Recently I wrote that grown men wearing team jerseys looked like fucking dorks. But that was before I GOT THIS TOTALLY SWEET PURPLE JESUS JERSEY, YOU WHORES.

I totally look like a professional football player now. I could run out onto that field and they’d all be none the wiser! MWAHAHAHAHA! I bet Troy Aikman would be totally blown away by how firm my handshake is.

Anyway, here’s your Sunday open thread. Your early slate is highlighted by that naughty Iggles-Redskins tilt. Which team will come out with overly inflated expectations for the rest of the year? We’ll just have to see. I’ll be taking it all in while looking like a consummate professional.