My publisher is too cheap to pay for an actual book tour. Apparently, spending $1,000 to fly a fat man into a city and letting him expense dinner doesn’t match the revenue generated by selling three books in a suburban Barnes & Noble.

So I’ll be pimping this book the only way I know how… by making dick jokes anywhere and everywhere I can. The BDD Virtual Tour begins today with a guest column over at Florio’s Pro Football Talk. I’ll also be doing a special guest post today over at movie site Pajiba.

Tomorrow I’ll be taking over at With Leather for the entire day. Then Deadspin on Thursday. Then MJD’s Shutdown Corner at Yahoo on Halloween. Then special columns over at Every Day Should Be Saturday and at ESPN.com next week (right into the belly of the beast!). It’s just like a real book tour, only you don’t have to do anything, and I get to make dick jokes all day long. I think it’s quite an improvement. Enjoy.