It’s High Time I Came Clean On These Off-Season Surgeries
Hey again, it’s your ol’ pal Peyton Manning. Now, some folks are making a big to-do over the fact that I haven’t been entirely forthright about the number of surgeries I had before the start of the season. At the time, I didn’t want to tip my hand to a competition always in search of an upper hand, but now I feel the freedom to come forward and say what really went down.
You see, I simply had a second procedure to clear the remaining bursa sac infection in my left knee. Nothing that could endanger my chances of playing, but a surgery nonetheless. That’s not something you want to divulge to an opponent hoping to key on a weakness. Heck, if I knew a free safety had a gimpy leg, I’d have MarHar put another six bullets in that thing. That’s just the nature of the game.
Oh, and I also had a double mastectomy.
Figured it being Breast Cancer Awareness Month and all, I could finally end the speculation from all the fellas wondering why my jugs haven’t been all flouncy and supple this year. Truth is, I had to have those suckers loped off. ‘Fraid so. Luckily, I’ve been undergoing titty reconstruction in the weeks since, so the girls are almost as good as new. With renewed confidence, I’m playing like the Pey-Pey of old. Joseph Addai said he can hardly tell the difference. Hell, the beard thinks they’re as good as hers.
So take that, cancer. Pey-Pey got one over on you good. You too Lance Armstrong. You’re not the only athlete to overcome to the disease and play on. You’ll be first in line to receive a PeytonStrong cockring.
October 16th, 2008 at 12:38 pm
Shouldn’t this have a “that’s just wrong” tag?
October 16th, 2008 at 12:42 pm
I never knew flouncy was a boob descriptor. what exactly is that? floppy and bouncy comdined?
/straining to picture what a flouncy boob looks like
October 16th, 2008 at 12:44 pm
if a free safety had what?
October 16th, 2008 at 12:45 pm
“Oh, and I also had a double mastectomy”
Peyton is going to kick Cartman’s ass
October 16th, 2008 at 12:45 pm
Surely the Colts can sell advertising on Peyton’s forehead. Because that thing is big.
October 16th, 2008 at 12:50 pm
@5823111: Yes they can, but don’t call them Shirley.
October 16th, 2008 at 12:50 pm
Great strategy to not tip his opponents off to his bum knee in those first two games. Who knows what would have happened to his level of play. The offense would have probably sputtered out as defenses would have tried to stop him from moving the ball down the field. Well played Mr. Manning.
October 16th, 2008 at 12:51 pm
Oh no everybody, don’t piss of Peyton or else he’ll send his killer titties after us.
October 16th, 2008 at 1:11 pm
Peyton isn’t just a hero. He’s America’s hero.
October 16th, 2008 at 1:22 pm
Oddly enough, the advertisement is for the Breast Cancer Awareness store.
Well played. Well played, indeed.
October 16th, 2008 at 1:25 pm
So you’re saying I should start Christina Applegate this week against the Chiefs?
October 16th, 2008 at 1:29 pm
Fetus-head with breasts? I’ll never get it up again.
October 16th, 2008 at 1:32 pm
I think we should all take a moment to remember Christina Applegate’s dearly departed girls.
October 16th, 2008 at 1:40 pm
@PKS – and honor her new ones
time has been pretty kind to christina applegate, relatively speaking.
October 16th, 2008 at 1:53 pm
Peyton Manning? More like Peyton WOMANing!
Am I right? Huh?
Hello?
Guys?
Where’d you all go?
October 16th, 2008 at 2:07 pm
When’s he going to explain to us why he had plastic surgery to look like Karl Malden?
October 16th, 2008 at 7:38 pm
Didn’t this used to be a humor blog? Oh yeah, never mind–Big Daddy doesn’t post much here anymore does he?
October 16th, 2008 at 7:51 pm
Just e-mail Drew and tell him where, when and with what orifice you’d like to satisfy him, you stupid fuck.