If John McClane Can’t Beat Bark Obama Tonight, This Erection Will Be A Mixmatch!
John McClane faces a real uphill battalion against Bark Obama in their Precedentous Rebate tonight! You know, it doesn’t seem like long ago that McClane had a lake up in this race. But now the shoe is on the other hand! The economy is in real tin foil. I mean a serious tailwind. Sublime mortgages have badly hurt us! And caused a big nipple affect. We’re at risk for a very long resuscitation. And that has badly hurt McClane’s flavorability ratings! ESPECIALLY IN THIS ERECTION CYCLE!
If I’m John McClane, I need to batter down the matches and hit Bark HARD! I mean, turn up the attacks on him to FULL STOSSEL! This is just like a football game, and the time is right for McClane to masturbate the ball down the feel, as we say in football parlay! I think he needs to bring up some of Bark’s more nerfarious ass oceans! Like William Ayers, who was a domesticated terrapin. I’d also make Bark talk more about the bank bailout. Doesn’t this mean the end of capitalization, and the beginning of socialization?
This champagne has gotten very heated in the past few weeks. There has been a lot of hate speech. A lot of inflammatizing Roderick. And that has hurt McClane in the Pectoral college vote ejaculations. BUT NOW IS THE TIME TO LET HIS GALL BLADDER HANG OUT! He’s gotta loosen the reindeers. Pull out all the stocks. He’s gotta go for the juggler. He needs a lane changer!
OR ELSE THIS ERECTION WILL BE A MIXMATCH!
McClane will have to menstruate to the country that he is fit to lead. He can’t make any bad verbal graphs. He already has Sarah Palin out on the road prostating Bark’s polices. But he can’t simply follow the rectum of conservatory talk radio. He needs to be substitutive. He really needs to roll up his seams and get his hams dirty. That’s the only way he’ll turn the time!
But that time is running out. If I’m John McClane, I say to myself, “Okay, now is the time for me to get down to business and come out singing. I will not be sterilized! I am going to defecate to America that Bark Obama is a FONDUE! And a TERRAPIN! And that he coagulates and harborates known submerman excrements in our satiety! I will not be FORNICATED!”
That’s what I would say to myself. It’s time for McClane to put out or shut up. Or else he will get absolutely VANQUILIZED! CALAMITIZED! HOLOCCOSTED! This could be a real fresco if McClane isn’t careful.
AND THAT MEANS HE’S GOTTA MASTURBATE THE DOWN THE FEEL!
Tags: Big Daddy Drew, emmitt smiff, he really did say mixmatch on tv the other day, malapropogations, mispropunctuations, more articulate than sarah palin, no poflawas please, you lose debates when you look a million years old
October 15th, 2008 at 3:32 pm
Emmit still makes more sense than Mrs. Palin.
October 15th, 2008 at 3:32 pm
Fuck me I missed the tag
October 15th, 2008 at 3:45 pm
Dost ist not thow bringeth tears to thine eyes to hear such eloquence from the very mouth of collosic glossalialism such as this great man that is reknown throughout the multiverse as Emmit Smith (SAW)!
October 15th, 2008 at 3:45 pm
God forbid that Emmitt Smiff and Favrarro ever get into a conversation…
Inject a lil Pacman and the world might just end.
October 15th, 2008 at 3:50 pm
Emmitt Smiff post immediately following a Hines Wald post. Today must be “middle finger to the English language” day at KSK. And I’m forever grateful for that.
October 15th, 2008 at 3:54 pm
NOW IS THE TIME TO LET HIS GALL BLADDER HANG OUT! He’s gotta loosen the reindeers. Pull out all the stocks. He’s gotta go for the juggler. He needs a lane changer!
Bravo sir, bravo!
October 15th, 2008 at 3:58 pm
I’ve been causing a nipple effect for some time now. It’s about time someone else took up the reindeer.
Cordially,
Jack Frost
October 15th, 2008 at 4:00 pm
Hines Ward is waiting for the October supplies
October 15th, 2008 at 4:01 pm
Ahhh! I love KSK! Praise be to Suzie Kolber (SAW) and the guys that make this site happen! I can’t fail to fall into tears of laughter everytime I come here. You sirs are truly a light in times of darkness. I thank you from the bottom of my heart!
Course that don’t mean I’m gonna buy a fucking T-shirt today but I have been debating it. Maybe when I’m off he dole and have actually gotten off my ass to go find a job!
/spends rest of day reading old KSK posts!
October 15th, 2008 at 4:04 pm
Man, I wish I could sample some of Daniel Snyder’s Bongwater’s bongwater. That comment drips enthusiasm!
October 15th, 2008 at 4:05 pm
C’mon fellas! Go for the trifecta and give us a goshdarn Brett Flavel post now! :D
/on his knees begging!
