Episode One – Six Large Assholes In One New Medium
UPDATE: We’re working on getting this fucker up on iTunes, as well as a separate external site. Should have something for you on Monday. You’ll just have to masturbate to our voices in front of your laptop for the weekend. Thanks for your patience.
As we continue our newly-assumed quest of being professional assholes, it seems only natural that we explore new media for that elusive ultimate dick joke. And so we wind up with a podcast, and no real understanding of how to wield its power. Our current incarnation, despite it being named for the guy that bought all of the audio crap, is a group effort, but also a work in progress, as the title of this week’s episode might suggest.
Your suggestions are welcome (for once) at the standard Punter email address — be sure to include the word PODCAST in your subject line. I’m issuing a guarantee that any prompt correspondence (that is, nothing I can’t finish in one trip to the loo) will be read on our next show, so no email is too ridiculous. But for now, enjoy listening to a sneak peek of what’s been discussed on our end. Advanced apologies for the sound quality. Getting a file to fit in WordPress was like sitting on that briefcase with one too many shirts in it. While you might here some pops and small changes in volume, the safety of your hearing shouldn’t be in question. Sadly, we can’t hold the technical issues responsible for the obvious lack of vocal talent.
Click here to listen. It starts out a little loud. Sorry. Eventually we’ll figure out what we’re doing.
UPDATE: Finally got it uploaded to the host site. Much better sound quality here.
Music featured in this podcast:
Who’s Your Daddy – Benny Benassi
High Roller Keep Hope Alive – Crystal Method
Theme From Card Sharks – composed by Ed Kalehoff
Tags: HOUSE OF PUNTE, KSK Podcasting, MMP
October 16th, 2008 at 7:04 pm
Pod-casting?
October 16th, 2008 at 7:11 pm
Didn’t you used to have one of those?
October 16th, 2008 at 7:24 pm
I just asked one of my daughters to confirm this and, if that’s a picture of Punter, he and I were separated at birth. If it’s not Punter, he’s an amazingly handsome man.
/not meant to be overtly gay
October 16th, 2008 at 7:29 pm
Since we’re in the middle of not being gay, is your daughter 18?
October 16th, 2008 at 7:33 pm
Nope. Seventeen. And you’re bigger than a prarie dog.
/Shot one at 425 yards.
October 16th, 2008 at 7:35 pm
We have glorious commenters.
October 16th, 2008 at 7:36 pm
Well played, sir. She’s a little old for me, anyway.
October 16th, 2008 at 7:39 pm
I don’t mean to be an idiot, but how do I access the preview to the podcast? I got a 404 Error by clicking on the Who’s Your Daddy link.
October 16th, 2008 at 7:43 pm
Click the image of me. Or the link I just added.
October 16th, 2008 at 7:45 pm
@spatula: what state do you live in, because it might be legal
October 16th, 2008 at 7:47 pm
@senor mullet: I reference the prairie dog issue
October 16th, 2008 at 7:49 pm
I’m sorry but that text to speech is fucking creepy.
Also that’s Keep Hope Alive – Crystal Method, pretty sure
/techno nerd
October 16th, 2008 at 7:52 pm
The music between interviews makes me want to do some E and bust out the glow sticks.
Also, if your dick is small would it be considered a cock taquito?
October 16th, 2008 at 7:55 pm
I know I’m supposed to send suggestions via email, but I’m not very good at understanding clear directions. My suggestion however, is that you attempt to read on every podcast the most recent Emmit Smiff comment without breaking out in laughter. Hell, I get the best looks around the office when reading Mr. Smiff’s comments. Frankly, Im trying to quietly giggle while even referencing those posts…so, not that you will have a problem breaking up and acting like asses…but at least the point would be to try not to…frankly, if someone can get through it (without acting classes) I think it would be genius!
Frankly, I know it is repetitious, but I gotta imagine coming up with this stuff gets difficult…you could always act out some of the more memorable scene from Dallas or San Diego…
just a thought
October 16th, 2008 at 7:56 pm
@Spatula, fathers with daughters should be required to own a gun or several of them.
/father of 2 daughters
//owns a gun
October 16th, 2008 at 8:31 pm
And your aim?
