Get Your Jersey On. It’s Your Sunday Open Thread
Recently I wrote that grown men wearing team jerseys looked like fucking dorks. But that was before I GOT THIS TOTALLY SWEET PURPLE JESUS JERSEY, YOU WHORES.
I totally look like a professional football player now. I could run out onto that field and they’d all be none the wiser! MWAHAHAHAHA! I bet Troy Aikman would be totally blown away by how firm my handshake is.
Anyway, here’s your Sunday open thread. Your early slate is highlighted by that naughty Iggles-Redskins tilt. Which team will come out with overly inflated expectations for the rest of the year? We’ll just have to see. I’ll be taking it all in while looking like a consummate professional.
Tags: apple photo booth captures my spontanaeity, best birfday gift evar, dorky old men, i am highly attractive, open threads, should have gotten glareproofing on my new glasses, sundays are for homerism
October 5th, 2008 at 8:21 am
Daunte Culpepper does not approve.
October 5th, 2008 at 8:30 am
You’re such a slave to trends with your Peterson jersey and your Palin glasses.
October 5th, 2008 at 8:39 am
Why is Jonathan Papelbon wearing a Purple Jesus Jersey?
October 5th, 2008 at 8:42 am
Why is Ellen Degeneres wearing a Viking’s jersey?
October 5th, 2008 at 8:56 am
did you take that picture in your mothers basement?
October 5th, 2008 at 8:58 am
I guess Dwight took the transfer to the St Cloud, MN branch
October 5th, 2008 at 9:01 am
You should definitely take that thing to Glamour Shots in the mall.
October 5th, 2008 at 9:13 am
I don’t wear jerseys, I’m thirty plus. Gimme a crisp pair of jeans, button up.
October 5th, 2008 at 9:34 am
I used to imagined Drew as being constantly bearded, like Steve Carell in Evan Almighty. My world is shaken.
October 5th, 2008 at 9:37 am
Jay, that’s no way to talk about Mrs. Drew. But probably correct nonetheless.
October 5th, 2008 at 9:48 am
why is Dwight Schrute wearing a Vikings jersey?
October 5th, 2008 at 9:49 am
A little early to be posting your Craigslist M4M template, isn’t it?
October 5th, 2008 at 9:50 am
What, a replica? Drew you’re going to be a millionaire author, show some class.
October 5th, 2008 at 9:50 am
guess i should probably read the comments before I call my parents and let them know that I posted an amazing comment on KSK….catch the syph Rob!
October 5th, 2008 at 10:20 am
Fantasy: Slaton (vs SD) or Ronnie Brown (vs. IND): WHO YA GOT?
October 5th, 2008 at 10:23 am
Does the “Nobody cares about your fantasy team” rule apply here? If not, then can someone give Westbrook the Gilooli treatment so I can stop agonizing over whether to start Buckhalter or Chris Chambers at my flex spot.
October 5th, 2008 at 10:29 am
Ah, I guess it doesn’t. Excellent.
Start Brown, Drew. I’m still not sold on Indy’s stopping power.
And seriously, Reid, you fat fuck, who’s getting the carries today!?
October 5th, 2008 at 10:29 am
I’m just enjoying the Cubs collapse too much to care about the fact that Drew looks like Dwight Schrute. Oh man, these tears, they’re so delicious! They’re vintage 1908! I just want to bottle them and sip on them all year long!
At least my Mets have the dignity to collapse in the regular season.
October 5th, 2008 at 10:32 am
Seriously, get yourself an authentic. Just sad really.
October 5th, 2008 at 10:33 am
Can anybody tell me how to put an avatar on my comments?
October 5th, 2008 at 10:38 am
*Crsssshhhht*
That’s me cracking open my first Yuengling of the day! Happy Week 5 everybody!
October 5th, 2008 at 10:54 am
Question: Im 23, does that make me a grown man? Question: I just got a Barber #24 Jersey with MB III on the back, is that legit?
October 5th, 2008 at 10:58 am
Drew: Forget that piece of advice. You got your games mixed up and I followed you to retardville. Miami plays SD and Houston plays Indy.
October 5th, 2008 at 11:03 am
Not pictured: Drew straining his hammy moments after donning the jersey.
October 5th, 2008 at 11:05 am
Walter: That also makes you Cowboys fan so all I can advise you to do is high five your buddy.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W7Dk4b1S2zA
October 5th, 2008 at 11:06 am
Jesus Christ. It’s October, you can take the Christmas cards off the mantle already.
October 5th, 2008 at 11:16 am
TF, I fucking love that clip!
I may or may not be hi5 challenged as well, but at least i drink….. by myself.