October 15th, 2008 at 4:09 pm
@Weed Against Speed
The secret is to never change your water…just let it be…no matter how rank it gets…or at least until even you can’t stand it and/or once the resin starts clogging up the pipes cause then you just be wasting some motherfuckin good weed…knowwhatimean jelly bean?
/takes looooooong hit and his lungs explode in a massive coughing fit!
October 15th, 2008 at 4:09 pm
William Ayers as a “domesticated terrapin”. I am not sure I have read something as funny as that shit in a long, long time. Unless, of course, it was “submerman excrements”!
I really used to hate Emmitt Smith, now I can’t stand but love the KSK version!
October 15th, 2008 at 4:11 pm
Missed the PoFlaWa tag.
October 15th, 2008 at 4:15 pm
Oh shit! NO POFLAWAS, DAMMIT
October 15th, 2008 at 4:18 pm
Nefarious, absotutely nefarious.
October 15th, 2008 at 4:19 pm
Be honest here, Drew. Do you just go to babelfish, type this in colloquial English, translate it to Chinese, then back to English?
October 15th, 2008 at 4:27 pm
“Sarah Palin still owes me sex…” – Emmitt Smiff
October 15th, 2008 at 4:28 pm
I think everyone around me at work just looked at me like a crazy man. Oh the laughter this has brought to my shitty day, wonderful.
October 15th, 2008 at 4:42 pm
Found this quote online today, classic Emmitt: “That offense does… do look good.”
That’s right, he corrected his good grammar mid-sentence.
October 15th, 2008 at 4:46 pm
So when guys live together or are in close quarters for a while, do they all get on the same erection cycle?
(and +1 to Grimey for “October supplies”)
October 15th, 2008 at 4:53 pm
Don’t know if everyone has already seen Jimmy Kimmel’s vid on Emmitt Smith, but here it is if you haven’t.
October 15th, 2008 at 4:56 pm
I gotta agree with Emmitt. Somebody should turn up the attacks on Stossel. He sucks ass.
October 15th, 2008 at 5:27 pm
For those of you who don’t know, this is what it means to go full Stossel. I apologize in advance. http://www.radaronline.com/from-the-magazine/John-Stossel-composite-3468.jpg
October 15th, 2008 at 5:40 pm
what the hell is a poflawa
October 15th, 2008 at 5:43 pm
@ robocats
If someone were to beat John Stossel to death with an ax handle, he could use that pic as a defense in court. CHARGES DISMISSED.
October 15th, 2008 at 5:55 pm
“what the hell is a poflawa”
Port Florida in Washington.
October 15th, 2008 at 6:22 pm
From Monday Night Football pregame via Awful Announcing
“A lot of the issues of the Dallas Cowboys yesterday having pressure on Tony Romo, came from the outside pressure.”- Emmitt Smith
What. The. Fuck????
http://awfulannouncing.blogspot.com/2008/10/cris-carter-makes-loud-noises-and-rest.html
October 15th, 2008 at 6:27 pm
“nerfarious ass oceans!”
Seriously Drew, I fucking love you!
October 15th, 2008 at 6:33 pm
But Stossel wants to legalize it!
October 15th, 2008 at 7:06 pm
He does? OK, Legalization Now, Kill Stossel later.
October 15th, 2008 at 7:20 pm
senor mullet, Is Chim Richalds related to Hines Wald?
political
flame
war
poflawa
October 15th, 2008 at 9:36 pm
I think I saw a luchador pull the full-stossel down in Mexico once. Pretty nasty. He followed it with a half-geraldo.
October 16th, 2008 at 1:45 am
political flame war, huh? is that where flamers get in a fight about politics?
October 16th, 2008 at 5:24 am
Wait a tick. Anybody know what he was trying to say when he declared Obama to be a fondue?
October 16th, 2008 at 6:25 am
Why all the Emmut Smiff basting? He did go back to the Unicylce of Flowida and get his digress is journeyalism and comcastication while he wust playing foosball in the En.Ef.El.
October 16th, 2008 at 7:51 am
What’s truly scary is Emmitt going off on a rant like that is not outside the realm of possibility.
October 16th, 2008 at 1:46 pm
Even in written form I can’t understand what the fuck Smiff is saying.
October 16th, 2008 at 2:37 pm
Doesn’t this mean the end of capitalization, and the beginning of socialization?
luvly
Emmit Smifs could make 2+2=4 sound like pure nonsense
October 16th, 2008 at 2:50 pm
i love how he gets Sarah Palin’s name spot on though.
and nice incorporation of the John McClane :D royalties can be forwarded to my PO box at your leisure.
October 16th, 2008 at 4:11 pm
Anybody know the best way to dry out a keyboard on a laptop? The Diet Mt. Dew that just ejaculated out of my nose onto to it during the reading of this post seems to have caused a bit of a problem. Thanks in advance for your help, and to you BDD, for the sinus cleansing I was desperately in need of. You had me at “uphill battalion”.
March 8th, 2009 at 8:14 pm
I really enjoy the content of your blog, since I am a blog addict I shall return, lol