I love reading fantasy mailbags. I have no clue why. I’ve long disputed that idea that no one cares about your fantasy team. I care. I like the idea of hearing which players you have, and then judging your value as a human being based on the roster you’ve assembled. I also like mocking people in fantasy mailbags who ask idiotic questions, like, “Should I trade Clinton Portis for Wes Welker?” Of course you should. I assume you’re from Billerica, yes?

The problem with most fantasy mailbags is that they’re run by self-serious jocktards like Matthew Berry (don’t dare call him Matt). Berry (who, according to a friend of the site, is quite the fan of telling complete strangers that the girl who just walked by had really great tits) is the kind of jackass who gives himself his own fantasy guru nickname. I mean, really. “The Talented Mr. Roto”? That might be a good name for a Styx album, but it’s a pretty damn gay way of branding yourself there, fella.

We’re all fantasy players here, so it’s time we set up a fantasy mailbag of our own. Of course, this being KSK, we can’t simply abide by having a normal fantasy mailbag. If you’re looking for fantasy advice that will prove useful to winning your league, you’re in the wrong place.

However, if you need someone to blame after a particularly awful loss for guiding you in the wrong direction, we’re the men for you. It’s hard to be decisive when you’re playing fantasy football. You need someone who will help you make choices, and then to serve as a useful scapegoat once those choices go horribly awry.

And, while we’re here, let’s help you out in the ol’ bedroom as well. Because we can’t talk about football without talking about penises as well.

Yes, we’re proud to announce the advent of the KSK Fantasy Advice/Sex Advice Mailbag. Email us here with any questions you have about your fantasy team, AND about your sex life. We’re non-certified, self-proclaimed experts in both fields! Each Thursday, we’ll post the best questions and give you the good, HARD advice you need so very badly. Should you bench Marmalard this week? Are you too girthy for your girlfriend’s very narrow vagina? KSK CAN HELP!

Don’t have a problem with your sex life? Yeah, right. You’re reading a BLOG. You need all the help you can get, mister. Even if you have no sex problems, make one up. That way, we can still find a way to talk boobies. And no one like talking boobies more than us!

So send us those emails. Dr. Drew and company are here to keep your fantasy team, and you, on top. Unless you’re a bottom, like Brady Quinn.