KSK Off-Topic: Wanna Save The Economy? LEGALIZE IT.
I was watching one of those boring as shit debates last night when one old bald tardbilly asked the candidates, “For us old people who have lost a lot of money, what are you going to do to help us get it back?” Now, neither douchebag on stage had the balls to tell this guy, “Sorry, old fogy. YOU BE FUCKED.” In fact, neither candidate had much of an idea about anything, apart from some tax cut and health care bullshit that our broke-ass government almost certainly can’t fucking afford.
People, we need a solution. We can’t just keep doing the same old crap. We gotta, like, innovate and shit. This economy’s going into the shitter because so much of it is based on speculation and piggybacking on top of other industries. We gotta start producing more real, actual, useful shit for people to buy. But new, thriving industries don’t just spring up overnight.
OR DO THEY?
People, we at KSK once again have devised a simple, radical solution to our nation’s ills, to help get our economy back into fighting shape. Three words: LEGALIZE IT, FUCKFACES. That’s right. It’s time to legalize pot. Weed. Mary Jane. The sticky icky. The Chronic. The kush. The green monster. The skunky unky. The splendid spliffer. Vick’s cash crop. Travis Henry’s Birf Control.
You know, that stuff.
Think about it. How much money do we fucking wipe our asses with trying to prosecute weed dealing, weed smoking, weed trafficking, weed growing, weed harvesting, and weed bikini stitching? I bet it’s like, billions. I would look up the exact figure, but I’m stoned right now.
And how big is the entire illegal marijuana industry? How much untaxed money is collectively made by dope dealers, and dope runners, and rectal dope smugglers? I bet it’s like, TRILLIONS. Again, I would look up the exact figure. But I’m stoned right now.
People, we are sitting on a fucking gold mine here. If we legalize weed, BOOM! You got yourself a whole burgeoning mini-economy. Rural farmers would start making money growing weed. Urban hash bars would start making money serving weed. EZ Wider stock would go through the fucking ROOF. American snack makers like Tastykake would see records profits. Mmmm… Tastykake. God, that sounds so fucking good right now.
Increased tax revenues would pay down our debts. And accounting firms would boom, because everyone would be too stoned to fill out a tax form properly.
TOURISM! Holy shit, think of the fucking tourism! Legal weed and a cheap dollar? People would fucking SWIM to get here and start toking. You’re telling me I can smoke weed legally without having to deal with all those creepy Dutch fuckers? WINNAR. Imagine if weed were legal in Miami. With all those hot bodies sweatin’ and bumpin’ and grindin’. MONEYGASM.
Sales of weed and weed supplies could help jump start the whole fucking system. Gigantic head shop/KFC/Philly Blunt outlets could bully Wal Mart out of existence. TAKE THAT, WALTON FAMILY!
Health care costs would plummet. People would need less prescription drugs, or would be too lazy to get them filled. Hypochondriacs would stop going to the doctor every five minutes and just chill the fuck out. Less people would have the energy to pursue costly litigation.
Furthermore, legalizing weed could lead to a massive national brainstorm of how we could solve all our other problems. “Hey man, what if we like, harnessed the power of the fucking DOLPHINS?” Indeed, why AREN’T we harnessing the power of the dolphins? We could do that! Goodbye, foreign energy dependence! We got all the power we need in Flipper right here.
Best of all, even if legalizing weed failed to bring the economy back, no one would care. Know why? BECAUSE WE’D ALL BE STONED. How fucking bad can it be if you’ve got cheap KB readily available to you day and night? Not bad at all, people. And anyone who says otherwise can go get fucked.
Now, legalizing weed is just one step in our KSK Sexy Master Plan For National Revitalization From Sin-Based Initiatives (KSKSMPFNRFSBI). Our platform also pushes for the national legalization of gambling in all forms (even death pools), and of prostitution. All prostitutes. Female prostitutes. Male prostitutes. Midget prostitutes. All legal. All taxable. All highly naughty. Know what the fastest growing town in America is? Vegas. Well, why not just make the whole country that way? What would suck about that? Nothing, that’s what.
