 2008 at 1:37 pm
Sucker punching a Bengals fan. That’s how we roll bitches.
Now if you’ll excuse me…I have to get my mullet permed to match my wife’s feathered bangs.
October 23rd, 2008 at 1:37 pm
I guess that Bengal fan forgot to “Avoid LLoyd”
/willing to bet Ape has a t-shirt with that slogan
October 23rd, 2008 at 1:40 pm
BOUNTY SCHMOUNTY!!!
October 23rd, 2008 at 1:44 pm
So, somehow the Steelers withstand a greater chance of being shipped off to L.A. than the lowly Bengals, ay?
Hopefully that sucker-punch didn’t jar too much logic loose.
October 23rd, 2008 at 1:45 pm
“Being loyal to a team is irrational; being loyal to an owner who is not signing your paycheck is idiocy.”
You mean to say that Al Davis doesn’t actually care about me?? I’m crushed.
October 23rd, 2008 at 1:48 pm
1) Used car salesman
2) Lives in Ohio
3) Bengals fan
That’s hittin’ the trifecta of shitty living. Getting knocked out cold is actually a vacation.
October 23rd, 2008 at 1:48 pm
I’m sure Mr. Reed was not being unreasonable in anyway, since he genuinely looks like a one of those non-retarded, used car salesmen.
October 23rd, 2008 at 1:49 pm
To be fair, the move to L.A. would just be a last ditch effort by the Steelers to lure Jerome Bettis out of retirement.
October 23rd, 2008 at 1:50 pm
hines ward is taking things overboard now that the bounty’s been leaked. does the NFL have a “hardcore champ” like the WWF used to?
October 23rd, 2008 at 1:54 pm
@ognihs
Kevin Greene agress with your statment.
October 23rd, 2008 at 2:15 pm
@kiddicus maximus: I think you mean cutlerfucks.
October 23rd, 2008 at 2:20 pm
I’m surprised it wasn’t a Bengals fan who kicked his ass for defending Mike Brown
October 23rd, 2008 at 2:24 pm
Its ok though. Karma is coming to town dressed in blue. Well white predominately but you get the point.
October 23rd, 2008 at 2:31 pm
This story is bullshit. There were no Bungels fan in attendance of said game.
October 23rd, 2008 at 2:34 pm
Bill Cowher has gotten really violent after he quit coaching football.
October 23rd, 2008 at 2:36 pm
Also, the LA Steelers still makes more sense than the LA Lakers. I just hope when they move that they accidentally toss Steely McBeam off the fucking plane.
October 23rd, 2008 at 2:41 pm
This story sounds fishy. It looks to me like this guy fell down on his face a few times after getting blind drunk fucking completely cocked out out his mind. He probably rolled down some stairs and people started walking on him, even little kids and old people. It doesn’t look like it’s his first time either. Steeler fans’ are too erudite for this sort of thing.
October 23rd, 2008 at 2:42 pm
Yes all this is very interesting. But my internet has decided to let me know ZOMBIE STRIPPERS is out on Oct. 28th. THAT is news.
BTW, I am happy to see Miami has fallen off the “movie to watch when your team sucks” portion of the article at Deadspin. YEA! My team is not UTTER suckitude.
October 23rd, 2008 at 3:10 pm
Under careful examination this story doesn’t hold up at all. Why would a Steelers fan blind-side a guy (and how could you be blind-sided while talking to your attacker) for defending Mike Brown? For christsakes, because of the erstwhile Mr. Brown the Steelers start every year 2-0 and only have to play a 14 game schedule. Every Steelers fan in the world hopes he never sell that team.
The other piece of evidence I would like to enter into the record is that if this ass-wipe was going to be curb-stomped by a Steelers fan at a Bengals game, standard protocal calls for the attacker to taken a piss on him after he was KTFO.
The defense rests and calls for an immediate acquittal your honor.
/Johnny Cochran ain’t got shit on me
/If his team plays like shit, then you must acquit
/If he’s wearin’ a Bungles shirt, he deserves to be left in the dirt
/I could do this all day, not well, but all day
/shows self out now
October 23rd, 2008 at 3:11 pm
Fuck, for a fake ass lawyer, my grammer is horrible. I promise to proofread next time. My sincerest apologies.
October 23rd, 2008 at 3:41 pm
The thought of the Steelers moving to a town that could care less about football *would* be deliciously ironic.
October 23rd, 2008 at 3:42 pm
Grammar >> Grammer
/ta ta now
October 23rd, 2008 at 4:04 pm
Death to the grammar Nazis
October 23rd, 2008 at 4:38 pm
Joey Porter told him he would FIX HIS MOUF.
Aren’t Bengals fans an endangered species? Shouldn’t they be protected like the llamas?
October 23rd, 2008 at 5:15 pm
Charlie M? You made me pop your fuckin’ eye out of your head to protect that piece of shit?
Charlie M? You dumb motherfucker
October 23rd, 2008 at 5:53 pm
Like the ultimate jock and huge Steeler fan Thom Yorke said:
“this is what you get/
when you messsssssssssss with us…”
October 23rd, 2008 at 11:19 pm
i lol’d