Go boys.
October 5th, 2008 at 11:20 am
Your computer faces the entrance to a room? Vulnerability, my friend.
October 5th, 2008 at 11:28 am
@Ryan
“Oh shit! MINIMIZE! MINIMIZE! MINIMIZE!”
October 5th, 2008 at 11:34 am
Doesn’t Drew Kinda look like Dwight Shrute? Just saying.
October 5th, 2008 at 12:06 pm
way to be third behind the curve walter. Try reading before you post, douche.
October 5th, 2008 at 12:09 pm
Disagree on the ruling. However, I will say that anyone getting a personalized jersey has clearly crossed the line.
Oh wait…before I forget:
Who unearthed Buddy Holly and gave him a Vikings jersey?
October 5th, 2008 at 12:19 pm
This just in…Shaub’s vagina hurts. Ol’ Sage Rosenfelzensteinenberg gets the start. Does this help or hurt Andre Johnson and Slaton? Discuss.
October 5th, 2008 at 12:22 pm
Reggie’s pimp: how do you upload an avatar in Uproxx?
October 5th, 2008 at 12:23 pm
I think Drew’s got a Michael J. Fox in “The Secret of My Success” vibe. Just a note: beware the shakes.
October 5th, 2008 at 12:23 pm
Slaton, jackass. Apparently that purple kool-aid is blurring your mind.
October 5th, 2008 at 12:29 pm
I’ma got me #21 Boyz jerz, be sayin’ ‘woot woot’ um back. Shiii…
/Sizzla
October 5th, 2008 at 12:30 pm
Sol Rosenberg > Sage Rosenfels
October 5th, 2008 at 12:38 pm
In honor of the late Matt Millen era, I’ll be rocking the Charles Rogers #80 authentic today.
October 5th, 2008 at 12:40 pm
Anyone still alive in their KSK Suicide Pool?
/week one looser
//awaits bad beat rants
October 5th, 2008 at 12:40 pm
College football sidenote: Chase Daniel can go get fucked. I had to sit through three quarters of that shit at Memorial Stadium last night and not make Deliverance jokes because the Mizzou fan next to me looked like a poor man’s Megan Fox.
October 5th, 2008 at 12:41 pm
I’ve been reading here about Drew looking like Dwight Schrute and Michael J. Fox, but I think he looks more like Tobias Beecher on “Oz”. He was the drunk-driving lawyer who becomes the Nazi’s bitch, then gets his revenge.
October 5th, 2008 at 12:42 pm
If you try to force oral on him, he will not hesitate to bite off your penis.
October 5th, 2008 at 12:42 pm
@Robinson
And by ‘rocking’ you mean on the floor, in the corner, fetal position…right?
October 5th, 2008 at 12:43 pm
In the Hines Smire Factoly league there’s nine of us left.
October 5th, 2008 at 12:43 pm
@Walter Sobchek: Welcome fellow Cowboys fan. Wear that jersey with pride. Just make sure you keep your eyes open on the High 5. And MB III is getting 150 yards today after last week’s disaster.
October 5th, 2008 at 12:43 pm
Who’s this “Drew” you speak of? I only see a picture of Adrian Peterson at the top, although that’s a funny haircut for a black guy.
October 5th, 2008 at 12:46 pm
Why is Dwight Schrute wearing a Vikings jersey?
October 5th, 2008 at 12:47 pm
@ Spanky
Actually, if Kyle Orton torches the Lions in the 1st quarter like Ryan, Rodgers, and O’Sullivan did, that’s exactly how I’ll be watching the rest of the game.
October 5th, 2008 at 12:47 pm
Why is Purple Jebus wearing glasses?
October 5th, 2008 at 12:50 pm
@ Robinson Heavy burden being a Lions fan my man. I still hate the kittens for clawing the Cowboys at the begining of the Jimmy Johnson run.
/bitter
October 5th, 2008 at 12:54 pm
I chose the Panthers as my suicide pick. They are going to get blown out by whatever stupid plan herm came up with
October 5th, 2008 at 1:07 pm
I have Indy @ Houston and Seattle @ NYG and both stadiums look half empty!
October 5th, 2008 at 1:11 pm
Six plays before somebody not named Matt Forte gets a touch for the Bears.
October 5th, 2008 at 1:21 pm
Eli Manning looks good so far. Glad I bet the Redskins. Fuck
October 5th, 2008 at 1:25 pm
Jesus fuck snake the Packers are awful.
October 5th, 2008 at 1:27 pm
I am sick and fucking tired of living in close proximity to Kansas City. This is the least enjoyable team in the league to watch. Fuck you, CBS.