These are tough times, people. It requires us to completely rethink how and why we do things. I’m talking real Freakonomic shit here. We’ve never herded Boston fans into sweatshops to make bedsheets for the world market. But shouldn’t we? I say yes.
It all starts with a weed-based economy, my friends. If you care about the economic health of this great nation, you will join me in saying for the world to hear:
TOKE, BABY, TOKE
Tags: Big Daddy Drew, fuck you if you don't agree, i'm dead serious, if you start a flame war i will set you on fire, weed we can believe in
October 8th, 2008 at 10:08 am
This is the post I’ve been waiting for.
Magary/Punter 2012
America’s #1 Grass Roots Movement
October 8th, 2008 at 10:08 am
If we get rid of the commerce clause, we can make this happen. Glaucoma! Glaucoma!
October 8th, 2008 at 10:12 am
Um, I’m not a big fan of sweatshops, manual labor makes me tired. Can I work as a prostitute instead. My Boston accent will make me seem more exotic. Right?
Right, guys?
*crickets*
October 8th, 2008 at 10:13 am
*cough* *hack*
[cloud of smoke flies open]
Is that Ricky Williams’ music I hear?
October 8th, 2008 at 10:13 am
Will the sweatshop have dental and weed plans?
October 8th, 2008 at 10:13 am
Sales of High Times and Bob Marley CD’s would also go through the roof. I’m just worried this plan might increase the hippie population.
October 8th, 2008 at 10:15 am
“You’re telling me I can smoke weed legally without having to deal with all those creepy Dutch fuckers?”
and
“We’ve never herded Boston fans into sweatshops to make bedsheets for the world market. But shouldn’t we? I say yes.”
My day has been made. I support the plan as long as the KFCs you mention are KFC/Taco Bells.
October 8th, 2008 at 10:15 am
I ache for this reality.
October 8th, 2008 at 10:15 am
It’s funny because it’s true.
October 8th, 2008 at 10:16 am
@Punter – Yeah! I could get behind a US v. Lopez-style Commerce Clause reading that allowed widespread blazing.
/shows lawyer self out
October 8th, 2008 at 10:17 am
I swear I didn’t write this
October 8th, 2008 at 10:17 am
Of course we’d just leave Utah alone so everyone that whines about it too much can just go there and fuck off
October 8th, 2008 at 10:18 am
The New Green Party has risen.
Vote Harold/Kumar 2012!
October 8th, 2008 at 10:18 am
Do you know what’s in those red bottles?
Liquid Awesome.
On a serious note can you imagine if marijauna became a quasi-art like brewing good beer and making wine?
What if you smoked weed and talked about its “subtle undertones of citrus with a nice bitter canibus finish”
I don’t smoke anymore but if it was legal I actually do think it would be a great thing for mankind. Now if you’ll excuse me I’m going to go talk to my father and grandfather who both have glaucoma.
October 8th, 2008 at 10:18 am
Uhhh Drew, I really didn’t want that pic of my living room shown until, you know, THE DANK IS LEGALIZED.
*waiting for the black Suburbans*
October 8th, 2008 at 10:19 am
At first I thought you were kidding about being stoned as you wrote this, but then I read the dolphin comment. Only a currently stoned person could think of something like that. Bravo, sir. Dolphins, eh? I thought Pennington’s hair seemed a little long…maybe Ricky finally got him to loosen up…
October 8th, 2008 at 10:21 am
are you on something, son? are you taking ‘the pot?’
October 8th, 2008 at 10:24 am
Have you ever read KSK……ON WEED!!!!!
October 8th, 2008 at 10:26 am
I like the picture above of Nate Newton’s living room.
October 8th, 2008 at 10:34 am
Just make sure you don’t feed that dolphin any funions.
October 8th, 2008 at 10:36 am
Apropos of something. Not sure what. Too stoned.
http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1759736
October 8th, 2008 at 10:36 am
Campaign Slogan:
Choke before we’re Broke!
