King Of The Locker Room Hijinks
10.13.08Everything in this post before the jump on this post is SFW. After that, you’re on your own.
JETS PRACTICE FACILITY, LAST WEEK
[team walks in from practice]
Alan Faneca: Good practice, everyone. We’re really gonna be ready for Sunday.
Eric Barton: Yeah, way to go guys. [gets to his locker] Hey, what’s this bag doing here? Did someone bring me a poorly wrapped gift?
Brett Favre: Ah, yennow wut Eric isawdat ondastreet innitmameethinka yoo. Yoogunna injoyit, lemme tellya.
Eric: Aw, thanks, Brett. I love this team. I can’t wait to…hey…what’s…what’s in here? Is that a bird?
Dustin Keller: I checked it. It’s not what you think it is.
Brett: Heyderr rook, yaneedt’bee keepinow demthangsdat dunkonsurnya eryoogunna tay kuwuppin, lemme tellya.
Eric: [opens bag] AW SHIT MAN, IT IS A DEAD BIRD!
Bird: [doesn't say anything. it's dead]
Eric: [to Dustin] You said it wasn’t a bird!
Dustin Keller: I thought he brought some old Packers jerseys for everyone. You really thought it was a dead bird?
Eric: [to Brett] Why the fuck you stick some dead shit in my locker?
Dustin: I like jerseys.
Eric: Shut up!
Brett: Aw, cummonthere Bartyboy, yew justa biggol rube. Dungettall snippety-whippety now.
Dustin: Don’t open the bag!
[Eric opens it, dead animal stink permeates the locker room. Everybody laughs.]
Faneca: Haha, that smells horrible!
Kris Jenkins: That smell is making my stomach curdle! Hilarious!
Lavaerneus Coles: This is way better than my childhood!
Dustin: Damn, Eric, you just got pwned. That means “owned.”
Eric: I KNOW what the fuck it means, cracker! I said Shut Up!
Mike Nugent: Hey, what the fuck is that smell?
Eric: That’s your game, bitch! Go back to your locker and shut up!
Brett: Oh manitellyoo whut, dem whileturkis gonestank tilda cowscumhom instart watchinyerteevee inaint givinupdat clicker, lemme tellya.
Eric: Oh, alright, Brett. You got me this time! Put ‘er there, teammate!
[Brett and Eric shake hands, Brett walks out]
Eric: [seething] Just you wait, you hickass motherfucker, I’m gonna get you back good!
Dustin: Who are you talking to?
Eric: I SAID! Shut yo mouth!
Brett: [coming in from practice] Heythere y’all didreal guudoutdere enpracktiss annaye…fellas?
Petey: Hey there, Bretty boy.
Brett: O goodnessgraciousakes alive, I reckontheresa farmnottoofaryonder thatlostita prize pig. Lord’ve mercy!
Petey: So big fella…ready to punch your ticket to Canton?
Brett: [sighs] Daggunnit I ainevergunna eat thanksgivinturkee agin.
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![[image]](http://cdn.ksk.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2011/08/punte-red-green-burst-650-150x150.jpg)
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I think i need to fix my eyes.
So Dan Patrick had PK on the show on radio today…I got in the car just in time to hear PK slobbering on Matt Ryan. PK is so fickle.
Anybody got a mop, cause I just lost dinner over here. Damn that was wrong!
Okay: It’s Thanksgiving here, so the NSFW tag is moot. Something along the lines of “Not Safe For Any Place, Ever” might have been more appropriate.
I am so confused by my feelings.
Man, I’m part hick and still had to read that shit three times to understand the words coming out of Favra’s mouth. Well done sir!
Jeez Punter, that’s just … funny.
“I like jerseys.” Classic.
There’s a good chance PK would let you show her daughter again before agreeing to that photoshop…
remember what flubby said about never trusting MMP? yeah
anyone got a favre translator?
I think my eyeballs are bleeding.
Hate world…revenge soon.
Wow. That was hilarious!!!
PKs milkshake brings all the boys to the yard….
I have to go back and reread the first Brettspeak…
I too thought we were going to see a raccoon…
My favorite was the dead bird line.
Question: How long does it take you Punter to translate normal speech into Brett Speech? If it takes as long as it does for me to read the shit while still understanding it, hats off, sir.
Well thanks, I now can’t watch the jets without picturing….. that…..
Chunkage contained – barely
Hawt!
Death take me quickly.
dude…wow…
NSFW takes on a a lot of connotations, but that…that’s just wrong Punter
/gouges eyes
Gorgeous picture aside, I think PK is moving on: ‘The thing I liked most about the win at Seattle was Aaron Rodgers playing well, almost Favrian, with a bum shoulder.’
Protect ya ass, Aaron.
Next time, just come to my office and pour tabasco in my eyes.
I still have absolutely no idea what Hick Brett is trying to say.
Jeez Punte, that’s just…wrong?
Thanks KSK for costing me my job!
You were warned.
And you hated that job anyway.
I’m reading this at work and get to the PK photo just as a manager walks past my cubicle. Thanks KSK for costing me my job!
And remember: Favraro is being a kid out there. A mentally-challenged, drooling, helmet-wearing kid.
Sweet Jebus, what a horrible, horrible image. Did you have to search for that, Punter, or was it from your private collection?
i was expecting to see brett’s interaction with a raccoon, so that was almost a welcome surprise… sort of?
wow. just wow.
Bird: [doesn't say anything. it's dead]
HA HA HA HA. Maybe I just haven’t had enough caffiene, but that just killed me.
I can’t begin to imagine what horrors you experienced in finding that picture.
Lavaerneus Coles: This is way better than my childhood!
That joke will never get old