October 16th, 2008 at 8:44 pm
not good, but working on it.
October 16th, 2008 at 9:10 pm
Podcasts? God, you guys are edgy.
October 16th, 2008 at 9:12 pm
One daughter, one gun, but it will work just dandy on whoever gets close enough.
October 16th, 2008 at 9:15 pm
Seriously though I’m likin it, and MMP you are a natural radio host.
October 16th, 2008 at 9:21 pm
You guys should read comments and make fun of the fans of the site in your podcast.
October 16th, 2008 at 9:23 pm
Forgive me, as I may be retarded here, but is there anyway to start in the middle of the podcast? If I nevagate away from the page, is there any scrubbing option, so I can pick up where I left off?
October 16th, 2008 at 9:40 pm
Not a bad way to spend 15 minutes. Kills more time than looking at internet boobs.
October 16th, 2008 at 9:50 pm
NEEDS MORE FLUB
October 16th, 2008 at 10:04 pm
# Monday Morning Punter Says:
October 16th, 2008 at 7:29 pm
Since we’re in the middle of not being gay, is your daughter 18?
# Spatula Says:
October 16th, 2008 at 7:33 pm
Nope. Seventeen. And you’re bigger than a prarie dog.
/Shot one at 425 yards.
# Unsilent Majority Says:
October 16th, 2008 at 7:35 pm
We have glorious commenters.
That might be the funniest thing I’ve read on this site.
October 16th, 2008 at 10:08 pm
Forgive me, as I may be retarded here, but is there anyway to start in the middle of the podcast? If I nevagate away from the page, is there any scrubbing option, so I can pick up where I left off?
Sorry, holmes. You’re fucked.
October 16th, 2008 at 10:12 pm
“House of Punte” should be some kind of Project Runway podcast.
October 16th, 2008 at 10:25 pm
This wasn’t gay enough for you?!?!
October 16th, 2008 at 10:30 pm
You put your shirts in a briefcase?
October 16th, 2008 at 10:47 pm
Commence moistening, ladies.
October 16th, 2008 at 11:17 pm
Compound swearword was hands down the best. I started drifting towards masterbation when you two homos started talking football like the CBS morning crew. More dick jokes! Less football analysis!
October 16th, 2008 at 11:30 pm
Needs more Falco.
October 16th, 2008 at 11:51 pm
Haha Drew’s fat.
/totally nailed it
October 17th, 2008 at 12:25 am
For the sake of my liver, I hope the drinking game doesn’t require downing a shot every time Fantasy is discussed or Ufford says “like”.
(Audible Punter burps, however, should require a full chug.)
October 17th, 2008 at 12:39 am
Yes. Much Drew doing twatever quality impressions of Kornhole, King, and others. I particularly love the Tony K. rants.
“HAVE YOU EVER SEEN A TEAM DO SOMETHING SO FABULOUSLY TREMENDOUS IN SUCH AN IMPORTANT MOMENT IN FRONT OF MILLIONS OF VIEWERS AT HOME IN THIS GAME TONIGHT? I MEAN, THAT IS FANTASTIC!”
“I spoke to Bill Polian today and after talking with Bill Polian, he said: ‘look guys, we’ve got to do a better job of protecting the quarterback’…’”
/drinks starbucks gaysian blend
/shit like that would be swell to hear on the next podcast
October 17th, 2008 at 1:38 am
I never knew you could actually hear pasty.
October 17th, 2008 at 1:42 am
Too MUCH sour cream?
October 17th, 2008 at 2:05 am
14 minutes of fantasy football and maybe 2 dick jokes? Matthew Barry could have done this in his sleep fellating Merrill Hoge with his eyes open waiting for a pop shot.
October 17th, 2008 at 7:48 am
Are youse guys going to put this up on iTunes, I want to listen to 5 nasal voices (and Uff) in the gym.
October 17th, 2008 at 8:36 am
@ UU: two daughters, plenty of heat, good aim. I’ve got long range, short range, and medium range. Every aspect is covered just can’t figure out which one I should be cleaning when one of them brings their 1st boyfriend by the crib to meet me. A decent pistol is always a good choice, especially a chrome python 357 mag, but I am leaning towards shining up the 30-06 with the high powered scope. Fuck it, I’ll just have them all out on display.
