Two of the NFL’s most demonstrative and demonstrably crazy linebackers renew their formerly twice-a-year rivalry as a pair of 2-3 teams look to get back to .500. Will there even be a football game or a protracted dance-off after each one jumps on a tackle after it’s already been made? Are the two as loud as they are overrated? Is that even remotely possible? Either way, WHO YA GOT?

Contestants

Ray Lewis_______________Joey Porter

Would like you to

Fix your recollection of events that place him at the scene of the crime____________FIX YO MOUF

Fails to convince fans

Of his bullshit religious conversion__________That the refs always fuck him

Kills

Humans__________________Miniature horses

Just ’cause

Where was he when Joey Porter was shot?

Shooting Joey Porter______________Getting shot by Ray Lewis

Irritates me less now because

With Keon Lattimore gone from UMD, stops showing up at games_____No longer a Steeler, don’t have to apologize for him

Finishing move

Who know how Dexter kills people? Like that, only with more dancing________GETTING RESPECT!