Always Be Covering: Lest You Be Called a Whore
I’m in a bit of a hurry this morning because as you’re reading this I’m cramming into some piece of shit plane surrounded by assholes with some hellish strain of the flu that will keep me from enjoying Mastro’s. I’m heading out for a few days of meetings and general spa-ing in Scottsdale after which I head to LA for a few days. Fucking LA. Usually when I go there I immediately begin to suffer from Alvy Singer syndrome. But I have to go there, because that’s where my brother lives, along with plenty of other family and friends. I’m operating under the assumption that they all moved out there to piss me off. Seriously, fuck that place.
Except for Applepan. Applepan makes it all worthwhile.
Oh and the shoe stores!
Oh and the crazy hot bitches I get to stare at while the woman looks on in appreciation of my fine taste!
Hmmm. If I get to meet Sarah Silverman I might just have to cancel my plans to blow everything between Pasadena and Long Beach into the Pacific.
Anyway, ON TO THE PICKS!
This week I’m featuring six single games, with $50 laid out across the board. With any luck, there will be enough there for Sunday and Monday night bets. Ah crap, I forgot to save money to bet on a Pavlik decision. Don’t make the same mistake.
Tennessee -7.5 at Kansas City
Did you get money in on the Titans before Larry Johnson was ruled out and the line spiked? I did, but that’s what happens when you roll with the Big G (Him, not him). Even if Fatty’s fingers aren’t healed up, Tennessee should stomp the shit out of KC. In the figurative sense of course.
Washington -7 vs. Cleveland
The Redskins finally botched things last week, much to my personal chagrin, but this week they should be ready to lay a big number. And if not, Jim Zorn will skin Romeo Crennel and turn him into a set of pillowcases. No Zorn! He’s not dead, he’s just sleeping!
New York Jets -3 at Oakland
The Jets have shown the ability to cover against inferior teams (Cinci, Arizona, and Miami), and they don’t get any further from superiority than the Al Davis commitment to embarrassment.
Chicago Bears -3 vs. Minnesota
The Vikings are currently stuck in a purgatory like state somewhere between “suck” and “blow” while the Bears have remained pretty solid against the spread.
Cincinnati +10 vs. Pittsburgh
Hey Steelers, feed the ball to Mewelde Moore. Over and over. No, don’t stop. Give it to him again. No need to put the ball in the air, Ben. Just take it easy big fella, no need to exert yourself this week. Now Cinci, for the love of all that’s holy, put the ball in Chad’s hands. He’s ready to go, and he’s going to fucking explode like Chris Henry inside of a prom queen finalist.
San Diego EVEN at Buffalo
I’ve been told that Marshawn Lynch is some of machine, but I don’t believe in the Bills enough, even if Trent Edwards has been de-concussed.
Enjoy the games, I’m just hoping to get away from craptastic meeting in time to see the late games at 1 pm. Yep, now I remember that thing I hated about living in Arizona, (along with the heat, the sand, and the general feeling of trashiness that hovers over the much of the state like the smog in LA).
I’ll be back next week.
Tags: Always Be Covering, Gambling, sexy friday, Starting sexy friday with a bang, Unsilent Majority
October 17th, 2008 at 10:41 am
Ah, to be the proverbial shoestring shirt tie.
October 17th, 2008 at 10:42 am
I like the Colts (-1.0) this week and don’t forget about In-N-Out Burger while in Cali.
October 17th, 2008 at 10:49 am
Nice set of ass antlers…
October 17th, 2008 at 10:49 am
Hit up Fred Segal’s on Melrose for lunch and you are bound to see your precious Sarah. She’ll let you kiss her vagina if you explain that you’re a fan from out of state.
October 17th, 2008 at 10:49 am
@UU – or just some “In-N-Out” in the Valley.
Joe Flacco in Miami? I’ll give 3, thanks.
October 17th, 2008 at 10:52 am
Wha? You’re going to blow everyone from Pasadena to Long Beach in the Pacific? Is it being filmed? Jeff Garcia will be proud of you!
October 17th, 2008 at 11:07 am
I immediately begin to suffer from Alvy Singer syndrome.
You know, UM, you’re what my grammy would have called ‘a real Jew.’