October 8th, 2008 at 10:38 am
I think Maj being left off the ticket is a traveshamockery.
October 8th, 2008 at 10:41 am
You can keep your AIG,
all I want’s my 4:20.
October 8th, 2008 at 10:44 am
Only problem with this idea…how many football careers would end because of munchy-driven obesity?
October 8th, 2008 at 11:05 am
Why do you hate America?
Everybody knows that weed is the worst threat America faces, after the gays and baby murder, of course.
October 8th, 2008 at 11:08 am
I’m pauly shore, and I approve this message….. buuuddy
October 8th, 2008 at 11:17 am
Truer words have never been spoken BBD!
October 8th, 2008 at 11:27 am
Vince Mehdizadeh, you future billionaire, you!!
What a great idea, and it’d be worth a shot. I’d rather go down fighting with marijuana than hope one of those fogy’s can help save the economy.
October 8th, 2008 at 11:28 am
I’d vote for you if I wasn’t already planning to run in 2012 on a legalization platform.
October 8th, 2008 at 11:29 am
Magary/Punter 2012
I was looking in the KSK store but couldn’t find the bumper stickers…
October 8th, 2008 at 11:38 am
Best of all, even if legalizing weed failed to bring the economy back, no one would care. Know why? BECAUSE WE’D ALL BE STONED.
Whoa, dude, you just blew my FUCKING MIND.
October 8th, 2008 at 11:41 am
Wont SOMEONE think of the children????
October 8th, 2008 at 11:45 am
To bring up another great benefit from this plan, we’d all be smoking only the best weed. Since it’s so easy to grow on your own, these legalized, taxed hash bars would have to be full of primo shit so that there’s more incentive to go there instead of down the street to the guy who grows it with a fucking heat lamp in his mom’s basement.
That guy also has a blog, by the way. Sorry, couldn’t resist.
October 8th, 2008 at 11:46 am
A new system of Reefernomics… guns and butter are replaced by bongs and ganja.
Frisbees replace grenades. Incense wins out over tear gas. Nobody’s angry, or if they are they’re too lazy to do anything about it. A beautiful world.
Cordially yours,
That hurtin’ dude behind the counter at the head shop
October 8th, 2008 at 11:52 am
You know, I study economics for a living, I have no particular slant one way or another towards the jolly green giants and this sounds like the greatest idea since a bunch of cavemen stopped hitting each other with clubs and started hitting mammoths and elephants and shit.
October 8th, 2008 at 11:52 am
If the government sold the stuff, they’d be running budget surpluses in no time at all.
October 8th, 2008 at 11:54 am
I pay California sales tax on my weed purchases, bitches.
October 8th, 2008 at 11:54 am
Can we call these new weed mega stores, HOME de POT? Make the color sceme orange and get a logo on a car in NASCAR? Our main competitor would be BLOWES, a coke mega store.
/knows he gets good shit, buys his weed from a negro
October 8th, 2008 at 11:54 am
Spoken like a true liberal. Please for the love of God stick to dick jokes, football.
I should probably add that I’m a closeted homosexual. BAN GAY MARRIAGE!!!!
October 8th, 2008 at 11:59 am
God bless you, Drew. My name is Sam Garber and I approve that message. Come back to Minnesota and you’ll be a lock for Coleman’s senate seat.
October 8th, 2008 at 12:01 pm
you mean dick jokes, football and WEED – brah.
just think of the marketing opportunites.
Valentine’s Day? Heart-shaped K2.
Anniversary? Acapulco Gold
Civil War Remembrance Day? Northern Lights.
I could go on, but I gotta score a bag.
October 8th, 2008 at 12:13 pm
On a serious note can you imagine if marijauna became a quasi-art like brewing good beer and making wine?
What if you smoked weed and talked about its “subtle undertones of citrus with a nice bitter canibus finish”
Some of us already do this.
OG Kush has subtle undertones of orange tic tacs
October 8th, 2008 at 12:16 pm
The Cannabis Cup makes wine snobs look like beer drinkers.