/even though it’s at least 5+ years down the road I have already put way too much thought in to this…
October 17th, 2008 at 9:23 am
@dAndy, never to early to start thinking about putting the fear of God into some kid that wants to date your daughters.
October 17th, 2008 at 9:42 am
As a father of a 20 year old daughter I can tell you the key is to establish your reputation with the first guy who comes to the house. That way, the word gets around quick. My daugher actually was complaining her senior year that no boys wanted to come to our house because they were all afraid of me. I just smiled to myself, knowing that answering the door while cleaning my semi-automatic, when the first boy came to the house, had worked out just as I had hoped.
/she’s a junior in college now and away from home………FUCK
/can hardly wait for all the commentator jokes about what she’s up to now.
October 17th, 2008 at 9:48 am
Sorry, holmes. You’re fucked.
I could pause the podcast, jumpa round to different points in it and everything. Great work guys – and I have to agree that you’ve definitely got a cool radio voice PUNTE.
I absolutely think you guys could have said “like” a few hundred more times though. That word wasn’t used nearly enough by you, Ufford or Drew.
October 17th, 2008 at 9:50 am
@Johnny Damon’s Laser Rocket Arm: If your daughter is in college now, you’ve got to face facts that she’s gettin’ plenty of action now. No crazed dad with the multiple hand cannons to scare away the dudes. The only thing you can do is hope she knows not to get with a guy who says “brah” all the time.
October 17th, 2008 at 9:57 am
A buddy of mine has a daughter that’s 25 and living at home. He has gone from pistol brandishing to praying that some dude makes it happen. Punte, too old for you?
October 17th, 2008 at 10:04 am
@j4b
I know, I know. I just choose to live in denial, well that and plenty of Belvedere has gotten me through the first 2 1/2 years of college. Good call on the “brah” guy. If she brings home that clown, the words “justifiable homicide” will suddenly have more meaning to me.
/for fucks sake I’m getting old.
October 17th, 2008 at 10:13 am
The 17 year old is the middle daughter. I figure by the time my 11 year old is dating, when she brings home the dude with multiple piercings and tats my wife and I won’t give a shit because, by then, we’ll be members of the Prozac-of-the-Month club, and we’ll be sitting on the couch sucking on one the size of a jaw breaker. As long as they don’t block my view of that week’s episode of “KSK Weekly Football Rant and Dick Jokes” on FOX, I’ll be happy.
October 17th, 2008 at 10:29 am
@Spatula — Not true that you won’t care. My father has three daughters, and by the time my baby sister left home, he was president of the local gun club. True story.
October 17th, 2008 at 11:08 am
I have a complaint.
October 17th, 2008 at 11:22 am
@Maj: Cockito.
October 17th, 2008 at 11:51 am
Sexy Podcast?
October 17th, 2008 at 1:06 pm
Nice striped shirt.
October 17th, 2008 at 1:43 pm
Bill Simmons has a clothespin permanently fixed to his nose.
October 17th, 2008 at 1:57 pm
nice job for a first try!
good music, but the segues need to be shorter. like 5-10 seconds TOPS.
very funny tho. the only other podcasts i ever listen to is The Onion daily news.
well done. good voice (and face) for radio.
October 17th, 2008 at 1:59 pm
Like, great, like, Podcast. Like.
October 17th, 2008 at 1:59 pm
Seriously, it was a fun podcast. Keep it up. Can’t wait to see how good these will be with some more experience under your belts (or gut in Drew’s case).
October 17th, 2008 at 2:06 pm
also, you guys need to get hammered and have a slurred incoherent argument about how’s fantasy team is worse.
compound swear word is gold. the computer voice makes it.
October 17th, 2008 at 2:27 pm
why was woody allen talking to jaws? will he be a regular contributor to the podcasts?
October 17th, 2008 at 4:32 pm
Phoners sound bad. Try one of these. A double-ender.
Yes, a double-ender.
A double cock taco double-ender?
October 17th, 2008 at 5:11 pm
Hey assholes, is this feed going to be available on iTunes?
October 17th, 2008 at 6:22 pm
Future installments of the podcast will be available for download