God’s Linebacker Vs. Dog’s Linebacker. WHO YA GOT?
Two of the NFL’s most demonstrative and demonstrably crazy linebackers renew their formerly twice-a-year rivalry as a pair of 2-3 teams look to get back to .500. Will there even be a football game or a protracted dance-off after each one jumps on a tackle after it’s already been made? Are the two as loud as they are overrated? Is that even remotely possible? Either way, WHO YA GOT?
Ray Lewis_______________Joey Porter
Would like you to
Fix your recollection of events that place him at the scene of the crime____________FIX YO MOUF
Fails to convince fans
Of his bullshit religious conversion__________That the refs always fuck him
Kills
Humans__________________Miniature horses
Just ’cause
Where was he when Joey Porter was shot?
Shooting Joey Porter______________Getting shot by Ray Lewis
Irritates me less now because
With Keon Lattimore gone from UMD, stops showing up at games_____No longer a Steeler, don’t have to apologize for him
Finishing move
Who know how Dexter kills people? Like that, only with more dancing________GETTING RESPECT!
Tags: joey porter, ray-ray, who ya got?, xmas ape
October 17th, 2008 at 8:28 am
I got $5 on Ray Ray fixing Joey’s MOUF with a crowbar and brass knuckles.
October 17th, 2008 at 8:30 am
ITS A ASPLOSION OF TEH CRAZY!!!!!!!!1!11!!!!!!!!!
October 17th, 2008 at 8:33 am
@ dAndy
Yeah, I got Ray too. Whereas Joey is only capable loud, incoherent crazy, Lewis seems to be able to pull off loud crazy, quiet crazy, violent crazy, and even religious crazy. He’s so versatile!
October 17th, 2008 at 9:14 am
While I’ll admit the crazy factor seems to favor Ray Ray, as TF noted above, don’t forget that Joey Porter once went to the Ravens team bus after a game at Heinz Field to challange Lewis to get off and fight him. This was when Joey was out after being shot and he thought during the game Lewis did that stupid stomp move that Porter does after making a play. Apparently this imitation was not the sincerest form of flattery but I sign of disrespect. So Porter went to a bus full of Ravens looking to get Ray (a man who remember had just been involved however remotely in a man’s death) outside and get his respect back. Lewis would not get off the bus to fight Porter. Crazy recognizes crazy, therefore Porter cannot be underestimated in that department. Well, that, and owning a bunch of miniature horse killing pit bulls just for fun.
/sorry for the novel, just wanted to make sure J-Peezy’s insanity got it’s due
/dick joke.
October 17th, 2008 at 9:18 am
i think that movie is in the disney vault with song of the south
October 17th, 2008 at 9:25 am
@JDLRA
Dually noted.
October 17th, 2008 at 9:35 am
I used to live less than five miles from that Lollar guy that was killed after the Atlanta Super Bowl. Pretty sad actually as they left up a memorial at his house for years after he died
So along those lines, gotta go with Ray-Ray. He’s the one that we know is willing to fight to the death. Besides, all his dancing and awkward posturing would confuse Porter long enough to get in a few cheap shots
October 17th, 2008 at 9:55 am
I will go with Crazy Ray (what my wife calls him) by a nose although I do remember what JDLRA is talking about and that’s pretty goddamned crazy – especially if Porter still had a few bullet holes in his azz. I wonder who’s MOUF woulda got fixed that day?
October 17th, 2008 at 10:02 am
Remember when Joey Porter got beat up by William Green? That should tell you all you need to know.
*hint, he got beat up by a fucking scrub first-round bust not named Laurence Maroney
October 17th, 2008 at 10:21 am
Ummm, I know this joke has run its course by now, right? “Ray Lewis stabs people, blah blah blah…He jumps on piles…blah blah blah.” He’s actually having a monster year (so is Porter with his pass rush).
Maybe you should ask Kellen Winslow if Ray Lewis can still hit – or you could just ask Rashard Mendenhall(’s shoulder).
KSK needs to pick up its game.
All that being said…watch out for the Saints baby! Colston is back!
October 17th, 2008 at 10:27 am
Ray Lewis stabs people….we’re not joking so hence it will never run its course.
October 17th, 2008 at 10:36 am
Dear Big Texas:
FIX YO SERIOUSNESS!! We bring teh funneh up in herr!
October 17th, 2008 at 11:28 am
JDLRA’s take on the situation changes things a bit, but JP was still juiced up on lead wound adrenaline at that time. TF’s take on the different axpectxs of craziness only further solidifies Ray Ray as the #1 contender!
October 17th, 2008 at 12:29 pm
They shot me in Denver!
October 17th, 2008 at 12:45 pm
It’s always the loudmouth asshole athlete/entertainer who goes on and on about respect. Also, to go along with TF’s thoughts, I think the quiet madman is deadlier than the loud madman.
October 17th, 2008 at 12:54 pm
I’m pretty sure they’re both loudmouths.
October 17th, 2008 at 1:24 pm
Yeah, definitely, but Porter’s loudmouthier.
October 17th, 2008 at 3:06 pm
Ray of Light… best TV Funhouse skit ever? Has to at least be top 3.
October 17th, 2008 at 7:54 pm
Ray-Ray is a douchebag in the good way, the way that cripples rookie first-round picks and laughs about it in a broad, lusty tone. Joey is a douchebag in the worst of ways, like that one guy you work with who you don’t really like but who constantly tries to interact with you and you just want to smack him in the mouth with a mop.