October 5th, 2008 at 1:33 pm
This numbnuts on the Bears-Lions game just told us about how Kitna was pinned back, WHILE the ref was signaling that it was a touch back.
October 5th, 2008 at 1:34 pm
@robo-I guess at least I don’t have to deal with that. Vasgersian’s the play-by-play guy I think…who’s on commentary?
October 5th, 2008 at 1:34 pm
Fuck me for taking the Packs this week.
October 5th, 2008 at 1:36 pm
There’s no way that’s really Drew. I only count two chins.
October 5th, 2008 at 1:37 pm
See, this is just like the Always Be Covering post featuring hot talent in a jersey.
Except I’m punching myself in the dick instead of masturbating.
October 5th, 2008 at 1:40 pm
@TF: go to Gravatar.com and upload it there.
And Indy vs Houston is turning into an offensive back and forth. WTF?
October 5th, 2008 at 1:41 pm
Self dick punching isn’t masturbation? I’ve been doing this wrong the whole time … kind of like the Texans!
October 5th, 2008 at 1:45 pm
Yeah, you look like a professional football player alright.
For Manchester City.
Playing Striker. Diving specialist.
I don’t care what anyone says about Arizona, the Seattle SeaSlugs are still the team to beat in the AFC Gastropod.
Umm, dick joke.
October 5th, 2008 at 1:46 pm
How about that? It turns out that if you let Rudi Johnson run the ball instead of that shithead rookie from South Florida, YOU ACTUALLY MOVE THE CHAINS. That Rod Marinelli sure is a smart cookie.
October 5th, 2008 at 1:47 pm
dammit, how do I put HTML tags in these posts?
http://shirts.soccerlens.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/11/manchester-city-away-07-08.jpg
October 5th, 2008 at 1:47 pm
@spanky - Sage Rosenfels is a human dick punch. I don’t know what that means, but it makes sense to me.
October 5th, 2008 at 1:48 pm
It’s a good thing then that Arizona plays in the NFC Gastropod.
October 5th, 2008 at 1:48 pm
well that’s a gunsling-y play by Rodgers.
October 5th, 2008 at 1:48 pm
jayhawk: City could have used Drew today against the Scousers!
And the Texans D just rose to the challenge…oh wait…no that was just Gonzalez dropping a 1st down ball.
October 5th, 2008 at 1:50 pm
@289: -99 to me. Will punch myself in the groin repeatedly until I realize it’s the 21st century.
October 5th, 2008 at 1:51 pm
also Drew, that mustache is coming in nicely. Ben Davis is getting jealous.
October 5th, 2008 at 1:52 pm
@slothrop - I didn’t even notice the crustache. That’s nice.
October 5th, 2008 at 1:54 pm
@ Jackin
Feliz better be let loose today as well. Why not? Its the fucking Bengals! And all these haters can go fuck themselves. I’ve already bought my plane tickets to Tampa!
October 5th, 2008 at 1:55 pm
Ben Davidson, shit head.
October 5th, 2008 at 1:55 pm
Funny, people say Drew’s face looks like Dwight’s, but his tits look like Pam’s
October 5th, 2008 at 1:57 pm
@Walter - Does Dallas get an automatic bye past the conference championship? Because as long as Romo’s starting that game, I’d hold off on the travel plans.
October 5th, 2008 at 2:00 pm
Rob, Its OK, Jessica’s holding off on the pre game BJ’s now, so he should be good from here on out… albeit Herpes free :/
October 5th, 2008 at 2:02 pm
I don’t know who’s blowing Kitna before games, but I wish they’d stop too. Perhaps it is Clay Aiken.
October 5th, 2008 at 2:02 pm
Walt S, ‘Pre Game BJ’s’ GREAT Fantasy team name!
October 5th, 2008 at 2:05 pm
Kitna only allows Jesus to fellate him.
And by Jesus, I mean some poor Mexican dude named Jesus.
October 5th, 2008 at 2:09 pm
Hey, who gave the librarian from “Buffy the Vampire Slayer” a Vikings jersey?
I’m not going to bother reading any of the other comments. Im sure it’s safe to assume that I’m the first person to make a, “Why’s (blank) wearing that Vikings jersey?” joke
October 5th, 2008 at 2:09 pm
Wait, Clay Aiken gives Bj’s? Why wasn’t I informed of this when he was trying to bang me? I thought he just wanted sex!
October 5th, 2008 at 2:09 pm
Anyone give an update on whether or not any manning face’s have been made at NFL stadiums around the league today?