October 8th, 2008 at 12:21 pm
OG Kush has subtle undertones of orange tic tacs.
Wait till you try my Purple OG Kush. Has a hint of those purple soap gums AND orange tictacs.
October 8th, 2008 at 12:33 pm
Now *this* is change we can believe in!
October 8th, 2008 at 12:42 pm
I’m too stoned to really know what I’m talking about, but can’t we use other parts of the plant too. Like…paper, and oil, and really, really, really strong rope…oh yea, and more clothes. And, since it’s a weed, it grows faster and in more places than most other plants, so if we used weed paper instead of regular paper, we’ll also be helping to battle global warming. Yes, Weed seems to be the answer to everything. I will now smoke 2 joints.
October 8th, 2008 at 1:17 pm
They call them fingers but I never see them fing. Oh, there they go.
October 8th, 2008 at 1:25 pm
Another great plus that could come from this is that Dave Chappelle and Jim Brewer’s careers will get resurrected. Not to mentioned the guy that got locked up in half baked, Harland Williams, does one hell of a dolphin impersonation in his stand up. 2012 can’t get here soon enough, can someone give me an address to go ahead and start donating millions of dollars towards this great political effort. We, the people, of the United States of America have a need, a need for WEED man, and some sour cream and onion chips with some dip, man, some beef jerky, some peanut butter. Get some Haagen-Dasz ice cream bars, a whole lot, make sure chocolate, gotta have chocolate, man. Some popcorn, red popcorn, graham crackers, graham crackers with marshmallows, the little marshmallows and little chocolate bars and we can make s’mores, man. Also, celery, grape jelly, Cap’n Crunch with the little Crunch berries, pizzas. We need two big pizzas, man, everything on ‘em, with water, whole lotta water, and Funyons!!!
October 8th, 2008 at 1:43 pm
This post makes me want to ditch work, head home, smoke a doob, come back to work, work my ass off, eat a dozen doughnuts (not donuts) and… uh I forgot what I was gonna say…..
October 8th, 2008 at 1:44 pm
Can you imagine our current administration? We could have tickled Sadam to death!
October 8th, 2008 at 2:21 pm
I yearn for the day that the KSKSMPFNRFSBI comes to fruition. In America we already have the best weed, prostitutes and gambling opportunities, so let’s bring it out of the shadows and make it all legal (and taxable) across the country.
Imagine the advertising during NFL games. Stupid beer commercials would compete with stupid weed commercials (Bud Light vs Northern Lights?). The boner pill ads would include brothels. The local commercials would pitch neighborhood casinos. Some day…
October 8th, 2008 at 2:21 pm
Know what the fastest growing town in America is? Vegas. Well, why not just make the whole country that way? What would suck about that? Nothing, that’s what.
Can we euthanize all the mormons at least?
October 8th, 2008 at 2:40 pm
I was gonna vote for Magary/Punter 2012 but then i got high………..
October 8th, 2008 at 2:54 pm
Fucking SIGNED
October 8th, 2008 at 2:56 pm
I’m not sure what’s more troublesome, the fact that this argument makes PERFECT sense coming from a guy who masturbates to the performance of a guy nicknamed Purple Jesus, or the fact that someone had that much weed sitting on a sheet in their house and didn’t bother calling me…
October 8th, 2008 at 3:01 pm
Two words: cannabis biodiesel.
We could cut our dependence on foreign oil AND get stoned just by sitting at the bus stop. Win-win, brah.
October 8th, 2008 at 3:08 pm
Mostly true story: Several years ago, when North Carolina was debating a lottery, my poker playing buddies and I talked about starting up a Political Action Committee to make poker rooms legal, because that would have been far more awesome than a lottery. We were going to call it “Citizens For the Legalization Of Poker.”
CFLOP. Ha ha.
Then we saw how much paperwork was required to start a PAC. So we said fuck it and got stoned.
