King Of The Locker Room Hijinks
Everything in this post before the jump on this post is SFW. After that, you’re on your own.
JETS PRACTICE FACILITY, LAST WEEK
[team walks in from practice]
Alan Faneca: Good practice, everyone. We’re really gonna be ready for Sunday.
Eric Barton: Yeah, way to go guys. [gets to his locker] Hey, what’s this bag doing here? Did someone bring me a poorly wrapped gift?
Brett Favre: Ah, yennow wut Eric isawdat ondastreet innitmameethinka yoo. Yoogunna injoyit, lemme tellya.
Eric: Aw, thanks, Brett. I love this team. I can’t wait to…hey…what’s…what’s in here? Is that a bird?
Dustin Keller: I checked it. It’s not what you think it is.
Brett: Heyderr rook, yaneedt’bee keepinow demthangsdat dunkonsurnya eryoogunna tay kuwuppin, lemme tellya.
Eric: [opens bag] AW SHIT MAN, IT IS A DEAD BIRD!
Bird: [doesn't say anything. it's dead]
Eric: [to Dustin] You said it wasn’t a bird!
Dustin Keller: I thought he brought some old Packers jerseys for everyone. You really thought it was a dead bird?
Eric: [to Brett] Why the fuck you stick some dead shit in my locker?
Dustin: I like jerseys.
Eric: Shut up!
Brett: Aw, cummonthere Bartyboy, yew justa biggol rube. Dungettall snippety-whippety now.
Dustin: Don’t open the bag!
[Eric opens it, dead animal stink permeates the locker room. Everybody laughs.]
Faneca: Haha, that smells horrible!
Kris Jenkins: That smell is making my stomach curdle! Hilarious!
Lavaerneus Coles: This is way better than my childhood!
Dustin: Damn, Eric, you just got pwned. That means “owned.”
Eric: I KNOW what the fuck it means, cracker! I said Shut Up!
Mike Nugent: Hey, what the fuck is that smell?
Eric: That’s your game, bitch! Go back to your locker and shut up!
Brett: Oh manitellyoo whut, dem whileturkis gonestank tilda cowscumhom instart watchinyerteevee inaint givinupdat clicker, lemme tellya.
Eric: Oh, alright, Brett. You got me this time! Put ‘er there, teammate!
[Brett and Eric shake hands, Brett walks out]
Eric: [seething] Just you wait, you hickass motherfucker, I’m gonna get you back good!
Dustin: Who are you talking to?
Eric: I SAID! Shut yo mouth!
Brett: [coming in from practice] Heythere y’all didreal guudoutdere enpracktiss annaye…fellas?
Petey: Hey there, Bretty boy.
Brett: O goodnessgraciousakes alive, I reckontheresa farmnottoofaryonder thatlostita prize pig. Lord’ve mercy!
Petey: So big fella…ready to punch your ticket to Canton?
Brett: [sighs] Daggunnit I ainevergunna eat thanksgivinturkee agin.
October 13th, 2008 at 9:47 am
Lavaerneus Coles: This is way better than my childhood!
That joke will never get old
October 13th, 2008 at 9:49 am
Bird: [doesn't say anything. it's dead]
HA HA HA HA. Maybe I just haven’t had enough caffiene, but that just killed me.
I can’t begin to imagine what horrors you experienced in finding that picture.
October 13th, 2008 at 9:50 am
wow. just wow.
October 13th, 2008 at 9:54 am
i was expecting to see brett’s interaction with a raccoon, so that was almost a welcome surprise… sort of?
October 13th, 2008 at 9:56 am
Sweet Jebus, what a horrible, horrible image. Did you have to search for that, Punter, or was it from your private collection?
October 13th, 2008 at 9:56 am
I’m reading this at work and get to the PK photo just as a manager walks past my cubicle. Thanks KSK for costing me my job!
And remember: Favraro is being a kid out there. A mentally-challenged, drooling, helmet-wearing kid.
October 13th, 2008 at 9:59 am
Thanks KSK for costing me my job!
You were warned.
And you hated that job anyway.
October 13th, 2008 at 10:04 am
Jeez Punte, that’s just…wrong?
October 13th, 2008 at 10:08 am
I still have absolutely no idea what Hick Brett is trying to say.
October 13th, 2008 at 10:20 am
Next time, just come to my office and pour tabasco in my eyes.
October 13th, 2008 at 10:23 am
Gorgeous picture aside, I think PK is moving on: ‘The thing I liked most about the win at Seattle was Aaron Rodgers playing well, almost Favrian, with a bum shoulder.’
Protect ya ass, Aaron.
October 13th, 2008 at 10:24 am
/gouges eyes
October 13th, 2008 at 10:35 am
dude…wow…
NSFW takes on a a lot of connotations, but that…that’s just wrong Punter
October 13th, 2008 at 10:58 am
Death take me quickly.
October 13th, 2008 at 11:11 am
Hawt!
October 13th, 2008 at 11:15 am
Chunkage contained – barely
October 13th, 2008 at 11:26 am
Well thanks, I now can’t watch the jets without picturing….. that…..
October 13th, 2008 at 11:30 am
Question: How long does it take you Punter to translate normal speech into Brett Speech? If it takes as long as it does for me to read the shit while still understanding it, hats off, sir.
October 13th, 2008 at 11:34 am
I have to go back and reread the first Brettspeak…
I too thought we were going to see a raccoon…
My favorite was the dead bird line.
October 13th, 2008 at 11:38 am
Wow. That was hilarious!!!
PKs milkshake brings all the boys to the yard….
October 13th, 2008 at 12:01 pm
Hate world…revenge soon.
October 13th, 2008 at 12:19 pm
I think my eyeballs are bleeding.
October 13th, 2008 at 12:20 pm
remember what flubby said about never trusting MMP? yeah
anyone got a favre translator?
October 13th, 2008 at 1:07 pm
There’s a good chance PK would let you show her daughter again before agreeing to that photoshop…
October 13th, 2008 at 2:56 pm
Jeez Punter, that’s just … funny.
“I like jerseys.” Classic.
October 13th, 2008 at 3:22 pm
Man, I’m part hick and still had to read that shit three times to understand the words coming out of Favra’s mouth. Well done sir!
October 13th, 2008 at 3:57 pm
I am so confused by my feelings.
October 13th, 2008 at 6:09 pm
Okay: It’s Thanksgiving here, so the NSFW tag is moot. Something along the lines of “Not Safe For Any Place, Ever” might have been more appropriate.
October 13th, 2008 at 7:51 pm
Anybody got a mop, cause I just lost dinner over here. Damn that was wrong!
October 13th, 2008 at 8:05 pm
So Dan Patrick had PK on the show on radio today…I got in the car just in time to hear PK slobbering on Matt Ryan. PK is so fickle.
October 13th, 2008 at 11:42 pm
I think i need to fix my eyes.