You listen up, Chad Javelin Channel Ocho, when it comes to planting moist awkward pecks on the cheek of head coaches, it’s the exclusive non-negotiable domain of JOEY PORTER. What gives you the right? YOU AIN’T GOT RIGHTS!

When Joey Porter starts a trend, it’s his trend to stay. You don’t see me putting Future H.O.F. jackets on on the sidelines. That’s your thing. Do you, Chad. Do you. Me? I’mma do me. And when I slobbed all over Bill Cowher’s prognathous (JOEY PORTER LOOKED THAT SHIT UP ON ENCARTA) I was doing me. And kinda doing him. Whatever. DON’T SPLIT HAIRS WITH JOEY PORTER!

Now you gone and stole Joey’s thing. Joey don’t feel unique no more. Like he’s another blank head in a faceless crowd. MAMA DIDN’T RAISE NO FACELESS CROWD! YOU AIN’T GOT RIGHTS!

Ooooooohhhhh Joey Porter gonna fix you good. At the same time, I know aggression don’t work on the mentally unhinged. CRAZY RECOGNIZE CRAZY. We gonna let the head games begin. When you make your way in the place, Joey gonna have the stadium music guy cue up “Where’s Your Head At?” BECAUSE NOBODY’LL EXPECT THAT JOEY PORTER LISTENS TO BASEMENT JAXX!

FIX YO MOUF!