Broncos over Bucs by 7 today
October 5th, 2008 at 2:18 pm
@Robinson:
Baldinger and Vasgersian, it’s pretty awful. Billick is in there somewhere too. Vasgersian isn’t awful, he just doesn’t seem to be very familiar with football…it’s not gonna be a “false start” if there was no whistle, etc, etc.
October 5th, 2008 at 2:24 pm
Four plays and 80 yards in 1:58. The 2008 Lions are good at one thing: Making shitty quarterbacks look like franchise cornerstones.
October 5th, 2008 at 2:26 pm
every time Billick refers to his coaching career in the present tense, do a shot!
October 5th, 2008 at 2:27 pm
Before the season, I opined that the Bears might be the worst team in the NFL. After this first half, I would like to submit a new nomination for that office.
October 5th, 2008 at 2:30 pm
In summation: I am given the choice of watching Green Bay/Atlanta or Kansas City/Carolina, my fantasy team is getting killed because my receivers are shitstains, and Kyle fucking Orton’s neckbeard is lighting up my team. I hope my daughter can look after herself for the day, I think it’s time for daddy to start drinking.
October 5th, 2008 at 2:34 pm
The Lions’ D is so bad, that alone makes them the worst team in the league. After three and a half games of this shit, I guarantee that any team could beat them. It wouldn’t even be close. With these coaches, there is serious 0-16 potential.
October 5th, 2008 at 2:38 pm
Domenik Hixon = blue jesus
October 5th, 2008 at 2:41 pm
Too bad the Chiefs and Lions don’t play this season; it would be interesting watching the resistable force vs. the movable object.
And, I’m NOT saying that my handle’s namesake is anything more than a mediocrity…but I’m seeing a lot of fantasy owners picking him off the waiver wire this Tuesday. Just sayin’
/taking his first small sips of the Kool-Aid
October 5th, 2008 at 2:44 pm
KC’s offense is an immovable object. If you combined KC’s defense with Detroit’s offense, you’d almost have an NFL-caliber team, although they’d probably still only win five games.
October 5th, 2008 at 2:45 pm
DeAngello Williams + my bench = cause for a fucking murder spree
October 5th, 2008 at 2:46 pm
@ Robinson
Neither one of those teams (KC or Detroit) would even compete in the CFL, let alone the NFL
October 5th, 2008 at 2:48 pm
Try this on for size: Eli Manning, 2008 NFL MVP
October 5th, 2008 at 2:54 pm
Try this on for size: Barrel of a loaded H&K, in my mouth.
October 5th, 2008 at 2:57 pm
Fuck lion
October 5th, 2008 at 2:58 pm
KOGOD just came all over Sarah Schorno’s tits when Randal El threw that TD pass to Cooley.
October 5th, 2008 at 3:08 pm
NFL teams clearly need the option to forfeit.
October 5th, 2008 at 3:09 pm
Seattle +7.5 at New York
The receivers are back, and look how happy they are to be there! But hey, you try not laughing when Mike Holmgren starts showing off his new trick…
Welp, you’re fired.
October 5th, 2008 at 3:28 pm
Colts outscored 27-0 since the first quarter…..fuck that. I’m lucky I have to drive all night or I’d be shithoused right now.
October 5th, 2008 at 3:33 pm
Everyone watching the Bears/Lions game just found out Kyle Orton drives a Prius.
I feel you all must know these things.
October 5th, 2008 at 3:38 pm
Everyone watching the Chiefs/Panthers game just found out Herm Edwards is the dumbest motherfucker on the planet.
Nobody said it or anything, but it really ought to be apparent by now.
October 5th, 2008 at 3:49 pm
Sage RosenFAIL!
October 5th, 2008 at 3:57 pm
Colts just scored 21 in 2:10, off TWO RosenFAIL’s fumbles.
/Just in case your watching a boring game
October 5th, 2008 at 4:00 pm
I humbly submit to you that Dan Orlovsky in the last 3 minutes of the Bears-Lions game got…
KNOCKED THE FUCK OUT.
October 5th, 2008 at 4:02 pm
Ladies and gentlemen, we have a Sexy Rexy sighting.
October 5th, 2008 at 4:18 pm
Ladies and Gents, your 2008 Cincy Bengals!
October 5th, 2008 at 5:13 pm
Lord in heaven the Bengals are weak.
October 5th, 2008 at 5:25 pm
Hold up.
Did I hear somebody refer to Giles as “that librarian from Buffy”?
Get the fuck outta town!
Interesting sidenote: Fuck Tennessee and everything that came out of it, particularly Bo Scaife. I look up and it’s “oh collins completed another pass to scaife FUCK YOU SAMARI ROLLE FOR BEING HURT”
October 5th, 2008 at 5:46 pm
blue magic >>> blue jesus