October 8th, 2008 at 3:13 pm
Fuck you Drew. If you ruin the LONE fucking chance of absolute chaos and anarchy in my mortal lifetime………
I have not been working 9 hours a day in my garage converting my 84 regal GNX into one of the assault vehicles from Mad Max to see my dream smoked away by a bunch of hippies
October 8th, 2008 at 3:23 pm
Wow, great googly moogly that’s a fucking ton of weed. It’s a good thing I don’t smoke anymore, cause I’d take a swan dive in that sticky icky. Fuckin ay we need to legalize it. Shit, that’s the best way to jumpstart this economy. And WalMart can get off its high horse and sell it too. It’s not like they need to sell all that huntin’ equipment. Fuck that shit and put the smiley face on the Chronic Department. That’s what I’m talking about.
October 8th, 2008 at 4:10 pm
Ricky Williams and Josh Howard are crying tears of joy right now…
October 8th, 2008 at 4:51 pm
If you set me on fire, will you promise to pass me a blunt?
Thanks!
October 8th, 2008 at 4:59 pm
I agree with your views and would like to subscribe to your newsletter.
October 8th, 2008 at 5:23 pm
This is the REAL economic stimulus plan. It is at least more cogent than any of that garbage tumbling out of DC and the campaign trail. Today was my first time visiting this site. I’ll be back 2-3 times a day from this point on.
October 8th, 2008 at 7:02 pm
@ Dave’s Football Blog
You know Henry Ford invented a hemp burning engine, but scuttled it because he was in the tank for Standard Oil. Not that I keep up this sort of thing. I’m usually too stoned…
October 8th, 2008 at 7:08 pm
And OttoMan will achieve his lifelong dream of being Secretary of Transportation.
October 8th, 2008 at 8:46 pm
TRUE TRUE TRUE TRUE TRUE TRUE TRUE.
October 8th, 2008 at 9:29 pm
@Dave – Um, if you wanted to start a 501(c)(3) you could always just find someone to handle it probono. I mean, if the goal was finding a way to play poker all ‘legal-ish’ while allowing the ‘revenue’ to ‘benefit’ a ‘charity’ which I assume the ‘government’ of ‘North Carolina’ um, ‘is’.
/shows self out behind micro elvis
October 9th, 2008 at 5:15 pm
This is so actually true that it’s not even funny (though it still is funny)! http://www.drugwarrant.com
October 9th, 2008 at 9:58 pm
Two (OK, three) words: FUCK and YES.
October 10th, 2008 at 8:39 am
I love it. I know it’s a spoof but holy shit, it just might work. Someone type up the proposal and get it to the assholes in Washington.
October 10th, 2008 at 7:04 pm
Fucking dolphins? What about whales? you gotta a problem with whales? why you not mentioning whales man? they be bigger, faster, meaner, and stronger than stupid little dolphins. we get way more energy from whales than puny little dolphins. man this pisses me off…dolphins pshaw!
October 10th, 2008 at 7:12 pm
great plan though….i’d open up a smokeshop called Medusa’s: Our slogan, Come to Medusa’s to get stoned!
November 2nd, 2008 at 9:47 pm
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I recently registered to this forum kissingsuzykolber.uproxx.com and hope that somebody can
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Thanks,
Jim
November 14th, 2008 at 1:29 am
I’m too stoned to really know what I’m talking about, but can’t we use other parts of the plant too. Like…paper, and oil, and really, really, really strong rope…oh yea, and more clothes. And, since it’s a weed, it grows faster and in more places than most other plants, so if we used weed paper instead of regular paper, we’ll also be helping to battle global warming. Yes, Weed seems to be the answer to everything. I will now smoke 2 joints.
Dont forget that the hemp plant gives out much more oxygen then normal plants its size
sniff sniff smell that fresh skunky air:) i must now eat a box of twinkies and sleep not nessasarly in that order
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December 12th, 2008 at 11:39 pm
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July 2nd, 2009 at 10:47 pm
I just added you to my Google News Reader. Keep up the good work. Look forward to reading more from you in the future.