October 17th, 2008 at 11:13 am
Nah, man. If you want a burger, Fatburger is where it’s at. And swing past Roscoe’s while your at it. Just not the one in Compton. They’ll send your lily-white ass home in a shoebox.
October 17th, 2008 at 11:22 am
side boob is always welcome on sexy Friday.
October 17th, 2008 at 11:31 am
Can we post our sexy friday requests in here, because I think the whole world needs to see the ridiculousness that it is Eric Prydz – Call on Me music video.
October 17th, 2008 at 11:36 am
@ Slothrop: Especially when the side boob yields no jagged scarring. Doc must have gone through the nipps.
October 17th, 2008 at 11:38 am
‘Bolts Ho GIVES YOU WINGS!
October 17th, 2008 at 11:39 am
@dAndy: Craftsmanship is also always appreciated.
October 17th, 2008 at 11:42 am
In-n-Out: Overrated like Tony Romo. Fatburger FTW.
And nothing complements a lace-up football jersey better than A WOVEN STRAW PURSE.
October 17th, 2008 at 11:46 am
Fatburger is a good burger, but I’ll still take In-N-Out
October 17th, 2008 at 11:51 am
Fatburger sucks my ass (in a bad way). How can you even compare it to In-N-Out? What a total fucking loser. Oh, and nice tits.
October 17th, 2008 at 11:59 am
Are those angel wings for a tramp stamp? What’s the ruling on that? Does that make Him happy or unhappy?
October 17th, 2008 at 12:11 pm
in-n-out is the best fast food burger on the west coast. i’d take a double-double, animal style over anything you can get at a full service restaurant.
/dick joke
October 17th, 2008 at 12:15 pm
Clare, excellent eye on the STRAW PURSE. Apparently, after the boob job she couldn’t afford anything classier.
October 17th, 2008 at 12:18 pm
@Natrone: You mean THIS ONE?
October 17th, 2008 at 12:24 pm
Great pic to start Sexy Friday. One issue though…either she’s got the longest torso in the history of mankind or she’s got no pants/skirt/skort on, which would be completely understandable given the outfit and straw purse and Clare pointed out.
When’s the next flight to San Diego?
October 17th, 2008 at 12:26 pm
thanks for the link Clare, but it was blocked where i work.
however, I found this link to it
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ds5tNEl6P8U
October 17th, 2008 at 12:27 pm
I don’t know how all of you could be missing the tummy chain….nothing says class like a tummy chain.
October 17th, 2008 at 12:30 pm
Ladanian looks better than he did against the Pats.
October 17th, 2008 at 12:45 pm
I don’t understand the problem with the straw purse.
October 17th, 2008 at 12:59 pm
She has a purse?
October 17th, 2008 at 1:00 pm
In’n'Out:Fatburger::Monica Bellucci:Phyllis Diller
If you want a nasty double chili-cheeseburger (and the chance to be shot), try Tommy’s on Beverly/Rampart.
And pack some heavy jackets…it’s only gonna hit about 80 over the next few days here.
October 17th, 2008 at 1:10 pm
Best. Jersey. Ever.
October 17th, 2008 at 3:24 pm
I don’t know whether I got more of a kick out of the Big G reference itself or the fact that that photo is hosted on Deadspin.
October 17th, 2008 at 3:37 pm
Clare – Thank you.
October 17th, 2008 at 3:37 pm
Sarah Silverman goes to the same dentist I do. She’s even uglier in person than she is on TV.
October 17th, 2008 at 4:05 pm
I feel like the battalion commander in Jarhead, looking at that picture.
“Oooooooo I just got a HARD ON!”
October 17th, 2008 at 4:21 pm
I hope we can get some under-boob next week.
October 17th, 2008 at 4:51 pm
She needs to feel the power of the neckbeard
/+ 1 for the call on me video, my friend plays that song with reckless abandon because of that video
October 19th, 2008 at 12:00 am
In-N-Out burger is the best. the chargers are traveling to the east coast and playing @ 1pm. that hasn’t gone well for any west coast team this yr. i’m taking the bills, though begrudgingly.
October 20th, 2008 at 8:13 am
A fool and his money… but the ass antlers were very nice.