Guilty?! The F–k You Mean ‘Guilty?!’
What the fuck does he mean, “Guilty?” Hey, hey, judge! Can I get a replay on this motherfucker? How come you didn’t put me in jail when I killed those whitefolks? Shit, after y’all let me off for that, I just figured I could do whatever I wanted! The fuck happened? Did Fred Goldman put you up to this? That guy’s had it in for me since his kid ran off with my bitch! Fred? Aw, you really got me, Fred! You big kidder! Way to go! You’ll get another MSNBC special for this one, buddy!
Oh, yeah, get those cuffs on me! Haha, good one Freddy! You really got me! Whoa! Hey, those cuffs are kinda tight, fella! Okay, fun’s over. Come on, if we get outta here now we still get nine holes in. Hey, stop pushing me, fool! What the– HEY COME ON! GET THESE FUCKING CUFFS OFF ME! YOU CAN’T DO THIS TO ME! I’M THE JUICE! I WAS A SPOKESMAN FOR HERTZ! I’M GONNA BEAT YOUR ASSES WITH MY DINGO LEG IF YOU DON’T ME OUT OF HERE!!!!
Shit, maybe I really am going to jail…
Tags: Better late than never, MMP, The Juice is no longer loose, Who wants to gang bang a Heisman Trophy winner?
October 7th, 2008 at 3:35 pm
I look forward to the uproarious adventures of “Ookie n’ Juice,” live from the ‘pen.
October 7th, 2008 at 3:37 pm
Now who’s going to play Nordberg in the next “Naked Gun” movie?
October 7th, 2008 at 3:40 pm
He gets sentenced on my birthday (December 5). That’s what I call a great birthday gift.
October 7th, 2008 at 3:41 pm
‘oj-o-shit’ & ‘Who wants to gang bang a Heisman Trophy winner?’ instant classic.
October 7th, 2008 at 3:47 pm
He was set up like a motherfucker.
October 7th, 2008 at 3:53 pm
now we gotta get vick transferred to vegas so he & the juice can be cellmates with access to a much better grade of 420 & homemade hooch. oj can’t do his time in the south; climate plays hell with his aging sinuses.
this verdict is professional grade karma. kills two people and walks. tries to liberate what he thinks is his own property and gets convicted of kidnapping (which carries a max sentence of life), among many others.
gonna be a real bitch to orchestrate the campaign to find the real killers from his jail cell, though.
October 7th, 2008 at 3:54 pm
“Well now how am I supposed to find the real robbers if you lock my ass up?”
October 7th, 2008 at 4:03 pm
Chris Rock can now stop waiting for his “O.J. check” to come in the mail.
October 7th, 2008 at 4:04 pm
Shit that’s my birthday too. I am gonna get so fucking drink celebrating his sentence!
October 7th, 2008 at 4:06 pm
Drink, drunk what’s the difference.
October 7th, 2008 at 4:06 pm
OJ has to be the dumbest asshole to ever walk to Earth to even allow a jury to come near his ass within 10,000 miles.
Does that mean Frank Drebin is now in charge of finding the killers and the kidnappers?
October 7th, 2008 at 4:07 pm
don’t fuck with the dingo leg - that shit stings the rectum.
October 7th, 2008 at 4:07 pm
Drink, drunk what’s the difference.
Drank, bitch! We’s gon drank!
Pacman down wid it. He teach dat ole bitch how the Cellblock 6 brothas like it.
October 7th, 2008 at 4:10 pm
With OJ locked up, those killers are free to roam the various golf courses of America. Who will protect us if OJ is locked up? I might as well sell my clubs.
October 7th, 2008 at 4:19 pm
Brady Quinn would love to gang bang Tim Tebow…
/worst tag ever
October 7th, 2008 at 4:22 pm
“Well, it’s official: Murder is legal in the state of California”
now Norm MacDonald’s career can finally RIP…
October 7th, 2008 at 4:24 pm
“The Juice is no longer loose”
Give him a few days in and the Juice gonna be VERY loose.
October 7th, 2008 at 4:49 pm
Black men of America, take a good look…this is what happens when you fuck with white women. Eventually you will wind up in pound you in the ass prison.
See that second picture? That’s OJ realizing that his ass is gonna look like a train tunnel in about 2 weeks.
/This is protected by the Red, the Black and the Green…with a KEY…SISSIEEEEEEEES!!!!
October 7th, 2008 at 5:19 pm
@Jackin - I believe Nasty Nate will looking for his fruit cocktail as well.
October 7th, 2008 at 5:43 pm
does anyone have the odds on travis henry/oj/lawrence phillips ending up on the same prison football team?
October 7th, 2008 at 5:49 pm
Mean Machine! Mean Machine!
October 7th, 2008 at 5:57 pm
Sad day in America when we jail a role model and standup citizen like the Juice. So what he damn near beheaded two white people 14 years ago. It was 14 years ago people,. Get over it! PFFT!! I break my foot off in AT LEAST two white peoples asses every day BEFORE breakfast. If cutting white peoples heads off, after all that they have done to the Black man, is a crime in America then lock me up.
Am I right brothers?…
Hello?
October 7th, 2008 at 6:05 pm
Maybe he can look for the real killers in jail; they sure haven’t been on the golf courses lately.
October 7th, 2008 at 6:55 pm
Damn…my ‘94 joke about the difference between Christopher Reeve and OJ Simpson doesn’t have a punchline anymore…
/looks for new material..
October 7th, 2008 at 8:25 pm
Nine holes in? How about nine in your hole, bitch?
October 7th, 2008 at 9:09 pm
I interrupt you
October 7th, 2008 at 11:18 pm
OJ should have tossed out his red flag when the guilty verdict was read.
October 8th, 2008 at 7:38 am
I wonder if OJ prefers jelly or syrup. I’m thinking jelly since it’s more juiceyish than syrup.
/is there a right way to spell juiceyish?
October 8th, 2008 at 9:05 am
vanglorious!
October 8th, 2008 at 9:38 am
There is a price to pay if you wanna run over 2000 yards in a single NFL season. The Gods require sacrifice. One of the main reasons I don’t hang with Dickerson or Davis.
/Sanders obviously has already killed
//Adrian Peterson is the most dangerous man on the planet come 2010
October 8th, 2008 at 9:50 am
We’re all laughing but the guy is definitely going to a place better than most of us could hope for. His “Prison” will be like an un-glorified country club. He’ll eat filet mignon and shrimp whenever he wants. He’ll continue to not work. There will be no ass pounding.
The only thing we can hope for is a bad case of prison tuberculosis extracts revenge that the judicial system never could on OJ.
October 8th, 2008 at 10:16 am
@ Jay Cutler
It looks like a country club that breaks your will AND your sphincter.
http://withleather.uproxx.com/?p=10274